


Karkata Inti

by magicites



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-06
Updated: 2013-07-12
Packaged: 2017-11-11 14:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 28
Words: 104,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/479498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicites/pseuds/magicites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roughly translates to "cancer of the core."</p><p>It started as a dare: visit the kid with no friends who has been stuck in the hospital for longer than anyone cares to cite, give him a card, and have friends buy you pizza as a reward.</p><p>The last thing John Egbert expected was to grow attached to the angry boy in the hospital bed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 10/18/2017:
> 
> By a stroke of fate (but mostly the fact that I still use the same passwords I used when I was 16), I still have access to this account. Over five years after writing this fanfic, my life has come full circle. When I wrote this, I was a junior in high school, passionate but so ashamed about my involvement in fandom that not even my closest friends knew. Now, I'm a senior in college, trying to publish my first official novel, and I just wrote an assignment for a class about this very story. 
> 
> This story all started due to a Tumblr post joking about an AU with a friend and I. I wouldn't have believed you if you would have told me how (in?)famous this fic would become. That I would write a fanfic that would generate the sheer amount of attention that this fic did. That a story I wrote could affect as many people as this one did. That's breath-taking.
> 
> It has flaws, but there is beauty in those flaws, and beauty in its temporality. This fic shaped me and much as I shaped it, and it taught me that my greatest passion in life is to write stories that can leave people feeling something, whatever that something may be. I am forever grateful to this story and the fandom it is placed within for that.
> 
> To whoever joins the Homestuck fandom, or whoever happens to stumble upon this story: I hope it touches you, I hope it makes you think, and I hope it gives you a small bit of comfort in whatever form that may be.

It started as a dare.

Karkat Vantas had never been one for friends. That went beyond the realm of obvious into the state of being common knowledge. Roses are red. Violets are blue. Karkat will punch you if you try to talk to him.

He sat in the front of every class he had. Whenever the teachers tried to move him, he fought and screamed and claimed that he couldn't see the board if he was anywhere farther back than the second row.

John knew this, even if it was the only thing he could ever remember about the guy. It was hard not to notice someone that loud, and frankly, obnoxious.

He disappeared one day. Just stopped coming to class out of the blue, as if he was never meant to be there in the first place. It took a week before the teachers stopped calling his name for attendance. No one was sure what happened to him. Some said it was mono. Others said he got shot, and was now in the hospital.

Dave said he must have gotten pregnant and dropped out. It was about as creditable as any other theory out there. When it came down to it, no one really cared enough to figure out the true reason.

Weeks passed. Karkat Vantas's name faded from the realm of popular gossip, now only ever mentioned when a confused sub mistakenly called out it out to an awkward class, unsure of how to answer. Things returned to normal, even if this version of normal was much quieter than before.

That is, until the day Feferi Peixes marched up to the front of 3rd period English with an announcement to make. "I'm sure you all remember our good friend Karkat, right?" She was met with quiet murmurs and slow nods. "Great! Well, I know many of you have wondered what happened to him. It's been a long time since any of us have seen him!"

Confused murmurs continued to prevail throughout the class. From John's right, his self-proclaimed _best friend forever_ , Vriska Serket, shouted, "get on with it, fishface!"

"Quit your carping, Vriska!" Feferi shouted right back. She closed her eyes, sighed, and slid her cheerful demeanor back into place. "Well, I've found out that poor Karkat is in the hospital!"

From behind John, Dave snickered. "Told you he was pregnant, dude. Bet he's going into labor as we speak."

"Dude, shut up before Feferi comes over here and punches you," John whispered back.

Luckily for Dave, Feferi failed to notice his quip, and continued her speech. "I don't know what's wrong with him, but he's going to be in there for a while! So, to show him that we haven't forgotten and that we still care, I've decided to make him a giant card! It'd be really great if everyone can sign it today. I'd like to have it over there by this afternoon, but I'm too busy to do it myself. Are there any volunteers?"

The class remained silent. No one had ever gotten close to Karkat since he moved in earlier in the year. From what John remembered, he ate alone at lunch. He had seen him a few times while Vriska dragged him around the school, tearing into a sandwich and mindlessly playing on his phone in a secluded part of their open, spacious campus.

"Hey John," Vriska whispered, mindful of her volume level so Feferi wouldn't think she was volunteering, "I dare you to take it to him."

John snorted. "Why would I do that? I don't know the guy."

"Serket's got the right idea," Dave added, his head right next to John's shoulder, fully butting into the conversation and John's personal space. "You should do it."

"But why me?"

Vriska chewed her lip in thought. "Tell you what, John. You take the card to the freak, and I'll spring for pizza."

"Spring for pizza or rob the pizza store?" John asked. "You know Rose works there, and she's the one who has to pay for all of that."

Vriska scoffed, and John knew he was right on the mark. His friends were generally really nice people, even if most of them did look like delinquents and edgy tools that ditched school in favor of loitering at the mall all day. Dave and Vriska had matching fashion senses and similar styles (John thought of it as edgy hipster couture, especially with Dave's half-shaved head and ridiculous snowy white fringe that never stayed out of his eyes, and Vriska with kool-aid dyed hair that looked eternally matted), but Vriska was the only one that ever got into real trouble. It was up to them to keep her on the path to success.

"You are so boring sometimes! I will actually get money and buy it." Vriska promised. "I will buy a supreme and give you as many pieces as you want."

"I'll spring for breadsticks," Dave offered.

John considered their proposition. Free pizza and breadsticks for taking an hour out of his day to go deliver some asshole he barely knew a card? He could care less for hospitals, but it seemed pretty worth it.

"Deal," he said quietly. "Hey, Feferi!" He shouted, raising his hand as high in the air as it could go. "I'll do it!"

Feferi beamed at him. "Thanks! Now, can I get everyone to grab some markers and sign this?" She asked, gesturing to the teacher to set a giant, colorful card against the whiteboard. "It'll only take a second!"

\---

If there was one thing media was never wrong about, it was that hospitals sucked to be in. Even looking at one through a screen caused the viewer to experience the second-hand doom and gloom that comes with a building full of dying people. It was as if every single feature of a hospital was created only to make the structure as a whole suck more.

They were boring. They were dumb. They smelled like death and whatever cocktail of chemicals used to clean up stale vomit and blood. Even the lights existed in two equally depressing states: so bright they cast the halls in a harsh, unforgiving light, cold and impersonal like the staff who wiped your ass; or cracked and dying, like the people wasting away within.

John had been in a hospital exactly once in his entire life. Once he and Dave had to stay in the waiting room of a hospital in a faraway town for two entire hours, because Dad had miscalculated and dropped them off a few hours before Rose's single day internship ended. John spent that time listening to Dave make up fake stories about his fake uncles in Minnesota. When they got bored of that, John decided to switch the instant coffee and tea machines around in the waiting room. Not his best prank, but definitely one to remember.

He didn't think they ever got the stains fully out of the carpet, hehe.

When he tried passing the card off to the receptionist to deliver, she snorted and instructed him to go bring it to Karkat himself. "You have plenty of time," she told him with a cold smile. "Besides, I'm sure your friend would like some company. Mr. Vantas is in Room 18, third floor."

"Um, ok." With that eloquent response, John left. Unfortunately for him, living in the same town as one of the best hospitals in the world also meant that it was bound to be a large building that he knew nothing about, because who in their right mind went to a hospital of their own free will? Especially the children's hospital. Neither he nor any of his friends had ever gotten sick enough to be admitted there, so it stayed as a pale ghost residing in the background of his day to day life. Close, but never quite important to him. 

He stumbled into the main part of the hospital long before he ever found his destination. He went up and down elevators, letting frenzied doctors constantly drop him off at the wrong floor and leave him only more confused than before. All he could see was a blur of gray, white, and tacky colors splattered on the walls and every piece of furniture that failed to ever make the place more friendly.

Even with a cheerful card in tow, this trip felt gloomier than anything he could have imagined. There were no tacky, uncomfortable chairs to sit on anymore, no ugly carpet to wonder how many stains it took to dye it such a hideous shade of purple. There were only the clatters of wheels, sharp voices barking out medicine names that sounded like gibberish, and John's sneakers squeaking against the polished floor. The tacky decor had long since gave way to tile and blinding, emotionless white.

He must have spent 10 minutes wandering corridors on the third floor before a disgruntled nurse directed him to the right area. He wasn't sure to be thankful when the cold, clinical look of the main wings were painted over with colorful animals that stared at him with soulless eyes. It might have been comforting to little kids, but anyone over the age of eight could only be freaked out by the way small giraffes stared listlessly into the distance. Any and all furniture was covered in every color of the rainbow, colorful triangles and squares splayed everywhere.

John felt a surge of pity for Karkat. Any teenager who...well, who wasn't Jade would hate it here. It was so _condescending_ , especially to someone who had to be at least 16.

After a bit more blundering, John finally found Room 18, tucked away in a lonesome corridor. A piece of paper was taped below the room number.

"GO AWAY" was written in a messy black scrawl, the letters melting into each other despite the blank expanses left on the page. John frowned. No wonder this guy never got any visitors.

He rapped his knuckles against the door, hoping for a response. He couldn't really say that he didn't expect an answer like the one he got.

"Aaaargh, can't any of you read!? The sign clearly states go away! I'm not seven, I don't need to be checked up on every five minutes to make sure I didn't shit myself or suffocate under the bedsheets. I'm fucking fine, just leave me alone already!"

"Um. I'm not really a nurse."

"Then are you some newbie doctor, here to tell me that my next round of chemo has been bumped up to next week? If so, please kindly shove your stethoscope up your ass in front of every uptight prick you call a nurse that is located within a five mile radius, because it's a better use of your time than ruining my somewhat decent mood. Or do you assholes get off to my pain? Is that why you chose to become a Pediatrician? To masturbate in your shitty bathrooms to the sound of children crying from sheer pain and exhaustion? Do you dream of our suffering and smile to yourself? I bet you fucking do, you soulless monstrosity. You make me sicker than I already feel."

John tuned out about halfway through Karkat's spiel. He did, however, manage to discern three things from that rant:

1\. Karkat has a mouth and likes to go on long winded, inappropriate rants.

2\. Karkat is about as friendly as a nest full of angry wasps.

3\. Karkat has to go through chemo. That means...

Well, shit.

"Dude, you have cancer?"

"Whoa, holy shit! A guy in the cancer ward has cancer? Who would have thought!" Karkat yelled. Something thudded against the door, making John jump back in surprise. "You're definitely the shittiest doctor I have ever encountered here, and I'm certain I've had to listen to every blowhard with a fancy degree that works here drone on to me about how they can send the lukemia into remission using a simple program that only lasts _my entire fucking childhood_."

"Dude, no! I'm not a doctor! I don't even work here! Hell, I'm not even old enough to work here!" John snapped back.

"Then why the fuck are you here? And better yet, who the fuck are you?" Karkat asked, his voice receding to a more tolerable volume. He sounded wary, but John heard footsteps coming closer to him.

"I have something to give you. Actually, um, I should probably explain first, shouldn't I?"

"I'm not going to dignify that with a proper answer."

John figured that was his cue to talk. "Uh, well, I don't think you really know me, but my name is John. I'm one of your classmates."

"A classmate who I've never spoken to in my life is visiting me? Let me guess, some peppy asshat who felt pity for the poor, cancer ridden boy goaded everyone into signing some giant card. And for the bonus round, a cheerful asshole like you volunteered because you thought you could make me feel better, right?"

"Yeah, pretty much." Except, John noted with a stab of guilt, he did it for free pizza and breadsticks. "Do you still want it? Because, uh, if you don't, I can throw it away and tell Feferi that you loved it."

Karkat's sigh was loud enough for John to hear even through a layer of door. "Of course Peixes arranged this. She'd take pity on any poor dumbshit that stubbed their toe on a door."

The door wrenched open, and John found himself looking down at a boy who had stared death in the eyes; a far cry from the Karkat Vantas in his memories. His face was gaunt, with sunken in cheekbones and heavy bags under his eyes. His dark brown skin looked ashy, with a deathly tint to it, as if it was going to fall off of his body at any moment. He had always been a pretty tiny guy, but as he reached out to grab John's wrist, he could see every vein and tendon protruding from his hand. His arms were hidden underneath a thick sweater, but John guessed the rest of his body was in the same condition. He was nothing but bones and veins pumping drug-riddled blood through a broken shell of a body.

John shut the door behind him, standing awkwardly in the middle of the small room as Karkat flopped down on his bed. It was a room clearly meant for a single person, with a single bed and just one dresser and one nightstand; probably given to him because of how old he was. John wouldn't really be surprised if Karkat was the only teenager in this entire ward.

He glanced around, trying his best to examine the room. It was strangely colorful, full of pastel animals and dead eyed smiles, just like the outside areas. A small tv sat neglected on the lone dresser, unfeeling white under chilly black, while a laptop happily whirred away from on Karkat's bed.

"Uh, so. Here's your card," John said quietly, handing the card over to Karkat, who snatched it out of his grasp. He flipped it open with a glare, eyes scanning over the various get well messages.

He scoffed in disgust. "Half of these shitheads have never even spoken to me. Why would they want me to return? So I can block them from the teacher's view while they drool on their desks and dream about fucking the two dollar whore in a cheerleader's outfit?"

John coughed. "That's kind of gross." But probably true, he had to admit. "Do you know these guys?"

"Just because I'm a sad sack of shit without any friends doesn't mean I don't overhear their insipid gossip." He motioned John over. He stepped forward cautiously, and sat down on the bed besides Karkat only when he was certain that he wouldn't get attacked.

Karkat pointed to a message long enough to be an essay. John recognized Rose's cursive, written in her trademark purple pen. "Rose Lalonde. Ranked number 14 in the Junior class. Works at a run down pizza joint. Considered by many guys as 'hot, but in a scary way.' Considered by many girls to be 'weird.' Rumors that she was a lesbian went around school. They somehow got to her rich, doting mother that she has some clusterfuck of a rivalry with, and said mother hosted an assembly about homosexuality at the school. Last I heard of, she was dating one Jade Harley, also known as your sister who, for some idiotic reason I don't really care about, does not share a last name with you."

John whistled in admiration. "Damn. You got everything right! And yeah, she's still dating Jade."

"Well glad I got that right, except not really because the amounts of shits I give about them is rapidly approaching negative infinity. For that matter, the amount of shits I give about you has already surpassed negative infinity. Scientists have created a new term for it, and that term is 'why are you still here, Egbert.'"

John coughed, suddenly feeling out of place in the small room. "Yeah. This is pretty awkward! I guess I better leave." He stood up and headed towards the door, but looked back at the sickly boy and hesitated. No matter how much of an asshole he was, he still seemed pretty lonely.

"For once you have a good idea. Congrats. Do you want an asspat for your spectacular achievement?"

John couldn't stop an amused snort from escaping. "Haha, as if!" He quieted down, shuffling his feet against the ground, blue sneakers contrasting with the pale tile below. "Hey. Hope you get better soon."

Karkat snorted back, mocking John with a vicious sneer. "I don't need your pity. Just get out of my sight."

So he did.

\---

John grinned as he took another slice of pizza from the box on his coffee table. Surprisingly enough, both Vriska and Dave held up to their end of the deal, and when Rose and Jade caught wind of the situation and offered to bring even more stuff, how could he say no? Thanks to their valiant efforts, the table in his living room was covered in pizza (with everything on it. Even canadian bacon!), breadsticks, soda, and nachos. And the best part? John didn't pay a single dime for any of it.

He stuffed about as much of the slice into his mouth as would fit, and grabbed the spare controller on his lap. Their Super Smash Bros. Brawl match had been interrupted only to start eating. Right now, he (along with his good buddy Ness) was facing off against Rose (playing as Princess Zelda), Jade (as Fox, of course), and Vriska (who chose Ganondorf). Dave was the only one not playing; instead he sat on the floor by Vriska's feet, elbowing her in the shin whenever she kicked his back. John wasn't quite sure what he was doing, but his iPhone had definitely captured his attention.

The match started, and while John fought bravely and honestly, the girls were simply too good. Jade executed flawless gun combos, Rose used her freaky super-smart brain to know exactly when and where to attack, and Vriska cheated. John didn't how how she did it, but she did.

The match was intense, full of cursing and laughter from everyone involved. Well, everyone and Dave, but John suspected his laughter was probably due to something dumb he saw on his phone. When the match ended, Rose had somehow pushed Vriska out of first place, and was staring at the screen with a large, smug grin. Vriska rolled her eyes and threw the controller down at Dave. "Hey Stri-dumbass, it's time to switch."

"Kay," Dave said, and tossed his phone up to Vriska, who swiped it right out of the air. She leaned into the corner of the couch and busily tapped away at the small screen while Dave scooted back and settled against her legs, shaking his hair out of his face as he gripped the controller. They returned to the character selection screen, and just as Dave selected Princess Peach, John's PDA rang from inside his pocket.

"Someone calling you?" Jade asked.

"Try pestering."

"Strange, considering the people you talk to the most are currently in the same room with you," Rose said. She paused, and then threw a hesitant look at Vriska. "Unless of course..."

Vriska rolled her eyes, still tapping away on Dave's phone. "Try again."

"Check it, check it!" Jade said, leaning over John's shoulder to look at the small screen.

CC: )(----ELLO JOHN! 38D

John stared blankly at the screen. "Why are they typing like that?" He sighed, thumb hovering over the block button. "Must be a bot."

Jade growled and shook her head, sending wild black hair flying everywhere, spreading out around her face like a lion's mane. "No, you dummy! It's Feferi!"

"How did Feferi get my Pesterchum?"

Vriska raised her hand. "My fault. She asked for it earlier today."

"Oh. Ok then. I guess I better...see what she wants?"

EB: um. hi feferi.  
CC: O)( good! You know it's me!  
EB: yeah. jade told me.  
CC: Tell )(er I said )(i!  


"Hi Feferi!" Jade said with a smile. Variations on the phrase, "tell Feferi I said hi," echoed through the room.

"Oh, and John?" Jade added, voice suddenly lowering to a whisper. "Don't be an idiot and ask her about her typing quirk, ok? You'll just make her mad."

"Got it." Good thing, because he was just planning on doing that very thing. Whew! Crisis averted.

EB: she says hi back. and so does everyone else, hehe.   
CC: Aww, )(ow sweet!  
CC: Anyways, I messaged you for a V---ERY IMPORTANT R-EASON!  
EB: which is?   
CC: Well, I t)(ink we s)(ould give Karcrab somefin more t)(an just a card!  
CC: Maybe a plant, too! W)(o doesn't like plants?  
EB: good point!  
EB: but why do you call him karcrab?  
CC: )(--E--E )(-E-E! It's because )(is name means crab!  
CC: And it's a good pun. 38)  
EB: oh. hehe. it kind of fits, doesn't it?   
CC: Yep!  
CC: Now. Back to business.  
CC: Since you volunteered to give )(im the card, I was wondering if you'd be willing to give )(im the plant as well!  
EB: well...  


John turned to face Jade, who was still reading over his shoulder. "You work at a flower shop, right?"

Jade nodded. With a giggle, she said, "okaaaaaaaay John, I'll make sure to get you some flowers!"

"Flowers? Why not a potted plant?"

"I work at a _flower_ shop, duh! We mainly sell bouquets, and no one would notice if one was gone."

"Harley, are you telling me you're willing to steal from your work for your brother?" Dave asked, never looking away from the screen. By now, he and Rose were the only ones left playing. They spent most of their time taking turns pushing Fox McCloud to his doom.

"Maybe." She said with a grin. "What do you say, John? It saves Feferi money!"

"Yeah. I'll ask."

EB: jade's offering to hook me up with a bouquet of flowers. will that work?   
CC: S)(OR--E!   
EB: great!  
EB: then i'll do that tomorrow after school.  
EB: even if i don't think he likes me much.  


He felt another stab of pity for the poor boy alone in the hospital, with the sallow skin and the cynical, world-weary eyes. He obviously did not like John much, but human contact that involved someone who wasn't a doctor had to be good for him. Everyone needed a friend, right?

John didn't really regret typing out the next message.

EB: in fact, if you need any karkat-related business done, i'll do it. i take on the title of 'go to karkat guy.'  


\---

The next day, John stood in front of Room 18 on the third floor, holding a bouquet full of flowers hand picked by Jade. She said that they all had a very specific meaning and that they were good flowers to give to a sick person, but those supposed meanings were lost on him. He doubted Karkat would know either.

"Hey, Karkat?" John asked, gently knocking on the door. "It's me, John. I have something for you."

An irritated groan came from within. "Ugh, didn't you realize when I said get out of my sight, I meant it in a permanent sense? As in, I don't want to see your moronic face ever again?"

"Yeah, but Feferi asked me to come here!" John prided himself on the fact that it wasn't a total lie this time. "And it is literally impossible to say no to any member of the Peixes family."

A pause. "...You have a point. Let's just get this over with as quickly and as painlessly as possible." Karkat opened the door, allowing John to step in. The room looked the same as it did yesterday, except the laptop was shut and laying on the dresser by the tv. Even Karkat looked the same, wearing the same outfit from the day before.

Somehow, it seemed lonelier.

He held the bouquet of flowers out as a gesture of peace. "Before you make any jokes about me trying to win over your heart or whatever, I just got you flowers because Feferi thought it'd be a nice idea, and since Jade works at a flower shop, they were free."

Karkat grimaced at the arrangement, as if they had personally insulted him.

John wiggled them in response, waving them just under Karkat's nose. "Come on, you know you want them!"

Karkat scowled, and snatched the flowers out of his hands. He untied the ribbon binding them together, and shoved the plastic covering in the trash. "Oh, how fucking thoughtful of her to choose these flowers!" He said. The words might have sounded vaguely thankful if not for the vile, disgusted anger evident in his voice.

"So they do have a specific meaning?" John asked, confused.

"Of course they fucking do! Pink roses, for friendship," he said as he threw said flowers onto his bed. "Ha, as if I'd ever want to be something even approaching the disease you call friendship with the likes of you." He snorted and grabbed a handful of skinny, white flowers. "Gladiolus, for strength of character." Those joined the roses on the bed.

"Hydrangea, for perseverance. Yeah, maybe I can just outlive the lukemia, and it'll go away on it's own!" What John guessed were the Hydrangeas joined the other flowers on the bed. "Star of Bethlehem, for hope. And most infuriatingly, yarrow! For good fucking health!" He held the last few flowers, a cloud of yellow that reminded John a little of cauliflower, in his hands. He glared down at them as if they were the reason why he was cooped up here.

"What a load of bullshit," he said venomously, and tore the flowers in two. He balled the remains up in his fists, stomped over to the trashcan, and let them flutter down to join the plastic remains.

"Hey! What was that for!" John asked, slightly offended despite the fact that he didn't even pay for the flowers. "That was a gift!"

"A gift? you think giving someone a bunch of flowers that, no matter how hard you fucking try, will never survive, a _gift_? Sounds like a festering crockpot of bullshit to me." Karkat gathered up the rest of the flowers, forcing them to join the yarrow a few seconds later. "You give someone a shitload of cut flowers. Put them in a vase with cold water, they said! It'll make them live longer, they said! Well, no matter what you fucking do, they're going to die. They're cut off from the rest of the plant - there's no hope for them. All you're doing by putting them in a vase is prolonging their inevitable death and putting it on display for others to admire." He said, turning away. He ran out of steam halfway through his rant, morphing from a ball of vibrant anger to what he really was; a tired, sad kid.

John had a feeling this had something to do with more than just flowers. There was no way someone could get so upset over something as silly as a bunch of flowers for no good reason. "There's a story behind this, isn't there?" He muttered quietly. Karkat swallowed visibly, but refused to speak.

"Will you tell me?" John asked.

Karkat shook his head vehemently. "Do you enjoy butting into people's private business?"

"I'm just curious."

"Curiosity killed the oblivious asshole who didn't know when to shut up."

"That's not how the saying goes, dipshit."

"Do you see this face?"

John looked down and stared at Karkat's somewhat exasperated expression.

"Yeah?"

"It's the face of someone who has tried to give a shit and failed spectacularly."

"Oh."

John blinked, and adjusted his glasses, trying to find something for his hands to do. He didn't know what else to say or do that wouldn't make Karkat mad. How do you appease a guy who has every reason to be pissed off at the world?

The answer is, you don't.

Karkat flopped down on his bed and rolled over, curling into himself. "Can you just go?" He asked tiredly, his voice almost pleading. "You gave your useless gift, and now there's no reason for you to stick around. Just leave already, and this time, don't come back."

"Are you sure?" John asked. "You seem kind of lonely here. I wouldn't really mind coming back every once in a while."

"I have the entire internet, a small army of children, and know-it-all doctors to keep me company. How could I be lonely?" He answered.

"Are any of them your friends?"

He was met with more silence.

John gritted his teeth, and tried again. "Would you like one?"

The pauses kept coming, one after another. John fought his way through them. "...I have a friend."

"Here, or online?"

Karkat flipped him the bird. "Are you trying to invalidate a friendship formed on the internet?"

"No, not at all! Just...no one comes to visit you, do they? Your online friend lives too far away, right?"

"Yeah." In that moment, Karkat looked so small and fragile. John felt the need to do something, _anything_ that would make him feel better.

"I'll keep visiting, if you want."

"How many times do I have to tell you I don't want your pity?"

"I wouldn't do it out of pity!" He hoped Karkat would think he was telling the truth. He hoped there was at least some grain of truth in the statement. "Every day I can, I'll come visit you after school."

"There's nothing to do here" Karkat replied quietly. "You'd get bored."

"You get wi-fi here, right? That's more than enough for me! I can even bring cards! Do you know any card games?"

Karkat snorted. "Only go fish."

"Cool! I'll teach you how to play all sorts of games. You're going to be a master by the time I'm done with you."

"Since you're clearly not going to leave me alone anytime soon, I'll humor you for a bit, even though I'm certain you're not actually going to follow through with any of this."

"And you can teach me about flowers. I'll wow Jade with my sudden knowledge of plants."

"I don't really give a shit, but ok."

Maybe, if John tried hard enough, he really could become Karkat's friend. He was prickly and set up wall after wall in defense, but with enough time and patience, maybe he could break through that and find out what was really underneath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fanart for this chapter: [The door wrenched open, and John found himself looking down at a boy who had stared death in the eyes](http://troodon.tumblr.com/post/36236215611/the-door-wrenched-open-and-john-found-himself) by troodon.
> 
> If you'd like to listen to the playlist I made for this fic, go [here.](http://8tracks.com/magicites/you-ll-be-ok-anyway) If you'd like to reblog it on your tumblr and keep it close to you for all eternity, reblog [this](http://tamakomarket-deactived23445.tumblr.com/post/38024849472/youll-be-ok-anyway-a-karkata-inti-playlist) post.
> 
> If you'd like to hear my good friend beffy rant as Karkat about flowers, listen to [this.](http://troodon.tumblr.com/post/39392337962/i-dont-know-how-to-pronounce-flower-names%22%22)
> 
> If you'd like to know in detail what each of the six main characters look like, look at [this.](http://tamakomarket-deactived23445.tumblr.com/post/39072474644/list-of-what-the-6-main-characters-of-karkata-inti%22%22)


	2. Chapter 2

It was the way Karkat outright gaped at John when he showed up the next day that broke his heart. Didn't he know that John was a guy who kept his promises? Yeah, Karkat was kind of an asshole, but a lonely asshole, and John was always willing to at least try to help someone in need.

"I brought cards," John said, fishing a pack from out of his pocket. Karkat calmed down and his mood edged back into what John guessed passed as normal for him, though he didn't miss the faint glimmer of hope in his eyes. "My friend Vriska gave them to me! She said they're her old lucky pack."

He held out the pack, and Karkat carefully took it, examining it like a jeweler would a fancy gemstone. "Looks like a normal pack to me. What, is it lucky because she used fairy voodoo bullshit magic to bless it?"

"Fairies and voodoo have nothing to do with each other! But yeah, something along those lines," he explained. This time, when Karkat sidestepped to let him in, he did so without any kind of fight or argument. John hardly heard a grumble out of him; a sign of progress at its finest.

"I'm pretty sure some sort of bullshit magic will be involved if you actually think I can learn how to play a card game that isn't go fish." He said as he turned around and marched over to his bed. He was still wearing that same stupid badger sweater and the same pair of jeans that looked a size too big for his tiny frame, but when John glanced up at his hair to check for grease damage, the tangled, dark brown strands looked perfectly clean. Huh. Maybe he just didn't have any other clean clothes?

Why was he even thinking about this.

He walked over to the nightstand by his bed and yanked open the drawer. "But first let me prepare myself, ok? If I have to be stuck with you in a small room for however long you plan on staying, I can't be in pain, too."

"Pain? Dude, are you like, hurting right now?"

"Don't worry, it's only the extreme manpain I feel about the fact that I've never properly kissed a girl," Karkat said, shooting a glare back at John. "Of course I'm in pain, shitsponge! In case you never figured this out, cancer fucking sucks!"

The only thing John could do was squeak out a tiny, "oh," in response. He felt the blood rush to his face out of shame, and managed to keep his mouth shut as he watched Karkat arrange a small army of pill bottles on his nightstand. He shook about five pills into his hand, and popped them all into his mouth at once, swallowing them all dry.

John gawked. "How do you do that? I have to drink practically an entire bottle of water whenever I try to I take anything!"

Karkat shrugged, and dismissed his small army back to the barracks. "Practice and a shitload of experience. Now, cards. Get them out."

John grinned, eager to change the topic. "How about we start out with go fish, since you already know how to play it?" Might as well start off with an easy victory for John. Karkat didn't stand a chance against the self-proclaimed king of go fish.

Ten minutes later, Karkat won by a landslide. With a smug grin, he gestured to several piles of cards arranged neatly on his side of the bed. "Looks like I win."

"Double or nothing," John said, not wanting to be shown up. He was determined to win. There was no way he was going to give up his crown so easily.

"We're not betting anything, idiot."

"I don't care! I want a rematch."

"You're in for it, shitstain." Karkat said it in a voice that seemed almost affectionate, if John strained his ears and imagined really hard. It was pretty hard to turn a word like shitstain into an affectionate term.

Three wins in a row proved that John simply could not beat Karkat at go fish. He was the undisputed winner. John didn't want to hand over his crown, but it was the right thing to do. Maybe one day he'd win it back after a mighty tournament.

But there had to be at least a million other card games out there that he could beat Karkat at; the only problem was finding the right one. They tried War, but the rules kept confusing him. That game ended in Karkat stomping into the bathroom and sulking for ten minutes. He refused to come out until John promised that he wouldn't make fun of him for sucking so badly.

He fared much better at Slapjack. A little _too_ much better. His reaction time was incredibly quick, but when he slapped, he slapped _hard_. John no longer wanted to touch the card pile when a Jack showed up after the third time Karkat slapped his hand so hard he nearly screamed in pain. He didn't even know a stupid slap could hurt that much, nor did he know how red his hand could turn.

(He felt incredibly guilty whenever he slapped Karkat's hand and saw him flinch.)

They tried 21, but Karkat was so horrible at it that it rocketed past the realm of laughably bad straight into an act that was painful to watch. Unfortunately for the both of them, just about any other card game seemed to fare the same way. Either Karkat was insanely good at it, or so horrible it made John experience the previously-mysterious concept of second-hand embarrassment. There seemed to be no hope, until John remembered a card game he hadn't actually played in years.

"Have we tried crazy eights yet?"

Karkat stared at him, sharp eyes dulled by something John wasn't quite sure of. "What the fuck is that? Some kind of retarded dance party?"

"It's a card game. Durr."

"Well excuse me for not being the chief know it all asshole of card games, since that title clearly belongs to you and only you," Karkat said with a leer. John rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, whatever. Let's try it! It's my friend Vriska's favorite game."

"Why do you feel the need to tell me every asinine detail about your life and the sad sacks of shit you like to delude yourself into calling friends?" Karkat asked in a waver, grabbing his pillow and using it as a cushion against the hard wall. He folded his arms and tucked his legs up against his chest as he watched John set up the cards.

"Just trying to make conversation, I guess." When Karkat made no signs of talking, John continued. "I think you should meet my friends! You'd like Jade. And as for Rose, Dave, and Vriska, well...maybe you guys could be hatefriends?"

Karkat snorted. "You pulled that term out of your ass, didn't you."

"Yep!"

No matter how much she boasted about it, Vriska actually wasn't lucky at all. She consisted more of broken mirrors and stepped on cracks than she did bones and flesh. No matter how many supposed lucky charms she had or gave her friends, they didn't actually do anything. Crazy Eights was, in her words, "The game I was born to play!" even though she was completely dreadful at it.

However, neither John nor Karkat were terrible at Crazy Eights. Neither of them were all that good, but it was the first game where they were at a similar skill level. At least it meant that they no longer had a reason to bicker with each other over who was the bigger sore loser.

"Why don't you tell me about your friend, Karkat?" John asked, hoping to learn a little bit more about the guy and open up another topic of conversation. He didn't want to call him friend just yet. He could tell that they weren't quite at that level. Even the title of acquaintance was pushing it too far. He could tell Karkat was a person who didn't call someone a friend without actually meaning it, and he hoped to do the same for him.

Karkat curled into himself, grabbing his knees and tucking his face into the small gap so all John could see was his scruffy dark brown hair. He looked so frail. If someone opened the window even just a crack, there was a chance he'd shatter. "Why do you even care? What, are you trying to learn every insignificant detail about my miserable existence so you can document it all in a shitty scrapbook and hold it while you cry yourself to sleep at night?"

John couldn't stop himself from laughing. "No way! Scrapbooks are dumb. I was just curious." When Karkat didn't move, John felt an uneasy pit form in his stomach. "Hey. You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm just feeling as shitty as I usually am. Pain meds aren't working," Karkat said. He drew even further within, compacting himself into an impossibly tiny ball, bony elbows sticking out at strange angles.

"Oh...um, I guess I should leave...?"

"Her name's Terezi." Karkat said curtly, voice muffled by his knees. "She's my best friend, I guess."

John suspected he didn't want him to leave just yet.

"You guess?"

"I used to have more friends than just her, but it's kind of hard to keep friends when you're the physical manifestation of a black hole of despair and sickness that swallows any feeling that could be registered as pleasant. So I guess she gets the infamous and highly unwanted title of best friend by default."

John didn't know what to say to that. He was hard to get along with, sure, but a black hole of despair or whatever? As if. He just wasn't sure if he could actually voice those thoughts without sounding like a giant idiot. He bit his lip and held in a sigh, choosing instead to steer the conversation back to a happier topic. "What's Terezi like?"

"Loud. And obnoxious. Thinks everything is a fucking joke."

"She doesn't sound like a very nice person."

"She's fucking wonderful is what she is, so you shut your goddamned mouth Egbert before I shut it for you," he snapped.

John held his hands up in surrender. "Ok, jeez! Didn't mean to insult your girlfriend, god. Calm down."

"She's not my girlfriend, asswipe. I just said she was my best friend, you pompus moron. How the fuck can you get the two confused?"

"Well, the second I say something about her, you attack me!"

"That's because you insulted her without even knowing her! How do you manage to navigate the tangled maze of social interaction on a daily basis without someone pulling a gun on you and putting the universe out of its misery?"

"See! you're doing it again!" John countered, throwing his hands in the air and gesturing wildly. Karkat had retracted from his tiny, mopey ball only enough to be able to glare at John.

"How would you feel if I started talking shit about your friends without even knowing them! That Vriska girl you mentioned earlier? What if I called her a slime filled pussball covered by a sack of oily, pimpled skin without even knowing her?"

"Then I'd introduce you to my fist. This one's Matthew," he said, holding up his dominant hand, curled into a fist. Thumb over the fingers, just like Dave taught him. Aim for the throat, not the nose, he had advised. "I'd say something like, 'hey Karkat, I think he has a crush on you.' And then I'd punch you."

"Exactly. And if my bones weren't feeling like they could melt out of my body at any second, that's what I would do to you this very instant. Just be glad you can still fucking breathe."

"Ok. I apologize for insulting your best friend who is not your girlfriend at all. I even used the word apologize. That's how you know it's an official apology," John explained, a teasing grin on his face. He had to admit, it was pretty fun to bother Karkat. The only problem was the fact that he didn't quite know the difference between a slightly irritated Karkat and a legitimately upset Karkat yet. He hoped he'd get the first one.

Then again, Karkat wasn't feeling well at all, so of course it made sense for him to snap. Huh. Maybe he should have been a bit more considerate.

Karkat stared at him, a single eyebrow raised in confusion. "Are you always this stupid or are you just trying incredibly hard to piss me off?"

"The second one."

"Then stop."

"But it's kind of funny when you're mad!" He groped blindly for another excuse, one that didn't sound as stupid. "Besides, doesn't it takes your mind off of the pain?"

"You know what isn't funny? High blood pressure caused by idiots. Don't make me call a nurse to kick you out."

John rolled his eyes. "What, you're threatening to call a five foot two nurse to kick me out on my ass?"

A small smirk crossed Karkat's lips, and his eyes glimmered with something approaching mischief. John's heart started to race within his chest. He was pretty sure it was due to terror.

Karkat reached over to his nightstand, where a small device laid. His hand hovered over it briefly, and he pressed it with a grin.

"Hope you like Nurse Megido," he said.

John barely managed to gather his cards and stick them back into his pocket by the time a loud knock sounded on the door.

"Karkat, you called?" A female voice asked.

"Yeah. You can come in." The door opened, and a short (though still taller than Karkat, John could tell), cheerful young woman that looked like she walked right out of a Disney fairy lineup entered the room.

"What did you need, Karkat?" She asked, only noticing John's dumbfounded expression a few moments later. "Oh! I didn't know you had a visitor. I don't think you've ever had a visitor that wasn't one of your parents."

John winced. The casual way the nurse said it made something ache deep inside his chest. The more he learned about Karkat, the more he sounded like something straight out of a shitty Lifetime movie Rose liked to tear apart whenever she got bored. Funny and kind of melodramatic in theory, but in person it just plain sucked.

"Yeah, well this asshole's not staying for much longer. Can you please escort him out for me, nurse?"

The nurse giggled. "I've told you countless times, you don't have to be so formal. That, and I'm actually more of a P.A., but that's beside the point! Just call me Aradia."

John coughed. "Um. I don't need to be escorted. Really, I can find my way out by myself!"

"Don't listen to him," Karkat warned. "He'll get lost and three hours from now we'll hear an announcement that some fucking loser tumbled ass first into an entire storage room full of needles and is now bleeding profusely from multiple openings."

"Oh no, we can't have that happen. It's no problem at all having to escort you, Mr..."

"Egbert. But, uh, that's my dad, so just call me John."

"Alright! Now, let's get going. I'm sure Karkat wants to rest."

At her words, Karkat uncurled, stretching slowly across his bed, as if it was painful to do so. His face twisted up a few times, and he tried to hide his grimace as he shimmied underneath the thin, crisp white sheets.

John watched him with worry, while Aradia shook her head with a sad, sympathetic smile; being a nurse, she'd probably seen this hundreds of times before, a dance acted out by hundreds of different people who barely clung to life.

But for John, this was new. It was worse than the mornings when he remembered that his dad was getting older each day; worse than the mornings where John had to watch as he shuffled around the kitchen, bones creaking and popping as his arthritis acted up over something as simple as making pancakes. Those days, he usually took over breakfast duty, so Dad wouldn't have to strain himself.

This was worse than anything he'd seen Dad go through, though. This was a kid, an ugly little twerp no older than him, with a haggard face and eyes dulled by the pain of an entire lifetime he had yet to go through, struggling to do something as simple as get into bed. It was pathetic, almost as if he was faking it. How could something so simple be so hard?

"It's sad, isn't it," Aradia whispered. John nodded silently, wary of his own voice. Karkat had rolled over, leaving his back to the two, but he could still hear them if he tried.

"You can't really understand what someone like him goes through, unless you've done it yourself. And if you stay around it long enough, you get used to it," she said quietly, her voice a level that barley qualified as a low whisper.

"Do you know it feels like?" He whispered back, trying his best to stay quiet.

"Yeah. I nearly died of cancer when I was younger. That's why I work here, to help these kids and show them that someone understands." She turned around and gently opened the door. "Come on. I don't know how long you've been here, but Karkat needs his rest."

They started down the hall, Aradia expertly ducking down stray corridors and leading John far off his usual blundering path. She walked with a purpose, head held high and a slight smile on her lips. Despite his longer legs, he had to jog a bit in order to keep up with her pace. "So...are you Karkat's friend?" She asked cheerily.

"It's not going so well, but I'm trying to be," John said with a short laugh.

"Why, though?"

"Why am I trying to be his friend?"

"Yeah." Aradia grew strangely silent and stopped to watch John with a curious expression that he couldn't quite place. She began to walk again, but marched right past the elevator and straight to the winding flight of stairs. John followed her down carefully.

"I guess because he's so lonely," John said with a shrug. "He doesn't really have anyone."

"That's true," she said with a nod. "He's been in the ward long enough for me to watch him push everyone away. I've offered to talk to him if he's ever needed it, but his pride won't allow him. On top of it, it's bad for staff to get too close to their patients, especially in the cancer ward. The survival rates are better than ever before, but..."

John shuddered. "Don't. Please, just don't. He needs a friend to help him. He's so sad all of the time! How could I not want to help?"

She sighed. "That's kind of a stupid reason to be his friend, don't you think?"

John stared at her dumbly. "Guh?"

"Pity. From what you're telling me, you're only trying to be his friend because you feel bad for him. He doesn't want pity. I wouldn't either, if I were him."

They continued walking, and John stayed silent, guilt sloshing around in his gut. Aradia waited for him to speak, but when it was clear that he had nothing to say, she resumed her speech.

"If you want to be his friend, be his friend because you like being around him. Like him for his personality, not his condition."

John couldn't bring himself to talk.

"Don't string him along. You'll only hurt the both of you if you do."

They reached the front doors, and right as John was about to walk through, she grabbed his wrist, stopping him in his tracks. She tilted her head up at him, but he could tell she wasn't looking at him. Rather, she looked through him, brown eyes focused on a point much larger and important than him. He wouldn't have been able to see it even if he looked.

"Remember," she said gently. "If you're going to get close to him, and do it for a reason that won't make him feel worse about himself, please don't ever beat around the bush. You can't afford to." She blinked, and then it was as if it had never happened. She smiled brightly, and gave him a gentle push out the door. "Bye John! It was nice meeting you!"

John stumbled out of the building, nearly tripping over himself in the process. He blinked in the harsh sunlight.

"Wow," he said, mostly to hear it spoken out in the open. "I am kind of a dumbass, aren't I."


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey Karkat!" John called out to the door in front of him, looking down at the sign. The GO AWAY was just as stark and unfriendly as ever. But, he noted with a giggle and a flash of metal peeking from out of his pocket, he could change that.

A tired groan came from inside, but at least it wasn't an insult, so John thought he was still doing well. Especially after yesterday's strange fiasco.

Aradia was really nice, but she was a little strange. He recalled her words (in retrospect, it seemed more like a warning than a simple conversation), and felt a shudder run down his back. He felt bad for Karkat, yeah, but who wouldn't? A lonely kid in the cancer ward who had no friends? He could practically hear a little Dave on his shoulder laughing over the fact that it sounded like some shitty fanfiction Rose would read in her spare time.

"Can I come in?" John asked, gritting his teeth and expecting an answer he didn't want. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I don't need you fretting over me. Just give me a minute."

John chuckled. "What, need to make yourself decent?"

"If by 'make yourself decent' you mean 'get out of this shitty paper hospital gown that I already ripped in three places and into some legitimate clothes,' then yes," Karkat replied. John assumed that the strange sounds of rustling fabric coming from inside were due to Karkat flinging his clothes everywhere.

"So you're in one of those stupid hospital gowns that are open in the back so your ass hangs out? No way."

"For the love of god, please don't tell me you're now thinking of my ass."

Oh no. John felt a blush rise to his face. Fight off the ass thoughts. They are not a good thing to think of in the middle of a hospital. They are doubly bad when they involve a guy who is in the midst of being befriended. "Well, I wasn't until you mentioned it, you dick!" 

"I don't know if I should be disgusted or amused." Karkat said, sounding much more exasperated than before. There was an almost nervous quality to his voice, like he was embarrassed or something. At least John wasn't the only one feeling like a doofus at that moment.

"Ok, just shut up for a minute." John said, pulling out his trusty blue pen. Jade was the one with any speck of artistic talent in his family, but he had to admit, the Karkat he scribbled was pretty true to life. His noodle arms were up in the air, and a large speech bubble next to his big, dumb mouth said, "BLUH BLUH I'M A HUGE JERK BE MY FRIEND." His hair was nothing but a bunch of wobbly spikes, which was probably the most accurate rendition ever created.

He grinned at his work. What a masterpiece.

(Except not really. It was kind of shitty, but in a funny, ironic way. Somehow.)

The door opened, and John grinned down at Karkat. He was finally wearing a different outfit than before, even if it was just a different pair of jeans coupled with a half-sweater, half-long sleeved mutant hybrid shirt.

"Glad to see you have more than one outfit!" John said, glancing back at the modified sign Karkat was still unaware of and trying not to giggle.

Karkat rubbed his temples. "Is my choice of clothing really that funny? Did I somehow put my shirt on inside out or are you laughing like an idiot over something else?"

"Weeeeeeeell...I improved your sign!"

Karkat finally glanced over, and while John was expecting an eye roll and a scoff, instead he watched Karkat stare at the sign in shock. "...Is that supposed to be me?" He asked, slowly raising his hand and pressing it against the tiny paper Karkat.

This time, John didn't even try to stop his giggle. "Yep! It's the spitting image of you, see? I even got the angry eyebrows right!"

Karkat continued to gape at the drawing, and John laughed again, hoping that it wasn't obvious that he was forcing it out. He felt really awkward, actually. Awkwardness seemed to be a recurring theme between them. John really hoped that would change as they warmed up to each other.

"Jesus Christ, I never thought I'd meet someone who was a shittier artist than me," he breathed wondrously. "That is pretty goddamned amazing."

John huffed. "After I worked so hard on it? I spent a grand total of twenty seconds on this, you know."

Karkat didn't respond to that, only shaking his head slowly, side to side in one smooth motion. "This is mind numbingly idiotic. The only thing it's missing is a large, badly drawn penis to offend the delicate sensibility of any nurse dumb enough to check on me every other hour."

(Though John thought Aradia wouldn't get offended. She'd just laugh and shake her head, or maybe add onto it to make it something entirely different.) John uncapped his pen with a grin, mischief twinkling in his eyes. "I can do that."

Karkat let out a sound that might have possibly been laughter that he choked on at the last moment. "Just get in here, idiot," he said, grabbing John's wrist and tugging him inside, using his other hand to rip the sign off of the door. He dropped the sign onto his dresser. John assumed he'd just throw it away later.

If John didn't know any better, he might have thought that Karkat sounded...amused? Vaguely fond?

Maybe he was finally getting through to him. Sweet! They were now on the steady path to friendship. Hell yes.

But as soon as the thought crossed John's mind, it was obliterated by Karkat's heavy sigh. He sat down on his bed, looking utterly exhausted. His sweater seemed to dwarf him, and yet the thick material only made the tense draw of his shoulders more pronounced. "Now, what asinine activity do you have in store for me today?" He sounded exactly like he looked; so _tired_ , like he had been carrying a heavy weight on his shoulders for far too long.

"Dude, you look really tense. Have you ever had a decent massage?" John blurted out.

Karkat gave him a baffled stare. He couldn't really blame him for that. "The fuck? Is this some excuse for you to grope me or something?"

John laughed nervously. "No! No. Not at all. It's just that you look so tense and tired and it might make you feel better?" Shit. What a stupid thing to say! This is what he deserved for blurting out dumb stuff without thinking about it first.

"Yes, because running your stupid, clumsy fingers over my shoulders will make me feel better," he replied sarcastically.

"Obviously you've never had a good massage before."

"Are you offering to give me one?"

Shit. John bit his lip, and swallowed. "I don't know," he ventured cautiously, "am I?"

"I don't know," Karkat shot right back, looking just the tiniest bit curious, "are you?"

"Am I?"

"Ok, this is quickly escalating into something far stupider than I want any part in." Karkat rolled his eyes. "Are you going to fucking do it or not?"

"Uh, sure. As long as you don't mind."

"You're probably not going to leave me alone until I agree anyways. Best do it sooner than later," Karkat said with a sigh, scooting over on the bed to allow John room to sit. He sat down hesitantly, trying his best not to make it weirder than it already was.

"Ok. Um. Yeah. I'll just. Start now," John said, ignoring Karkat's sigh as his hands hovered over his shoulders. He gently rested his fingertips against them and took a deep breath.

He pressed down hard enough to be able to feel the muscle underneath the fabric (which thankfully wasn't all that thick), and began to rub his fingers in gentle circles. Karkat didn't react, so John pushed until Karkat hissed.

"Ow ow fuck what are you doing stupid clumsy hands sto-" John found a large knot right in his upper back and rubbed, both thumbs running over it in gentle circles. Karkat curled within himself, but when John finally worked out the knot, his entire body slumped forward with a sigh.

"Mission accomplished!" John said happily, slowly moving to the back of Karkat's neck. As he continued, Karkat would let out these strangled sounds, small squeaks and yelps that accompanied the twitch of his shoulders. By the third time he nearly squawked from John running his hands past a sensitive spot on his shoulder, he burst into a fit of laughter.

"What are yo-eep!- laughing at - aaah - dickwad?" Karkat growled.

"You, duh!" John replied cheerfully, lightening his touch to massage the vertebrae that barely jutted out of Karkat's neck. He let out an unexpected sigh of delight at the sensation, and John smirked in triumph, even though Karkat couldn't see it. "You _so_ needed this, dude."

Strangely enough, it wasn't all that awkward or weird. Karkat actually relaxed for what was probably the first time in years, and John kept himself focused on his job. There was no room to make it awkward.

Eventually Karkat either got bored of sitting in one place for so long or got tired of the massage, and he batted John's hands away from his back. He rolled his neck to test it, once, twice, and John could have swore he saw the faintest hint of a smile come to his face. He leaned backwards, twisting until he could see John.

"Huh," said Karkat. "You did do pretty well."

"Told you. Everyone needs a good massage every once in a while."

Karkat nodded sagely, for once looking relatively at ease with his current situation. "That's probably the smartest thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth."

"Gee, thanks."

\--

"Got any twos?" John asked, peering at Karkat from over the top of his hand of cards so he could hide his grin. The stack of unused cards sat between them, staying in perfect alignment despite the two boys sagging down the mattress on either side.

"If I had any twos, you would have gotten them the last time you asked me that," Karkat said. His pile of collected pairs was quickly growing. John still hoped that, maybe with a little luck, he could beat him. Those were a lot of cards, but it had to be less than twenty six pairs, right? "Go fish."

"Drat." John plucked another card, this time a Queen of Hearts. He could work with that.

"Got any queens?" Karkat asked, keeping his eyes situated on his cards, slouched forward with boredom.

John choked down an offended squawk. "No way! How do you keep doing it?" Karkat reached out and flicked his fingers forward, indicating for John to hand it over. He rolled his eyes, but gave it up without a fuss. "It's not fair. You must be physic."

Karkat looked at him with the same disinterested expression. He turned his attention turned the card in his hands and perked up slightly, laying it face up on the bed. "Red roses," he said.

"...what."

"She's holding a red rose, you pipe brained lunatic!"

John blinked. What was Karkat trying to do? They weren't talking about flowers at all. What did they have to do with anything? "Oh, yeah I can see that. What about it?"

"Don't you want to know what it means?"

Oh. He had nearly forgotten about that whole thing, he realized with an embarrassed chuckle. It seemed like that flower ordeal happened so long ago, even though it had really only been a few days. "Sure."

"Ever wonder why lovesick saps go throwing red roses at the asshole of their dreams?"

John shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

"It's because they represent passionate love."

"That...actually makes a lot of sense."

"I know, right? Gave me a lot less headaches whenever I tried to watch a movie once I found that out."

"Hmm...got any kings?" John asked. For once, Karkat sighed and handed over a card. John grinned in triumph, and quickly set away his new pair.

"What, do you think gaining one measly pair of cards will allow you to beat me?" Karkat asked, pointing to the admittedly small group of pairs John had gotten during their game. "You don't stand a chance, Egbert."

Karkat was right. John really didn't stand a chance. Karkat won by a landslide, with 40 pairs to John's measly 12. Seriously, the guy had to be cheating or something. It just wasn't fair.

Having grown bored of constantly losing to Karkat in dumb card games, John looked around the room, eyes settling on Karkat's laptop. "Hey, how come you never use this when I'm around?"

"Do you not have any basic fucking courtesy?" Karkat asked, getting up to snatch his laptop and hold it to his chest, cuddling it like it was his pet. John never realized just how huge the machine really was. Karkat held it vertically, but it covered practically his entire chest.

John shrugged, but as he stared at the computer, he thought of an idea. "It's like a portable IMAX screen, jeez. Hey! How about we watch a movie on it? Do you have Netflix?"

"Of course I have Netflix! How else do you think I waste my time, staring at the ceiling and masturbating to the thought the only person who ever visits me without getting paid to is the biggest idiot I've ever come in contact with?"

"I don't know if I should be grossed out by that or what."

Karkat stared at John with his eyes narrowed and his mouth in a scowl. A single tooth stuck out of the corner of his mouth. John had come to recognize it as his 'how can you possibly continue to get dumber with each passing second' face.  He was one stupid remark away from being flipped off.

John let out a large breath, realizing only after the air whooshed out of his mouth that he was holding his breath at all. "So, do you want to watch a movie or something?"

Grumbling something to himself, Karkat opened his laptop. "Instant only. and if you even so much as think the phrase Die Hard I will indeed make sure that you die in a very hard and painful way."

"Uh, ok...what about a Disney movie? You can never go wrong with Disney movies." John suggested, mentally scrolling though a list of his favorite Disney films. They weren't normally his type of movie, but no one could hate Disney movies. Unless they were Satan or something, and even then, it was iffy.

"The Little Mermaid. I can stream it right now," Karkat said, turning his laptop around so John could see it. Figuring that it was a good idea to get in a spot where he could actually see the screen, he crawled over to Karkat's side and plopped down, grabbing the pillow and moving it around until it was a suitable backrest for the both of them.

"Come on. Let's start it."

"Ok, but I have two rules when it comes to watching any movie that is at least half decent - one, no stupid comments every other fucking second, and two, if you sing along to it, I am going to throw you out the window."

John snorted. "Can you even pick me up?"

"I can force feed you my pills," Karkat said, giving John a blank look. "It would take longer, but you'd suffer more, asswipe. Besides, they taste like shit both going down and coming up."

John stuck his tongue out. "Dude, gross. Let's just watch the movie already, jeeeeeeeez!" He said, not actually meaning to stretch out the vowel so long. It was just an annoying habit he had picked up from Vriska without meaning to, just like how his voice pitched up slightly when he said someone's name (entirely Dave's fault), or how he could insert a growl under his voice when he was upset, just like Jade.

Karkat didn't respond verbally, instead choosing to start up the movie. He kept his laptop situated right on his thighs, though it was wide enough to cover his entire lap and even run over onto John's, leaving a spot of warmth on his leg. There was enough room for them to not have to touch without one of then having to sit halfway off the bed, which was nice. John wasn't really in the mood for awkward contact, and he doubted Karkat was either. All he wanted were a couple of hours to waste so he could watch a good movie.

The movie went pretty well. No stupid mishaps or weird lapses in attention where they spent a long time soulfully gazing into each other's eyes. Though as Ariel struggled to get Prince Eric to love her, John couldn't help but think that it was a little bit sad. If only the Prince could work up the courage to kiss her, then everything would be ok. The rest of the movie wouldn't exist, but it would have been a sweet ending.

Karkat cried a little during the climax, and John laughed at him for it, despite the pressure he felt in his own eyes. He did admit that the slap on his arm was pretty well deserved, though. "Don't think I can't see you trying not to cry, dipshit!"

John blinked rapidly, hoping to make his eyes water less. If Karkat noticed, it was only because he slapped him so hard. "Yeah, but you look like a little kid. Did someone take your lollipop, Karkat? Do you need me to go tell Mommy?" He snickered, hoping that he would take the bait.

Not only did Karkat take the bait, he snatched it right out of John's hands. With a growl, he planted his hands on John's shoulder and shoved him off the bed. He landed on his shoulder with a small yelp, limbs flailing everywhere as he tried to regain his balance (which didn't work at all).

When he finally managed to sit up, he rubbed the shoulder he landed on and glared at the asshole smirking at him from the bed. "Hey! Not cool," he said with a pout. Karkat's smirk stayed, plastered all over his dumb, smug face.

"It's what you fucking deserve for making fun of me."

"It was friendly teasing." John retorted, trying to defend himself.

"You're a dick!"

"Well you're the dick who shoved me off the bed!"

They glared at each other, both at a complete standstill. Karkat was biting his lip, obviously trying to keep himself from saying something really insulting, and John didn't know what he could say without starting a huge fight.

It was kind of like a staring contest, actually. A very angry staring contest. John didn't want to back out of it, but he was getting kind of bored of glaring back at Karkat. It stopped being fun about five seconds into the match.

Karkat was the first to back away, leaning away from John and settling back into his previous spot. "...Want to watch another movie?" He asked. "Since unless I literally cannot stand to socialize with you any longer, you don't seem to leave until visiting hours are over."

That was pretty true. Ever since what John liked to call the Creepy Aradia Incident, he had been spending as much time with Karkat as he could. Dad didn't mind picking him up so late, and he always said that he was proud of him for taking the time out of his day to visit his sick friend. (It wasn't like he had anything better to do. Homework? Pfff, he left that for the people in the advanced classes.) John never really took those words to heart. His dad would probably still be proud of him even if he dropped out of school and became a renegade punk.

"Son, I am proud that you are willing to take your destiny into your own hands, even if it doesn't go by society's normal standards." Yeah, that sounded about right. 

"Are you even fucking listening to me?" Karkat asked, sounding a bit more irritated than before.

John shook his head and looked up. "Oops! Sorry, I kind of spaced out for a second."

"Yeah, I could see that. Are you going to give me an answer or would you rather continue to stare at the wall and drool."

John raised a hand and wiped at the corner of his mouth. Nope, no drool. Karkat was a liar. "What did you ask again?"

Even though he couldn't really see Karkat's face, he could practically sense Karkat rolling his eyes. "If you want to watch another movie. We have enough time."

"Sure!" John said, clambering back onto the bed.

"I'm picking this time," Karkat said, already scrolling through the list. "I'm sticking with something animated, since I'm pretty sure that it is probably the only overlap between our tastes in cinema."

"Ooh, what about Spirited Away?" John asked. "It's not all that weird for a Japanese movie. It's actually pretty good," he explained, reaching out to point at a small icon on the screen, finger hovering right above the screen. He wasn't the type of asshole who liked to leave fingerprints on other people's screens. People who did that had a special circle of Hell reserved for themselves.

"Did you not fucking hear, 'I'm picking this time?' Did that somehow fly right past your ears, or are you selectively deaf?" Karkat grumbled, but he played the movie anyways.

"Have you seen this before?"

"No."

"Oh man, you are going to love it. It is so good," John said, elbowing Karkat in the ribs as gently as he possibly could. When Karkat didn't wince, John silently congratulated himself on a job well done.

The movie was definitely 'so good,' and Karkat definitely loved it. It was actually better than John remembered.

It was good to the point that John didn't feel ashamed when he cried along with Karkat when they thought Haku was about to die. When Karkat sobbed so hard he started hiccuping, John didn't even make fun of him.

And when John's nose started running, Karkat wordlessly handed him a box of tissues.

The movie ended just as a knock sounded on the door, signaling that visiting hours were over. Thankfully, Aradia was the one to alert them, and she allowed John a few minutes to gain his composure before he had to leave.

Right before he opened the door, Karkat followed him, and awkwardly patted his shoulder. "You were right," he said. "It was pretty fucking good."

"Yeah," John nodded, "I know."

"Maybe...we should do that again sometime." Karkat said. It was obvious he tried to phrase it as a question, but was too proud and ultimately failed. He sounded off somehow, in a way that John couldn't quite place. Almost...shy?

Weird.

"Yeah. We should."

John looked back to see Karkat trying to fight a smile. It looked weird on his face. It even made John feel weird, like something was slightly off, but he couldn't really place what it was.

"And...I'm sorry for being such an asshole all the time," Karkat added just before John was about to leave.

The weird feeling rolled around in his gut. He felt vaguely nauseous. "It's ok, man. To be honest, I think it's kind of fun!"

The weird feeling didn't leave until long after John fell asleep and dreamed of strange dragon spirits and lost hearts, and promises kept for an entire lifetime.


	4. Chapter 4

Today was a little more than just a regular day for John. He knew it didn't mean all that much, but today was the day that marked his one week...friendversary? Palship? Acquaintancement?

His one week _something_ with Karkat.

Over the past week, he had settled into a comfortable routine: on school days, as soon as the bell rang, John would get picked up and driven over to the hospital. He'd hang out with Karkat until visiting hours were over, and then he'd go home, take care of what little neglected homework he had, and eat dinner.

The past weekend, he ended up staying with Karkat for nearly the entire day. Dad packed him lunch, so at least he wouldn't have to eat any gross hospital food. Eating gelatinous applesauce every day was something he wouldn't even wish on his worst enemy.

(He gave Karkat half of his lunch, so he wouldn't have to eat gelatinous applesauce either. Dad packed extra, so he must have known what was going to happen. It was kind of embarrassing if he thought about it for too long.)

His last class's teacher, fed up with both him and his rowdy classmates, abandoned the last slide of her lesson and let them mill around for a few minutes before the bell rang. John stayed at his seat, trying to locate where Karkat used to sit at. He knew it was somewhere in front of him, but he couldn't quite remember anymore.

"Glad you enjoy the view, Egbert," Dave said, snapping John out of his thoughts. Dave wiggled from on top of his desk for emphasis, and John was met with an eyeful of Strider hip covered by plaid jeans.

"Dude, gross! Get off my desk before you give it germs." John said, laughing as he tried to shove Dave off. Dave refused to budge, and planted his feet firmly on the seat in front of him.

"Germs? More like I'm curing it from the terminal case of dorkitis it developed from you getting your nerd slobber all over it."

John rolled his eyes. "Yeah, because I'm totally the bigger dork out of the two of us."

"Ooh, sarcasm. Has Lalonde been giving you pointers?"

"Nah, it's all natural."

Dave smirked. "I call bs."

"Yeah, whatever man! This is getting stupid," John said, trying again to push Dave off of this desk. This time, it worked, and Dave moved, spreading his nasty lame ass germs all over someone's else innocent seat. He sucked in a deep breath; something he only did when he wanted to say something, but wasn't sure how to word it. John blinked at him."You want something, don't you?"

Dave gasped, raising his hand to his mouth in a mockery of Rose whenever she was being an ass. Even the dainty flick of the wrist and straight fingers were flawless, dark fingers just barely covering pearly white teeth from view. "What, I can't want to spend time with my best friend anymore?"

Oh no. Normally, John would brush off Dave's words as a joke, but his voice held a strained note, something that only ever happened when Dave was legitimately upset. He had never been all that good at hiding his real emotions when it came down to it, no matter how hard he tried. He could dodge the subject, but he could never fully erase it.

"Ok, let's not dick around about this. What's the matter? We see each other every day," John said, watching Dave for any sign of discomfort. He saw it in the way he rolled his shoulders and swallowed, setting his jaw in a firm line.

"Yeah, but all week you've been off at the hospital playing nurse for the sick kid and leaving me with a bunch of girls."

"You mean your sister, your _real_ best friend, and your girlfriend?" John asked in a dead tone. This wasn't actually important. Dave was just being an idiot again.

"Simply too many girls, man. I can't handle them all by myself while you're off courting sick kids."

John's mood only continued to plummet due to both guilt and irritation. It was easy to decipher the message behind his words.

_I miss you. Did you replace me with Karkat?_

The atmosphere of the room suddenly changed. The other students were unimportant noise in the background. It took a few moments for John to speak loud enough for Dave to hear him.

"I'm not trying to get into his pants, if that's what you're trying to say. I've just been getting to know him better."

"Getting to know the inside of his mouth better," Dave corrected, this time executing a flawless pokerface combo.

"Sick burn." John replied, shooting back with a pokerface and dead stare combo of his own.

Well, there went Dave's poker face. Destroyed by a flurry of snickers. The room returned to normal.

"I was kidding. But seriously dude."

"Dave, he is just a friend! Karkat is actually not that bad of a guy. He's a bit of a dick. Reminds me a little of you, actually," John mused. There were definitely differences between the two off them, but deep down, John thought they were pretty similar.

"Oh, I see. Keep alpha Dave separated from replacement Dave. Good plan."

"Dude, are you really that upset over this?"

Dave looked downright offended, and not in any silly, fake Rose way. He lowered his shades just enough for John to see furrowed eyebrows and narrowed eyes watching him intensely. "Ahaha, you're funny. It's cool, really. Just make sure to pay attention to your other friends, too. Water them twice a day, clean the cages, take them on walks. For Jade, better make sure to walk her twice a day." _Please don't replace any of us._

The bell rang, and John grinned and stood up, clapping Dave on the shoulder as he walked by. "You won't have to worry about that! I'll remember, promise. See you!"

"Later, Egghead." Dave called out as he left the class. From the hall, it was a simple path out of school; left down this hall, turn a right at this corner, cross through the open part of the campus, enter another hall, through the double doors, and into the backseat of his dad's car because Jade got shotgun today.

He hopped in, greeting both his Dad and Jade, who had somehow gotten there before him despite her class being further away.

"Hi John!" Jade said, drowning out any words Dad might have had to say, though they both looked back at him with smiles on their faces. "Going to the hospital again?"

Jade really didn't look like she was part of his family. Dad always told them that she was nearly the spitting image of their mother, with her long, black hair and bright green eyes. Most people just thought that she was John's friend, or even worse, his girlfriend. Bluh. John, meanwhile, looked a lot more like Dad, though he also had his mother's jet-black hair, he didn't share any facial features with her or with Jade.

They weren't really all that similar in school either. Almost all of Jade's classes were the advanced ones designed solely for try-hards, while John was content with his regular classes. She even took a few courses at the college, though the last one she took was over summer.

(She had somehow convinced him to take a Japanese class with her. Neither one felt all that closer to their supposed 'family heritage.' As far as John was concerned, his cultural heritage consisted of evenings filled with barbecues and roasting marshmallows in his fireplace during winter.)

"Yeah." With that, the car started and pulled out of the school, heading off to the large building looming far in the distance.

There was never really anywhere to go in their town. Even though it bled into the next town over, there wasn't really much to do. This was simply a run down, old little place to stop at on the way to somewhere better. The hospital was only short drive away from his school, but just long enough for John to get an idea before they stopped. "Hey Jade, you should meet Karkat."

She looked at him over the seat and stuck her tongue out. "I've already met him, dummy!"

"No, I mean _meet_ meet him. Talk to him. Today."

Jade blinked at him, puzzled, and then settled back into her seat. "I dunno...hey Dad, can I?"

Dad chuckled. "If you'd like. I don't mind."

"Then...well, sure!"

"Sweet!"

John really hoped Karkat was feeling well today.

And more importantly, that he wouldn't mind Jade tagging along.

\---

It was easy enough getting Jade through the hospital. She took to the multitude of corridors and labyrinth of elevators and stairs even better than John. She made him go up three entire flights of stairs. "It's important for lazy bums like you to get exercise, too!" She chimed happily as she hopped up the steps two at a time. The fact that she managed to do that without once losing her breath made John a little jealous. Athletic sisters were the worst. 

Just like he expected, she adored the decorations. She stopped every 5 feet to coo at the giraffes with the dead eyes. Every last one of them.

She even said she wanted one painted on the door of her room, but if that happened, John was never going in there again.

It took them three times as long to reach Karkat's room than it would have if John went by himself. But, on a positive note, the GO AWAY sign continued to be absent from the door.

"Karkat!" Jade called out, tapping her knuckles briskly against the door. "Open up!"

"Who the fuck are you?" He yelled from inside. "Are you some newbie asshole nurse who thinks she can order me around like I'm a helpless little kid? Well think again, shitsponge!"

John huffed and pushed past Jade, hand hovering dangerously close to the doorknob. He had always waited for Karkat to open the door for him, and if he didn't give Karkat time to prepare, there was a good chance he'd be met with either a faceful of shoe or an eyeful of hospital-gown ass. Both options sounded pretty terrible.

"Karkat, it's not a nurse! It's just my sister, Jade. I brought her with me today."

"Thanks, but no thanks. I don't need two separate people to fill up my daily quota of bucktoothed idiot."

Jade looked angry at first, glaring at the door and looking ready to kick it down so she could march in and punch Karkat in the mouth. But then her expression softened, and she had to fight down her giggles. "Does this mean he wanted to be alone with you, John?" She whispered, wiggling her eyebrows deviously.

"Guh! No, of course not. He's all talk. Really, I bet he's excited that I brought you!" John said, hoping to erase her words from his memory. Seriously, why did everyone start insinuating that they liked each other literally out of nowhere? He only really started talking to the guy a week ago.

His friends liked to be dumb and make fun of him. What terrible best friends.

"That wasn't excited at all, you dummy!" Jade said, voice rising to a level that Karkat would easily be able to hear. John winced, hoping that Karkat would have headphones or something in. He didn't need a fight between his sister and his almost-friend to break out.

"Assuming you're talking about me, you're right, Harley. I'm not fucking excited at all about the prospect of entertaining both you and Egbert for several hours," Karkat said. "But if you promise to be good and not piss all over my carpet, I'll let you in."

Both siblings laughed at that, and they continued to snort and giggle long after Karkat let them inside. He stood off to the side while they recovered, warily glancing at them every few seconds.

Jade took a deep, calming breath and turned to face Karkat. "So! It's nice to finally talk to you." She said, grinning. Karkat rolled his eyes, and Jade rolled hers back. "What are we gonna do while we're here?"

"Well my original plan was to watch a movie or two, but somehow I doubt you have the attention span to sit through anything longer than 5 minutes," Karkat grumbled, pouting slightly more than usual.

"You don't know that!" Jade protested with a huff. "Gosh, you are really rude!"

"You get used to it," John said, gently patting her shoulder. "How about we play a game instead?"

"Egbert, there is no way in fuck you're getting me to play a board game. If you're referring to some retarded teenage game that I don't know about due to having cut off contact from the outside world, I'm not playing that either."

"Yeah, a board game doesn't sound like very much fun," Jade agreed.

"That's why we're gonna break out Karkat's laptop and find some shitty browser games to play!" John said with a hopeful smile. There was only a small chance that Karkat would actually let them near his laptop, but it was a chance he was willing to take. "One with lots of guns and monster killing."

He glanced at Jade and Karkat to gauge their reactions. Jade beamed at him, her eyes wide and practically glowing with joy, and Karkat scowled at him.

"So...?" He looked at Karkat, grinning and doing that stupid eyebrow wiggle (with a completely different meaning than the one Jade gave him earlier!) that always made Vriska blush. Jade laughed at the sight, and Karkat had to look away. Whether it was from second hand embarrassment or the need to hide a smile, John couldn't tell.

"Fine, fine. But I get to handle controls."

"Aww, come on! I'm great at shooters!" Jade said with a frown. Karkat ignored her as he brought out his laptop and turned it on, keeping a tight grip on it as he waved the others to come sit with him. John and Jade sat on either side of him.

John wanted to look for the one that looked coolest and Jade wanted to play the game with the biggest variety of weapons, but Karkat ended up picking some lame one with shitty graphics (even for a browser game!) and only four different guns to choose from. Each one sucked more than the last.

But when both Karkat and Jade started cussing out the screen after the third time they were ambushed by the pixellated scourge of the night, John decided Karkat had picked well.

Time flew by. They had lost count of the number of times they had to restart the game due to dying over and over when a nurse came to remind the kids that visiting hours ended right after Jade instructed Karkat on how to mow down an entire screen full of zombies. The points gained from the slaughter were an outrageous amount, big enough for Jade to jump up and whoop for joy. John smiled so wide his cheeks hurt, and even Karkat was grinning at the screen.

"I fucking did it! Take that, you lousy brainless crotchstains," Karkat said, leering at the screen. He barked out a curt laugh, and looked at both John and Jade. "Now get out of here before the nurses have to come back. I'd rather not deal with pissed off shrews who were forced to take the night shift any more than I have to."

"Angry nurses don't sound very fun," Jade agreed, sliding off the bed. John, however, stayed where he was, hoping Jade would take the hint to go on without him.

She stood at the door for a few moments, waiting for him to get up. When it was apparent that he wasn't going to move any time soon, she finally got the hint and grinned. "I think I saw a vending machine nearby, so I'll go buy some Doritos for us. Meet you at the car, John! Bye Karkat!"

"Do they even have vending machines here?" John asked. "I've never seen one."

Karkat shrugged. "I have no clue. Maybe there's one hidden in the cafeteria." Karkat shook his head. "Why did you want Harley out?"

"So I could ask you what you thought about her. If Jade was here, you might have lied so you didn't hurt her feelings," John explained. "But even if you don't want her to come back, I honestly don't think she'd be that upset."

"I'm taking that statement as conclusive proof that Jade was the one who left the womb with a decent number of functioning brain cells." Despite the harsh quality to Karkat's insult, John laughed. He could tell Karkat wasn't upset at all. It was actually kind of a nice thing to know. Like Dave, Karkat didn't mean a lot of the stuff that left his mouth.

"That's not how biology works," John retorted.

"Like I give a shit."

"Point. Anyways, would you mind if she visited you again?" John asked. There was more he wanted to know (what about Vriska? Rose? Dave? He wasn't very close with Feferi, but he knew that she'd love to visit sometime), but he figured it was best to take it one step at a time.

"She's alright."

John grinned. "Awesome! Hey, some of my other friends will probably want to meet you too. Would you mind...?"

Karkat didn't bother to dignify him with a verbal response. He rolled his eyes and gently pushed John until he stood up. "Don't keep your sister waiting, idiot."

"I'm not hearing a no..."

"She's going to throw those chips at your dumb face if you don't hurry the fuck up."

"Haha, yeah, probably! See you later, buddy!"

John left Karkat's room, and as he traveled through the hospital, he whipped out his phone.

He had some visits to arrange.

\---

Even though his meeting with Jade was a success, he didn't want to stress Karkat out by bringing in someone who he could barely get along with. After a few lengthy Pesterchum chats, John learned that Rose and Dave had never really talked to him. A few spare words in class asking for a piece of paper at most, but never anything more than that. Vriska tried to cheat off of him a few times, but, "the rage aneurysms he had whenever I asked for help were pretty damn pathetic to watch!"

But with each day, Karkat changed, if only a little bit. He grew more open with John, letting him in without much of a fuss and even tentatively showing John various things he liked.

He really liked movies. That much was obvious. His recommended list on Netlix was full of cheesy romantic films. John tried watching a few with him, but they were pretty boring and he accidentally fell asleep halfway through one about best friends who had feelings for each other or something. They were pretty much all the same, anyways. The quirky girl fell in love with the quirky guy after a montage of laughing and various shenanigans. After he had seen one, he had pretty much seen them all.

Weirdly enough, Karkat said the exact same thing about practically any movie that John really liked that he had Karkat watch.

He talked about Terezi more than ever before. Any subject involving her was extremely difficult to maneuver through without making Karkat explode into an overly-emotional rant, but Karkat didn't mind talking about her as long as John kept his mouth shut. From a logical standpoint, John really couldn't blame him for being so sensitive about her. He'd be sensitive too, if he only had one friend!

It was a good thing that Jade had about 50 computers stashed around the house and that she trusted John enough to let him use them on occasion. He started bringing one of her spare laptops with him so they wouldn't have to do things on Karkat's computer all the time. It also helped when Karkat grew brave enough to dig out the stacks of homework he had hidden away in his drawers, so John had something to do while Karkat worked.

He didn't know owning that many packets was possible.

But despite that, there were still things that Karkat hid away from John, tucked into the corners of his room and the recesses of his mind.

Now was no different. On his way to Karkat's room, a frazzled-looking nurse passed by John. He turned around to watch her, but within a few seconds she sped around a corner and disappeared from sight. It wasn't that hard to figure out who had reduced her to such a state.

As it turned out, John was completely right. When he entered Karkat's room, he felt kind of like he had entered a scene straight out of a violent movie, just with the blood censored out.

Karkat kneeled over his pillow on his bed, slamming his fist into it over and over. He punched it hard enough to leave a hand-shaped indent in the center. He spat out curses in some language John had never heard before, tearing their way out of his throat violently. He looked like he was about to vomit from pure anger.

He didn't think it was a good idea to approach Karkat when he was so upset. Instead he decided to wait, fiddling with the frames of his glasses until Karkat screamed in frustration and chucked the pillow at the wall. It landed with a dull thud and slid to the floor, completely defeated.

Karkat chose to imitate the pillow, and slumped down on his bed with a heavy sigh. He faced away from John, completely unaware of his presence.

"You ok, buddy?" John asked, taking a few hesitant steps forward.

Karkat tensed up at the sound of his voice and tugged the sheet he was laying on higher up until he could bury his head under it. "Oh my god. How much of that did you watch?"

"You cussed out a pillow using a bunch of words I couldn't understand and then you murdered it."

Karkat shoved his head deeper under the blanket and murmured something that sounded like 'good.' "It's none of your fucking business, Egbert. Haven't you ever heard of doctor-patient confidentiality? It means 'you have no fucking right to find out what just happened nor do I have any reason to tell you."

John debated about deviating from the subject long enough to tell Karkat that he looked pretty stupid right now. If he wanted underneath the sheet, shouldn't he just get up and cover his entire body with it? The way he curled his neck around looked like it'd get painful fast.

Instead he decided to go with a slightly more relevant topic. "Then what language were you speaking earlier? Or were you just shouting in angry gibberish. Was it actually Simlish? It sounded like Simlish to me." It could be a possibility. Karkat had a Sims icon on his desktop, but he refused to show John his file. He hoped to make a joint file with Karkat soon. That would be so much fun.

"You've never gone out of this country before, have you," Karkat asked, rolling over and causing his entire sheet to wrinkle. He tugged it up violently until only the back of his scruffy dark brown hair peeked out.

"I visited Hawaii once. Does that count?"

"You're a dumbass. Of course it doesn't count, it's still part of our country!"

"Well, why are you asking?"

"Because if you've ever left this country you must have offended every foreign local you ran into with your ignorance."

John set his backpack down by the foot of Karkat's bed and pulled out Jade's laptop. He sat down on the corner that Karkat's feet didn't currently take up and silently hoped he wouldn't get kicked in the back. "Wow, way to be rude."

"You're the one spewing offensive bullshit. It's Indonesian, dumbass. From what helpful hint, can you guess what country my parents are from?"

Well, fuck. John had never heard of Indonesian before! "Uh, India?"

Karkat lifted his head up, the blanket falling abandoned around him, and fixed John with a blank stare. "Your stupidity is so fucking astounding I don't know if I should laugh, cry, or put both of us out of our misery."

"Ok, I'm a dumbass. How about instead of any of those options we pick the one where you explain to me what country people speak Indonesian? Because I totally thought you were Indian. Or maybe even Mexican. I could totally imagine you in a mariachi band, dude. You'd be the guy with the bushy mustache who played the guitar."

Karkat gaped at him for a good minute. Silently, he uncurled himself from around his sheets, got off of the bed, grabbed the pillow, and returned to John. He fisted it so tightly John could practically hear it's dying wails of mercy.

"Set down the laptop," Karkat commanded, voice low and threatening. With a shudder, John obeyed, and gently pushed it back underneath the bed.

That's when Karkat attacked. He jumped John and bashed him with the pillow, hitting his face every single time, sending his glasses flying off his face. He hit him mercilessly, and even though John was much bigger, Karkat had trapped his entire body in place except for one arm. He tried to push him off, but his only reward was another face full of hospital smell and itchy pillowcase.

"You. Are. A. Giant. Fucking. Idiot!" Karkat shouted in-between smacks. "Indonesia. Is. A. Fucking. Country! Did. You. Sleep. Throughout. The. Entirety. Of. Geography. Class!?"

"I never took it!" John pleaded, twisting and turning in an attempt to throw him off. How could a guy that couldn't have weighed more than 120 pounds be so heavy? It wasn't fair!

Karkat's attacked slowed, and with one final boof to the face, he stood back up and crawled to the head of the bed, returning the twice-dead pillow to its rightful place. John groped around blindly for his glasses. "Jesus. No wonder you're such a moron. Here's a fun fact! Indonesia is one of the biggest fucking countries on the planet! It's located in that series of islands you see in-between Australia and Asia. Actually, Indonesia encompasses most of those fucking islands."

"Oh. Well, I'm sorry for not knowing?" John offered weakly, grabbing his glasses and returning them to their rightful position.

Karkat shook his head. Man, it was _so_ rude to refuse a perfectly good apology. Karkat needed to work on his manners. "I hope you know that you are the reason as to why everyone thinks America is full of ignorant slobs who only care about football and beer."

John frowned. "No way! Football is dumb and beer is gross."

"Oh, so you've tried it before? Congrats, you're a juvenile delinquent! You should be on the floor kissing my feet and reciting Shakespearean sonnets in my honor because I begrudgingly like you too much to turn you over to the authorities."

John really did try to fight the grin on his face. He tried extremely hard, but the urge was simply just too powerful. His friendship badge was officially acquired!

Karkat grabbed the pillow and waved it in his direction. "And just what are you smiling about, assmunch? That was an insult!"

"Yeah, but you said you like me too much to get rid of me! We have officially entered into the friendship stage." John replied. "You know what this means? We should celebrate!"

"What the fuck."

John scooted closer to Karkat, and put on the most serious face he could muster. "Karkat, I have a proposition for you," he said solemnly.

"I reiterate, what the fuck."

"I need to know."

"Please don't fucking sing."

For once, that was not actually part of the plan. He made a note to make it part of a later plan. He grabbed Karkat's hands and held them in his.

He honestly didn't expect them to be so cold, especially not chilly enough to make a shiver run down his back. His own hands didn't really dwarf them in size, but they still felt so frail and delicate. He held them as gently as he could, and looked Karkat straight in the eye. So far, the tight line of his lips stayed firmly in place.

Karkat, on the other hand, was looking increasingly anxious with each passing second. His eyes darted everywhere, and he tried to pull away, but it didn't work. He tried to get his hands out of John's grip, but that didn't work either. It was kind of like mini-revenge for earlier, John realized with a mental beam of accomplishment.

"Karkat, will you bring out your laptop and start up a joint Sims file with me?" John asked, proud of the fact that his voice didn't waver at all.

Karkat went slack, face contorting into an expression of pure confusion. His mouth opened slightly, and John glanced down to see teeth just as terrible as his own. Well, there was another thing they had in common!

"You want to play the Sims with me?" He asked. John nodded in response, closing his eyes just long enough to appear as if he was making a grave decision.

"Will you? I need to know," John said.

Karkat stayed silent, not even bothering to move. "I." He sighed, and shook his head. "Alright. Fine. Let me go get my computer."

Karkat was freed from his grasp, and went to go grab his laptop from off of the dresser. While his back was turned, John did a stupid little wiggle dance fueled by pure, unadulterated success.

They made a character for himself, Karkat, Jade, and Terezi. John wanted to add Vriska, Dave, and Rose in, but Karkat objected because he didn't know them very well. Instead they agreed to add Aradia (who John made part of Karkat's family when he left to go to the bathroom, hehe) and Feferi, because having just five people felt kind of lonely.

That day, John learned just how addicting the Sims could be.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, all the attention this has gotten has really been flattering! You guys are really the sweetest. I even get asks from time to time on Tumblr about this, and I am grateful for every last one of them! It's just. Wow. I love you all, you guys are simply the best.
> 
> That Karkata Inti reference in Boyfriendleaders over on tumblr was pretty cool to read. That made me so excited to see.
> 
> Now, let's get to the fun part. (The stupid drama, that is.)

There was a sense of urgency Karkat spoke with after John mentioned the idea of bringing Rose with him sometime that week that really unnerved him. He wasn't an idiot; of course Karkat was hiding something, and it probably had everything to do with whatever event had made him so mad yesterday. But he knew better than to pry, so when Karkat suggested that he might as well meet both Rose and Dave in one sitting sometime soon, John nodded along.

Both Dave and Rose agreed to go today, but only for a couple of hours; Rose had some fancy, pretentious Society of Scholars or whatever meeting to attend later on, and if Dave didn't get at least three hours to dick around on a computer per day it had the same effect on him that pulling an all-nighter would have on anyone else. It was a win/win situation for everyone involved, especially since there was a very good chance Karkat wouldn't get along with them at all and something terrible would happen.

Immediately after the bell, Dave walked out of class as fast as he possibly could without looking like a complete moron, leaving John to follow after him at his own - much more reasonable - pace. Rose met up with him along the way, and only left his side when they reached his dad's car in order to give Jade a welcoming kiss on the cheek.

"Looks like you're stuck in the back with them, Egbert. Better hope they don't get too frisky," Dave said, and suddenly all his rushing in order to get to the car first made sense.

It wasn't like it even mattered, because neither Jade nor Rose were the gross type of couples who didn't know when it wasn't an appropriate time to snog each other. They simply held hands the car ride there and talked about their days. Really, it wasn't any different from what they did when the five of them were all together, minus the weird, soft giggle constantly spilling out of Jade's mouth and the sappy looks Rose gave her every twenty seconds. John tried to mind his own business, he really did, but it was hard when all these sparks were flying from less than three feet away from him. There was simply too much tension in the air for him to ignore!

Also, it wasn't like they even attempted to keep their voices down.

"Are you coming with us, Jade?" Rose asked.

Jade bit her lip, eyebrows scrunched in thought. "No, not today! I'm busy, sorry." Rose nodded, not really looking all that disappointed. She probably expected that to happen.

Dave, strangely enough, stayed silent. Curious, John reached out and patted along his shoulder until his fingers brushed against a thin cord. He had his earbuds in, of course. He couldn't hear a word they were saying.

John snickered as a great prank came to mind. Dave should know better than to let his guard down around an Egbert!

"Hey Jade," he said, a little louder than necessary, "aren't you going to be busy Saturday night?" He asked, gently poking her in the ribs.

She gave him a baffled expression, and with a roll of his eyes, John nudged her again. She finally caught on after a couple of very intense winks. "Oh yeah! I'm joining the lacrosse team, and we have practice every Saturday."

A single white cord fell from Dave's ear. John bit his cheeks to keep himself from laughing. His plan was falling into place.

That is, he noted as Rose opened her mouth to question them, if they could keep up their cover. "But Jade, we don't even have a-"

"Shhh! Rose, of course we do, because I got onto it! _Remember?_ " She asked from between gritted teeth. Rose titled her head, but when her eyes met John's in the middle of a series of flails that he hoped would communicate his message, she understood. Her lips quirked up slyly.

"Of course. You'll be terribly busy with practices. How will you ever make time for us?"

"I don't know..."

Dave turned around in his seat to watch Jade with dismay, looking at her from over the top of his shades. "Hey, does this mean you're abandoning me in my time of need, Harley?" He asked, trying not to sound too disappointed.

Jade frowned. "Yeah. Sorry, Dave!"

"Why would you even do that for fucking lacrosse. Who cares about catching balls in a fancy net or whatever. You get a score and no one cheers because half the people at our school couldn't even _spell_ lacrosse if they tried. You know what's more important than that? Catching people off guard on Omegle by wearing a giant fucking wolf head while your buddy in a horse mask dances to single ladies in a flapper dress. That's much more important to the world than lacrosse."

John...didn't quite know how to feel about that. Saturday nights were reserved specifically for Dave-and-Jade time at Dave's house, and while he had been curious about what they got up to, he didn't ever need to know it was that.

The worst part is that he couldn't really say he was surprised. Even if doing...that seemed to land a few steps higher up on Dave's fake irony ladder than he could handle.

"Telling me you're dumping me for lacrosse practice is like giving up on finding a cure for AIDs because you have to go to a PTA meeting. Way to go, shithead, you just doomed the entire universe because you needed to debate over what issue of Beginner's Math Johnny should get," Dave explained, patiently trailing along his silly metaphor. "That's it, friendship revoked. Egbert, you're my new best friend. Your Saturdays are now mine." Of course he wasn't actually serious. He cracked jokes, but in a reserved way that showed just how worried he was about the whole thing.

"Dave, noooooo! You're a dummy!" Jade squeaked out in-between giggles. "We don't even have a lacrosse team at school!"

Dave's eyes widened, and he pushed his shades firmly over his eyes in an effort to save the last bit of his dignity. Sadly for him, it was reduced to an emaciated wisp, barely clinging to life. "Yeah, I totally knew that," Dave replied, slouching down in his seat. "Testing your knowledge, Jade. You pass with flying colors."

At that remark, the prank finally ended, and Jade whooped with joy before collapsing into giggles.

"Though I have to wonder, how did you get a rubber horse head?" Rose asked, looking genuinely curious (and the tiniest bit amused). "And more importantly, how have you managed to keep it safe? In a house like ours, I'm honestly surprised it hasn't been stolen by certain older, crazier blood relations."

"And it better stay that way. What was said in this car doesn't leave this car, and it sure as hell never moseys over to our apartment."

"Duly noted, dear brother." Rose said calmly.

John suppressed a snicker. Rose and Dave were kind of like he and Jade; they didn't really look all that similar, despite being related. Granted, Dave and Rose did look more like siblings than them, but their relationship was a complicated one that John didn't fully understand. 

Dad cleared his throat, catching the attention of the four teens. Apparently he had already stopped at the curb in front of the hospital. John had no idea how long he had been waiting there, so he murmured a quiet apology and hoped it was good enough.

Dave clambered out almost immediately, with Rose following him only after giving Jade a quick goodbye kiss. John was the last to leave, wanting to stay long enough to inform his dad that he'd call him whenever Rose and Dave pissed Karkat off enough to kick them all out. He guessed it would last about two hours.

Jade finally waved him off, and he joined his friends' sides and watched as his car drove off into the distance.

He turned back to face Rose and Dave, who looked interested and apprehensive respectively. Rose was sure to be fascinated by the entire experience, but Dave really didn't look like he wanted to be here. It wasn't like he had a problem with hospitals, jeez!

Still, John tried to make the best of the situation. "Ready?"

"As much as I'll ever be," Dave said. Rose simply nodded, and one positive response was good enough for John to lead them inside.

The front lobby was a little crowded as visitors and staff alike, milled about. Aradia was by the front desk, fiddling with the small pile of papers in front of her.

"Hey Aradia!" John greeted, jogging up to the edge of the desk. He quickly signed the three of them in and grabbed a few visitor stickers, though he doubted they would actually wear them. Most days, he didn't either. Hell, he never signed in when he could get away with it. Why do it? It wasn't like he was going to kidnap Karkat or anything.

"Hi John!" Aradia said, looking past him in order to watch Rose and Dave. Rose examined the nearby waiting area with interest, trying to dissect the stories behind each person sitting there, aimlessly staring into space. "I'm guessing those are your friends...?"

"Haha, yep. Karkat said he wouldn't mind meeting them, and that today would be best."

She nodded sagely. "Ah, I see. He probably wants to get these meetings out of the way while he's still relatively well," she murmured, mostly to himself. "Can't say I don't blame him."

John decided to pass that off as just another vague, cryptic Aradia Thing. He couldn't deny that he was curious about what she was referring to, but even if she did tell him, it'd probably be in a confusing, roundabout way. Something about doctor-patient confidentiality, even though she wasn't really a doctor. Besides, he didn't really think he had the time to go through that at the moment, especially with Rose and Dave waiting on him.

"Well, I should get going," he said.

"Oh, definitely. You wouldn't want to keep your friends waiting."

That was...much shorter than John expected it to be. He waved goodbye to Aradia, and managed to drag Rose away from her interrogation of the nervous secretary at the front desk. Dave was all too happy to follow.

It didn't take long to get to Karkat's room, but the constant drone of at least one Strider-Lalonde voice in the background made the trip seem much longer than it really was.

By the time they reached dead-eyed-giraffe country, John turned back to face them. "Alright, when we get to his room, let me handle the talking, ok?"

"Dude, you sure about that? You tend to shove your foot in your mouth just about any chance you get," Dave commented with a shrug.

"The pot's calling the kettle black again," Rose said, purple eyes darting between the two of them. "In any case, I agree with John. He's the one who's actually friends with Karkat, after all."

"How's it feel to finally have that title?" Dave asked, a small smirk forming on his stupid face. "Did you throw a one-man party up in your room after you finally tied the knot?"

John groaned. "Dave, no. Don't start-"

"-did you get Matthew Mcconahorsey on the line. Did he high five you over the phone."

"Dave, just-"

"-did you update your blog with a post talking about how happy you were when your Sims finally woohooed?"

"Dave," Rose said, gently placing her hand over his mouth, "you're embarrassing us all, especially John."

"I don't even have a blog. That's your dumb hobby, not mine," John protested. Dave gave a muffled response, but John rolled his eyes and turned back around, ignoring him to the best of his ability. "Now, just let me do the talking until we get inside, ok? There's a good chance that someone will piss him off and then we'll all get locked outside."

"You say that as if it's happened before."

"Not really, but it might!" John warned, turning back around and leading them down the hall towards Karkat's room. Rose kept her hand firmly situated over Dave's mouth, and while he kept giving muffled protests, he didn't really fight against her. He might have licked her hand (like Jade did whenever John tried to do that to her), but even if he did, she didn't react.

They reached Karkat's door, and John rapped his knuckles against it, knowing better than to just barge in when he had two almost-strangers in tow. "Hey Karkat, I brought Rose and Dave with me today like we agreed! Can we come in?"

"You don't have to phrase it as if I didn't already fucking know what you were planning," Karkat said, his voice growing louder as he got closer to the door. He wrenched it open and stepped to the side, allowing the three of them to come in. "Make yourselves as comfortable as is fucking possible in a shitty hospital room."

"It's nice to finally meet you too, Karkat," Rose said, taking a seat in one of the chairs shoved off to the side. Dave grabbed the other spare chair, laying forgotten off to the side of the room, and dragged it beside her.

"Nice place, Vantas. Love the decorations. You do this yourself?" He asked.

John groaned inwardly. He had hoped that Dave wouldn't crack jokes every five seconds. They weren't going to go over well with Karkat. He could take a joke, but their senses of humor clashed in a way that would be hilarious to watch if he wasn't trying to keep them from fighting.

"Why, of course I fucking did! Didn't you know saccharine-filled nightmare beasts are all the rage this fucking season?" Karkat retorted.

"Lemme guess, you got that from one of the 20 year old magazines out in the waiting room."

"It was the 40 year old one, dipshit. Practically the home decor bible of retired grandmothers."

Rose cracked a smirk at the exchange, preferring instead to sit back and watch.

John couldn't help but share the sentiment, and sat down on Karkat's bed in order to keep the attention away from himself.

Dave, meanwhile, started to grow bolder. He looked around the room, studying everything within with a critical gaze. His face turned to the direction of Karkat's laptop, and if John squinted, he could see narrowed eyes examining the computer from behind his shades.

Ok, whatever Dave was thinking obviously wouldn't end well. It was time to intervene.

John cleared his throat, gaining everyone's attention. "So. How about we play a card game?"

"Is that what you two usually do?" Rose asked, raising an eyebrow. "It seems awfully dull for a couple of teenage boys, especially when you have the wonders of the internet at your fingertips."

"Not all the time." John answered. "But it was the first thing we did, and Crazy 8's is pretty much the only game we both don't suck at."

Dave shrugged. "Eh, might as well. Got a card deck, Egbert?"

John grinned, pulling out his trusty deck from his pocket. "I'm always prepared for a game of cards, Dave."

The four moved onto Karkat's bed, and Rose proceeded to win the most intense game of Crazy Eights John had ever been in.

\---

With the help of 52 cards, two hours passed by relatively fast. Not much banter outside of the normal allowance of taunting card games called for occurred, which John decided to interpret as a good thing.

Overall, the atmosphere stayed pretty friendly. It was just like a group of friends had gotten to hang out together, that was all. Karkat even managed to get along with Dave, which was honestly a surprise.

"I just want congratulate everyone," John said after Rose's fourth win in a row. "For not being a total bonehead."

"It really is an accomplishment," Rose agreed amiably. "I honestly didn't expect us to last this long."

"Are you trying to insinuate something, John?" Karkat asked warily. "I can get along with even the most obstinate of assholes if I really need to. How do you think I put up with the veritable army of hospital staff that parade the halls each day?"

"Doctors are one thing, but can you handle the real challenge here?" Dave asked, leaning back and rolling his shoulders, flicking his bangs out of his face.

"And that would be...?"

"The brats."

Karkat snorted. "Fuck no. Small children are the worst. Have you ever heard one of them spout off in the middle of the night because they thought they saw a shadow move across the wall? 'Oh no, the a scary spirit that isn't even fucking tangible is going to eat me! Noooooo!' God, talk about the biggest crockpot of bullshit to ever simmer in the kitchen of idiocy."

"They're not that bad, dude!" John said. "Just don't be a total dick, and they'll like you."

"You make it sound so easy," Karkat grumbled, folding his arms. He glanced over to the clock, and automatically got off of the bed to go to his medicine barracks. A couple of popped pills later, he was sitting back on the bed, boredly scratching at his neck.

"What was that all about?" Dave asked, body turned in a way that showed he wasn't entirely sure if he should direct the question towards Karkat or John. "You practically shoved an entire pharmacy down your throat and no one even blinked."

"That's what happens when you're fucking sick, retard." Karkat grumbled, shifting away from Dave. "Those pills help me in a variety of ways, most of which I don't actually know because the doctors babbled about them too fast for me to comprehend."

Dave nodded, though the motion was so small that John doubted Karkat would notice it. There were certain things about Dave that only a close friend could notice after seeing it time after time. He was pretty 'chill' (or something equally as lame-sounding) on the outside, but on the inside he was just as big of a dork as any of his other friends.

John had to admit, his friends were all pretty dorky in their own ways. Even Karkat was kind of dorky, though his dorkiness mostly extended to bad movies and programming useless viruses. He knew the feeling; programming was hard and he didn't get it for shit. Not even an entire library full of Programming for Dummies books could help him out, so he quit trying about a year ago. Though Karkat was still going (and by going, he meant sucking) strong.

"I'm actually a little surprised that John hasn't mentioned that before," Rose said casually.

"He talks about me?" Karkat asked, his surprise evident in his voice. "I mean, he drones on and on about you two and his other friends to me, but does he really gush about every pathetic asshole who gives him the time of day?"

"Karkat!" John said, gently shoving his shoulder. "Wow, way to make me sound like a creep!"

"All the damn time. If I could finally go a day without having to listen to him whine about you, I could die a happy man," Dave said. "You get it too, right Lalonde?"

"What, the Karkat stories? Don't we all?" Rose responded innocently. Bad Rose, no. She was up to something, and whatever it was, John knew he wouldn't like it.

John had half a mind to either kick them out or lock himself in the bathroom. He knew both options would only end badly.

So he waited silently, and hoped that the damage wouldn't be too bad.

At some point during the exchange, Karkat's jaw had dropped wide open. He closed his mouth a couple times, only for it to fall open again. "You fucking nicknamed it?" He asked in disbelief.

Dave nodded, a series of rapid movements that meant that he was back to his usual half joking, half serious manner. "Oh yeah, totally. Recorded every single time he ever opened his mouth and complained about how bad he felt for you. Always," Dave cleared his throat, and when he spoke again, he used the high pitched, girly voice reserved for mocking eight year olds. "'Oh man, poor Karkat! The guy has like, no friends? Can you believe that, Dave? Having none of the friends? Not even the nurses like him! Golly I feel so bad for him, I just want to make everything better! I'm gonna be his friend so he won't be so lonely anymore, Dave. Also he's replacing you haha so hope you don't mind!'"

John suddenly found himself unable to close his mouth. He thought it must have hit the floor at one point.

Karkat's expression was eerily unreadable.

Rose grimaced as if Dave had just dismembered her favorite pet and was currently showing its guts off to her.

"I." Karkat blinked, and slowly turned to John. "Is what he saying true?"

Ouch. That look drove a stab of guilt right through John's gut. Aradia's words came flying back to him.

_"Like him for his personality, not his condition." _

He fucked up.

He figured that he would only dig himself into a deeper hole if he lied, so the truth it was. "A...little? Like, it's hard not to feel sorry for you, man! You're always so sad, and it makes me sad so I want to make you feel better." He said with a nervous grin. "You can't blame me, right?"

It was as if Karkat couldn't choose between looking betrayed or furious. The result looked kind of like if an abused puppy finally snapped after being kicked in the ribs too many times.

"I told you I didn't want your fucking pity," Karkat said, staring down at his hands. "And what do you do? You fucking come here every goddamn day for pretty much two whole weeks and wave your putrid olive branch of friendship in my face, and I took it, only because I was too goddamn stupid to realize it was fake! I don't want a friend who only talks to me because they feel bad." The hurt was gone, replaced by a cold fury. "Don't ever let me see your fucking face again, John Egbert, or there will be hell to pay."

"I think that's our cue to scram," Dave whispered, grabbing Rose by the arm and dragging her out.

John looked back at the door they left wide open, then back down to Karkat. He grinned, straining his cheeks as he pulled his lips as far out as they would go. It felt like a grimace. Hopefully it didn't look like one.

"Dude, you know I do like you, right? I think you're really funny and pretty awesome and I'm glad you consider us friends now," John explained in a rush. It was like he needed to get as many words out as quickly as he could before Karkat pushed him away.

"But is it true?" Karkat asked, fixing him with an icy glare. He rubbed at a single eye, despite it looking completely dry. All it really did was pull at the skin underneath, and when it snapped back, it carried another bag in tow.

"Did you really ignore me and lie when you said you wanted to be my friend? Did you really do this out of some misguided pity for the poor sick kid? What, do you just want to ease my suffering or some bullshit like that?"

"Only...at first." John admitted. "But not anymore, I swear!" He added, desperately hoping Karkat would believe him. "I mean, of course I still feel bad for you, what kind of jerk wouldn't, but I like coming here because I like being around you."

"Oh, so it's suddenly my fault? What, am I not allowed to be upset because I found out that someone who was supposed to be my _friend_ , someone who saw me as a _human being_ , really only sees me as a _charity case_? That really, he thinks just like every other fuckhead I've talked to since I checked in?" Karkat asked, teeth bared and barely keeping his emotions in check. He was about two words away from flying into a screaming rant.

John really hoped he could talk him down, but comfort was never his strong point.

Turns out, when he opened his mouth, he couldn't think of anything to say.

"I told you, I fucking _told_ you, that I didn't want your goddamn pity. I told you not to come back, but you don't ever fucking listen, do you." Karkat practically growled. "Just." He sighed, dropping his face into his hands. "Fuck, I am too tired for this. Get the fuck out of my sight."

"Karkat, I-"

"Get _out_!" Karkat shouted. "Right now!"

John swallowed, and gave him a small nod. He tried to apologize again, but nothing would come out.

Instead, he turned and left, gently shutting the door behind him.

A muffled sound came from within, but John wasn't sure what it was supposed to be.

H didn't need to be told that he wasn't allowed to go back in and find out.


	6. Chapter 6

"Sometimes you are the biggest dummy I know!" Jade groaned, running a hand through her hair and combing her bangs back until they sat on the top of her head. A few rogue strands fell back down onto her forehead, making her look a little bit ridiculous. Then again, she was never really one to care about appearances. At least a dozen separate memories floated through John's head of summers days where they'd flood the dirt patch in the backyard and play in the piles of mud. Jade never cared when he lobbed entire mud balls at her, and sometimes went for an entire week without washing out the remaining clumps of dirt in her hair.

John looked up to see Jade still pacing around his room. He had settled onto his bed long ago, but she continued to follow some invisible path along the floor: back and forth, weave around the chair thrown carelessly into the middle of the room (entirely her fault), pause in front of the bed, tap her foot impatiently, and then start the cycle all over again. He wondered if she even knew what she was doing.

"...and he's a huge jerk, but he really does like you," she finished, giving John an expectant look. "So?"

John shook himself out of his reverie. "Uh, what? I kind of zoned out for that entire speech, haha."

"John!" She looked about ready to slap him. He braced himself against the hit, squeezing his eyes shut and curling his legs up to his chest.

An image of Karkat, curled up on the side of his dingy hospital bed, trying to block out the pain of his own body flashed through his mind. With it came a stab of guilt, slowly twisting in his gut and dragging out the agony.

After a few moments, he opened his eyes. Jade hadn't moved, and her face remained frozen in a small scowl. He slowly uncurled, and she took the opportunity to jerk forward, laughing when he flinched.

"I'm not repeating it," Jade said.

"I know." He hadn't expected her to.

"Do you even know what I was talking about?" She asked, moving to flop down beside him on the bed.

"Something about how Karkat will probably forgive me as long as I don't shove my foot in my mouth again."

Jade grinned, giving him a congratulatory clap on the back. "Mhm! So, how do you think you can do that?"

John shrugged. A few half-decent ideas floated around his head, but he wasn't sure if they'd actually work once put into practice. "I have a few ideas, but they're kind of dumb."

He raised an eyebrow as Jade's grin widened. "Perfect!" She said happily, clapping her hands together.

"What?"

"Well, if you think it's dumb, it's probably really cheesy, right?"

"Yeah, one of them is pretty cheesy."

"And you said Karkat likes cheesy movies, riiiiiiiight?" Jade asked, gently elbowing his side.

John blinked as realization settled over him. "Oh." Really, why hasn't he thought of that sooner.

He shifted to face his sister, staring her down as best he could. "Jade. Do you know what this means."

Jade hummed, gently tapping her chin with a single long finger. "I think...it's time to go raid the DVD rack for some cheesy movies!"

They hopped up at the same time, tripping over each other as they stumbled through his doorway. "Find the one with the sappiest soundtrack!" He instructed, hopping down the stairs two at a time. One flight was never enough to make him tired. "The worse, the better!"

This wasn't a time to sulk around, not when there were things to be done and plans to prepare for!

Operation "Earn Karkat's Friendship Back" was ready and raring to be put into action.

\---

Armed with nothing but an iPod sporting a new playlist (titled "Songs to make Karkat forgive me"), a Ghostbusters wallet, and the clothes on his back, John stood in front of Karkat's door, trying to work up the courage to put his plan into action.

While he was excited when Jade was around, as soon as she left, he realized how stupid it really was. Seriously, what kind of loser would play old songs out of an iPod Touch in front of a hospital door? And what kind of loser would actually think that was a sweet gesture?

According to Jade, he and Karkat were those losers.

Personally, he didn't exactly agree. It was simply too stupid. He couldn't do it without making himself look like a complete buffoon. Even if Karkat did give him a chance, he would only laugh him off once he figured out what was going on.

The GO AWAY sign still hadn't been replaced. The only signs that it had ever existed in the first place were the last bits of tape residue stuck to the door, but John had to squint to see those. He reached forward, and scratched the remains off of the door with a blunt fingernail, leaving it a cold, clean slate blue.

He took a deep breath, feeling a sense of calm settle over his mind as the air whooshed out his mouth. Taking deep breaths had always made him feel better. "Ok, time to do this." His hand dug into his pocket, but when his fingers brushed against a familiar plastic, he pulled it back out and began to speak.

"Hey Karkat! It's me, John," he began, a slight waver in his voice. He cleared his throat, but the nerves continued to buzz under his skin and his heart raced. "I know you got really mad at me yesterday. And I don't really understand why, but whatever I did must have been pretty terrible? I'm sorry for being a complete dick about it. Half of the stuff Dave said wasn't even true!"

(It was a lot less exaggerated than John was implying, but telling that to Karkat wouldn't help his case at all.)

"I do like hanging out with you, man. You're kind of angry and weird but you're really funny and I can tell you care about your friends a lot." He laughed, keeping a judging silence at bay. "So maybe you can forgive me, and we can be friends again? I'd really like that, and I think you would too. You can never have too many friends."

He let out a small sigh at the end, unable to think of anything else to say. Silence settled over him, cold and impartial. The door didn't budge.

"So I guess you're busy? Um, that's ok, I can wait here for a few minutes," John said, letting out a sigh. "Yeah...I'll just stand here and make a complete fool out of myself..."

He managed to quietly wait for an entire ten minutes, though every other minute that passed was followed by a quick check of his phone.

He knocked on the door despite knowing that he wouldn't get a response. "I guess you're not here then? Yeah." He coughed, shifted his glasses until they settled correctly on the bridge of his nose (while he steadfastly ignored the fact that they didn't need to be fiddled with), and ran a hand through his hair. "Well...I should get going. Um. Talk to you later, I guess."

He texted his Dad to come pick him up, and left the building, loitering around the parking lot until a familiar white car pulled up to the curb.

"Is everything all right, son?" His Dad asked, watching John with a worried expression as he got into the car.

His specific brand of fatherly concern used to really annoy John, but now, it felt pretty comforting. "I got into a fight with Karkat," he said quietly. "Some dumb stuff happened, and now he won't talk to me."

He didn't get a response immediately, as his dad carefully selected the proper words to tell him. Probably his second strongest talent, just behind baking, was giving out good parental advice. "Friendship can be very difficult, just like any other kind of relationship. Sometimes, the only things that can mend it are time and honesty."

It was like he knew the root of the problem without even needing to ask. Maybe that was just his fatherly sense kicking into action.

Whatever it was, it kept John quiet and contemplative the entire ride home.

\---

The next day followed an aggravatingly similar pattern to the first. John waited for an entire hour, his own voice a weak attempt at breaking the heavy silence that had settled over the small corridor. He rambled on about school, family, even what he had for breakfast that morning, but Karkat never responded. It was as if he wasn't even there. Maybe he had disappeared off of the face of the Earth and forgot to tell him goodbye.

Frustration nipped at his mind, spread down through his veins and traveled into his hands, making them knock on the door without his brain giving them permission to move. "Karkat, come on! I know you're in there!" He groaned. This wasn't working. He had to do something else, something that would really capture his attention...

He ignored the small weight within his pockets.

Instead, he dug around until he found an old candy wrapper and a pen (because he never knew when a writing utensil would come in handy!). It was a pretty shitty pen, but as he discovered, it wrote well enough.

He scribbled down a short message on the wrapper, and even though the ink barely stuck to the plastic, he was sure that Karkat would still be able to read it.

_...haha, you probably hate me now, don't you? even if you do, i want you to know that i'm really sorry, karkat. i really like being your friend, and if you want me to leave you alone and never come back, do you think you could tell me that in person? it's not like i'm too busy to wait around outside until you remember that i exist._

_(i have all the free time.)_

_so...if you can't forgive me, could you at least tell me that?_

_-john_

He slipped it under the door, poking it in just to the point where it would be noticeable. Karkat liked to keep his room in order, so John was certain that he'd find it soon.

But getting Karkat to read the note? That was another story, one he didn't think he could complete.

He waited for a few more minutes before a nurse came down the corridor, heels clacking against the floor with a quick irritation. She stopped to look at him, eyes narrowed in confusion and annoyance. She wasn't one that John recognized, and by the way she regarded him with a cold stare, the bad first impression was mutual. "Excuse me, sir?" She asked. "What are you doing?"

"Oh. Um. I was waiting for my friend to let me in, but I guess..." John said, trailing off when he realized that he didn't really know how to explain his situation. What would he tell her, that he was loitering around in the middle of the cancer ward because he wanted his friend to stop hating him? Yeah, that would go over with her beautifully. 

"Sir, I think it's best if you just leave," she said, knocking on one of the nearby doors.

"Yeah, me too." John agreed, dropping his gaze to the floor and walking out.

The trip back to the entrance was much colder than it had ever been. The entire building felt impersonal and cold, large and too crowded and shoving him away as if he had overstayed his welcome. It wasn't too far off from the truth, but it stung too much to admit that to himself.

He pulled his phone out long before he reached the front door, staring at the blank screen and lazily tapping his fingers across the plastic as if he was texting someone else. It was a good tactic to keep people from bothering him (as well as a good way to get a picture of someone making a stupid face without them knowing, hehe). Belatedly he realized that he probably should drop the charade and actually text someone so he wouldn't have to walk home.

...Vriska it was, since she was the only friend of his that had her license. Only Jade was brave enough to willingly set foot into a car when Vriska drove, but John didn't really have a choice. She drove like a maniac, but the trip to his house wasn't too long, and the road wasn't busy enough at this time of day for her to get into a wreck and kill them both.

Upon second thought, John deleted the message he had just finished typing and opened the Pesterchum app instead. There was a good chance that Vriska threw her phone somewhere after getting home from school and promptly forgot about it, but since she actually took somewhat decent care of her computer, pestering her would be his best bet.

(Sometimes John wondered why he had a PDA and a smartphone. Nanna gave it to him the last time she came down to visit, and he guessed that the sentimental value was what made him keep it.)

EB: hi vriska!  
AG: Wow!  
AG: John Eg8ert is messaging someone while he's off visiting Cra8s McDouche? What a miracle!  
EB: haha, not really.  
EB: he's mad at me and won't let me in his room.  
EB: i need a ride home.  
AG: Way to 8e su8tle.  
AG: John, I am incredi8ly 8usy. I am 8usy all the time!  
AG: It is a wonder I manage to make time for my friends.  
AG: Do you honestly think that I can drop all these irons I'm putting in the fire just to come pick you up?  
EB: ...  
EB: what if i say yes.  
AG: Then I'd say that you know me too well.  
AG: You're lucky I'm so gr8 to my 8est friends.  
EB: you're simply the gr8est.  
AG: Yeah!!!!!!!! I'm glad you can see the light. ::::)  
EB: so....  
AG: So...?  
EB: when are you coming to pick me up?  
AG: I don't know. Might 8e a while!  
EB: i have ten bucks.  
AG: ::::O  
EB: i'll buy you carl's jr.  
AG: Dou8le western 8acon?  
EB: and a shake.  
AG: I'll 8e there in five minutes.  
EB: perfect! see you then.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

The best way to get Vriska to agree to something was to bribe her with food, money, or weird stuff she liked. John had learned that valuable lesson through years of friendship.

He tossed his phone back into his pocket and ignored the following buzz. It was probably just some stupid notification he forgot to turn off, no big deal.

Vriska's old pick up truck entered the edge of the parking lot just on time, the sunlight reflecting off of the dented blue hood. That car was older than her, but all that mattered was that it hadn't gotten totaled by her reckless driving yet.

Which was actually why he didn't like getting rides from Vriska too often. She treated the road as her own personal playground, weaving in-between cars and speeding nearly every single chance she got.

John was pretty glad that not only was Carl's Jr. only a couple of miles away, and his house was just down the block from it. The quicker he could get this trip over with, the better.

Vriska pulled up to the curb and honked loudly, despite the fact that John was only a few feet away. "I'm here, jeez," he said as he pulled the door open and sat down. "You're going to make the staff angry."

Vriska rolled her eyes. "John, since when have I ever cared about pissing off other people?"

"Good point."

John settled back into his seat, his back pushing into a weird pressure. Confused, he looked over his shoulder.

Dave slouched in the cramped backseat, feet pushing against the chair in front of him. He nodded at John and waved his hand in a half-assed greeting. "Hey," he said, his voice quiet and strained.

"Dave!? Vriska, why is Dave here?" John demanded, turning to face her. He was pretty much the last person John wanted to talk to right now, considering how he kind of fucked everything up between him and Karkat.

(A small, nagging voice in the back of his mind screamed that they were all at fault. He ignored it.)

Vriska scoffed. "You didn't see my message, did you? I toooooooold you Dave was coming along!"

"No you didn't!"

Vriska gave him a dead stare. "Really? Check your phone, dumbass."

John grumbled and pulled his phone back out. A quick check revealed that Vriska was telling the truth. Maybe he shouldn't have ignored that last vibration, ugh.

"Oh. Uh, sorry."

"Whatever." She pulled out of the parking lot at a speed that would probably let her run over some poor chump being wheelchaired out to their car if there were any around. Luckily, there weren't, and she pulled onto the road after breaking only two traffic laws.

The car was completely silent save for the occasional burst of static from the radio as Vriska tried to find a station that actually worked. Dave's feet pushed John's seat forward a couple times, but John stared out the window and watched them race through town, ignoring his own angry thoughts and the asshole behind him as best as he could.

"Ugh," Vriska said, slapping the radio. "Lousy piece of shit." She flipped cerulean hair over her shoulder and glanced back at Dave. "What's the matter with you?"

Dave shrugged. "No clue what you're talking about. Sounds like you're making shit up again, Serket."

"Dave, I can see through your silly bullshit, remember? Now what's the matter?" She asked, carefully balancing between mocking him and sounding sincerely concerned.

"The problem is," John cut in, "Dave's an idiot who doesn't know how to shut up."

"It's not as if I was lying," Dave said. "Sorry I snapped that chewed up, falling apart rope of friendship you had with that tool."

"You're only being such a dick about it because you're jealous!"

"I'm not jealous," Dave said, but John knew better than to believe him. "I'm just pissed that you've been neglecting same people you've been friends with for years so you can go off and fulfill your creepy hurt comfort fetish over a dick that barely even likes you."

"Ugh, it's not like that!"

"Sure seemed like that to me."

John twisted around in his seat to glare at Dave, whose relaxed slouch had morphed into a defensive half-crouch, pushing himself further away from John and into the seat, trying to get away from the situation. It was like watching a trapped animal try to fit themselves into a corner in order to escape.

"I'm trying to be his friend, nothing more. Jesus christ, how is that so hard to understand?"

"Then how come you spend all of your time over there?" Dave asked. "You don't answer our texts, you don't message anyone unless you need a fucking ride home," Dave said with a wide, quick sweep of his arm, clearly referring to what just happened. "You haven't talked to anyone outside of school for two fucking weeks."

"That's six whole hours with everyone, why would I need to?" John asked, suppressing a quiet sigh. "You just don't understand, do you?"

John didn't realize how angry Vriska had gotten until she slammed on the breaks, sending both boys flying forward in their seats, only to be jerked back by the seatbelts. "Shut up, shut up, shut up! I don't fucking care about your stupid fight over this stupid boy! Dave, you are a needy asshole, and John, you're a selfish asshole! You're both being idiots!"

John blinked, and swallowed down any comment he might have wanted to say.

"I can't believe _I_ have to be the one to mediate between the two of you," she said with an angry huff. "Of course you two are too boneheaded to figure it out yourselves, making me do all the hard work just like always."

"You don't-" Dave began to protest, but Vriska cut him off with a snarl.

"Can it, Strider. I'm talking now," she said, turning to John. "Stop spending all your time swooning over McDouche and actually pick up your phone once in a while! Get your life back, John. Don't waste it all on him."

"Vriska, I-"

"Nope!" She said firmly. "Still not done yet." She looked over her shoulder at Dave. "Oh, Dave," she said fondly, painted blue lips stretching into a smile. "Silly dumb boy. You always think everyone is going to leave you, and it's not true at all! You're just paranoid. Let John make new friends, jeez."

Vriska was actually pretty terrifying when she was mad, riled up like a cornered wild animal. Her skinny, pale arms shook still with anger as she gripped the steering wheel, knuckles turning white under the pressure.

A short silence passed, only broken by Vriska's sigh and declaration of, "I'm done now. You can talk."

"But..." John ventured hesitantly, "that doesn't solve the problem of 'how do I fix this, and can I even get Karkat to talk to me again.'"

Vriska rolled her eyes, finally calm enough to start the car again. Ironically enough, John just noticed, she actually parked right in front of Carl's Jr. in order to yell at them, but she still pulled into the drive-thru. "Why must all of my friends be so stupid? Obviously you're not trying hard enough. Bring out the secret weapon, John! It is sure to work."

John frowned. Oh. That sounded...

...a lot like what Jade told him to do.

Tomorrow. Yeah. He'd definitely do it tomorrow, even if it made him look like an idiot in the process.

"Now," Vriska said with a large grin, sticking her hand out and wiggling her fingers at them, "fork over the cash, boys. I want my food."

\---

For the third day in a row, John stood in front of that familiar hospital door. He had pretty much memorized every detail by now, from the dull blue color (that, if he stared at it long enough, started to look like a prison door) to the paint chipping off of the edges, to the small, silver tag with Karkat's name on it (and how the sides were rusted just the smallest bit).

He shuffled his feet along the floor, hesitating for as long as he possibly could. Blasting dumb songs from years ago over his iPod to a hospital door in hopes that the kid inside will think it's stupid enough to open said door so he can properly apologize? It had stupid written all over it.

Still....it's not like he could do anything else. There wasn't really a better plan out there.

Maybe Vriska gave him some of her fake luck with her advice. Maybe this would actually work.

He took a deep breath, and turned to the first song in the playlist. It was one that pretty much every single person in America knew, even if they didn't know where exactly it was from.

There was no escaping the Friends opening theme song.

The song rang loud and tinny over the iPod's built in speakers. He could have gotten a speaker, but getting a speaker on such short notice would have involved asking to borrow Dave's and that...couldn't really happen.

John turned it up as loud as it could go, and hoped Karkat would hear it. The last notes of the song rang loud and empty as they ended.

The next song was some weird hipster thing that Jade liked, and had put on his iPod when he let her take it once. It wasn't really anything he liked, but the lyrics were about friendship, so he figured he might as well try.

He made sure that it was loud enough for Karkat to hear, even through a thick door, but he still didn't get a response.

Should he just give up? Two songs, one of which that was five minutes long or something like that, was more than enough time to get Karkat's attention.

The third song started to play, though John only noticed it about a minute in. He felt a pang of both embarrassment and nostalgia as the familiar lyrics weaved throughout the air.

"Jesus, why did I ever like this movie?" He muttered to himself. "Con Air was a piece of shit. Cage was so much better in Ghost Rider."

Might as well embarrass himself all the way. Quietly, he began to sing along with the lyrics, still embedded in his mind even after all these years of pointedly avoiding the movie they came from.

"How do I breathe without you, if you ever go," John half-said half-sang, trying to keep his voice at a level that Karkat hopefully wouldn't hear. "How will I ever, ever survive..."

The song dwindled down into silence as it ended, and John turned off the iPod, shoving it back into his pocket. It didn't work, of course it wouldn't. It was a stupid plan and he was stupid for doing it. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He turned around and started to walk away when he heard a click. Confused, he glanced over his shoulder to see Karkat standing in front of him, hands fisted in some ugly blue-gray sweater with a smiling crab decorating the front.

John bit his fist, concealing the grin stretching across his face. "Hey Karkat."

Karkat refused to give eye contact, looking everywhere but John. "Hey asshole."

"So..."

"How do you know that song?" Karkat asked quietly. 

"What, the song I just played? Haha, it's just from a movie I used to really like when I was a kid," John explained. "That's all."

Karkat looked up at him, and then sank to the floor, squirming around until he sat in a tight little ball, chin resting on his knees. His eyes glued themselves to the floor.

John stepped forward and kneeled down just a couple feet away from him. "Karkat? Are you okay?"

"Her name was Kanaya."

"Who's Kanaya? What does she have to do with anything?" John asked, his irritation rising with the level of his voice. This wasn't time for some useless anecdote!

"What doesn't she have to do with, shitbag?" Karkat lashed out, face contorted into a nasty glare. "Is it possible for you to shut the fuck up long enough for me to verbally vomit the story about the most important person I have ever had in my entire life all over your metaphorical lap?"

"You're not making any sense."

"Shut the fuck up so I can!" Karkat shouted, the pitch of his voice rising to an unbearable level, forcing John to cover his ears.

Oooooooor maybe it was.

Karkat coughed, shrinking away from John. "Sorry, I guess, about getting so goddammed squeaky. Puberty hasn't quite finished beating me into a sexually mature pulp yet, but that has fuckall to do with this subject, so why am I still talking about it."

An awkward silence settled over them. John mirrored Karkat's earlier action and kept his eyes locked on the tile beneath him. "So...who is this Can-eh-uh, and why is she so important?"

"You're pronouncing it wrong. But you know what? Whatever. Just. Fucking whatever." Karkat took a deep breath, holding it for several seconds longer than John deemed necessary to prepare for whatever story he was going to tell.

Maybe he'd stop stalling by tomorrow.

"Do you know why they keep me in here all the damn time?" Karkat asked. John shook his head, and Karkat continued without missing a beat. "It's because this isn't the first time I've been in here."

"So...you had cancer before, and it came back?" John asked, confused.

Karkat nodded. "Yeah. I was eight when I first got lukemia. My parents admitted me into the best hospital money could fucking buy, kind of like this one. I was too sickly to stay home, so they kept me locked in there like some kind of fucking rat in a cage."

"Kind of like here," John murmured to himself.

"There were some other kids in the ward, but I only really befriended one. Her name was Kanaya Maryam. Some weird Korean girl with a thick French accent. I could barely fucking understand a word she said, but we ended up bonding because I found out she liked cheesy, supernatural romance shit."

"But you like regular cheesy romantic shit."

"Do you know how many eight year olds actually care about romance? The percentage is so fucking small scientists don't consider it a number. It was serendipity just to find her," Karkat said harshly. "Shut your fucking yap and let me continue."

"Ok, ok, sheesh."

"Anyways, she loved a lot of things besides shitty romance novels. She loved flowers, and she taught me all about them. She kept entire magazines full of just flowers and they all looked the same to me, but she told me the meaning behind each and every fucking petal. She liked fashion, too," he said, glancing down at his shirt. "She said crabs fit me. She even made me a pillowcase and a fucking tote bag with crabs on it. What kind of guy even carries around a tote bag?"

It was kind of amazing, the way Karkat changed once he started talking about her. He was no longer caustic and brittle, but contemplative. Gentle, almost, like he was trying to wrap his memories of her in a blanket and keep them safe from his own mordant words. "Did you keep them?" John asked quietly. "I've never seen anything like that in your room."

Karkat hesitated for a brief moment before muttering, "They're in the very back of the same drawer I keep my favorite DVDs."

"Oh." It felt...nice, to be trusted with this information. It sounded so simple, but John could feel the weight behind learning this part of Karkat's past. He still wanted to trust him, even after what happened.

It made something inside of John ache, but in a pleasant, warm way. He pushed the feeling away, choosing instead to focus on the remainder of Karkat's story.

"We went into remission about the same time. We went over to each other's houses all the damn time. I couldn't understand a word either of her parents said since the only spoke Korean, and she couldn't understand mine. We had to translate for each other every damn day. I remember I used to go over to her house all the time and play with her stupid karaoke machine. Our favorite song to sing was-"

"-How do I," John finished for him. "Right?"

Karkat swallowed thickly, and nodded. "Yeah. We loved that song so fucking much. It was cheesy, but that's the song we used to describe each other," he admitted, speaking at barely above a whisper. "Not like we ever said it out loud, though."

Karkat stayed silent for a few moments, lost in his own memories. "Have you ever...ugh, how the fuck do I explain this? Have you ever met someone and felt some sort of click, deep within your heart? As if when you finally met this person, something finally came together and the world finally felt right? Like a parasite had been eating away at your heart and curling up inside of the hole it left but you didn't even know the fucker existed until this person came along, squashed that little asshole into nonexistence, and then patched up the hole?"

John blinked. "Uh, no, not really."

A small, bitter smile crossed Karkat's face, staying for only the briefest of moments. "Then you don't know what you're missing out on. That...that was how I felt about her, I guess. She was more than my best fucking friend in the whole world, but it wasn't like I was in love with her. Not in that way. She was - no, what the fuck am I saying, she still _is_ \- the most important person to me. I...I loved her so much. I still love her. So fucking much, and she's gone, nothing more than a useless fucking skeleton in the ground. Bet her grave is just some mound of dirt on a hill, jesus fucking christ. I know the name of the cemetery she was buried in, but I have no fucking idea which grave is hers."

Karkat wiped at his face with the sleeve of his sweater, swearing quietly to himself.

John reached out to him, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. His own heart ached with sympathy. He had never lost someone close to him before, but just seeing someone who was usually so strong break down over this broke his heart. "What happened to her? You said the cancer went into remission, right?"

Karkat nodded, keeping his face concealed in his clothing. "Yeah." When he spoke, his voice came out tiny and broken. "It was...a car crash. Can you believe that? A fucking car crash. Her immune system was shit enough to give her a nasty infection from the injuries, and they stuck her right back in that hellhole."

He didn't show his face, but John was sure that he was crying. He slowly scooted forward, and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a hug. His arms stayed loose around Karkat's back, unsure if he was allowed to do this. Karkat leaned just the slightest bit into his touch, and John took that as permission to wrap his arms tighter around his shoulders. The position was awkward and uncomfortable, but John couldn't find it within himself to care.

"People left her flowers. You couldn't fucking breathe without choking on pollen. Bouquets lined the shelves, the dressers, even the fucking floor was covered in shitty bouquets. Getting to her bedside was like maneuvering through a minefield of roses and tulips," Karkat muttered into his shoulder.

It felt like everything was starting to make sense. At least, why Karkat was so weird about flowers.

"The adults...even her own parents stopped treating her as a person. They talked about her as if she wasn't even in the same room as them. She wasn't Kanaya, she was just some doll that existed solely for them to feel bad about. Always, 'oh, poor _dear,_ '" he practically snarled the last word, "or, 'how _sad_. She was _so_ strong.' As if she was already fucking dead. They'd ramble on about how bad they felt for her and how far she had gotten. The worst part was that she could fucking hear them, but was too weak to respond! I saw how she always narrowed her eyes at those fuckheads. I hope they choked on their own bile and died in a gas station bathroom."

John had no words.

Karkat didn't sob, at least not in any audible way. His entire body trembled, and the despair he felt came out in each squeak and tremble of his voice. He hicupped and coughed, but continued to speak.

"She died miserably, in a room full of dead flowers and pity from assholes who only saw her as another story of wasted potential to feel bad about," he finished.

John's heart plummeted into his gut. He finally found the last pieces of the puzzle, and they settled into a coherent shape right in front of his eyes. "Jesus Karkat, it all makes sense now. I'm sorry for treating you that way."

Karkat hicupped again. "Yeah, shitstain. You should be."

"I'm sorry to hear about Kanaya, too. She must have been wonderful."

"She was."

"Do you...do you think you can forgive me?"

Karkat didn't speak that time, choosing instead to nod into John's shoulder, nose rubbing back and forth against the fabric of John's shirt. They stayed silent for a few minutes, trying to find comfort in each other.

Karkat stopped hicupping, and John felt a sense of peace settle over him. When the atmosphere stopped hanging over their heads in a tense gray cloud, Karkat found the will to speak again.

"I'm starting chemo again tomorrow," he said. "It makes me feel even more shitty than usual, so you probably don't want to be around me."

"I think I could deal with you in an even more terrible mood than usual," John said. Karkat shook his head.

"It also completely destroys my immune system, too, so even if you're not sick, if you pick up some germs from school, there's a chance I can get it and then die a pathetic death after it turns into pneumonia."

"So I guess I won't see you for a while?" John asked, feeling anything that might have been hope crash into nothing.

"Yeah, but I have an idea." Karkat untangled himself from John's grasp, returning into his room and shutting the door behind him. A few moments later, he came back out, a small piece of paper firmly clutched in his hand. He gave it to John, who glanced at the writing inside and then slipped it into his pocket without another word.

"My Chumhandle, in case you were too obtuse to figure that out already," Karkat explained. "So we can still talk."

John smiled, though one last statement nagged at his mind. "...hey, Karkat?"

"What?"

It was stupid, but so far, making a fool out of himself proved to be a good thing. "I missed you."

Karkat bit his lip, turning around and opening his door again. "Yeah. Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fanart!
> 
> [This adorable piece](http://carcinogenetalia.tumblr.com/post/33098755555/just-some-doodles-of-karkat-kanaya-and-john-from) drawn by carcinogenetalia. It was the first fanart this fic ever got, fun fact.
> 
> [Drawn by Tamagus.](http://tamagus.tumblr.com/post/38670303709/people-left-her-flowers-you-couldnt-fucking) those poor kids. :(


	7. Intermission: Espoir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One intermission down, two and an epilogue to go. Note that with each intermission, there is a change in the point of view! It also marks the end of an arc.

The summer air was stifling, morning dew giving way to a thick humidity as the day went on. Freshly cut, crisp grass crunched under a pair of plastic sandals, cutting a path straight past the lone swing-set and to a wooden bench. A young boy, no older than 13, sat there, so full of tension he could snap at a moment's notice. He curled his body into a compact little ball, bony wrists tightening around knobby denim covered jeans, and scanned the horizon, searching for someone.

Elsewhere, a young girl watched as a black mini-van drove away from the curb. She waved goodbye to the driver and spun around, her gaze passing right over the play area and landing on the surly boy on the other side of the park. She kept her excitement contained as she walked over to him in a carefully measured gait.

A smile naturally came to her face when he finally noticed her and started to relax. He made no move to get off of the bench, but by the time she was standing in front of him, his feet were swinging back and forth just inches above the grass, open and inviting and buzzing with excitement.

This was the first time they had seen each other since they had both been discharged from the hospital; since the doctors declared that the leukemia they both suffered from was officially in remission.

"Hello, Karkat," she said, moving to sit down beside him. He turned towards her, though his eyes remained glued to his lap, a habit he fellt into whenever he was nervous.

"It's... been a while," he said hesitantly, his apprehension making her laugh.

"Yes it has." Her smile faded, and she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, finally prompting him to look up. "There's no need to be so awkward around me."

He didn't flinch at her touch, but at her words. He sighed, and she let her hand fall back to her side. "I know, but what the fuck am I supposed to say? Hey Kanaya, nice to see you again! Glad you don't look like the personification of death anymore, even if you still have enough fucking bags under your eyes to shame multitudes of insomniac college students that survive on undiluted caffeine!" As he spoke, his voice grew louder, a whisper rising to a shout. She frowned, and ignored the accusatory stares nearby mothers were giving them.

"Thank you for the compliment, I think." She said. "You're looking better as well. I'm glad to see you're not trying to hide underneath tacky hand-me-down sweaters anymore."

"Too hot to wear one today," he murmured.

Kanaya raised an eyebrow and smirked. Some things would never change, especially not a habit that she suspected to be completely integral to his very being. "I take it you tried?"

He nodded. "I kept telling my mom to turn up the fucking air conditioner on the ride over here, but I pissed her off and she made me change," he explained. "Not my fault she's a cheap asshole. It's not like turning on a stupid car fan wastes gas."

"I'm glad she did, though. That shirt looks very nice on you." It was just a plain, solid black shirt, but it fit him better than most of his other clothes. It wasn't too tight, but he wasn't swimming in it like he was in a majority of his sweaters. He may not have noticed it, but she certainly did.

She also noticed the green crab bracelet peeking out from underneath his sleeve, her gift to him on the last day they stayed in the hospital together.

That day, Karkat gave her a necklace. A silver flower charm on a matching cord, something simple, yet charming. She remembered that day clearly, from the way he looked at her as if he wanted to hold onto her and never let her go, to the way he nervously stumbled over his words as he explained that the flower was supposed to be a chrysanthemum.

She wore it every day, safely tucked away under her shirt where it would be safe from harm.

"Yeah, thanks."

"Now," Kanaya began, gently taking Karkat's hand in her own. He flinched again, but didn't draw away. "How would you feel about getting some ice cream? There's a stand on the other side of the park that is supposedly good, despite the outrageously low cost."

"Supposedly," Karkat repeated, his face scrunched in thought, dark eyes hidden by thick eyebrows. She made a mental note to get him to pluck them before he grew a unibrow. "And which one of these sugar-happy assholes told you that?" He asked, glaring in the general direction of the other park-goers.

She pointed towards a young, harried mother who was gently pushing a little boy in a swing. "That sugar-happy asshole did, though I highly doubt she's as sugar happy as she used to be."

His eyes darted from Kanaya to the mother, and back again. It was clear that he wasn't sure what to do. Finally, he gave in with a roll of his eyes and a sigh. "Fine. Let's go."

"Gladly." She took the lead, only a few steps in front of him as they made their way across the park, hands still firmly clasped together. Their fingers weren't interlaced, nor would Kanaya want them to be. Karkat's palm was quickly getting sweaty, but his grip stayed firm and she refused to let go of him.

It wasn't a romantic gesture, no matter how it may have looked to an outsider. To her, it was a gesture of trust.

They had gone through so much together. Kanaya remembered all too clearly one of the first times Karkat had ever gone through chemo; the image of him, a tiny ball curled up in the middle of a bed that was too big and too cold, surrounded by broken glass and debris from when he threw everything he could grab from the walls onto the floor. He was easy to anger, and the simple unfairness of it all had been too much for him to handle without exploding.

And she remembered the expression of raw, knife-deep fear in his eyes when he saw her finally snap and try to attack a nurse that caught her at the wrong time when the weight of the world was just too much for her frail shoulders.

They had seen each other at their worst, and now, they had all the time in the world to learn what each other was like at their best.

And, as Karkat stood in front of the elderly man controlling the stand and grumbled out an order for the both of them, Kanaya realized that was what really mattered.

\---

The problem with parks was that there really wasn't much to do. Kanaya felt too old to play on any of the playsets or even go near the swings, and even if Karkat wanted to, he was too proud to admit it. So the three hours they were supposed to spend in the park soon shortened to just twenty minutes.

It didn't take long for a familiar black mini-van to pull into the parking lot. Karkat, who had been sitting on the curb by Kanaya's feet, glanced up at her. "Is the FBI van yours?" He asked.

She rolled her eyes, though her lips were pulled into an amused smirk. "My father works for a cell phone company, not the government. But yes, that is my car."

Karkat's eyebrows were set in a deep furrow when he glanced back at her car, but he got to his feet all the same and followed her in. They climbed inside, Kanaya choosing to sit in middle row with Karkat, right behind the driver's seat. Once the doors slammed shut, her father turned around to greet both of them.

He was an older man, though lucky enough to still possess a full head of hair with a face covered in slight wrinkles that gave him a kindly look. In reality, he was strict, but had lightened up on Kanaya after she had been discharged. It was just because he missed her, really. He was afraid of pushing her too hard (for no good reason; she was just as hardy as anyone else out there. They both were).

"Hello!" He greeted, the word warped beyond repair by his thick accent. Her parents understood English well enough to function without a problem, but their accents made it really difficult for others to understand. It usually resulted in her parents switching back to their native Korean, leaving Kanaya as the translator.

This was what usually happened with Karkat, who looked away from them both and muttered a quiet, "hello, Mr. Maryam." He curled up within himself, and while Kanaya wanted to reach out and calm him down and reassure him that there was no reason for him to worry, she didn't.

"How have you been?" He asked. Karkat looked over to Kanaya, hopelessly confused. She mouthed the words to him, and he blinked and nodded quickly.

"I've been...good. Happy, I guess."

"Happy to be out of the hospital?" Kanaya suggested.

"Fu - heck yeah," Karkat corrected himself, obviously wanting to stay on her father's good side. Honestly, she didn't blame him. He had never directly seen either of her parents get angry, but they both had experience with angry parents screaming their heads off at hospital staff in their native tongue. It wasn't something she wanted to experience again.

Besides, the last thing they needed was for Karkat to make her parents upset before she had even gotten the chance to show him her house.

Satisfied, her father nodded, muttering, "good, good." He turned back around and started the car, and Karkat slumped back into his seat, relieved that the worst part was over.

The ride was was unsurprisingly quiet, given the fact that Karkat was afraid of letting something really crass slip out of his mouth. She didn't really blame him for practically bolting out of the car the moment they parked in her garage. However, that also meant he had to wait for her to slip out herself.

She met him at the door leading into her house, and went inside. "Shoes off," she instructed, and he obediently followed her into a nearby corridor. Sandals joined Mary-Janes on a small rack.

"The normal custom in my house is to take any new guests on a grand tour, but there's something I'd like you to see first," Kanaya said, motioning for Karkat to follow her. She led him through her house, ignoring the main room in order to reach the stairs on the other side.

"What, is this the part where you show me a stash of bodies or something, because you secretly live with a bunch of homicidal cannibals? Seriously, there is no way that your family can be this," he paused and checked for any stray parents who could possibly be within earshot before continuing, " _fucking_ perfect."

Really, her family was far from perfect. Financially they were well off and her parents certainly cared for her, but that didn't stop problems from popping up. Granted, she didn't have the same chilly, emotionally distant relationship Karkat had with his own family, but her own situation was nothing special.

But that was an argument she had been through many times before. Karkat never believed her, so it was better just to play along with his ridiculous accusations.

She motioned Karkat to go into her room first, giving him a chance to look around. She joined him inside a moment later, but as he paced around her room (as if he had to absorb every detail right then and there, but she planned on inviting him over to the point that he'd be at her house so often he'd know it just as well as his own), she brushed by him and headed to her closet instead, leaving him to poke around her bedsheets.

She had to rifle through a few more drawers than she expected to, but eventually she found what she was looking for. She pulled it out and cradled the items to her chest, making sure that Karkat couldn't steal a glance at them before it was time. "So, um...I wouldn't exactly expect you to remember, but a long time ago I said something specific to you about doing a specific thing and I decided to finally finish that specific thing."

"Was there supposed to be some sort of meaning behind that bullshit or are you amusing yourself by verbally vomiting all over your carpet?" Karkat asked, now sitting on her bed.

"I made you something," she added quickly, turning around. In her hands was a gray pillowcase adorned with a bright red crab, glaring down at the world with a deep frown. A moment later, she leaned down and pulled out a matching tote bag. (It wasn't something he would use, but it was all she could make given her current skill level.) "You really should get more crab things. They fit you really well."

Karkat's face scrunched in confusion, but that didn't stop him from lifting himself up, walking forward and grabbing the items. He turned them over in his hands, holding them up to the light and studying them carefully. His shoulders fell, and he carefully held the gifts in his arms, like he was holding a newborn child. He turned to her, and stared, utterly baffled. "You...made these? For me?" He asked, a shaky hand coming pointing to himself.

Kanaya smiled. "I made all of it myself."

"You even drew the crab? It...doesn't even look shitty."

Her smile faltered. "Thank you for doubting my ability to draw and cut out a piece of fabric," she said, letting a sharp tone creep into her voice.

"No! I'm grateful, really. It looks...good. No, great. Really great. I like it a lot, thanks." He sighed. "Wow, now I feel like an asshole for not getting you anything."

"Nonsense."

"The only thing I'll ever give you is a cold because I'm too much of an inconsiderate asshole to take the time out of my day to make you some sentimental, worthwhile gift. And don't give me any of that 'oh Karkat, your friendship is enough,' bullshit, because I know it isn't." He muttered sullenly.

She sighed. Really, he was always going on and on about how she was always showering him in gifts, and how she shouldn't stick around because he'll only cause her pain, but Karkat never stopped to realize just how much Kanaya needed him as well.

He was the one who really gave her the motivation to fight as hard as she could. He gave her hope when she needed it most.

Making silly trinkets like that was the least she could do to repay him.

"But...seriously, thanks," he said quietly. "Thank you for everything."

He had no need to voice the words he really wanted to say. She understood well enough.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy beginning of the second arc! Man, 300 kudos as of when I publish it. That is a crazy amount of kudos and this fic honestly doesn't deserve it. In fact, I feel like I should apologize for this. I do apologize for this. I'm always afraid that I'm treating the issues insensitively, an that I'll really screw something up and get a lot of people mad. I'm actually pretty sure I already have.
> 
> Well then. Um. Happy Cascade anniversary, guys? Here's to the first update I ever read as a serial reader.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering calamitysGrief [CG] \--

EB: hi karkat!  
EB: haha, have i ever told you how depressing your handle is?  
EB: calamitysgrief.  
EB: like, i expected it to be funny, in a kind of self-deprecating way. but this is just sad.  
EB: i feel sad just looking at it.  
CG: DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE A MORON? BECAUSE EACH WORD YOU TYPE ONLY STACKS THE EVIDENCE UP HIGHER AND HIGHER.  
CG: YOUR HONOR, I WISH TO CONVICT THE DEFENDANT JOHN EGBERT OF BEING A TOTAL FUCKING IDIOT.  
CG: YOU CAN PLAINLY SEE WHY.  
EB: no, seriously.  
EB: why did you choose a handle like that?  
CG: IT WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THIS.  
EB: then what was it like before?  
CG: MY FIRST ONE WAS CARCINOGENETICIST.  
CG: SHE  
CG: HELPED ME PICK IT OUT.  
EB: oh.  
CG: I HAD THAT ONE UP UNTIL I WAS DIAGNOSED AGAIN.  
CG: AT THAT POINT, IT FELT KIND OF LIKE AN INSULT. LIKE THE UNIVERSE WAS JUST FUCKING LAUGHING AT ME FOR ATTEMPTING TO FEEL LIKE I HAD CONQUERED SOMETHING. I HAD OVERCOME SOME DANGEROUS OBSTACLE IN MY LIFE, ONLY FOR IT TO COME BACK TWICE AS PISSED AND SLAP ME STRAIGHT INTO THE FUCKING GROUND.  
CG: JESUS, AT THAT POINT, IT WAS LIKE THE CANCER WAS THE ONLY THING DEFINING ME, YOU KNOW? IT WASN'T "OH LOOK, THERE'S KARKAT WITH HIS STUPID CORNY MOVIES AND HIS SHITTY PROGRAMMING AND EVEN SHITTIER MOOD."  
CG: IT WAS "OH, KARKAT? YOU MEAN THAT KID WITH CANCER? POOR GUY."  
CG: MY ENTIRE IDENTITY WAS WRAPPED UP WITH MY SICKNESS. WHO NEEDS A PERSONALITY WHEN YOU'RE STUCK IN A HOSPITAL BED ALL DAY WITH NO ONE TO TALK TO THAT ACTUALLY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOU OF THEIR OWN FREE WILL AND NOT BECAUSE THEY'RE PAID TO? WHAT'S A SENSE OF HUMOR WHEN THE HIGHLIGHT OF YOUR FUCKING DAY IS GETTING AN IV FULL OF RADIATION?  
EB: and you don't even get superpowers from it? lame.  
CG: HEY. I WASN'T FINISHED YET. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET YOUR HANDS OFF THE KEYBOARD YOU IGNORANT BARFSTAIN  
CG: ANYWAYS, WHERE WAS I  
CG: OH YEAH  
CG: AT THAT POINT, I WAS SO FRUSTRATED WITH EVERYTHING. FOR A WHILE, I  CHANGED MY HANDLE TO CANCERGUY BECAUSE THAT WAS APPARENTLY THE ONLY THING REMOTELY INTERESTING ABOUT ME.  
CG: TEREZI AN  
EB: . . .  
EB: ...and? is that what you meant to type?  
EB: terezi and who?  
CG: TEREZI AND LARRY "DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP" JONES.  
CG: BUT YEAH  
CG: TEREZI WAS PISSED AT ME FOR CHANGING IT TO SOMETHING SO "STUP1D 4ND BOR1NG 4ND DUMB", AND HELPED ME FIND ANOTHER HANDLE TO USE.  
CG: SHE DOESN'T LIKE THIS ONE EITHER, BUT IT'S BETTER THAN MY PREVIOUS ONES.  
CG: SOUNDS LIKE IT SHOULD BELONG TO SOME PRETENTIOUS 12 YEAR OLD EMO BASTARD WHO DRAWS ON HIS WRISTS WITH RED SHARPIE AND PRETENDS HE CUTS HIMSELF IN ORDER TO BE HARDCORE OR WHATEVER, BUT I DON'T REALLY CARE.  
CG: IT WORKS.

After that, they started to discuss the weird typing styles a lot of people adopted. Karkat guessed it was because teenagers 'are fucking stupid and like to feel special,' and John couldn't help but agree.

Granted, Karkat's use of all caps was pretty dumb too, but apparently it was because he liked how upper case letters looked, and how they sounded when they were read. It was like he was constantly angry, which was...well, pretty fitting. He wasn't always yelling, but he was naturally loud and even when he felt fine he sounded grouchy.

After a few minutes, a gray "BRB" appeared on John's computer screen, and he leaned back in his chair with a sigh. Any brb from Karkat meant that he was going to be gone for at least ten minutes, as John had learned. He never said where he went or why, and if John asked, Karkat would snap at him and then change the topic.

He just stopped asking after the first few days, even if he was still just as curious as ever.

They'd been talking through Pesterchum for a whole week, which also meant that it had been a whole week since they had last seen each other face to face. He was functionally banned from the hospital while Karkat was going through chemo, and from the one time he spent a night googling chemotherapy and reading articles on about.com (it wasn't like anyone could blame him from being a little worried for his friend, jeez! Even if he got bored halfway through and ended up skimming the articles he clicked on), it must have been because of the fact that Karkat's immune system would effectively shit out on him once he started. 

Meanwhile, John would be at school going through, as Rose would say, 'the last throes of autumn illness.' He wasn't sick himself, but there was a good chance he could get something from a schoolmate, and then give it to Karkat on accident when he went to visit him.

Plus, some of those side effects were pretty nasty. He didn't really blame Karkat for wanting to be left alone.

(Even if this never stopped John from waiting for him to come online.)

John stood up from his computer chair and stretched, his arms falling back down to his sides with a sigh of relief. He walked over to his dresser and grabbed a backup bag of chips reserved specifically for times when he was too lazy to walk down to the kitchen to get food, and returned to his computer. He opened the bag and threw a couple of Cheetos in his mouth, then pushed away and slowly spun his chair around.

His room wasn't all that special, but an idea came to him as he looked around. When Karkat got back, he could go on video chat and take him on a webcam tour! Granted, his clunky desktop wouldn't really work for this, but luckily for him, he had a sister who could easily spare a laptop.

He looked at the bag of chips sitting on his desk. With a sigh, he grabbed them and left his room. He'd need an offering if he wanted to use any one of her computers.

Jade's door was, as always, open. John walked inside of the colorful, crowded room, gaze settling on the girl stretched across the bed, fingers lazily skimming against an iPad screen.

"Hi John!" She greeted before he had a chance to say anything, despite her eyes never leaving the screen just a few inches away from her face. "Do you need something?"

He cleared his throat and stood perfectly straight, trying to be as formal as possible. "I have a proposition for you, Miss Harley," he said, impersonating the tone Dad reserved specifically for business calls.

Jade recognized it instantly, and giggled to herself, shoulders shaking with amusement. "Go on, Mr. Egbert!" She replied, playing along with his charade.

"I have one - count it, one - nearly full bag of Cheetos in my hand." He gently shook the bag for emphasis. "And I would like to trade this bag for your laptop."

Jade looked at him for a moment before setting her iPad down on her bed and rolling off the side, landing on her feet and bouncing up and over to him just moments later. She grabbed the bag and peered into it curiously. "And why exactly are you proposing this trade? Is your computer messing up?"

He grimaced. "No, of course not! I'm messaging Karkat, and I wanted to show him my room. But I can't exactly do that with my desktop."

"Ah, ok!" Jade nodded sagely, a low hum rising in the back of her throat. She popped a Cheeto into her mouth and chewed it slowly. "Doesn't seem poisoned..." She set the bag on her bed, and darted around her room, rummaging through various drawers. With a shout of triumph, she pulled out a small laptop case and walked back to John.

"Um, Jade? Aren't you going to, you know, give that to me?" He asked, reaching for it. She stuck out her tongue and danced out of his reach, holding it high above both of their heads. Even going on his tip toes didn't give him enough of height boost over her. She was simply too tall!

"On one condition!"

John groaned. "Jaaaaaaaade, come on!"

"I get to chat with him too!"

"...huh."

"I want to say hi, John! You can't hog Karkat all to yourself," Jade finished, sticking her tongue out again. "Deal?"

He didn't really have a reason to say no, despite the strange irritation rolling around in his gut, begging him to protest. Karkat dealt with Jade well enough, and it was good for him to make another friend!

He hesitated longer than he'd like to admit, but all that really mattered his curt nod.

Jade beamed, and rushed across the hall to his room. John followed close behind, thoroughly convinced that the slight frown on his face was only due to Jade flopping all over his bed and messing up his sheets. 

By the time she had set up everything and John was logged onto his account, Karkat was back.

CG: BACK.  
CG: WHAT, DID YOU GET BORED AND LEAVE ME OR SOMETHING? AT LEAST FUCKING SIGN OFF IF YOU'RE GOING TO GO TRAIPSE OFF INTO THE DEPTHS OF THE INTERNET.  
CG: OR JUST IGNORE ME, THAT WORKS TOO. WOULDN'T WANT TO INTERRUPT YOUR FUN EXCURSIONS THROUGH VIRUS-RIDDLED PORN WEBSITES! HOPE WHATEVER XXX RATED VIDEO YOU'RE TRYING TO STREAM ON REDTUBE BUFFERS SOMETIME THIS YEAR.  
EB: karkat!!! >:(  
EB: there are much better websites out there for that, jeeeeeeeez

"Jade! What the fuck!?" John said, pushing her away from the computer. She collapsed onto his bed, laughing so hard he began to wonder if she'd actually choke on it. If she did, she totally deserved it.

CG: WELL EXCUSE ME.  
CG: CARE TO ENLIGHTEN ME AS TO WHAT THESE WEBSITES ARE?  
CG: EXCEPT PLEASE DON'T. I DON'T ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW.  
EB: neither do i!!!  
EB: that wasn't me up there. that was 100% jade, not me.  
CG: OH. IS SHE STILL THERE?

John glanced over his shoulder at his sister, still wrapped up in a flurry of giggles (and, if she kept squirming like that, his blankets. Damn it, Jade). Certain that she wouldn't look up at his screen anytime soon, he typed out a quick message.

EB: unfortunately, yeah.  
EB: she's being really annoying! stupid big sisters that let their brothers use their laptops only under specific conditions.  
CG: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU USING HER COMPUTER, I THOUGHT YOU HAD YOUR OWN  
CG: OR AM I MISSING SOMETHING HERE.  
EB: oh, hehe...  
EB: i wanted to show you my room over webcam! but i can't do that from a shitty webcam attached to a clunky old desktop.  
EB: so i had to borrow jade's laptop, but only if she was allowed to give you the grand tour too.

John stole another look at Jade. Her laughter had died down, but she hadn't moved up yet.

All he had to do was minimize the window a little so she couldn't see, and...

"So, gonna go on webcam yet?" She asked, chin resting on his shoulder in order to look at the screen.

John grinned. It was the perfect crime. "As soon as he agrees."

EB: so....want to go on webcam?  
CG: NOT REALLY.  
EB: :C  
CG: BUT I GUESS I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO. JUST DON'T FUCKING EXPECT ME TO LOOK PUT TOGETHER JUST TO SATISFY YOU.  
EB: so it wouldn't be any different from usual. perfect!

Before Karkat had a chance to retort, John clicked a small icon, and blocked out the IM screen.

It only took a few seconds before a fuzzy picture of Karkat filled up his screen. It may have been the lighting, but he looked worse than usual. His hair was completely disheveled, small chunks sticking out in almost unnatural ways. His skin had a sicklier pallor than usual to it, and the bags under his eyes had only multiplied. He looked as if he was about to collapse into his bed at any moment.

"Wow...I hope he's ok," Jade murmured softly.

"Yeah, me too." John whispered back.

An angry voice sounded over the speakers, coming out of his speakers as a tinny, creaking groan. "Are you two going to mutter to each other all day, or are we actually going to do something vaguely entertaining?"

"Oh, yeah," John said, laughing nervously. Despite the nagging voice in his mind telling him that his idea was dumb, he motioned for Jade to snatch up the laptop. She did, and they both got off the bed, John directing his sister's movements with small hand gestures. Luckily for him, she caught on quickly, and obeyed with only a few muffled snort-chuckle hybrids.

"Well...um, I guess I should start out with my bed, since we're right next to it?" John said, pointing to his mattress. "My blanket has the Ghostbusters logo on it. It is so cool, Karkat, if only you could have seen it before Jade's big dumb butt had to flop down and fuck up my bed."

"Hey! It was already messed up before I came in here!" Jade protested.

"You're just saying that to impress Karkat."

"Mhm, _totally_ ," Jade said, rolling her eyes. "Sometimes you're a big dummy!"

"This sibling interaction is heart-wrenchingly adorable and everything, but Jade's right," Karkat cut in. "John, you are, to paraphrase the smarter of the two of you, a gigantic fucking idiot who clearly brained himself on a stray cabinet door way too many times to be able to properly function anymore. You can't even make your own bed."

"Ugh, that's it. You're banned from looking at the bed, Karkat. I'm not even going to tell you about my awesome pillowcase, because screw you. Turn around, Jade." John instructed, looking away in an attempt to hide the flush spreading across his face. Lousy no good friends who make fun of him. This was stupid. Karkat was stupid.

He should have expected Jade not to turn around. With a groan, he grabbed her shoulders and spun her around. She squeaked in protest, but stayed in place, thank goodness.

"And this over here is my poster wall!" John said proudly. He then proceeded to give a lengthy synopsis for each movie poster that covered every inch of the pale blue wall. Jade visibly tuned out about halfway through the first explanation. Karkat looked a bit bored, but at least he nodded along as John went into a lengthy explanation as to why National Treasure 2 was even better than the first.

"I've never personally seen it, but I guess it doesn't sound so bad," Karkat said with a shrug.

"Oh man, totally! And I can bring both versions of the Wicker Man, since they are both amazing. We can do comparisons, and I guess during that weird naked dance part that the one evil chick does we can just fast forward through it."

Karkat looked pretty disgusted, but otherwise said nothing. Jade continued to ignore him, softly humming something under her breath. John chose to ignore her in turn as he continued the tour.

After he finished explaining his posters, there wasn't really anything interesting left to show Karkat. He had a dresser, a closet full of shoes and stuff he was too lazy to ever throw away, a nightstand, and a desk for his computer. The computer chair was pretty cool, since it was one he bought online that offered 'extra back support,' but even that was pretty boring.

In all actuality, the tour went by pretty quickly. After about five minutes, John and Jade were both back on the bed, sitting in front of the laptop and chatting with Karkat.

"Well, that was completely and utterly useless. Thank you John, for wasting my time," Karkat said. "I could have been sleeping."

"Haha, as if. You would have just been grumbling at me over text instead."

"How long have you guys been talking, anyways?" Jade asked.

John bit his lip. "Uhm... today? About an hour, tops. Not that long." She nodded, and grew quiet; suspicious activities coming from someone like her. John made sure to keep an eye on her.

"Besides," John added, "it'd be so much cooler if you were actually here. You could make fun of me, and it wouldn't have to be over some shitty speakers. 

Jade giggled softly. John ignored her as best as he could.

"Maybe one day you could come over, even," he said. "I think that'd be great. I'd have my dad make us some great lasagna. He makes the best lasagna."

"Egbert, are you saying you miss me?" Karkat asked, confused. "Because at this point you're just rambling on about fucking nonsense."

Jade laughed again. "You just figured that out, Karkat?"

"No, I've had my suspicions for a while. You'd have to be the functional equivalent of a shit-covered rock not to notice that."

"Ok, this was fun and all, but you guys can shut up now!" John said, the irritation and embarrassment pounding in his chest completely evident in his voice. "How about we talk about something completely different! Jade, didn't find some weird new cartoon to watch? Talk about that!"

Jade took over the conversation, which gave John a moment to think to himself.

It was weird. It wasn't like he was embarrassed to admit that yes, he missed hanging out with Karkat. He liked Karkat; they were friends, of course he'd miss him!

It was mostly how Jade said it. Like she was making fun of him for something he wasn't quite sure of. Frankly, it drove him up the wall.

Was there something she knew, that he didn't? No, there was no way.

She was probably assuming something dumb and giggling about it to herself. Maybe it was just something he hadn't noticed.

He sighed under his breath, and decided to push the issue out of his mind. no use thinking about questions he wouldn't get an answer for.

\---

"Click the wheel."

"This?"

"Yes, John. Click the only wheel on the screen."

"Well, ok, Rose, but I don't think it'll do anything..."

One click later, the wheel turned, revealing a secret switch. He clicked the switch, and the giant rocks blocking their path crumbled to dust.

Rose smiled in dry amusement. "That only took half an hour longer than I had hoped."

John watched her from out of the corner of his eye. "Then why do you make me play it? I just click random stuff until you get bored and tell me what to do."

"And that's not fun to you?"

He shrugged. "A little, I guess."

John looked over at her, sitting in her seat with her back straight and her hands neatly folded in front of her. Rose was certainly a little odd according to most people. She was incredibly smart, but didn't really get along with any of the other high ranking nerds at their school. She dyed her hair strange colors (right now, it was a light lavender cut in a smooth, angled bob, making her straight hair slope down towards her chin), and wore really dark makeup, while the other girls looked pretty normal. According to Jade, the light hair combined with her golden brown skintone was "super pretty!", but John didn't really like thinking about one of his best friends that way. Especially not the one dating his sister.

John turned back to the screen, and began to explore the new area he unlocked. Playing puzzle games with Rose was, oddly enough, a common occurrence. He didn't usually like puzzle games, but Rose had an entire shelf's worth of them, so he ended up playing them constantly at her house.

They didn't really have much in common. She liked pretentious literature and picking everything she came across, while John was content with simply enjoying it for what it was. They didn't really like the same games or movies. Rose was just one of those friends that had stuck around for so long, it didn't really matter if they liked any of the same things or not; they still managed to have fun together.

Granted, weird puzzle bullshit wasn't exactly John's definition of fun, but it wasn't boring either. He didn't really mind it, though he had a nagging suspicion that Rose had some sort of ulterior motive to inviting him over...

An entire half-hour passed before Rose finally asked him the million dollar question.

"Don't you think it's strange that Dave hasn't stopped by to say hi? I normally can't get him to leave me alone whenever I have guests over, especially when they're also his friends," she said, casually leaning back in her chair.

Given the weird way Jade had been acting ever since she started chatting with Karkat by herself, it wasn't the million dollar question he was thinking of. It was more like the thousand dollar question that he didn't want to talk about at all.

"Aw, Rose! Come on, you already know!" John complained, pausing the game and spinning to face her. She stared back, attempting to look innocent and failing.

"I haven't the slightest clue," she said. "It's just pure curiosity."

"Rose, why do you have to be so nosy?" He sighed. Of course she knew what the matter was; she just wanted his side of the story.

"Dave's mad at me because he's a dumb douche who won't apologize for saying stupid shit," John added curtly. Really, that's all there was to it. "If he won't apologize, then why should I go crawling back to him?"

She blinked, eyes lidded in a way that showed just how stupid she thought he was. "You know how Dave is. He probably doesn't think he should talk to you. You need to let him know that you're not mad at him anymore."

"Maybe I'm still mad at him," John replied sourly. Seriously, he wasn't in the mood for this. He was never in the mood for Rose prying about anyone, especially not her own brother. Couldn't he just leave the stupid issue alone? Was it really so hard for everyone to simply drop it?

She sighed. "Then I guess I can't do much about that, now can I."

The conversation abruptly ended when John's phone rang from inside his pocket. He pulled it out and smiled to himself when he read the message on the screen.

"Oh? And who could that be?" Rose asked.

"It's just Jade. She says that Karkat's a lot of fun to talk to," he replied. Despite how dumb he sometimes felt about Jade befriending Karkat, he knew it was a good thing. They got along pretty well, and it was obvious that Karkat liked talking to her.

"Really? She hasn't really mentioned him to me." Rose paused, as if hesitating about what she wanted to do next. She must have decided against it, as she took a deep breath said her next words in a cautious tone. "At least, not as much as you have."

John laughed, partially out of relief. "Durrr! Of course I talk about him more, I've been friends with him longer! Jeez, Rose, I thought you were smarter than that."

"John, I...that's not what I meant," she murmured, shaking her head. "Actually, nevermind. You have a point." She turned back to the computer. So much for that conversation. Thank goodness. "Now, how about we get back to the game?"

"Well...alright..."

They started to play again, and as John blundered his way through puzzles, Rose stayed oddly silent. Was he just missing something here? Why was she acting so weird?

Maybe it was just him.

He looked over, and Rose gave him a confused look back.

...Yeah, it was definitely just his mind acting up.


	9. Chapter 9

Jade had told John to stop whining.

He could still imagine the scene from the day before, of Jade with her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face. "A week goes by really fast!" She had said. "Stop whining already! It'll only be a couple more days until his chemo ends and you can see him again."

"But Jadeeeeeeee," John had said (and not whined, he made sure of it!), "you don't _get_ it. You're busy with homework and smart classes and stupid clubs and stuff all the time. I'm not."

"Then go get a hobby! Hell, join one of my stupid clubs!"

"I do have a hobby!"

"Get more hobbies!"

"Maybe I don't need to!"

That conversation had ended when Jade had growled and threatened to give John doggie duty for the week if he didn't go find something better to do than bug her. Bec was a good dog and all, but doggie duty was Jade's job, not his.

That was how he ended up on the computer, waiting for one specific chumhandle to light up, despite knowing that it probably wouldn't. He glanced to the others in his list; all offline except for the one he refused to talk to.

Dave needed to get a life that was off the computer, jeez. His stupid blog empire could wait a couple hours while he went outside and got some fresh air. Granted, he wasn't the stereotypical lanky, pale white kid who stayed inside browsing the internet all day and only ever left his house for school, but that was only because he wasn't a pale white kid.

Drumming his fingers on his computer table, John pointedly ignored Pesterchum as he opened a browser and began to surf the internet. After checking a few of his favorite websites, he came to the realization that he wasn't actually having fun at all. Usually surfing the web would at least eat up some of his time, but right now it only made him feel anxious. He couldn't care less about funny pictures of animals doing stupid things.

Sighing, he opened Pesterchum again. To his relief, Dave's handle had faded into a dull gray at the buttom of his chumroll, and the specific handle he had been waiting for was flashing bright at the top of his screen.

A large grin spread over John's face as he hovered over the angry-looking icon, ready to start a chat. But before he got a chance to, a window popped up on his screen.

\-- calamitysGrief [CG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] \--

CG: I HAVE THE GREATEST FUCKING NEWS IN THE WORLD, FOLLOWED BY NEWS THAT IN ALL ACTUALITY IS NOT THAT BAD, BUT WILL MOST LIKELY BE BLOWN GROSSLY OUT OF PROPORTION DUE TO THE TWO OF US BEING OVER-EMOTIONAL FUCKWITS.  
CG: WHICH ONE WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR FIRST.  
EB: uh, duh! good news, man.  
CG: TODAY WAS MY LAST DAY OF CHEMO.  
EB: that's awesome! :D  
EB: like, for good?  
CG: OF COURSE NOT FOR GOOD YOU BLITHERING SNOTMONKEY  
CG: JUST BECAUSE THEY NEED TO LET MY IMMUNE SYSTEM BUILD BACK UP.  
CG: WHICH LEADS ME TO THE BAD NEWS.  
EB: :C  
EB: am i not allowed to come over or something?  
CG: BINGO! FOUR FOR YOU, JOHN EGBERT, AND A BONUS POINT BECAUSE OF THE FACT THAT I LEGITIMATELY THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE TOO DENSE TO PICK UP ON THAT LITTLE PIECE OF INFORMATION.  
CG: THE DOCTORS SAY THAT I SHOULDN'T GET ANY VISITORS FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER TWO DAYS.  
EB: but why?  
EB: dude, don't think i haven't been looking up a thing or two myself.  
EB: can't i come visit as long as i'm not sick and i wash my hands and stay clean?  
EB: better yet, why are you stuck in the hospital all the time? i've never even SEEN your parents before. what happened to them?  
CG: IT'S JUST EASIER THIS WAY, OK  
CG: BETTER TO BE STUCK IN A BUILDING FULL OF DEATH AND AT LEAST HAVE PEOPLE AROUND  
CG: AND WHERE I DON'T HAVE TO DEPEND ON MY PARENTS TO SHUTTLE ME BACK AND FORTH  
CG: THAN BE STUCK BY MYSELF ROTTING AWAY IN AN EMPTY FUCKING MANSION  
CG: AND I HATE THE DOCTORS HERE LESS THAN I HATE BEING HOME.  
CG: BESIDES, THEY LIKE BEING ABLE TO KEEP AN EYE ON ME. I'M LIKE A FUCKING LAB RAT, I SWEAR. JUST WATCH ME SCUTTLE AROUND UNTIL I DIE.  
EB: um...  
EB: you lived in a mansion?  
CG: I FUCKING HATE IT, BUT YEAH  
CG: MY PARENTS ENJOY BLOWING ALL OF THEIR MONEY ON OPULENT ITEMS I DON'T WANT, AND USE THOSE GIFTS TO JUSTIFY IGNORING THE WORST MISTAKE THAT EVER HAPPENED TO SLITHER OUT BETWEEN TWO LEGS TO GO OFF ON TRIPS THAT LAST ANYWHERE FROM A FEW WEEKS TO A FEW MONTHS.  
EB: i take it you don't get along very well with them.  
CG: I NEVER HAVE.  
EB: :(  
EB: you should come over here one day! maybe when you get out of the hospital.  
EB: please don't be allergic to dog.  
CG: I'M NOT.  
EB: perfect!  
EB: i can get nanna to come down and bake us cookies. she makes the best cookies.  
EB: you would love them.  
CG: I GUESS.  
EB: . . .  
EB: so, i guess i'll see you in a few days?  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: SEE YOU SOON.

\---

The next two days were a slow and sleepy blur until Feferi Peixes marched right over to John's desk in the middle of 3rd period English. She slammed her hands down, and either ignored or simply didn't notice the tremor that ran through his body at the sound. "Hi John!" She said, her loud voice ringing painfully in his ears. There wasn't a single person better at shouting out cheers than her, but seriously, John had to wonder if she ever learned about the amazing concept of 'inside voices.'

"Hi Feferi," John said, watching her with a bemused expression. He didn't mind talking to her, but she was usually too busy to ever pay any attention to him. Being in practically every club on the campus as well as doing a sport (well, John didn't really think cheerleading was a sport, but it was close enough) and some ridiculously involved elective classes tended to do that to a person.

"I know it's been a while since I last talked about this, but..." she trailed off with a sheepish grin, eyes darting off to the side and away from John's face, "how has Karcrab been?"

John straightened up at the mention of Karkat's name, all of his attention automatically focusing on the girl in front of him. "Karkat? He's been ok, I guess. I'm going to see him after school." He felt as if he should ask her to come along to see him for herself, but...it felt wrong, in a way. After all, Jade was already coming along, and how would Karkat feel about a near-stranger barging in with them?

"That's great! I wish I could come with you today, but I have too much work to do." She huffed slightly, pouting. "Sorry, John."

He had to fight back a sigh of relief at her news. "Oh, it's alright. Karkat can be kind of a douche, but he won't hold that against you."

"I would hope not!" She giggled, and snapped back into her cheerful disposition when the bell rang. "Well, thanks John! See you around!" She bounced over to her desk, grabbed her bag, and exited the room with a wave.

John stood up, grabbing the stuff on his desk and shoving it haphazardly into his backpack. He came to the realization that Dave, who for some stupid reason still sat behind him despite having a chance to move seats the week before, was still in the room when a shitty red t-shirt came into view. It was Dave's favorite shirt, and ever since he first got it, he wore it at least once a week.

John held his breath as Dave walked by him to his own desk. Normally John simply pretended to pay attention during class so they didn't have to talk, and left the second the bell rang. When that didn't work, he enacted his backup plan, which was basically having obnoxious conversations with Vriska about stuff Dave hated.

The memory of how before, Dave would still insert himself into the conversation with a stupid quip until Vriska yelled at him to shut up, stung bitterly in John's mind. Now, he stayed awkwardly quiet whenever John was in the room. It was ultimately Dave's fault for being such a dick, and John was willing to forgive him whenever he manned up and apologized, but until then he was content to let him stew in his own silence.

Dave remained a spectre as John moved about, checking to make sure he had grabbed everything before leaving. 

When he walked out of the classroom, he heard mumbling come from behind him.

Whatever Dave had said, it was obviously not important enough for him to care about. He walked on in a thick silence.

\---

The last bell rang loud and clear, sending John's heart leaping to his throat. He was out the door in a flash, eagerly pushing through the throng of students meandering towards the front of the campus. He reached the parking lot in record time, and scanned the area for both his Dad's familiar white car and his older sister.

Said older sister was spotted a few dozen feet away, and John went over to her with a grin. "Found Dad yet?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Not yet, but I know he's here..." she murmured, standing on her tiptoes to look over the crowd. Now, John was pretty tall, but Jade somehow gained a few inches on him over the course of puberty. Aside from Dad, Jade was the tallest person he knew.

"Found him!" Jade announced happily, bouncing in place as she pointed to the other side of the parking lot. John stood on his tiptoes, struggling to maintain his balance as Jade instructed him on where to look. Sure enough, their Dad's car was all the way on the other side of the parking lot, stuck in the pick-up line.

"Ugh, we don't have time to wait!" John groaned, turning to face his sister. "How about we just go to him?"

"Is that even allowed?" Jade wondered, but regardless of the answer she grabbed John's hand and started to walk to the car. He followed patiently behind her, ignoring the shouts of protest as they pushed their way through the crowd. It was easier to walk once they got past the main area, and at that point, John let go of Jade in order to walk ahead of her. He reached the car a few seconds before she did, and they both eagerly clambered into the backseat.

"So, today's the day?" Dad asked, fixing the mirror until John could see a pair of kindly eyes looking at him. He opened his mouth to speak, but he hesitated, and Jade beat him to the punch.

"You bet!" She said happily. "John's been excited all day, Dad. You should have seen him at lunch!"

Dad chuckled. "I can imagine how that went." A flare of embarrassment made John's face turn hot, and he glared at the other two people in the car.

Yeah, when they were hidden away in a classroom for lunch (which belonged to the English teacher Rose and Jade had freshman year, since the cafeteria was usually too crowded to eat in and they all preferred eating somewhere where they wouldn't freeze their asses off in the cold), John was pretty excited, but it was nothing out of the ordinary! He only mentioned Karkat a few times, but the girls did as well!

(Looking back, it was kind of strange that Vriska wasn't there. She used to eat with them, but recently, she was nowhere to be found during lunch.)

"You guys are being stupid," he muttered, pouting childishly and crossing his arms. It only made him feel more childish than before, but it was all he could think to do. Chuckles filled the car, making John huff in response.

"Aw John, it's okay!" Jade said. "I'm really excited too! It's going to be so great to see him again!"

He nodded. "Yeah, it will be," he agreed, staring down at his lap with a small smile on his face. He pulled a pack of cards out of his pocket and turned it over in his hands. "You know, I've been waiting to teach him this new card game for a while. I think he'll really like it."

Jade giggled.

John shot her an irritated look. "What's so funny, huh?"

"Nothing!"

"Oh, _really_."

"Really!" Jade giggled again. That liar.

Knowing that he wouldn't get an answer out of her, John abandoned the topic and turned his attention to the window, watching the surrounding area fly past them. The city they lived in was full of old, tiny shops covered by dull paint and even tinier houses. Supposedly, almost 25,000 people lived here, but he never saw any of them. The only thing he ever saw were skies that weren't quite gray and weren't quite blue, and run down pharmacies and medical facilities. The entire place was in a perpetual state of sleepiness, as if it couldn't care less about the events taking place both inside the area and out.

They passed by one of the local colleges, sleek buildings standing out against an old background, and John noticed how empty the campus looked. Medical students from all over the world flocked here, and yet John never actually saw any of them.

Looking back, maybe sleepy wasn't quite the right adjective to use.

Maybe it was a sickly town, too weighed down by constant illnesses to ever be cheerful.

When they reached the hospital, Dad chose to park in one of the spots farther away from the building, near the very end of the lot, much closer to the regular hospital than the children's version nestled right against it. John groaned at the thought of  walking that far just to reach the entrance, and stuck his tongue out at Jade when she rolled her eyes at him.

"Daaaaaaaad! Can't you park any closer?" John asked, leaning back until his head collided with the headrest.

"The exercise will be good for you," he replied, and from the angle he was at, the smirk covering Dad's face was clear as day. Stupid prankster Dad. Stupid pranks. Stupid car.

John really needed to hurry up and get his license already, so he wouldn't have to rely on other people for rides everywhere.

"Come on John, let's go!" Jade said, already out of the car and waiting by his door. John's head snapped up to look at her, and the realization that he was finally going to see Karkat again settled over him. He hopped out of the car, waved goodbye to Dad, and raced through the parking lot. Jade was always on his heels, laughing and doing her best not to run into anything on the way.

They reached the entrance a few minutes later, both stopping to catch their breath. Jade, being the more athletic one, recovered much faster than he did.

"Alright," John said, still panting slightly, "let's go in."

Jade shot him a quizzical look. "You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Better to be a little out of breath than to keep Karkat waiting, right?"

Jade shrugged. "I guess so."

They went inside, and after signing in and receiving their visitor stickers (Jade stuck hers on her tights, just below the hem of her dress so it could still be seen, while John just stuck his on his jacket), they headed straight for the elevator. There was no time to fuck around with stairs today.

The soulless animals covering the walls seemed to be friendlier today, even if they still sent an uneasy shiver down John's spine. He missed them, in the same way he missed the familiar smell of cleaning materials and the stiff fabric of Karkat's bed.

But the other memories he now associated with here, the time spent watching stupid movies on Netflix or the array of cards spread across white sheets, were wholly pleasant.

"Hey!" A voice shouted. Confused, John turned to face the direction it came from, and saw a strange-looking woman approach. She stared at him back with narrowed eyes, giving off a dangerous vibe that made him want to get away from her as soon as possible. "What are you doing here?" The 'what are' sounded suspiciously like water, but he passed it off as just hearing her wrong.

"Uh, visiting my friend?" He answered nervously.

"Yeah, sure. Name?"

"His name, or mine?"

"The person you're visiting, dumbass!"

"Hey!" Jade interjected. "Don't be so rude to him!"

The woman turned to face Jade. "I'm only doing my job and keepin' this place safe, so quit your carping before I kick you out."

Jade glared at her, but remained silent. John shifted uneasily, biting his lip and shoving his hands in his pockets.

"His name's Karkat Vantas, Room 18, third floor. Cancer ward kid."

Her entire demeanor changed at the mention of his name. She stood up straighter, and a small smile crossed her lips, brightening her entire face. She still looked like she was ready to rip John to shreds. "Oh, I know him! He's a pretty cool crab. Tell him I said hey."

"Uh, will do. Now, we better get going..." John said, looking in the direction of Karkat's room. The woman nodded at him and turned away, and John took the opportunity to grab Jade's arm and flee.

They crossed through a few more corridors, and finally reached the one that led to Karkat's room. At the end of the hall, taped onto Karkat's door, was a piece of paper. John approached it, and to his relief, instead of shouting obscenities at anyone unfortunate enough to look at it, it said only one word: "KNOCK."

So he did. He heard rapid footsteps come from inside, and a moment later, the door swung open. Karkat looked up at him, eyes wide with awe (and maybe John was just imagining it, but it looked like was about to burst with excitement). His mouth opened, closed, and he pursed his lips. Finally, he found something to say.

"Hey." It wouldn't go down as one of the most memorable quotes in history, but the way it was said, nothing more than an elated whisper, was something John would never forget.

"Hi Karkat." He replied, a smile spreading across his face. He felt the need to reach out to him, clap him on the shoulder or maybe even wrap him in a hug, anything to get closer. Somehow, he couldn't bring himself to move.

Jade was the one who could. She rushed at him, wrapping him in a tight hug and lifting him right off the ground. Karkat sputtered and immediately started to struggle, but his movements were controlled in a way that showed that he wasn't trying to hurt her.

"Karkat, we missed you!" Jade said, finally letting him back down to the ground. "It's been a while! You..." she paused hesitantly, grimacing for only a brief second, "look better than you did last time you were on webcam," she finally said.

"I always look like shit, Harley, haven't you figured this out?" Karkat grumbled, turning away from her.

His gaze settled on John, and John took a step forward. He looked down at the ground, focusing on his shoes and each individual thread that make up his shoelaces. It was too difficult to maintain eye contact, and he wasn't entirely sure why.

"If you want to hug me too, you can. I give you full permission, dumbfuck," Karkat said.

"Way to make it awkward, Karkat," John muttered, but he took a step forward and opened his arms. Karkat met him halfway, and held him tight in return.

He could feel Karkat breathing, which was kind of weird, and the thick silence only made it more awkward, but it wasn't anything like he imagined it would be. There was no swaying, no attempt to pull themselves closer to each other, no face nestled into the crook of his neck. Just...a hug. One that he'd give to anyone he liked a lot. Nothing special.

"Alright, that's enough mushy bullshit," Karkat announced, worming his way out of John's grasp. "We have shit to do and a limited amount of time to do it in, so we should get right to it."

"We're here to have fun, not run a business!" Jade said. "Lighten up."

"No, I will not 'lighten up.' Karkat retorted. "I will not chill out, or relax, or anything. You two idiots are only going to stay for a few hours, and I want to make the most of it, ok!?"

"Aww, that's sweet," John said with a snicker, glad that everything was back to normal. "In a kind of roundabout way."

"Fuck you."

"Anyways, I have a new card game to teach you," John replied, pulling the deck out of his pocket. "I think you'll like it."

"Then what are we doing standing around and shooting the shit like a bunch of fucking idiots? Let's get to it." Karkat replied.

Turns out, Five was a card game that no one could really suck at. It was definitely a keeper.

\---

"Hey, look! We grew up!" John said, pointing to his teenaged Sim, who was currently walking across Karkat's computer screen. In fact, all of the characters they had first made were at least teens now, if not full fledged adults.

"Yes, John, that's what usually happens in games like this. People grow up, they fuck, they have kids, and then they die. It's the circle of life." Karkat replied, switching over to look at his own Sim. Both he and Karkat were still teenagers, but the other Sims they made had already become full-fledged adults. It wasn't fair.

"Did you make a Sim for me?" Jade asked innocently, scooting closer to Karkat, eyes scanning over the screen.

"Yeah, we did. You're an adult," John replied. "I don't get it. We made you the same time we made our Sims, and yet you grow up faster? Lame."

Jade giggled. "You'll get old sooner or later!"

"Yeah, but my Sim can only do lame things! He can't even get a job yet! All he does is sleep and go to school."

"And talk to my Sim," Karkat pointed out.

"And talk to Karkat." John paused, and finally said with a sigh, "He's...well, he's boring!"

At this, Jade rolled her eyes. "Jeez John, you overreact too much! Anyways, did you make a Rose?"

"Why the fuck would I want to make a Rose," Karkat said.

"So my Sim won't be so lonely! Come on, please?" Jade asked, clasping her hands together and giving him the best puppy-dog look she could muster. Unfortunately for Karkat, there were few forces in the universe more powerful than her puppy dog look, and he gave in within seconds. He grumbled under his breath as they went to another screen.

John tuned out once Jade gave Karkat instructions on what to make Rose look like. Just then, he heard a knock on the door. A moment later, Karkat shouted, "come in!"

John stared at him, baffled, but his head whipped back to the door when he heard it open. Aradia walked in, holding a small tray of something that could best be described as 'glop.' (John made a mental note to grab some food from his house for Karkat. Maybe a bag of chips or two.) Her eyes widened when she finally registered their presence, and once she set the tray down on Karkat's nightstand, she gave them a large grin. "It's nice to see you again, John!"

"Uh, nice to see you too, Aradia."

"I'm glad you guys are visiting again. Karkat's been very lonely these past couple of weeks!"

"Aradia, for the love of god and all that is good in the universe, shut up," Karkat said, never taking his eyes off of the screen.

Aradia laughed. "Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine. If I need anything, I can get it myself, since I have these _wonderful_ things called legs that actually work."

"Alright! Call me if you need anything!" She said. With that, she left, gently closing the door behind her.

"Is it just me, or did she seem...friendlier than before?" John asked.

Karkat nodded. "Yeah. I decided not to be such a raging asshole to her and let her help me. Granted, it means she's gotten kind of obnoxious, but whatever. She's not so bad."

John nodded, and withdrew into his own thoughts when the other two went back to making Sims. It was good that Karkat was opening up, at least.

Karkat got along well enough with the friends he had already met (excluding Dave, but that dickhead didn't count right now). Maybe someday soon, he could be part of their group! When Karkat got better, John would make sure to invite him to movie marathons and pizza nights, and every event they had together.

Hell, why should he wait? Why couldn't he do it sooner, and just sign Karkat out and whisk him away for a day or two? It would be nice to get out of here.

Karkat probably wouldn't agree to it now, but John knew it was only a matter of time before he could convince him to leave. Man, whenever that day came, John knew it would be great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fanart!  
> [By colourslikeyou.](http://colourslikeyou.tumblr.com/post/37144025334/he-could-feel-karkat-breathing-which-was-kind-of)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karkata Inti is a story that, above all, is about acceptance. It's about moving on. It's about love and friendship, and how that can inspire people to better themselves and the world around them. And that's why I believe that, despite the sad parts, it is ultimately a happy story.
> 
> Also, please remember that John's views do not reflect my own. I like Dave a lot! John, as of right now, does not. Because he's stupid. Also I don't know how to write romance at all, so please bear with me.
> 
> Lastly, I want to thank all of you! Everyone who has commented and bookmarked and left sweet things here, in my askbox, and in the tag on Tumblr! You guys are so sweet and i would have NEVER expected to get this kind of reception. I really am both honored and flabbergasted. I mean, seriously. 375 kudos right now. That is almost the size of my class this year! Over 8000 hits. That is...wow. Just...wow.
> 
> Wow.

Super Smash Brothers Brawl was definitely the best way to bond.

And by 'bond,' John actually meant 'show up Karkat and laugh at him for being so shitty at video games.'

John was, as usual, Ness. Karkat had chosen Pit, because, "Pit is the only character who isn't a complete fucking joke. Also he can fly. Can Ness fly? I thought not."

However, Karkat totally didn't expect that the only reason Pit would ever fly was because Ness kept knocking him clear off the screen. By the end of their first brawl, John had won by a landslide.

"Dude, fuck Pit. He's just a flying pansy. Why don't you use someone better? Like Lucas! He's pretty good."

"Yeah, and just be your shitty clone that I don't even know how to play? Try again, asshole. I'm staying with Pit."

John snickered, but he tried to hide it under an innocent shrug and a not-so-innocent eye roll. "Ok man, whatever makes you happy."

"I say we hold a rematch, because your win was obviously just a fluke. Best two out of three," Karkat said, grabbing his controller and gripping it tightly. He shot a glare at John for good measure, and then trained his gaze on the screen (and didn't move it despite John's best efforts).

By the middle of the second match, it was pretty clear that Karkat sucked so much not because he was actually shitty at the game, but because of something else. John stole glances at his hands while they played. Karkat kept a death grip on the controller, holding on until his knuckles popped out. His fingers creakily traveled over the controller like a broken, worn-out machine, jamming the buttons down much too hard to ever be necessary. John glanced up at Karkat's face, and felt his chest twist with pity whenever Karkat grimaced after making a move.

He allowed Karkat to snag a few mercy points, but once he caught on he threw the controller down in disgust and stood up. "God fucking dammit, Egbert! I don't want your fucking pity, or your fucking mercy wins, or anything! If I'm going to be shit at a game, let me be shit at a game without being a condescending fuckwit about it!"

John worried his lip. In a way, Karkat had a point. A stupid and annoying point, but still, it counted for something. "Sorry, dude," he said quietly.

"In case you don't remember, I do not, will not, and will never want your pity." Karkat said, rummaging through what John had come to recognize as his medicine drawer.

Karkat was being kind of ridiculous about a few stupid mercy wins, but the fear of having to go through another fight far outweighed his annoyance. That had been what, a month ago?

It was weird to think that it happened so long ago.

"Will you at least forgive me?" John asked. Karkat looked back at him with a glare, but the heat in his expression faded after a few moments, and he sighed tiredly.

"Yeah, sure. But only because you look really fucking dumb when you're trying to imitate a five year old's pout. Here's some friendly advice: it's not fucking cute, asswipe, so don't even try."

John grinned at that. Karkat blinked, and gave a small grin back before turning around.

Now, it wasn't like it set John's heart soaring, but it was nice.

Really nice.

  


"You really should smile more," John said.

"Why?"

"Well," John paused, faltering for a brief moment, "because you look a lot less tired when you do. It's like you're brighter." He took a deep breath. "It's...yeah, really nice."

Karkat's shoulders tensed as he popped the cap off of a bottle. "Ok, what the fuck."

"Hey, it's true! You have a nice smile," John said quickly, realizing a moment too late that he had strayed way too deep into a territory he tried his best to avoid. A land full of awkward compliments and muttered no-homos.

Karkat muttered something under his breath as he struggled to open another bottle, and John saw an opportunity to change the subject. He rose off of the bed and approached the drawer where his friend (and that was it! They were just friends, but haha why was he even thinking of this ugh) stood. "Uh, need help with those?"

"No." Karkat said, grunting as he finally opened the container. He poured a few pills into his hand, grabbed the other ones laying together in a small group, and threw them all in his mouth.

"Gross."

"This is what happens when I'm too caught up entertaining assholes to remember to take shit," Karkat said. "I completely blame you."

"So I guess you don't want to play anymore?"

"Not really, but I don't feel like grabbing my computer just to browse through Netflix's shitty movie reserves," Karkat said, returning to his bed and sitting back down. "Is there any single player mode on this?"

John joined him a moment later, snatching his controller off of the ground and exiting the game they paused. "I guess there's a story mode, but I've never actually played it before." It wasn't not like it was good for anything besides unlocking some characters, and even then, they could all be unlocked by playing the game like a normal person.

"Then today's your lucky day," Karkat said. "Let's see how terrible it is."

Surprisingly enough, it wasn't actually all that terrible. After a few minutes of playing, Karkat scooted closer, and by the time they had gotten through the first stage he had grabbed a pillow, smashed it against John's side, and laid down to watch.

"Hehe, are you comfortable?"

Karkat attempted a shrug, but only succeeded in something that looked kind of like a really intense twitch. "I guess."

"Then I dub you an honorary arm rest," John said, and set his elbow on top of Karkat's head. He grunted, but didn't otherwise move.

His hair felt a little off somehow. John wasn't the type of person to go around digging his hands into people's hair, but it didn't feel completely normal. John chose to ignore it. He was probably just imagining it, after all.

It took a while, but eventually, Story Mode became too repetitive for either of their tastes.

"What are we going to do now?" John asked, grabbing the closest Wiimote and shutting the console off. Karkat, at this point, had shifted until his pillow was nestled on top of John's thigh, preventing him from moving.

Karkat hummed, deep in thought. After a minute or so, he said, "we need to grab my laptop. There's...someone I want you to talk to."

John nearly jumped in surprise, causing Karkat to grumble under his breath and half-heartedly slap John's leg. "Whoa! You mean I get to talk to Terezi?"

Karkat looked down, almost sheepishly, and nodded.

John laughed, partially out of pure amazement. "I seriously never thought this day would come, oh my god."

"Well guess what, shitstain, it's going to be today if either one of us can muster the strength to go and get it."

"I'll go get i-" John said, starting to rise, but Karkat slapped at him until he sat back down. With a small groan, he threw his pillow off to the side and rose up.

"No, I'll go get it." He walked stiffly to the counter where his computer was, gently picked it up, and returned. He set it down on his lap and turned it on, slowly pecking at a few keys when the screen for his password came up.

Once signed in, the first thing Karkat did was open Pesterchum. John's eyes widened, and he waited anxiously as the chat window came to life.

From only a quick glance, he could tell that there were only five handles in his contact list. He recognized both his and Jade's, but the other three were a mystery. Two of those, like his and Jade's, were a dull gray, but one was blinking a bright yellow.

Karkat clicked on it, and John leaned over slightly to watch, his heart thumping away nervously in his chest.

\-- calamitysGrief [CG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

CG: HEY. I HAVE HIM HERE TODAY. DO YOU STILL WANT TO TALK OR NOT?  
GC: >:O  
GC: OF COURS3 1 DO! 1 H4V3 B33N W4NT1NG TO M33T TH1S BOY FOR 4 LONG T1M3 K4RK4T 1 THOUGHT YOU KN3W TH4T  
GC: PUT H1M ON  
CG: OK.

"Go on," Karkat urged, taking a deep breath and passing his laptop to John, who cradled it carefully, as if he was entrusted with a priceless family heirloom.

CG: um, hello terezi.  
CG: i guess you know about me...?  
GC: HOW COULD 1 NOT  
CG: so much for introductions, haha.  
CG: oh, wait a second!  
EB: there we go. much better.  
GC: 1 4GR33, WH4T 4 LOV3LY COLOR CHO1C3  
GC: V3RY D3L1C1OUS

"Um," John looked over to Karkat for help.

Karkat only shook his head. "You get used to it, trust me. Just...go along with whatever crazy bullshit she has to tell you, ok?"

EB: so, uh. how long have you known karkat?  
GC: Y34RS  
GC: H3 W4S MY F1RST ONL1N3 FR13ND, FROM B4CK WH3N 1 W4S JUST 4 C4R3L3SS NOOB SURF1NG TH3 SW34TY P1TS OF 4BOUT.COM  
EB: how did you meet him from there?  
GC: H3 H4D M4NY QU3ST1ONS BUT F3W 4NSW3RS  
GC: 1 TOOK 1T UPON MYS3LF TO 4NSW3R H1M >:]  
GC: 1T W4S 4N 1NST4NT CONN3CT1ON!

John felt himself grimace, the muscles twisting without his brain really telling them to. "Is it just me, or does she have a serious crush on you?"

"Weird flirty bullshit. You get used to that, too," Karkat explained. John felt a little more relieved at that news, but it still wasn't too comforting.

GC: 4ND YOU 4R3 M1ST3R S4V1OR BOY, R1GHT?  
EB: i'm what?  
GC: DONT TRY TO B3 MOD3ST!  
GC: YOU 4R3 TH3 S4V1OR BOY, WHO SWOOP3D 1N OUT OF NOWH3R3 4ND STOL3 4W4Y H1S

He heard Karkat suck in a deep, desperate breath. If he was a cartoon character, his eyes would have bulged right out of their sockets.

GC: LON3L13N3SS  
EB: huh.  
GC: H3H3H3

"Shit-eating bitch," Karkat murmured under his breath.

"But isn't she's your best friend?"

"She is. I think I just like to torment myself by being constantly surrounded by people who drive me right up the fucking wall."

GC: WH4T D1D YOU TH1NK 1 W4S GO1NG TO S4Y SOM3TH1NG 3LS3?  
EB: karkat sure did!  
GC: H3 4LW4YS JUMPS TO CONCLUS1ONS THOUGH  
GC: 1T 1S S1MPLY 4N UN4VO1D4BL3 F4CT

Just then, another message chimed away. From a quick glance at the name, John could tell it wasn't one he was familiar with. When he moved to click it, Karkat batted his hands away and took the laptop back anxiously.

"Ok, that was fun and all, but I think we're done here for now. How about we go get something to eat, since I'm to the point of starvation that even choking down hospital food sounds good."

John gave him a quizzical look, but otherwise remained silent. As Karkat typed out a goodbye message to Terezi and shut down his computer (without once looking at the other window), there was only one question on John's mind.

Who was terminallyCapricious?

\---

The cafeteria, or at least what served as its equivalent, was a large, open room with many tables scattered throughout. John forgot to bring any food with him, so he was forced to subject both himself and Karkat to the glop that they passed off as food. How they got that past the FDA, he didn't know.

"I think they cooked this macaroni for twenty minutes," John asked, poking at his macaroni and cheese with a plastic fork and grimacing as it practically disintegrated. The chicken nuggets looked edible enough, but the applesauce was a weird whitish color and just the thought of eating it made him queasy.

Karkat meanwhile, choked down his food without discrimination. Watching him eat was more disgusting than the applesauce remains.

In crises like this, John usually resorted to either directly feeding anything deemed inedible for humans to Bec. When Bec wasn't around, John just stashed most of it inside of a plotted plant (after that, what happened to it was anyone's guess).

He glanced around, and noticed a potted tree just a few feet away. He approached it, but when he looked at the leaf hanging right in front of his face, he saw the small stitches that held it together. Confused, he went back to his seat and sat back down.

Karkat shot him an odd look, but continued to eat.

(He was in the middle of slurping down the apple gore. John had to look away.)

"Are there any plants here that aren't fake?" He asked.

Karkat grunted. "No clue. Frankly, I like the fabric ones better."

"Let me guess, because they don't die within a few days?"

"You've been listening for once in your sorry life! Congratulations, how many asspats would you like?"

John laughed. "All the asspats, duh."

"Too fucking bad, I am giving you zero. Not a single asspat to be found here."

"Well, shit," John said, his laughter returning with a vengeance  Even Karkat chuckled a little, which made him feel...nice? He couldn't quite place what it was, but it was...well, nice.

He looked back. Karkat had eaten the gore, and now sat behind an empty tray. He wasn't laughing anymore, but his lips were turned upwards the slightest bit at the corners.

"But then what about potted plants? They live for a long time," John said once he had regained his breath.

Karkat shrugged. "They still die, don't they? With plastic flowers and plants, they don't. You can leave for fucking months on end or even forget about them and they'll still be perfectly fine. All you have to do is clean off the dust."

"But they're not alive."

"They're just as nice looking as alive flowers, but with less of the hassle," Karkat retorted. "But whatever, this is just my fucking opinion." He sighed, and stood up. "Go throw your shit away so we can go back."

John did, and a few moments later they were back to traversing the hospital in order to reach Karkat's room again.

They reached the start of soulless giraffe territory when John's phone buzzed in his pocket. He stopped to check his phone, and upon seeing that it was from the contact labeled  _8est friend ever!!!!!!!!_ he answered it.

"Hello?"

"Heeeeeeeey there, John!" Vriska said amiably.

"Who is that?" Karkat asked. John mouthed Vriska's name at him, and after Karkat nodded, focused his attention back onto the conversation currently stemming out of his phone.

"-so you should totally come see it with me," Vriska finished.

"A movie? Uh, sure, what time?"

"Right now! I can come pick you up."

John winced. "Oooh, Vriska, that's not going to work right now."

"What, is it because of homework?" She laughed. "John, you silly boy! Homework is optional for awesome people like us."

"No, it's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"I'm at the hospital right now. With uh, Karkat." At the mention of his name, Karkat snapped to attention, watching John as if he was trying to decipher the entire conversation.

"Oh." Vriska practically spat, making no attempt to hide her irritation. "God, it's always 'Karkat this' or 'Karkat that' with everyone recently! What's so special about the fucking guy, anyways?"

"I'm sorry I talk about him so much?" John offered weakly.

"I'm glad you can admit you have a problem. It's the first step to moving on," Vriska said, sighing loudly into the phone. "But it isn't just you! God, everyone else is constantly harping on about this asshole, and I have no clue why! _Especially_ Dave!"

"What does Dave say?" John honestly didn't expect his voice to come out sounding so contemptuous.

"More like what doesn't he say? I mean, he has a habit of going on and on for forever, but now, he never shuts up! Thinks that everyone likes Karkat more and how he's stealing everyone away, and that he's already taken you away. I try to tell him that of course he still has a spot in our group, but does he listen? No!"

Vriska took a deep, audible breath, and John took the chance to let his thoughts wander a little.

Dave really...thought that?

Jesus.

What a clingy idiot! He was just jealous of Karkat the entire time! Talk about a dick move. 

"Ugh, anyways, since everyone's going all nuts for this kid, I guess I should meet him too. Tomorrow, I'm coming with you when you visit him."

"Uh."

"Great! I knew you'd understand. Bye John!" She hung up before John could fit in another word, leaving him to blink in confusion as he slowly put his phone away.

Karkat approached him hesitantly. "Are you ok?"

John nodded slowly. "Y-yeah. I'm fine." Dealing with Vriska when she got an idea in her head was always intense. No simply wasn't an acceptable answer for her. "Vriska's coming tomorrow," he explained. "Hope you like her."

Really, it was the other way around. It didn't matter what Karkat thought about her. All that mattered was what she thought about him.

And if she didn't like him?

John felt his face twitch at the thought of the shit she would try to pull.

Yeah, she was going to like Karkat. He'd make sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tumblr link of the picture you see here is located [here!](http://troodon.tumblr.com/post/37378486976/karkat-blinked-and-gave-a-small-grin-back-before) Please reblog it. Beffy's art is amazing and she is amazing! I love her a lot so you should love her too.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays, everyone!

Vriska was on John's doorstep at 2:00 sharp, something that John found incredibly strange. Vriska didn't usually care about making others wait, and she had a habit of showing up late for anything and everything. He figured that maybe she was just excited to meet Karkat.

Or actually, he realized as he opened the door to greet her, she was probably just incredibly impatient. "Hi, Vris-" he was cut off as she grabbed his arm and jerked him forward, leaving him to fumble for the doorknob in order to shut it. She led him to her car, and they both slipped inside.

"What's the rush?" He asked, warily watching her jam her keys into the ignition.

"I have places to be, John! The sooner we start this little get together, the better. I can only waste so much time with your stupid friends, you know!" She said flippantly, as if this was a chore for her. As if she didn't actually invite herself to come along, regardless of what John would have said at the time.

"Jeez, Vriska! Calm down!" he said hurriedly, gripping the edge of his seat as she peeled out of his driveway and raced down the street. The rest of the trip occurred in relative silence. Despite Vriska's mood seemingly improving, John was too busy holding on to his seat for dear life to try to chat. Her driving was even worse than usual, which was truly an amazing feat.

Within just a few minutes, Vriska parked in front of the hospital. She finally slowed down once they got out of the car, walking at a fairly normal pace as they approached the entrance. John was tempted to ask why she wanted to get there so fast, but he honestly didn't expect to get an answer out of her.

"John, this is lame," Vriska complained, leaning on the front desk as he signed both of them in. "Why do we have to do this?"

"Because they'll yell at us if we don't," John replied, ripping off two visitor stickers and sticking one on Vriska's forehead. She scowled and put it on her arm instead while John laughed.

The prankster struck again.

They walked through the hospital, and Vriska felt the need to comment on nearly everything she saw. She complained about the smell, the bright lights, the tiny elevator, the creepy fucking giraffes in the children's ward; literally anything that caught her eye she had something negative to say about it.

John snickered. "You don't like hospitals very much, do you?"

She made a disgusted face. "Fuck no! What kind of deranged lunatic does?"

A picture of Nurse Aradia, smiling and perfectly at home within the stale white walls flashed in his mind, and he smiled to himself. "You'd be surprised..."

Vriska rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Where is this kid's room, anyways? Are we almost there yet?"

"Actually..." John said, turning into a small corner and pointing to the door at the end. "Yeah, we're here."

His nerves buzzed with apprehension the closer Vriska came to the door. His stomach did a nervous little dance when she marched right up and pounded on the door, yelling, "hey, Vantas! Open up!"

A moment later, it did, revealing a very tired-looking and angry Karkat. "And just who the fuck are you?"

"What, did John not tell you about me?" Vriska asked, clicking her tongue in disappointment and setting her hands on her hips, the sleeves of her ripped shirt threatening to fall off her shoulders. "I'm only his beeeeeeeest friend!"

Karkat leaned his cheek against the door, eyes trailing across Vriska with a critical gaze, lingering on her face. Probably on the ridiculous spiderweb she scrawled around one of her eyes with something that looked suspiciously like glitter glue. John shifted in the background, trying to ignore a sudden sense of worry.

"Oh." Karkat said, sounding slightly disgusted. "You're Serket. You didn't look this trashy at the beginning of the school year, you know. Guess that's why I didn't recognize you at first, but the annoying whine you pass off as a voice really should have tipped me off."

"You sure know how to make a lady feel good about herself," Vriska said sarcastically. "Now, are you going to invite us in or am I going to have to barge in there myself?"

"Oh, _please_ come in, dear queen of the every trailer trash park in the land. I've been _dying_ to meet you," Karkat replied, even going as far as to bow when he opened the door and let her walk inside. Vriska glanced over her shoulder at John and grinned, wickedly triumphant.

"Come on, John! We have very important business to take care of, and I ain't waiting around any longer." She said.

John followed in after her, but when he passed by Karkat, he was yanked back by the collar of his shirt. "Holy mother of fuck, she's annoying. How do you even deal with her?" Karkat hissed into his ear.

John flinched slightly, but forced himself to relax. This wasn't awkward at all, nope! Especially not the feeling of Karkat's breath coming out in hot puffs against his ear. He didn't mind, honestly. He didn't react to it in any way whatsoever! "You get used to it," he whispered, reaching back and untangling Karkat's hand from his shirt. "She's not that bad, really."

Karkat snorted. "Yeah, I'll be the judge of that."

Vriska was already poking around Karkat's room, and Karkat dashed over and literally slapped her away from his computer. "Did I fucking give you permission to go snooping around my room? What do you think you are, some kind of health inspector here to make sure my shit is up to standard? Sit down, and don't. Touch. Anything."

John laughed. He hadn't seen Karkat be protective over his things in a long time.

(It was nice, knowing that he was trusted enough to handle Karkat's computer without the guy having an aneurysm.)

Vriska huffed and crossed her arms. "I was just going to look at your shitty computer, sheesh! No need to get your diaper in a bunch."

Karkat cradled his laptop to his chest and fixed Vriska with a glare. "One, I don't fucking wear diapers, because unlike you, I am not a useless baby who doesn't even possess the mental fortitude to not shit their pants every few minutes. Secondly, looking does not mean touching, which is were you were about to do."

"Uh, guys?" John cut in. "Can you stop arguing so we can actually, I don't know, do something interesting?"

Vriska clapped her hands together with a grin. She reached into the small bag she had brought with her, and instead of pulling out some of it's usual content (like cheap hairspray or her keys), she pulled of a DVD case. "Yes! I brought the best movie."

John took the case from her, and instantly recognized it. Vriska really did have the best taste in movies, and the fact that she brought her copy of National Treasure for them to watch only proved it.

Karkat hesitantly leaned into John's side and hummed thoughtfully.

John turned to him, brandishing the movie like a prize. "Dude, this is going to be great! Can we watch it on your computer? Please?"

"Sure, whatever. National Treasure isn't that bad." John silently cheered as Karkat continued. "But you have a new job, Egbert."

"Which is?"

"To act as the Great Wall of Idiot between me and that bitch," Karkat explained. "I fucking refuse to sit next to her."

"Wait...does that mean I get to hold your computer? Like, actually keep it on my lap?"

"If you think you can handle it, then yes."

Whoa.

This changed everything.

"I..." John was nearly at a loss for words. "I think I'm honoured."

"You should be." Karkat said. "Now, we need to get this over with, so stop staring at me like your brain is currently leaking out of your ears and let's go."

"Oh yeah, just keep muttering to each other like total freaks. It's not like I'm here or anything, you know!" Vriska said impatiently, tapping her fingers against her arm. "Not like some of us have lives to get back to."

"Yeah, yeah," John said. "Irons in the fire, plans to be made, I know."

Vriska smiled sweetly at him as he sat down next to her. She pushed a lock of cerulean hair behind a pale ear, and used her free hand to punch John in the arm.

Luckily, she went easy on him, so it only landed with a dull sting.

Once Karkat signed in, he handed over the computer to John, who handled it with as much care as he could manage. He started the movie, and gently nudged Vriska with his shoulder, silently attempting to get her to calm down. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that she was trying to hide her grin as she nearly bounced in place.

"Jesus, if you're going to have a raging crush for this has-been actor," John realized that maybe it wasn't the best idea to tell Karkat about Vriska's little crush on Nic Cage, "at least hide it a little better."

"At least I don't jack off to Will Smith's raps!" Vriska shot back.

"Guh," John added.

"I don't do that!" Karkat said, leaning back to look at her with utter disgust. "What kind of sick fuck do you think I am!? That's completely disgusting!" He continued to fume, but after a few moments, he blinked. "Wait. Why would you even think that?"

Vriska stopped to consider this as well. "Yeah, how do you know I like Nic Cage?"

They both slowly turned to look at John. "You said something, didn't you," they said in unison.

John laughed nervously, and raised his arms in a gesture of innocence. "Uh, hey guys! Why don't we get back to watching the movie?"

Somehow, that worked, and with the steam taken out of the argument, they both agreed. 

National Treasure never really stopped being amazing, no matter how many times John watched it. Vriska was fully involved the entire time, mouthing along to the character's lines, only occasionally stopping to shoot a few quips at Karkat.

Karkat, though, started to lose interest about an hour through. Even though it was only the middle of the afternoon, it seemed like he was getting tired. He blinked often, and each time he closed his eyes for longer than before. He rolled his shoulders stiffly, the cracks of his joints clearly heard, and shifted closer to John.

"Hey." He said.

"Mmm?"

"You're sitting on my fucking pillow, aren't you."

John shifted. "Guess so."

"Will you get off of it?"

John shifted again. "Nah."

"You complete piece of shit," Karkat said, but it didn't come out as malicious at all. Only exhausted. "Congratulations, if you're not going to give me my pillow, then you'll just have to become the fucking pillow." He murmured, resting his head against John's shoulder.

John watched him skeptically. "That can't be comfortable, man."

"You say that as if you expect it to stop me."

John rolled his eyes, and went back to watching the movie. Vriska, meanwhile, watched Karkat with a strange expression, but since she remained silent, John decided not to bring it up.

As time passed, Vriska and Karkat seemed to become more comfortable with each other. They still argued, but all of the hostility in Karkat's voice disappeared, and Vriska obviously needled him because she thought it was funny.

Which mean that Karkat had probably gotten the coveted Serket Seal of Approval.

Sweet.

\---

The credits had just started to roll when Karkat sluggishly nudged John with his arm, murmuring, "hey, what time is it."

John popped the CD out of the laptop with the arm that wasn't blocked by Karkat's side, handed it to Vriska, and checked the time. "Uhh, four-thirty. Why?"

"Shit!" Karkat hissed, bolting straight up. "Well, that was surprisingly tolerable, we should do it again sometime soon! Now get out," he said hurriedly.

"Wow, what's your problem?" Vriska asked, closing the case and sticking it back into her bag. Her Nic Cage movies were the only things she ever took care of, and really, it showed.

"None of your fucking business," he snapped, and then turned to John. "Jesus. Just take her and leave already."

"Is everything alright?" John asked, confused.

Karkat groaned. "I'll tell you later. _After_ you leave."

"Talk about rude," Vriska said, standing up and running a hand through her hair, giving up halfway through when she encountered a large tangle. "Later, Vantas! hope you're in a better mood next time I feel like coming around."

"Uh, bye, Karkat," John added, following Vriska out and gently shutting the door behind him, eyes trained on the back of her head. Luckily, it wasn't that hard, seeing how he and Vriska were almost the same height.

They walked out to the car in near silence; Vriska was unusually contemplative. She finally spoke her mind once they entered her car, but what she said wasn't something John expected at all.

"Heh, you two are really adorable together," she said fondly. "No wonder you are so crazy about him!"

"What!?" John said, gesturing to her, confused. "Vriska, we're not five year olds! We're friends."

She clicked her tongue. "John, John, Joooooooohn. Don't be so dumb about it, you silly boy! He clearly has a huge crush on you."

"No! Gross!" Vriska was just trying to needle him, that was all! She was obviously joking.

"But don't you like him back? You sure act like you do," Vriska said.

"No! Not at all!" John said, groaning. "Uuuuurrrgh, this is ridiculous! First everyone acts all weird whenever I'm around Karkat or talk about him, and now this!"

Wait a second.

Everyone had been acting weird lately, as if they knew something he didn't.

And now Vriska was accusing him of liking Karkat.

_Oh._

"Everyone thinks I like Karkat, don't they," John murmured quietly.

Vriska nodded sagely. "Especially Jade. She's certain that he has a crush on you too, you big dummy. Everyone can see it."

"I can't!" John protested. The thought of Karkat having a crush on him was _weird_.

There was no way. Karkat wanting to like, _kiss_ him and junk?

No. Way.

"That's because you're the one involved," Vriska said,  finally starting her car. "Of course you'd be too oblivious to see it. But don't worry! That is why you have us."

John sighed, and looked out the window. The sky was covered in a thick sheet of angry gray clouds, darkening the entire town. "Yeah, I guess."

It just...didn't make any sense. Karkat had a crush? On him, of all people!

They had only been friends a few months!

And John himself had a crush on Karkat, too? How could he have one if he wasn't even aware of it!

(He secretly wondered if dating Karkat would be all that bad.)

\---

John spent the rest of the day throwing himself into whatever activity he could find. Really, anything worked, so long as it kept him away from his thoughts.

He even offered to take Bec on a walk; a task that was a monumental effort even for Dad. Bec had a habit of walking wherever he pleased, and it was pretty hard to resist the pull of a 175 pound dog.

When he returned, he unhooked the leash from Bec's collar and let the monster take off running, claws scrabbling against the wood floor. Probably to Jade's room, since that was where he spent most of the time when he was actually allowed inside.

Good dog. John needed to give him a hug some time soon.

"John, is something wrong?" A voice asked. John recognized it as Jade's instantly, and turned to see her standing in the doorway, watching him with a worried expression. "You never take Bec on walks unless you're upset about something."

"Nope! It was just because it was getting dark," John said, nodding hastily. Ok, maybe it was a tiny lie, but really, it was fine! He had plenty of karma points stored in reserve, no big deal.

Jade eyed him critically. "Okaaaaaaaaay then..." She trailed off, but when he went up the stairs to head to his room, she followed after him. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yes, Jade! I am fine. I have never been this fine before in my life," John said, and hurried to his room. Jade shoved her foot in the doorway before he could close it, and wormed her way inside. He groaned.

"Spill it." She commanded, brushing past him to sit on her bed. She drew her legs up, crossed them, and rested her elbows on his knees, watching him closely.

John bit his lip and took the chance to weigh his options. If he didn't tell her, she'd be mad, and force it out of him. But if he did tell her about something that wasn't even a problem, haha, she'd probably laugh at him for being dumb.

But it wasn't a problem, right? So it wouldn't be a big deal to tell her, because it was nothing!

"I don't have a crush on Karkat!" He blurted out.

"Huh?"

"Vriska said that I have a crush on Karkat and that he has one on me, but I don't and neither does he!"

Jade leaned back and rolled her eyes. "Ugh, so this is what it's about? John, you are a dummy! The biggest dummy!"

"Why!?" He wasn't feeling frantic at all, nope! His voice totally didn't raise an octave, either.

"Because of course he likes you!"

"No!" John said. "Ugh, this is stupid! Romance is stupid and dating is stupid and how can I even like him if I don't know it myself!?" John yelled.

"It's called denial." Jade said flatly, growing impatient.

"It's not called anything because it doesn't exist!"

Jade raised her arms up in a gesture of surrender. "Ugh, I don't have time to argue with you! Just..." She deflated, all of the anger rushing out of her. "Think about this, okay? _Really_ think about it." With that, she slipped off of John's bed and left, taking care not to slam the door behind her.

Just a few years ago she would have slapped him and slammed the door shut.

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever," he murmured. Maybe Jade did have a point, but...

There were more important things to do than to sit around thinking about stupid feelings! Like...

John considered his options.

He remembered that supposed spam message on Karkat's computer the day before. Focusing on that seemed like a good way to spend some time not worrying over stupid fakey-fake romance stuff involving one of his best friends.

He walked over to his computer and turned it on, automatically signing into Pesterchum. Once it loaded, he typed in the handle, and hoped that whoever owned this handle was actually online.

Surprisingly enough, they were.

EB: hello?  
TC: what the motherfuck is a new handle doing on my screen?  
TC: WHO THE MOTHERFUCK ARE YOU, AND WHY IS A MOTHERFUCKER MESSAGING ME?  
EB: okay, this is going to be awkward, but.  
EB: do you know karkat vantas?   
TC: DO I KNOW KARKAT VANTAS?  
EB: yes. that is what i just said.

John groaned. What was up with this weirdo, anyways?

TC: OF COURSE I MOTHERFUCKING KNOW KARKAT VANTAS.  
TC: best friend i ever did have. honk. :o)

Well, this was surprising.

EB: what?  
EB: he called you a spambot. how are you two friends?  
TC: THE ONLY SPAMMING I EVER FUCKING DO TO HIM.  
TC: is spamming every single part of my care bits into his sight ducts.  
TC: CARING ABOUT GOD'S GIFT TO THESE SOULLESS HERETICS.  
TC: i love him.  
TC: HAVE SINCE THE FIRST MOMENT HE EVER DID TYPE TO ME IN THOSE BIG ANGRY LETTERS.  
TC: but then he got sick.  
EB: oh god.  
TC: AND I TRIED TO TELL HIM.  
TC: everything happens for a mother fucking reason.  
TC: GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.  
TC: loves even the most blasphemous of us, crawling all up into his heart like the parasites we are.  
TC: HE GOT SICK FOR A REASON.  
EB: why would you ever tell that to someone, you freak!?  
TC: i was trying to cheer him up. Do:  
EB: no wonder it didn't work!!!  
TC: YOU SHUT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING MOUTH.  
TC: piece of shit.  
TC: WHAT DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND ANYWAYS.  
EB: i'm his friend!!!  
EB: i visit him practically every day.  
TC: I HOPE YOU'VE GOTTEN YOUR REALIZING ON  
TC: and know  
TC: THAT YOU ARE ONE LUCKY BOY.  
TC: getting to be graced by his presence.  
TC: LIKE OUR GOOD CREATOR ALL WENT DOWN AND TOUCHED YOU.  
TC: made you special.  
EB: okay???  
TC: WHAT NAME DID GOD ALL GO AND BLESS ON YOU, BOY.  
EB: i'm john.  
TC: gamzee.  
TC: HONK.  
TC: :oD  
EB: okay, gamzee.  
EB: WHAT MADE YOU THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA THAT HE GOT CANCER "FOR A REASON!?!?"  
TC: IF HE NEVER HAD THE BAD VIBES CRAWL UNDER HIS SKIN.  
TC: wouldn't have ever met his pretty lady friend.  
TC: THE BITCH WHO THEN FLEW UP TO HEAVEN AND LEFT HIM BROKEN.  
TC: wouldn't have ever met you, i bet.  
TC: WOULDN'T HAVE MOVED THERE.  
TC: wouldn't have learned how to live.  
EB: what the fuck!!!!  
TC: I MISS HIM SO MOTHERFUCKING MUCH. :O(  
EB: no wonder he doesn't talk to you!  
TC: i don't ask much for christmas.  
TC: MATERIAL GOODS ARE TEMPTATIONS OF THE FUCKING DEVIL.  
EB: are you ignoring me?  
TC: but there is one thing i've got my wanting on for.  
EB: yeah, you're ignoring me.  
TC: I WANT TO TALK TO HIM AGAIN.  
TC: best motherfucking friend i ever did have.  
TC: ONLY STUMBLE UPON A MIRACLE LIKE THAT ONCE A LIFETIME.  
EB: ooooooookay then...  
TC: i got a feeling you wanna be scampering away.  
TC: I'LL LET YOU DO THAT.  
EB: then, uh. bye??  
TC: talk to you soon.  
TC: MY BROTHER.  
TC: honk. ;o)

What the hell.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> almost done with this arc, hell yes!

According to Karkat, playing The Sims was a task that needed to be taken _very_ seriously.

"God fucking dammit John, are you really too fucking inept to keep an eye on the physical representation of a couple of lines of code!? Look, there is a fucking character select screen right there. You can click it at literally any time during the game, and immediately go to whatever character you want to. And yet, you still find it too hard to accomplish even that simple task! You are by far the most pathetic gamer I have ever seen. I'm going to go on fucking Reddit and tell them of your failure, just in hopes that one of the mouthbreathing dickheads will screenshot it and then spread it across the vast reaches of the internet. Your name will be famous, John Egbert, for entirely the wrong reasons."

Throughout that entire rant, Karkat's head remained propped against John's arm, using only a single hand to occasionally jab at the screen in anger. John snickered and batted the offending hand away, letting it fall onto the bed.

Though, he did have a point. Even Vriska's Sim self had a habit of getting into trouble. She originally lived with Rose until she burnt down their house. They built a separate house for her, but she had managed to burn that one down two separate times.

What John was trying to do was see how Jade's and Rose's Sims were faring. They had both grown up, and both John and Karkat agreed that they might as well force them together. It'd be weird if they dated anyone else.

(Plus, Jade thought it would be cute if their Sims dated, and she had hinted more than once that Karkat should try to get them together. John figured he was a good enough candidate for the job, since Karkat was too busy being a backseat gamer.)

John finally gave in, and switched back to Vriska. Surprisingly, she wasn't doing anything bad. Just flirting with John's own Sim.

He couldn't help but feel a little weird at that. Not really a good weird, but a bad weird. Weird like he swallowed a bug and his entire body now protested against it weird.

Vriska wasn't supposed to flirt with him! He didn't like her that way, and even though these were just pixelated versions of his friends, watching her awkwardly flirt with him just felt all wrong.

"Oh. She's...flirting with my Sim," John said dumbly, looking down to Karkat for advice. His expression looked almost normal, save for the slightest furrow between his brows, and how one of his stupid monster teeth barely peeked out from between his lips.

"You don't want her to do that, do you?" Karkat asked, shooting up a baleful look up at John. "Then make her stop and go flirt with someone else." His voice sounded neutral, almost as if he was bored, but John could hear the subtle waves of emotion flowing underneath.

"Who else could she flirt with?"

"I don't know, Terezi?" Karkat offered. "What do you think I am, some sort of pathetic matchmaker?"

John rolled his eyes, even though Karkat's own had already focused back on the screen. "You're the one stopping true love, dude."

"You're an idiot."

"Hehehe, I think you tell me that at least five times a day."

"Because I have to lower myself to your ridiculous level and make a complete fool out of myself by constantly repeating it to you. You just don't understand how stupid you truly are, Egbert."

"That's it! You don't get arm pillow privileges until you learn how to stop being a dick." John said, wiggling the arm Karkat had taken captive free. Karkat grunted, and laid down against John's hipbone instead, and John rested his arm on top of his head.

This had been happening a lot more recently, John had noticed. He occasionally thought that Karkat only did it because he was lazy and didn't feel like sitting up, but recently, he began to notice small things. Bad things.

Things like how Karkat winced whenever he shifted, and how his breaths came in a deep, controlled pattern, not like his usual short, angry puffs of breath at all.

He noticed some other things too, like how a small smile would cross his face whenever he thought John wasn't looking, or how he'd risk hurting a little just to shift closer.

Maybe the others were right. Ever since the others brought this whole stupid crush deal to his attention, he had been noticing new things. Karkat didn't really act the same around the others as he did John. Not even Jade was afforded this sort of guarded affection, if he could even call it that.

He glanced down, and sure enough, that smile was right on Karkat's face; small, and nothing more than a slight pull upward, but definitely there. It melted away to a scowl the moment Karkat's eyes met John's, though.

Which brought him to his own feelings. The others were probably right about Karkat, but about him? Well...John had to admit, he liked this. He liked spending time with him in general! And he liked things like this, just staying close to each other and feeling like he was trusted.

But did he _like_ like Karkat? Like, want to hold his hand and kiss sometimes like? There was no way, right? They were just really good friends!

It was too weird to think about. Not Vriska-dating him weird, but weird in the sense that he wasn't actually sure what the answer was anymore.

Guh. This was stupid. Feelings were stupid. Why think about that, when he was enjoying what he already had? (That made it sound just as bad, he realized. Stupid, stupid dumb.)

He shifted his attention back to the game, and ordered Vriska to pretty much spend her entire day with Terezi. The other characters that were still single were Aradia (who was now practically an old woman), Feferi (who had somehow become the President, and John didn't want to interrupt her strong, independent womanhood), his own Sim, and Karkat's Sim.

He wondered if their Sims were going to date, but even that thought was too embarrassing for him to handle, and he ended up blurting out, "hey, do you think we can make a Kanaya?"

Karkat looked up with him, eyes wide with shock. "U-uh. Sure," he said, sounding as if he was completely lost.

As Karkat instructed what to make her look like, John's own thoughts began to wonder to another one of Karkat's friends: Gamzee. The guy was a total creep, but he seemed to care about Karkat a lot! And maybe Karkat even regretted cutting him off so harshly?

John really didn't know.

"I know this is really hard for you," John began, his throat nearly closing up. Asking him about Gamzee felt wrong right now, especially when Karkat was like this. He usually softened up considerably whenever he mentioned Kanaya, but now, he just seemed...sick. "But are you feeling alright?"

Karkat sighed deeply, and stayed silent for a long time. John looked down at Karkat, but he looked so small and frail, making his heart hurt in a strange way. He looked back at the computer screen, watching the half-Kanaya's idle animations.

"Not really," Karkat said, just when John was about to abandon the topic. "I feel like shit."

"But I saw you take your meds earlier. A lot of them, even! More than you usually take."

"They're to control some side-effects," Karkat said.

"Side effects of what?" John asked, an idea already forming in his mind. He hoped it wasn't true.

"For chemo, you idiot. What else could it be for?"

Yep. John was right. He looked down at Karkat with a puzzled frown. "But...doesn't that mean you shouldn't have visitors so you don't catch anything? Because I'll leave, I guess."

John moved to get up, and Karkat grabbed his wrist, holding on for dear life. "Don't leave." He frowned, and used his other hand to cover his face, murmuring, "visiting hours aren't over yet."

John blinked. Um. This was. Uh. Different! Definitely different.

Kind of a worrying different, but if he was being completely honest with himself (he wasn't), it wasn't _completely_ bad.

"Then when will I get to visit again, after this?" John asked.

"It ends a couple days before Christmas."

That was only a week away! Oh hell yes. "So...Christmas Eve then? We could even exchange presents! It would be so cool. I am excited already, man."

Karkat uncovered his face, giving John the opportunity to see his small, fond grin. "You have the mental capacity of a five year old ninety percent of the time I ever see you," he said.

"Thanks." John said sarcastically, direction his attention back to the screen. "So, with that out of the way, let's get back to this."

They finished making the Kanaya Sim. They built her the biggest house yet, and surrounded it with a sprawling garden full of life.

Karkat sat up, took the computer from him, and watered each individual plant.

\---

Christmas Eve came in a flash, and it was still entirely too slow for John's liking. But with just a few hours left before he could go visit Karkat, he found himself a little busy. 

Nanna had come up to visit them for the holidays, and was staying until New Years. She was basically the best grandma ever, and always made enough sweets to last them months. The best part was that it was all made from scratch, so he never had to endure the horrors of cake-in-a-box ever again.

John grabbed a few ingredients from the cabinets for her and set them down by the mixing bowl. Since Jade had Rose over, she enlisted his help in making everyone her famous chocolate chip cookies. No storebought cookie could ever compare to these.

"Oh man, do you think we'll have extras?" John asked, watching her pour flour into the bowl without ever measuring it. He admired how she managed to make such perfect food without ever measuring it. Maybe that was the secret?

Nanna laughed, a high, trilling _hoo hoo_ that filled the room. "Of course we will, John!"

John grinned. "Good! Because, um, well, I kind of wanted to bring Karkat a few," he said sheepishly.

"You know, you've been talking about that boy all day!"

John pouted. "Nanna! Have not!"

Nanna laughed again. "You must care about him a lot." John opened his mouth to protest, but stopped himself when Nanna spoke again. "I'm sure he's a nice young man."

"He's a bit of a jerk, but I can tell he cares," _a lot_ , John added mentally.

"And that's what's important," Nanna replied, putting the last of the ingredients into the bowl. She handed it off to John to mix, and he did diligently as she checked the oven's temperatures. When she declared him finished, he received the honor of scooping out globs of dough onto the cookie sheet.

"Thank you for the help, John!" She said, the lines around her mouth deepening as she smiled. "But I do believe someone hasn't finished wrapping his presents yet, hoo hoo!"

John's eyes widened, and he bolted out of the kitchen, yelling a quick goodbye over his shoulder. He hopped up the stairs two at a time, heading right into Jade's room where the wrapping paper was being held hostage.

He almost shot past the open door, and clung to the frame, panting. He looked inside, and saw both Jade and Rose staring at him as if he was an idiot.

Well...he had to admit, he did kind of look like one at the moment. But this was important! He needed to finish wrapping Karkat's present!

He scanned the room for the roll of paper, but saw nothing useful. There were ribbons scattered about, and a giant box covered in cheerful paper sat by Rose's side, but it wasn't like he would rip the paper off of that just to use for himself.

"Looking for something, John?" Rose asked.

"Wrapping paper," John replied. "I know you guys have it..."

Jade, who was sitting in a chair by her desk and scribbling something on a card, jumped up. "Oh! I got it!" She said, walking over to the bed. She dropped down into a crouch and reached under the bed, pulling out a long tube of white and green wrapping paper a moment later.

"Thanks," John said, trying to take the wrapping paper from her. She tsked at him and danced out of his reach, holding the tube high above her head. He tried to make a grab for it, but couldn't get a decent hold on it.

"Lemme guess, you're wrapping a present for Karkat?" She asked curiously. 

"Um." Was it really that obvious?

"I think we should take that as a yes," Rose said.

"When are we going to visit him?" Jade asked.

"In a few hours," John replied, watching her confusedly. "Wait, we?"

"Well, duuuuh!" Jade said, rolling her eyes. "We're his friends too! Of course we're going to visit."

"We even made him a gift," Rose added, pointing to the box just a few feet away from her. "Jade was finishing the card before you walked in."

Jade gasped. "Oops!" She went back to the seat and plopped back down, tucking her legs under herself as she grabbed a marker and scribbled on the card again. 

"Uh, about that..." John said, hesitant to even approach the concept. "Don't take this the wrong way or anything - I'm serious, don't - but...do you guys think you could just let me go? Alone?"

Rose and Jade exchanged amused looks, though Jade happened to have to push her irritation down before doing so.

"I don't mind. You want today to be special, right?" Rose asked.

Jade burst into a fit of giggles, and John made a point of ignoring her. "Yeah, but not in a gay way or anything."

"I can understand that," Rose said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. John frowned at her, but Jade was the next one to speak up.

"Well, if Rose is ok, then I guess I'm ok too! But I'm visiting with you next time, no exceptions!" She said. "Also, you have to take him our gift!"

John grinned. "Oh man, sure! Seriously, thanks a lot, you two."

"No problem, you big dummy."

"Heh. Love you too, sis."

She finally handed over the wrapping paper, and drew John into a hug. "Just don't do anything stupid, ok?"

"Hehe, I'll try."

\---

Excitement flooded through John's body as he sat in the passenger seat of his dad's car. A heaping plate of cookies sat on top of Karkat's carefully wrapped present in his lap, and when he hovered his hand over the plastic covering, he could still feel the heat emanating off of the sweets. Jade and Rose's combined present sat at his feet.

"John, you know that if Karkat's family is not taking him anywhere for the holidays, he's welcome to stay at our house for Christmas," Dad said as they pulled into the parking lot.

At that news, John broke into a grin. "Oh man, that would be so cool! I'll even dig out the air bed from the garage for him." He could even sort out the Gamzee mess, if he didn't end up doing that at the hospital.

For the past week, John found himself talking to Gamzee more and more. He never meant to, really. It just sort of...happened.

Gamzee really wasn't that bad of a guy, either. It may not have really been John's business to butt in, but he only wanted to help Karkat in the end! The guy really needed all of the friends he could get, even if they were insane religious nuts.

John got out of the car and waved goodbye as his dad drove away, presents in tow.

He didn't expect to see Karkat standing awkwardly by the front desk. However, he was grateful, because this meant that he was able to make Karkat hold the plate of cookies as he signed himself in.

"You're late, asshole," was all Karkat had to say as John finished and took off a sticker. As soon as they were out of the receptionist's sight, he peeled it off of his shirt and stuck it on Karkat's face with a laugh. Karkat ripped it off with a growl moments later.

"Hope you like chocolate chip!" John said, gesturing to the plate of cookies. "Seriously, there is no way I will be able to eat all of those myself."

"We only have a few hours before my parents come to pick me up for Christmas," Karkat said, and it may have just been John's ears acting up, but he sounded pretty mad, like he didn't actually want to go.

"Aw man, I was going to invite you over for Christmas!"

"Trust me, that sounds so much fucking better than wading through awkward silences disguised as 'family time.'" Karkat grumbled.

They reached Karkat's room, and went inside, John making sure to shut the door behind him. "Karkat," John said, dropping his voice into until it was a low rumble in an attempt to be dramatic, "it is time."

"Oh my god why am I even friends with you."

"Because I'm simply the coolest friend ever. But before I give you the coolest presents ever, you should open Jade and Rose's present," John said, handing Karkat the bigger of the two gifts.

Karkat eyed it cautiously, turning the box over in his hands. He held it up to his ear and shook it roughly, pulling it away to examine it again when he only heard a light thudding from within. He ripped the card off of the top, and soon decimated the rest of the wrapping paper. Finally, he managed to rip the tape off of the box within and opened it, pulling out a giant, crotchet, red crab.

"It's bigger than my fucking head," Karkat said, slightly in awe. He poked and prodded at the crab, at its plush body and black, button eyes, and set it off to the side after he had finished examining it. He ripped up the card, ripped it open, and read it aloud.

"Merry Christmas, fuckass! I'm really glad we're friends now, smiley face. At first I thought you were a big jerk but you're actually pretty cool! I hope you enjoy this crab. Rose made most of it, but I sewed on the eyes. Love, Jade, heart. P.S., don't forget to look in the very bottom of the box! There is something there for you, too."

"She did not write smiley face."

"Well, what else was I supposed to fucking say, colon followed by the letter D?" Karkat snapped. "Anyways, there's still Rose's note left to read."

Karkat took a deep breath, and read the last half of the card, squinting.

"Happy holidays, Karkat. I haven't known you for very long, but I do hope you're accepted into our circle of friends by everyone soon. You'd be a great addition. Sincerely, Rose Lalonde."

Karkat reached back into the box, hand scrabbling along the cardboard bottom, and pulled out a game. "Hey, look. A zombie game for my computer. Harley picked surprisingly good gifts," he said.

"Aw man, my gift is going to look stupid in comparison to these!" John said, frowning. "Well, I mean, the cookies are still cool, but the actual gift."

"Stop whining and just show me already, jesus."

John grinned, and handed Karkat the small present, the same size as the one found at the bottom of the box. Karkat ripped off the wrapping paper, and turned the case over in his hands. "The Little Mermaid?"

"Well, yeah! I thought it'd be cool to buy you the DVD, since that was the first movie we ever watched together," John explained. "But in hindsight, it was a pretty dumb gift."

Karkat shook his head. "No, it's - it's nice. Thanks." He set the gifts down next to him and stood up only to crouch down and pull out a small gift from underneath his bed.

"What, no card?" John teased, ripping the wrapping paper off and pulling the box open. Inside were not one, but two Ghostbuster themed pillow cases. John gasped, holding the gift up so he could look at it better. "Dude!" He said, ripping the fabric out of its casing and stretching it out so he could see the entire pattern, "this is awesome! It matches my blanket way better than my old, dumb pillowcases."

"That's why I ordered it for you, dipshit! And why would I give you a card when you're right fucking here? I can tell you anything I'd ever want to write down in a cheap piece of plastic."

"Really, thanks!" John said, gently returned the pillowcases to its case. "This is probably the coolest present I'm going to get this year."

Karkat smiled a little, just barely enough to be noticeable, and John grinned back at him.

While there was a chance that Karkat's good mood might go sour if he mentioned Gamzee, John felt like he needed to do it. And now was as good of a time as any to try it!

"Hey, what do you think Christmas is about?" John asked, leaning back against the wall. Karkat scooted back and joined him, close enough for their arms to barely brush against each other.

"Extorting money out of middle class citizens by convincing them that you can only show your love for others by throwing extravagant gifts at them."

"No! Well, yeah, that's kind of true, but I mean the spirit! What do you think the spirit of Christmas is?" John asked.

"Well..." Karkat said, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't know, spending time with people you love, I guess?"

John snapped his fingers with a grin. Bingo. "Exactly! I also think it's a time of forgiveness. This only comes once a year, so you should probably try to make up with friends that you've fought with."

(Dave? Hahaha, who was that?)

Karkat grew quiet, and stared down at his lap blankly. John swallowed thickly, and continued speaking.

"It could also be a time of remembering people you've loved, too. Like every year, my Nanna burns my grandpa's favorite candles, and my dad always makes my mom's favorite dinner."

Karkat bit his lip, and turned towards John. "Are you trying to imply something?"

John snickered. "You caught me! Yes, I am indeed trying to imply something."

Karkat grew quiet again, and this silence was one John knew he shouldn't break. He waited for Karkat to move, and watched silently one he went over to his drawer full of movie cases. He added his new present in, and then dug through it, reaching deep inside. A look of deep concentration glued itself onto his face, only to be replaced by success when he pulled out a pillowcase of his own.

He walked back to his bed, pushed against John so he'd move out of the way, and shimmied the pillowcase onto his pillow. When he finished, he set it back down, grabbed his computer, and sat down again.

John looked over to the pillow, now covered by a gray pillowcase with red edges. A red crab, similar to the one Jade and Rose made him, decorated the front.

"I figured I've spent enough time hiding her things away," Karkat said quietly. "Now, what about this forgiveness bullshit? I think I have an idea of who you're talking about, but I want to make sure."

"I think you have a friend to talk to," John said, clicking the Pesterchum application as soon as Karkat's computer had turned on and loaded fully.

Karkat signed in, and John pointed to the only handle that was lit up. Karkat shot him a despairing look.

"It's been so long since I've talked to Gamzee..." Karkat said. "It feels like I've permanently fucked up with him. Don't get me wrong, I was mad at him for a good fucking reason, but after a while I realized that I miss him. He's an insane douche, but he's my insane douche. Now, it feels like it's too late to try again."

"He misses you too," John said gently. "And trust me, he doesn't think it's too late."

"You've been talking to him behind my back, you conniving little rat bastard."

John laughed, and Karkat rolled his eyes. When he still didn't click the chat button, John gently batted his hands away and clicked it for him.

"Go ahead." John said. "Say hi!"

\-- calamitysGrief [CG] began pestering terminallyCapricious [TC] \--

CG: . . .  
CG: SO.  
CG: HEY, GAMZEE.  
TC: holy shit.  
TC: DO MY EYES MOTHERFUCKING DECEIVE ME OR ARE THE ANGELS REALLY COMING DOWN AND LAYING ALL THEIR GENTLE KISSES OVER MY EYEBALLS?  
TC: is that really you, karkat?  
CG: NO, YOU INSANE COCKMUNCHER, IT'S A FUCKING COMPUTER PROGRAM DESIGNED TO IMITATE MY TYPING STYLE.  
TC: Do:  
CG: OF COURSE IT'S ME.  
TC: I FUCKING MISSED YOU.  
CG: I MISSED YOU TOO.  
TC: this is the best christmas miracle i could have ever gone up and hoped for.  
TC: I DID FUCKING HOPE FOR, WITH ALL OF MY SINNER HEART.  
TC: almost didn't expect something as motherfucking miraculous as this, all blessing me with the goodness of the christmas spirit.  
CG: YEAH YEAH, WHATEVER.  
TC: THAT BLUE BOY OF YOURS.  
CG: WHAT  
TC: he's a mother fucking angel in disguise.  
TC: HERE TO BLESS YOU.  
TC: cherish him.  
CG: WHOA WHOA WHOA OK  
CG: THIS JUST WENT A DIRECTION I DIDN'T WANT IT TO GO AT ALL  
CG: SORRY GAMZEE BUT I HAVE A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF COOKIES TO SHOVE DOWN MY THROAT AND I DON'T WANT TO GET ANY CRUMBS STUCK IN MY LAPTOP.  
TC: NO PROBLEM KARBRO.  
TC: i'll talk to you later, when fate is deciding to be kinder to our timeslots?  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: OF COURSE.

\-- calamitysGrief [CG] ceased pestering terminallyCapricious [TC] \--

Karkat turned to John. He looked a lot happier compared to just minutes earlier, and when he looked at John, he did with a strength that John had never really seen before. It was as if a heavy weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

"You're a lousy, no good, meddling piece of shit." Karkat said, with absolutely no venom in his voice.

"I know," John replied. He didn't expect Karkat to surge forward and wrap his arms around him, snaking his arms around his waist, but he returned the hug nonetheless. He even went far enough to rest his chin on top of Karkat's head, ignoring the brown hair trying to tickle his nose. Hehe, he could feel Karkat's smile through the fabric of his shirt.

John searched for a word, any word, to describe how he felt, but all he could come up with was Nice. Really Nice.

He realized, at that moment, that maybe he did like Karkat. Maybe he liked him a lot!

And that dating Karkat would actually be pretty...well, nice..


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS ARC IS FINALLY DONE!!!!!! hope you enjoy this chapter guys!

"Luckily for you, I have an employee discount," Rose said, taking another bite from her piece of piping hot pizza. They had ordered one with everything on it, and John was only able to pay for it thanks to her going up to the counter to order for him. They then retreated to the corner of the Pizza Hut to eat their prize, even if Rose occasionally took a bite of pineapple and chewed it with a grimace.

"Yes, I'll admit it. You're the best," John said, rolling his eyes. He bit into his pizza, but with a hiss let it drop back into the box. "Jesus, it's so hot it's trying to kill me." He said, poking the half-chewed remains disdainfully.

"You get used to it," Rose answered. "Before long, your mouth will be so burnt that all you'll experience is the sweet bliss of numbness."

"Gross."

"Indeed." Rose cleared her throat, and took a sip of the lone bottle of soda on the table. John figured that since Rose was practically family, it was easier to share a drink than waste an entire two dollars on buying another one. "While I'd love to return to our previous conversation about why you should watch Black Swan-"

"-Roooose, I told you, I don't care about ballet or crazy lesbians-"

"-it's a psychological thriller full of metaphors, and that's including the lesbian scene you're trying to cite-"

"-but it's awkward! What if Nanna walked in when i was-"

"-John." Rose said sharply, and he promptly shut up with a squeak. Jeez, she could be terrifying when she wanted to be, regardless of the fact that he was almost a head and a half taller than her! "I'm serious."

"Sorry," he murmured.

"I think we should talk about our good friend Karkat." Rose folded her hands in front of her. John barely suppressed a groan, but he had a sinking feeling that the look on his face completely betrayed what he was feeling. Rose was just so good at seeing through him. It wasn't fair.

"Yes Rose, I already had a big gay realization all by myself. I don't need you to pound it into my head," John said, taking a bite of pizza and ignoring the burning in his mouth. He even made an effort to chew as obnoxiously as possible out of a sense of hope that told him he could somehow delay answering her.

"Actually, it's not that at all. I've been talking to him lately, and-"

John swallowed. "-wait, how?"

Rose sighed, and gave the most dramatic eye roll John had ever seen. "You forget that he has a life outside of you, John. This also includes having friends that are, surprisingly enough, not you."

"I knoooooow, but-"

"-shush!" Rose said sharply, and John froze in place. "This is a monumental task, but I need you to stay quiet for me, at least until I finish," she said slowly. "Can you manage that, John, or is that just too hard?" Something in her voice told him that he couldn't refuse, so he simply nodded.

Satisfied, she continued. "Now, I'm certain you've noticed this, but it's pretty obvious that your feelings are reciprocated."

John flushed as she said that. It was one thing for him to think it when he was alone, but hearing it said out loud made it feel so much more real. It wasn't like he hadn't noticed that Karkat was acting differently, but still!

"And deep down, in what I'm sure you believe to be my cold, darkened husk of a heart, I only want the best for you. You're one of my best friends, after all. That's why..." Rose took a deep breath, "I want you to _really_ examine your feelings before you decide to date him."

John blinked.

Rose blinked back. "You can speak now."

"Oh. Well, um," John fiddled with his glasses, "why exactly?"

"Because they may not be genuine."

"Hey!" John snapped, scowling when Rose raised her hands in defense.

"I don't want you to date this poor boy just because you have some sort of savior complex," Rose finished. The strange thing was, she did look worried. While her concern came off as kind of rude, John knew she really was trying to look out for him. It was a weird way to do it, sure, but it still counted.

"Savior complex?" John echoed.

Rose nodded. "There's a chance - a small one, mind you, but a chance nonetheless - that what you believe to be romantic feelings really aren't. You care about everyone, John. You want to save them all. But love can't cure everything."

"I know that," John murmured.

"And it's obvious that you care about Karkat a lot. Perhaps you're misinterpreting strong feelings of friendship combined with the desire to improve his life as something romantic."

John shook his head. Rose had a point, but he knew that she was wrong. "Thanks for caring, really! I appreciate it a lot. But."

"But?"

"I. Well. I like him a lot!" John said. "And sure, I wish that nothing bad would ever happen to him again. But that's because I like him so much! And well," John sucked in a nervous breath, "maybe I think doing, you know, datey stuff. Would be. Yeah. Nice."

Rose giggled. "Datey stuff?"

"Aw, Rose! Come on. I'm embarrassed already, don't make me go into detail!"

She laughed harder, and covered her mouth with a dainty, warm hand. "No, please do."

"I wanna.... Um." John murmured the rest, too quiet for even his own ears to catch.

"What was that?"

"Holdhishandandmaybekisshimok," John said in a rush.

Rose smiled. "That's what I thought."

John was unable to meet her eyes. Stupid Rose.

"Then John?"

"Yeah?"

"I wish you the best of luck. Karkat already knows his own feelings regarding you. Trust me, Jade and I have made sure of that."

Stupid meddling embarrassing girls.

"All that's left," Rose said, "is for you to confess. The rest should go smoothly."

"Thanks, I guess," John said, taking another bite of pizza. It had finally cooled down to a reasonable temperature, and he scarfed down the rest of the piece.

"Now, back to our previous topic. You really should watch Black Swan," she said. John tilted his head back and groaned loudly.

She laughed, and after a moment, John couldn't resist joining in.

\---

It was nice, finally getting a chance to be alone with Karkat again. The others were with him almost constantly whenever he came to visit, which meant that he had to delay giving his 8ig Gay Confession, as Vriska liked to call it.

Having only two people meant that they couldn't play Five, but they _could_ play Crazy Eights.

"You have to admit, the Princess Bride is literally one of the best genre blends of all time," Karkat said, putting down a card.

John bit his lip, and picked up a few cards until he found one he could also put down. "Yeah, I guess it's pretty good, but it's just so ridiculous, you know?"

"That's the point, you ignoramus. It's an affectionate parody of classic romance stories," Karkat grumbled.

"But it is kind of stupid, you have to admit it."

"That's part of its charm," Karkat said. He drew three cards before finding one to place, and John grinned. Karkat may be winning this game, but he wasn't going to give up hope just yet.

"And the love confession, too! It was so stupid. I mean, as you wish really means I love you? How dumb is that?" John complained.

"But it's still kind of sweet, in it's own stupid way," Karkat pointed out, glaring down at the cards when John threw down an eight. He drew several times before finding a nine of hearts to place.

"The book is even stupider!" John groaned.

Karkat perked up, watching John intently. "You've read the book?"

"Yeah, Jade has a copy. But oh my god, the confession is even stupider in there!"

"I bet it's fucking amazing and you can't appreciate it. You just don't have a single romantic blood cell running through your body," Karkat said, setting his cards down and folding his arms in front of his chest.

He looked pretty stupid like that, with his arms folded and his shoulders hunched while he sat with his legs crossed. It brought up memories of kindergarten, a simpler time when sitting how they were was called sitting criss cross applesauce.

Bleugh. Applesauce.

"No, it is." John insisted. "I even remember it, it was that stupid! It went something like," John cleared his throat, and spoke with a falsetto voice, "I love you.I thought an hour ago that I loved you more than any woman has ever loved a man, but a half hour after that I knew that what I felt before was nothing compared to what I felt then." He put a hand to his forehead and swooned. "But ten minutes after that, I understood that my previous love was a puddle compared to the high seas before a storm. Your eyes are like that, did you know? Well they are."

Karkat was trying to hide his laughter, and with a grin, John stopped. "See how dumb that is!? What if someone confessed to you like that, Karkat."

"What person in a semi-sane state of mind would ever confess to me, though," Karkat said.

Now was his chance, John realized. He was certain that Karkat did like him back, but in case this didn't work, then he could just pass it off as joking around. It was the perfect plan.

John sighed dramatically, and flopped his head into Karkat's lap. "Oh, Karkat! I love you!" He said, still speaking in the falsetto voice. "I love you now more than I did ten seconds ago. My love has not doubled, not tripled, but grown so exponentially within just telling you this that it is like comparing a single grain of sand to an entire beach."

Karkat huffed, and pushed John away. "Wow, that was probably the most ridiculous display of your idiocy that you have ever exposed me to! Congrats, it was so pants-shittingly dumb that I think you deserve an award for it."

Ouch. John sat back up, and tried to ignore the dull ache in his chest. "How many asspats do I get for this one?"

"A grand fucking total of none. You don't even deserve asspats for that. Only ridicule."

"Damn." John said. He really didn't expect that to hurt so much, wow! Karkat looked pretty upset too, but maybe that was just because he made him upset.

John scratched his neck. "Um. Sorry. If I made you upset or anything."

Karkat waved his hand in dismissal. "Whatever. Let's just do something else."

"Can we play the Sims?" John asked. Throwing all of his attention into other people's lives was a good way to distract himself.

Karkat nearly jumped in place, and shook his head rapidly. "No!" He said quickly. "It's, uh, fucking with my computer. So we can't."

"Shit."

"How about we watch a movie instead?" Karkat suggested. "I still haven't watched the DVD you gave me," he finished with a shrug.

John nodded. Karkat got off of the bed and moved to put the DVD into his neglected TV. Only when his back was turned did John let himself frown. Wow, it really did hurt. He didn't expect it to.

Oh well. It didn't make things too awkward at least.

They sat next to each other (close, but not close enough) as they watched the movie, neither one wanting to speak. John kept his attention focused on the movie, but as Kiss the Girl played, he couldn't help but think of his own situation.

Before, he had thought that this scene was sad. So much of the movie's conflict wouldn't have had to happen if only Prince Eric had worked up the courage to kiss Ariel.

Now, it only made him think of his own situation. He had Karkat sitting right next to him, his hand laying there on the bed, just begging to be held. All he had to say was something like, "I like you," and then he wouldn't have do deal with this! He wouldn't have to deal with the nervous butterflies in his stomach, or his heart pounding against his chest. He could just be done with this bullshit crush, but no.

He realized that his previous attempt really was just him fucking around. If he wanted Karkat, he would just have to say that. Simple, right?

Wrong.

He opened his mouth, but words refused to come out. Karkat was too caught up in the movie to notice.

He tried reaching for Karkat's hand, but he felt his own start to shake. What if he got sweaty plams? Oh god, that would be so gross. Karkat would get so mad. No, it was just better if he didn't try. Yeah.

The climax of the movie came, and John glanced over to see a few tears rolling down Karkat's cheeks. He expected him to cry, since he did that last time they watched it, but when he tried to move his hand and wipe them away, he couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to do it!

He was just too much of a wimp to actually do anything.

The movie ended, and Karkat let out a deep breath. "Brings back memories, doesn't it," Karkat said quietly.

John tried to answer, but he choked up, and nodded.

"I can't believe we actually have memories together. It makes it seem like we've spent our entire fucking lives together, you know?"

John nodded again.

"And..." Karkat let out another deep breath, and turned to John, looking him straight in the eyes. "I. I think I've been a useless chickenshit for long enough."

"Huh?" John barely managed to say, his mouth going dry.

"That stupid quote thing earlier. That wasn't just you fucking around, was it?"

John shook his head, surprised that Karkat was being so perceptive.

"I'm not good at very many things, but fuck you if you don't think I'm good when it comes to romance. If they offered a degree for romance, I would have a fucking PhD."

It felt like John couldn't breathe.

"I've noticed some things. And goddamn Harley and Lalonde - hell, even Serket! - have been telling me things."

Shit. Fuck.

Oh god.

"Jesus, I'm rambling. But really, what I'm trying to say is that. Um." Karkat finally looked away, and John noticed a light blush covering his cheeks. "I. Uh." He mumbled something. "Yeah."

John worried his lip. He took his glasses off and cleaned them on his shirt. Karkat still refused to look at him.

He didn't need to ask for any clarification.

"Um," John finally managed to say. "Me too. A lot."

"So..." Karkat muttered, shrinking up within himself.

"I guess we're. Dating?" It was almost impossible for him to force that word out. He was kind of proud that he even managed to. "Now? Because that's usually what happens after things like this," John said. It might have just been his nerves, but he was certain he had never sounded stupider in his entire life.

Karkat cracked a grin at that. "I thought you didn't like romantic movies."

"I don't! But that doesn't mean I don't know what happens."

They both grew silent, unsure of what to do next. It was never this awkward in the movies, but then again, he really should have expected this.

Weren't they supposed to kiss or something?

John glanced down at Karkat's lips, and felt his face so hot he thought he might explode if he kept looking.

John opened his mouth, expecting to say something that was at the very least interesting. "Can we play The Sims now?"

...he really should have expected that, too.

Karkat nodded, finally getting up to retrieve his laptop. "I guess now that we're. Yeah," (heh, Karkat couldn't bring himself to say the B-word either. At least he wasn't the only one feeling weird), "it doesn't really matter if you see what happened now."

It took a moment, but what Karkat was implying finally clicked. "So they're. Um, you know, too?"

Karkat blushed again, and nodded. They reached the startup screen, and Karkat handed his computer off to John. "I'm gonna go take a piss." He disappeared into the bathroom, leaving John to go into their file by himself.

He decided to check on his own Sim first, surprised that they were still teenagers, though Karkat was on the cusp of adulthood. They shared a house, at least. Karkat no longer needed someone to watch over him. He thought it was kind of cute, actually.

He followed his Sim as he walked back to the bedroom, where Sim Karkat was waiting. Since it was late at night, he expected them to go to sleep.

The Sim John (Simbert?) changed into his pajamas, and laid down on bed with Simkat, who snuggled up to him.

That was a little awkward to watch, but still sweet!

They exchanged excited looks.

"Oh no, please no," John whispered, unable to tear his eyes from the screen.

They jumped underneath the sheets, and John again felt like he was going to explode.

"Karkat!" He called, his voice shrill. "Oh my god, Karkat!"

"What!?" Karkat shouted back, irritated.

"Oh my god Karkat they're fucking how do I get them to stop!?"

"WHAT!?"

Unable to watch it any longer without feeling like he was going to die from sheer embarrassment, he slammed the laptop shut. The bathroom door flew open, and Karkat stepped out. "They were!?"

John nodded.

"Oh my god," Karkat said. "I." He looked like he was about to die from sheer embarrassment, too.

"They were fucking, Karkat," John whispered. "They were moaning and everything."

"I."

"Yeah man," John said, feeling like he couldn't speak. "I know."

Neither one of them had the strength to open the laptop back up.

Karkat went over to his DVD drawer, and pulled out a copy of The Princess Bride.

John watched it without a single complaint.

(He still couldn't bring himself to hold Karkat's hand.)


	14. Intermission: डर

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to online translators, the title means 'fear' in hindi. UuU Aren't intermissions the best?
> 
> Also, I've rewritten a few parts in earlier chapters. Nothing has really changed, but I still think now would be the perfect time to reread this fic. You may find a few nice surprises waiting for you!

Date nights really weren't all that spectacular. Certain female members of his family often pushed Dave to go somewhere nice for a date, but why should he waste money he didn't have when he could easily invite said date over for a night of shitty video games and even shittier youtube video marathons?

It wasn't like Vriska complained. Much.

Right now, her focus was trained on the barely rendered polygons taking up the entire TV screen. Diddy Kong ran around in front of her, brutally slaughtering any monsters in his way with monkey martial-arts.

"I'm going to get every last fucking golden banana," Vriska grumbled, hands glued to the awkwardly-shaped N64 controller in her lap.

"I think only three people in the entire world have ever gotten those bananas," Dave said from his spot on the floor. Vriska had taken the entire couch, and pushed him off when he tried to lay on her instead. He hadn't moved from the spot he fell into since.

"Then I'll be the fourth!" Vriska announced.

"Good luck with that."

"Thanks," Vriska said bitterly.

"Anytime," Dave said, pulling his phone out of his pocket. There wasn't really much for him to do now, as the game sucked Vriska back in. He found himself instantly drawn to facebook, finger tapping the bright app on his screen. It took only a few moments before he was scrolling through the updates from about 500 separate peoples' lives.

He didn't even know most of them. He had a habit of accepting any friend request he got, so half of his friends ended up being scene girls from halfway across the country who must have thought he was hot or something. Who even knew. Who even cared.

He continued to scroll down, blatantly ignoring the dozens of pictures of food taken with Instagram and uploaded to facebook. All of this food was making him hungry, but there wasn't much he was willing to do about that problem.

Finally, he reached a post from someone he actually knew in person. He scanned the text, and then, confused, read it again.

"No fucking way. John Egbert is now in a relationship?" Dave said, staring blankly at the screen. There was no way, right? Who the hell would he even date? He really wasn't close to anyone outside of their circle of friends. "When the hell did this happen?"

"Yesterday." Vriska said with a shrug. "He's still pissed off at you, right?"

Dave sighed. "Yeah. But...who is it?" He asked, running through a mental list of people that Egbert could possibly be into. The list was unsurprisingly empty, though after a few moments, one name popped into his head. His jaw nearly dropped. "Oh my god. Don't tell me."

"Yep! He's dating the cancer kid." Vriska said, pausing her game so she could give him her full attention, chin lazily resting against her hand. "Still think he's replacing you?"

"I." He faltered.

Shit.

She had a point there. "I feel like he's drooling over that guy's dick too much to pay attention to any of us."

"You haven't talked to him in a month!" She pointed out, grinning. "Heh, and to think that you keep acting like you know what's going on," she said fondly, reaching out to ruffle his hair, sending his bangs flying everywhere. "That's why you're great."

Dave pushed her hand away with a frown. "Yeah, really appreciating the condescending bullshit right now," he said flatly.

Vriska frowned at him. "Of course he's crazy over that guy, but I am kind of proud of him!" She said. "It finally means he's not the fifth wheel anymore, you know? And it's not like Karkat's a _complete_ loser. Only half a loser."

"So he's perfect for John," Dave quipped.

"Exactly!" She looked back at the screen, then down at the controller by her feet. She picked it up, saved the game, and then went over to the console and turned it off. She didn't return to the couch, but instead crouched down next to Dave, looking at him with a fond smile that sent a chill down his back. She was pretty fucking terrifying, but when she was sweet, it was downright amazing.

In his eyes, Vriska was beautiful and dangerous and someone that he didn't really want to let go of. If she was going to burn herself out, then he'd be right there, standing in the flames with her.

"I'm tired of having to run off with you every day for lunch," she said softly, grabbing his hands and tracing the lines of his palm with a sharp fingernail, lightly scratching the skin below. "I want us all to be friends again!"

Dave let out a deep breath. "Yeah. Me too."

"John is just stupid and in love. Yeah, he was a big douche to you and he ignored us all for Karkat, but he's doing a lot better now! It's more like Karkat's coming into our friend group."

Dave wasn't sure if he wanted to grimace or simply accept that fact. Karkat was kind of annoying, but it wasn't like he hated the guy. Hell, they even got along for the two hours they were together.

"And I want you to come back too, ok?" Vriska said.

"So you're asking me to forgive Egbert for thinking with his dick and not his brain," Dave said with a snicker. Vriska laughed, and nodded.

"Yeah, because you _never_ think with your dick either." Vriska rolled her eyes.

"You would know, Serket."

They burst into an obnoxious flurry of laughter. Vriska dived at Dave, and hooked her arm around his neck, dragging him into a noogie. He struggled to escape, but her grip was like an iron vice.

Luckily, it didn't take her long to get bored, and she let go of him. He shook his head, finger-combed his hair back into place, and looked at her out of the side of his eye.

"So. You gonna apologize?"

Dave shrugged. "If he apologizes too, then sure."

"I think he will," and then, she added in a quiet voice, "but I really hope it's soon."

"Me too."

He reached out for her hand, shifting around until their fingers were laced together. She smiled, and he pulled his phone back out.

They made fun of the stupid scene kids on his facebook feed complaining about their relationships until long after the sun went down.

\---

Date nights were essentially A Big Fucking Deal for Rose. While certain siblings in her family insisted that she was wasting money on taking Jade to extravagant places, they both enjoyed it. The chance to dress up and get out of the house (but mostly the chance to get out of the house for something that wasn't school related) was always appreciated.

It was kind of embarrassing that Rose had to have her mother pick Jade up and drop the both of them off at the restaurant of their choice (Jade wanted to go to a steakhouse, but they settled on a small Italian place instead), but Jade laughed it off.

"I'm serious! Your mom is soooooooo cool," Jade said, ripping off a piece of bread from the basket sitting in the middle of the table. She cut a slice of butter and slathered the piece in it before popping it in her mouth.

"She really isn't," Rose said, feeling kind of disgusted as Jade continued to tear into the food. Table manners were a lost cause for that girl.

(It was kind of charming, in the way that no matter how many times Rose saw it, she would never get completely used to it.)

"No, she is! She drives us places and she jokes around all the time and she's super smart," Jade rattled off happily. "I wish I had a mom that cool!"

"Um, Jade?"

"Yeah?" Jade tilted her head, curious and confused all at once.

"You don't have a mother."

Jade giggled. "Exactly! Can I just have yours then?"

Now it was Rose's turn to snicker. "Maybe some day."

Jade seemed satisfied by that answer, and returned to decimating the bread. Rose made sure to take a piece before they were all devoured, and put a light pat of butter on her slice. The waiter came up to take their orders just as she finished.

(She scanned the menu one last time, and silently wondered if ordering alcohol was really worth it. She made a mental note to try it later, when it wouldn't be completely illegal for her to.)

"Rose?" Jade asked, looking a little embarrassed.

'Hmm?"

"I've been thinking, and..."

Rose tried her best to keep her composure. Those words were never good.

"You know we've been like  _this_ ," she gestured between them, "for a long time!"

_Oh fuck oh shit oh god_ ok Rose just needed to keep her calm. Keep. _Calm_.

"And so have Dave and Vriska," Jade continued. "But John's never really had someone! He's always been the odd one out."

Rose let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Jade's eyebrows furrowed, but she waited for her to respond.

"Until now," Rose pointed out. Jade nodded eagerly.

"Yeah! Until yesterday, actually." Jade giggled. "They both messaged me right after it happened. Isn't that cute?"

"Ah, the blooming romance between a couple of emotionally stunted dolts." Rose sighed dreamily for added sarcasm points, causing Jade to laugh harder. She lifted her hand up to her mouth, using it to shield her smile.

"But anyways! I think it's really great for them. John isn't the odd one out anymore!"

Rose nodded, and Jade did something with her hands that could only be described as 'twiddling.' She let out a sigh, and continued on.

"This is kind of silly, but I've always wanted something where we have six people in our friend group, so no one is left out. Then we go to all of these fun places together and it ends up being really great."

"That's a pretty nice idea, if you ask me."

Jade smiled. "I like Karkat a lot, too. I think he'd be the perfect addition to our group! But..." She trailed off.

"But what?" Rose said gently, trying to prompt her into speaking again.

"I'm afraid we'll never get that chance to all hang out together," Jade murmured. The implications of that sentence hung thickly in the air.

Oh.

"I'm sure we will," Rose replied, though she couldn't even believe her own words, "someday soon."

The waiter finally returned, setting down their orders onto the table. Jade, distracted by the food, allowed a large grin to settle on her face, her previous conversation apparently forgotten. "Oh boy! I'm starving!" She said.

"You just ate three pieces of bread."

Jade stuck her tongue out, and dug into her spaghetti.

Rose shrugged, and began to eat her own meal, retreating into her thoughts.

Jade...did have a point. Though there was the possibility that they would never get to spend time together as one large group, was it really the case?

All they could really do was wait.

She was jolted out of her thoughts when Jade began to sing a horribly off-key rendition of Bella Notte, taking her plate of spaghetti and placing it between them.

"I have my own food," Rose said, blinking.

Jade pouted. "But I wanted to do that thing from Lady and the Tramp! You know, where they eat the spaghetti together and then kiss? I thought it was cute."

Rose blinked again. It seemed pretty silly to try to attempt something like that.

She shrugged, threw caution to the wind, and obliged Jade.

Surprisingly, it worked out pretty well, if a little messy.


	15. Chapter 15

EB: ok, this is kind of a dumb thing to ask, but  
EB: is it normal to be worried about kissing somebody for the first time??  
TT: Of course.  
EB: no, i mean really worried! like, INCREDIBLY worried.  
EB: i'm getting upset just thinking about it.  
TT: There's really no need to be upset. I'm positive that Karkat couldn't care less about your lip virginity.  
EB: but what if he thinks i suck at kissing?  
EB: oh man, what if i DO suck at kissing and just don't know it yet??  
TT: Then that's something you'll have to figure out without my help. Kissing my girlfriend's brother/my best friend is something I'd really rather not go through.  
EB: it's ok rose, i don't really want to kiss you either.  
TT: Glad to hear that you're saving it for that "special someone."  
EB: are you making fun of me?  
EB: :(  
TT: I couldn't resist. Sorry, John.  
EB: haha, it's ok.  
EB: did you freak out this much when you first kissed jade?  
TT: There's actually a funny story behind that. Though it'll probably get a bit long if I actually start it.  
EB: it's not like i have anything else to do, so go right ahead.  
TT: I'm not sure how much of this you remember, so I'll just tell the full story.  
TT: It was a drab and dreary day.  
EB: it was the middle of august.  
TT: Exactly.  
TT: My mother had just put on an assembly for the entire school about homosexuality, and how those infected with the dreaded gay gene are not going to infect anyone else with the feared homo virus. Half of the assembly consisted of her rambling on about her lesbian affairs of yore, back when it was taboo just to think gay thoughts.  
TT: Alas, she could not outrun those gay thoughts.  
TT: And I could not outrun the gay remarks from everyone in school. Everywhere I went, people continued to ask me about Jade.  
EB: ooooooooh yeah, this was when jade was on that trip to europe, right?  
TT: Yes. While she was off exploring the Italian countryside, I was being badgered by curious girls who thought it was "cute" that we were dating.  
TT: "Have you kissed her yet?" was a question posed to me so often I began to dream of it.  
TT: Each night, those same girls would badger me on and on about my personal life. Dream Jade naturally took it in stride.  
EB: and then jade came home.  
TT: And I was being pressured on all sides to take the plunge.  
TT: Seal the deal, if you will.  
EB: hehehe.  
TT: ?  
EB: sealing the deal.  
EB: with your mouth.  
EB: ;)  
TT: John.  
EB: hehe.  
TT: Vriska, you, and Dave kept telling me to kiss her. And apparently, Jade was also waiting for me to make the first move.  
TT: Later on, she told me that it was only fair for me to initiate the kiss, since she was the one to ask me out.  
TT: But I was horribly nervous. This was a step that I wasn't sure I could take. What if she decided to call it off when I proved just how terrible of a kisser I was?  
TT: I began to practice kissing, as embarrassing as it is to admit. I practiced on my pillow, on my hand, on anything i could wash the lipstick marks off of.  
EB: your mom found out, didn't she?  
TT: Why, of course.  
EB: didn't she get you some life-sized doll to practice on?  
TT: Yes.  
TT: I still have it in my room. It has currently donned a visage suitable for an emissary of the Gods of Yore.  
EB: oh my god.  
TT: Anyways.  
TT: It finally happened during a date at Olive Garden.  
TT: I swallowed my fear, and just after she finished our last complimentary breadstick, I leaned forward and kissed her.  
EB: that sounds kind of terrible if you ask me.  
TT: Trust me, it was. She bit my lip so hard it bled, and I hit my knees on the edge of the table. The bruises stayed for two days.  
EB: but it turned out ok in the end, right?  
TT: Definitely.  
TT: We had a few very intense practice sessions once we returned home.  
EB: rose! i really didn't need to know that!  
TT: To quote your earlier statement, "hehehe."  
TT: The moral of the story is that there's no need to be worried at all.  
TT: Even if your first kiss is terrible, you'll be so sick with infatuation that you won't be able to tear yourself away from him until you learn how to kiss him correctly.  
EB: um...  
EB: thanks?  
EB: i'm kind of embarrassed again.  
TT: You'll be fine, John. Trust me.  
TT: Now, go kiss that boy right on the mouth.  
TT: And stop messaging your friends in the middle of the class.  
EB: look who's talking!  
TT: Ah, the perks of being an office assistant.  
EB: lucky. :C

\---

The closer they got to the hospital, the more anxious John felt. He wasn't sure if it was because he was excited, or because he was so nervous he felt as if he could faint at any moment, but whatever it was drove him to constantly bounce his leg in a failed attempt to alleviate some of his pent-up energy. Jade watched him, giggling once she realized why he was doing it.

"Shut up," he told her, frowning. Jade laughed harder in response.

"You can be pretty cute sometimes!" She said, and John stuck his tongue out at her.

"You just enjoy my pain," he said, turning away from her in one grand gesture so she knew that he wasn't entirely serious.

"Siblings are supposed to bug each other," Jade said, the grin she had plastered all over her face heard in her voice. John sighed dramatically, and refused to talk to her for the remainder of the trip (which totaled out to be about five minutes).

They were dropped off right in front of the hospital, and together, John and Jade entered the now-familiar building. What wasn't familiar was seeing Karkat standing by the receptionist's desk as if he didn't know what to do with himself. 

Granted, Karkat had been waiting by the front desk for them ever since he and John had started dating, but there hadn't been enough time for John to get fully used to the sight.

"Karkat!" Jade said happily, waving to him. He instantly brightened up, his slouch straightening out to a brisk walk as he approached them.

"You two are ridiculously early," Karkat said. "Did you somehow manage to run every single red light on the way over here without alerting the police?"

"We got out of the parking lot a few minutes earlier than usual," she explained. "That's all."

Karkat nodded, and before John knew it, he was standing right next to him as he signed himself and Jade in. He looked down impatiently at the sticker sheet. "Dude, don't make me stick this on your head again." John warned. No one was immune to a dreaded sticker assault.

Karkat stepped away. "Don't you fucking dare, Egbert." John laughed, and once the stickers were firmly applied, they were off, into the recesses of the hospital.

Jade skipped on ahead, but turned around so she could face them. "Warn me if I'm gonna bump into anyone, ok?"

"Sure!" John replied, while Karkat only rolled his eyes. As soon as they were out of the main lobby, Karkat edged closer to John, brushing their sides together as he reached for John's hand as discreetly as possible. John swallowed nervously, but laced their fingers together without a word.

Karkat let a huge sigh rush out of his nose. Jade giggled to herself at the sight, but otherwise didn't say anything.

Really, it was all too much for John to take in at once. He was unable to look back at Karkat, instead letting him lead him around until they ended up in the elevator.

The atmosphere was very tense. Jade tried to break it with a cough and a question of, "so, what are we going to do today?" but both John and Karkat were too busy being embarrassed to answer.

Jade huffed. "You two are dummies."

"Shut your goddamned mouth, Harley," Karkat barked. Jade stuck her tongue out at him and folded her arms over her chest.

"No, she's right. I feel pretty stupid," John said, using his free hand to fiddle with his glasses. Nervous habits die hard, after all! He finally worked up the courage to look over to Karkat, who was watching him with a poorly concealed worry. "No, no! Not about this," he said, lifting up their conjoined hands, "but how we're acting. You have to admit, we're being pretty dumb right about now."

"I'm being perfectly fucking normal, thank you very much," Karkat scowled, and John finally noticed a bit of reddish-brown something at the corner of his mouth.

"Uh, you have something on your face," John said, reaching towards his face in order to wipe it off, but his hand was quickly knocked away.

Karkat looked at him with wide, scared eyes. He scrubbed at it furiously until there was nothing left but an expanse of patchy brown skin. "That was uh, ketchup."

"Ketchup doesn't turn that brown when it dries, dude."

"Then that piece of cheap metal and glass that you like parading around on your face all day clearly isn't doing it's fucking job," Karkat snapped, hand tightening on John's until a dull ache throbbed up his arm. He hissed with pain, and Karkat let up with a muttered apology.

It was up to Jade to control the conversation yet again up until they reached Karkat's room. Her effort was valiant, but ultimately useless, as Karkat only muttered out short replies and John couldn't think of anything useful to say.

When Jade and Karkat went inside, John made a nervous beeline to the bathroom, quickly shutting the door and locking it in one smooth motion. He flipped the fan switch on, just to create a background of white noise, and let out a loud, deep sigh.

He leaned against the counter, sliding down until his ass came into contact with the tile below. The blank, white floor reflected the harsh light pounding down from above, nearly blinding John and forcing him to look away. It was only ever this bad immediately after Karkat's bathroom was cleaned.

Except his room was only ever cleaned on Wednesdays, and that was days ago. What was this all about?

John decided that his current train of thought was pretty stupid. He had to get back to worrying about kissing his boyfriend, after all!

He...really didn't think he had the courage to do it. That was a big step; one of the most important in any new relationship. What if he fucked it up? What if Karkat wasn't happy with it?

A knock sounded against the door, ringing in John's ears like a siren. Jade's voice followed a moment later, anxious and with a sense of urgency that made his chest twist with worry. "John! I need to goooooooo!" She whined.

John took a deep breath, trying to settle his nerves. Part of him wanted to hide in here and make Jade go somewhere else, but his instinct to be a good brother won out over his selfishness. "Fine." He said, using the counter to pull himself up. He unlocked the door, and received a faceful of his sister's long, wild hair. She was gesturing the Karkat, but once she realized the door had been opened, she flashed John a smile and rushed past, pushing him out of the way and locking the door behind her.

"Um," John looked over to Karkat, "is she ok?"

Karkat nodded, watching John with an unusually intense look that made him feel a little uneasy. His hands were balled up into tight fists, and his entire body was stiff, drawing up into himself as if he could draw out every ounce of courage in his body if he tried hard enough.

He closed his eyes and scrunched his face up, opened them, and marched over to John.

"Haha, why so serious?" John asked nervously, stumbling over himself as he tried to back up. He wasn't afraid of Karkat, but this level of pure  _intensity_ was one he wasn't used to at all.

Karkat shot him a hopelessly exasperated look, and John instantly felt a little calmer. At least that expression was something that was much more common on Karkat's face. It was more comfortable.

"People stopped quoting the joker three years ago," Karkat murmured, stopping just inches away from John. His hands were tight fists again, but he still slung his arms around John's neck, pulled him down at an awkward angle, and leaned in, head tilted and lips pressed together, just like what they did in the movies.

There was a split second where John didn't know what to do. His own arms were frozen at his sides, while Karkat's were bent at strange angles as he pulled him close. They both held their breath. Karkat's face was twisted in what John finally recognized was intense concentration.

Finally, he kissed back, pressing against him hesitantly. Karkat sucked a sharp breath in through his nose, and eagerly pushed forward, skin digging into John's glasses. That couldn't be pleasant.

As far as first kisses went, it wouldn't be one that would go down in history. No sparks flew, no fireworks went off in the background, and it certainly wasn't the best thing they had ever felt. Karkat's hands never relaxed, knuckles pushing against the sensitive vertebrae in John's neck.

It came to an abrupt halt when Karkat opened his mouth slightly and ended up sinking his ridiculously fucked up teeth into John's bottom lip. "Ow!" John gasped sharply, pulling away from him. "What the hell, dude!? That hurt!"

"I didn't fucking mean to!" Karkat said, a deep flush covering his face and tinting the tips of his ears a dusty color. "I was just trying to be romantic!"

"Oh my god," John said, shaking his head. "Oh my god," he repeated, a surprised laugh working its way up from his chest and out of his mouth.

"What's so funny, huh!?" Karkat shouted, incredulous. John only laughed harder.

"I was so worried about this whole stupid kiss," John explained. "I thought I would do something stupid and make you not want to date me because I'd be a sucky kisser. Man, was I wrong!"

Karkat looked about ready to kill him. "Are you saying _I'm_ the shitty kisser here, when you were the one moving your mouth like you were the world's most obtuse cow chewing it's half-regurgitated cud?"

"Well, you _were_ the one that bit me."

"That was a complete accident and you know it."

John laughed again. "Whatever! It's fine, really. It was nice."

"It was fucking horrible."

This time, John felt only a giddy warmth in his chest as he leaned down and pecked Karkat right on the mouth. Karkat went silent instantly, and looked up at him, shocked.

"Better?" John asked, grinning. Karkat's mouth twitched as he fought not to grin back.

"That was spectacularly mediocre," he answered.

"Good enough for me!"

\---

While Karkat curled up in the corner with nothing more than a pencil, a thick packet of homework, and a textbook that had to be heavier than him, Jade and John sat nearby, each with a controller in hand. The XBox sitting by Karkat's TV was originally Vriska's, but once she found out that Karkat had never played Borderlands, she lent it to him instantly.

In her words, "how can you even live with yourself knowing that you've never experienced perfection!? It is pretty much the best game ever. You need to play it."

And since Jade owned practically every shooter game known to man (and several known to monkeys, John thought), she brought over some shitty Halo sequel to play. It was pretty fun, even if John kept dying due to stupid mistakes.

"Jesus christ!" Jade shouted as an alien shot her character out of nowhere. "John, get him!"

"I can't even see him!" John protested, his character turning around and around as he searched for the asshole he was trying to kill. No one got away with killing his sister!

Except when they totally did, since a few moments later John's character was also laying on the ground in a useless heap.

"Damn," John said, and looked back to Karkat as he waited for them to respawn. "How's it going?"

"Why did they think it was a good idea to dedicate an entire chapter of this book to Nazis?" Karkat grumbled. "This is an American history textbook, not," he air quoted his next words as sarcastically as possible, "Everything you wanted to know about Nazis and more."

John shrugged. "We're not even that far in my class, so I don't know."

"That's the beautiful thing about packets," Karkat said. "I can hurry and get the shitty parts out of the way."

"You guys are still that far back?" Jade asked, legitimately shocked. "We're having our test on the Cold War next Friday!"

"That's what you get for taking the advanced classes," John said. Jade rolled her eyes.

"At least I'm not constantly bored!" She shot back, sticking her tongue out. "Besides, it's not hard at all."

"Harley has a point," Karkat said. "If I hadn't gotten so fucking sick, I probably would have switched into some of her classes."

"Aww," Jade said, frowning. "I would have loved to have you in there with me! You, me, and Rose could have worked on projects together. We would have been a trio!"

"Sometimes shit happens, Harley. Shit happens and there's nothing you can fucking do about it except suck it up and move on with your life." Karkat grumbled. It was surprisingly poetic, in it's own way.

Meanwhile, John coughed in an attempt to alleviate the scratching sensation at the back of his throat. Oh man, he really hoped he wasn't getting sick. That would be terrible!

Especially since Karkat was finally comfortable enough around him to promise to let him visit during his chemo period. But if he was sick, he wouldn't be able to.

Damn it.

Just then, the laptop sitting next to Karkat came to life, beeping quietly. The three looked back at the screen to see a Skype notification for a video call, and after a moment's hesitation, Karkat clicked the accept button.

"Get over here," Karkat said, moving his stuff off to the side so Jade and John could slide up next to him. John scooted over to him, sitting close enough for their sides to brush against one another, while Jade giggled and filled in on Karkat's other side.

The screen blinked to life with the fuzzy picture of a girl who looked as if she had been cobbled together from stray knife blades. She grinned at them, eyes hidden behind cheap red glasses. A lock of bright, blood red hair fell in her face, and she carelessly swept it away to join the black mass tucked behind her ears.

"Karkat! I see you have friends," she said jovially. "Mind introducing me?"

"You could probably fucking figure it out yourself, if you ever decided to exert one ounce of brainpower. But since you clearly won't," Karkat paused, and gestured to Jade first, "this is Jade," he then bumped his shoulder into John's, "and this idiot is John, though you already know him."

"Oh!" The girl perked up, her grin stretching even wider across her face. "It's nice to finally see you, John! Well, somewhat see you. And you too, Jade. Karkat's told me so much about the both of you."

"Um," Jade faltered, "and who are you?"

"Terezi Pyrope, ace student at large and Karkat's best friend!" She said proudly.

"Oh!" Jade gasped. "Yeah, Karkat's told me about you. Hi, Terezi!" The two girls smiled at each other, and John had a feeling that if they started talking, they would actually make pretty good friends.

"Anyways, that's nice and all, but you never video call me unless you want to tell me something. Spill it already," Karkat ordered, and Terezi's expression sobered.

"Well, I found out that your religious nut of a friend lives in the same town I do," Terezi paused, clearly for dramatic effect, "so I decided to pay him a visit."

"Oh yeah, he does. How did that turn out?" Karkat asked.

"Horrible! He is completely insufferable! I do not know how you manage to be friends with someone like that."

"Me neither," Karkat, said, folding his arms. "I guess I got used to his whimsical bullshit over time."

"Personally," Terezi drawls, leaning back in her seat, "I kind of like him! He is very fun to toy with."

Karkat's face twitched into a grimace for a split second. "Ok, let's not go down that road, because I know you pretty fucking well, Pyrope, and you're prone to telling me every single detail. I'd rather gouge out my own ear drums than hear it this time, Pyrope."

Terezi shrugged. "Suit yourself. So!" She said, turning her attention to John. He struggled not to flinch under her gaze, despite the fact that it was surely weakened by a grainy camera feed. "Have you taken him out on a date yet?"

Karkat broke into flustered stammering, and Jade giggled, and clapped her hand over his mouth. "Nope! John gets to answer this one!" She said happily.

Stupid meddling girls.

John struggled to find a decent excuse that wouldn't betray how much of a coward he really way. "Um, well, no, not yet. But soon! Really soon."

She laughed. "You two are pretty adorable. But treat him well, John! Break his heart and I will personally fly out to California to break your bones."

"Um." John said. He wasn't entirely sure if that was a joke or not.

He made a mental note to _never_ get on her bad side.

He heard muffled yelling from the computer, and a disdainful scowl passed over Terezi's face. "Hate to cut it short, but 'Tules is getting into trouble again, and as the responsible older sibling, I need to go make sure nothing is broken!"

"Later, Terezi," John said, and Jade waved.

"Bye, Terezi. Good luck." Karkat said, and ended the call. He closed the lid of his computer, and dragged his textbook back into his lap. Jade reached across Karkat to shake John's arm, and the two of them scooted back to the foot of the bed.

As they resumed their game, John realized something.

He really _did_ need to take Karkat on an actual, fancy _date_ date sometime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fancomic for this chapter: By [ray-rayofsunshineandrainydays!](http://ray-rayofsunshineandrainydays.tumblr.com/post/47277087123/fancomic-karkata-inti)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been asked a few times if I hate Dave. I hope this chapter answers that question.

What John had hoped to be a sore throat was soon accompanied by a pounding headache and a fever that resulted in Dad refusing to take him to school. All John could really do was lay in bed, pop a few pills, and sleep.

Ok, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration. The fever he had was definitely over 100 degrees, but the flu was something he was pretty familiar with. It sucked, but it wasn't too horrible.

Still. Bluh. Screw flu season.

With Nanna gone (returned back to Washington now that the holidays were over with), Dad at work, and Jade at school, all John had to keep him company was the entirety of the internet.

But more importantly than having the entirely of the internet was the fact that he got to talk to Karkat more than he usually did. Though he had to admit, seeing him through a grainy webcam feed was nothing compared to being able to stay by him. There was something about contact, even something as simple as their shoulders brushing, that made being with him in person so much better.

Over video, it was so much harder to see how his eyes would spark with life whenever he got the littlest bit excited, to hear the way his voice pitched up and down when he began to talk about something he cared about.

Man, John was being sappy. He had no choice but to admit it. He did, however, choose not to indulge it any longer, and sent Karkat a notification for a Skype call.

He laid down on his back, Jade's laptop balancing on his chest as he watched the screen expectantly. The air rang with sound, beeping again and again until the program finally gave up and declared that his call had been missed.

John frowned. Huh. Karkat almost never missed his Skype calls! Especially when it said that he was online. He wouldn't be asleep (he hated sleeping during the day), and even if he was, he would have turned off his computer. On top of that, his chemo session wasn't until noon, and a quick glance at the clock confirmed that it was still two hours away.

Maybe he was in the bathroom.

John sent a quick message, nothing more than a quick, "are you ok?" and set the laptop off to the side, waiting patiently for him to return. The minutes stretched on, and before John knew it, an entire hour had passed and Karkat had yet to return, despite the fact that he was supposedly online.

Karkat must have gone somewhere else, and forgotten to sign out of Skype (however unlikely that was). Whatever the problem was, it obviously wasn't something John could really fix.

He sighed, typed out a quick goodbye message ("i'll talk to you later then?"), and shut the laptop.

He fell into an uneasy sleep.

\---

His dreams were filled with strange pictures. Flashes of faces and jumbled words that he could never quite make out came in and out of focus regardless of how hard he tried to chase after them.

No matter how hard he tried to wake up, he couldn't escape the urgent, anxious feeling plaguing his every move.

The sunlight streamed directly into his face by the time he finally woke up, heat pounding and chest heaving as he desperately sucked in air. After a few moments, he rolled over onto his back, letting out a shaky, thick cough.

"Daaaaaaaad!" He croaked. "Are you home?" He waited a few moments, but when there was no response, he groaned, voice cracking in the middle and leaving him to trail off into a broken grunt. 

He slapped his hand around his nightstand until he managed to grab his glasses. Slapping them onto his face, he checked the clock. 3:30 P.M. 

Jade would be at the hospital, he thought glumly. Without him.

He grabbed the laptop abandoned at his bedside and turned it on, waiting for it to start up. The first thing he did was sign into Skype, and hope that Karkat was online.

To his relief, he was. Settling back in his bed and using his pillow as a backrest, he sent another call request.

It was picked up within the first ring. What surprised him, though, was the fact that he wasn't staring at Karkat or even Jade, but at Vriska's wide grin.

"Hi, John!" She greeted, but sobered up at his reaction. "What?" She huffed. "You look like someone just kicked your puppy!"

John shook his head, and coughed wetly. "No, it's just that I was expecting Karkat, not you," he explained.

"Well, that's too bad! Because today, Karkat gets to hang out with not one, not even two, but three lovely ladies!"

John blinked. "So Rose is there too?"

"You called?" Vriska was shoved out of the way with an offended yelp, and suddenly, Rose's calm face came into view. John waved weakly, nothing more than a slight twitch of his hand, but she smiled and waved back. "Though, I'm certain you don't want to talk to any of us healthy ladies."

"Aww, Rose, you know I like talking to you!" John protested, frowning.

"Yes, but you wanted to see your boyfriend, not us." Rose said, chiding him jokingly.

Suddenly, John's heard Jade's voice. "Karkat, you dummy! Come out of there! None of us are even sick!"

"Says the fraternizer herself!" Karkat shouted back, though his voice was pathetically muffled. "I'm not coming out until all of you germ-ridden windbags stop breathing my air! Which, by the way, was perfectly sterile before you decided to disease it up. Jesus christ, I should just start calling you twitchy idiots the bad idea brigade."

"Tell him John's calling," Rose advised.

"John's on Skype," Jade responded, and an instant later, John heard a crash and several intermingling shouts. The screen blurred from too many from rapid movements, and the noise reached a deafening, static pitch.

When it finally calmed down, he was staring at Karkat's haggard face, the clear white door behind him serving as a lonely backdrop.

"Karkat! Are you ok?" Jade's voice, now the muffled, asked.

"I'm fine!" Karkat shouted into the door. "I'm not going to die from bumping into a fucking nightstand."

"But you practically ran straight into it! It looked really painful," Jade said.

"I'm _fine_ ," Karkat insisted, and with an angry grunt, he hit his head against the door.

"Fine then, be a stubborn jerk! Don't come crying to me when you start to bruise," Jade huffed, her footsteps pounding faintly in the distance. Karkat rolled his eyes and mouthed along to her words with a scowl.

The world on the other side of John's screen grew quiet, and he coughed weakly. "So..."

"So, you look like shit. Go back to sleep," Karkat said.

"You're one to talk, man," John said, but Karkat just shrugged.

"Insomnia's another _wonderful_ side effect that pathetic fuckers like me learn to deal with."

"Jeez, yeah..." John trailed off, unsure of what to say. At a time like this he'd usually poke Karkat or wander off in order to find something else do to, but all he could do in this state was shift uneasily.

"When your health stops shitting out on you and I get out of hell, you should teach me another card game," Karkat said, a little suddenly. "I haven't learned a new one in a while."

John blinked. It really had been a while since he had brought over his trusty deck of cards. That fact needed to change, and fast. "Oh, sure. What about scum? It kind of sucks with just two people, but I bet Rose and Jade wouldn't mind playing with us. Oooh, or even Polish poker. But instead of money we could bet on who gets to pick the next movie or something. I dunno."

Karkat nodded. "Fine, but no blue bitch. She's nothing but a dirty fucking cheater," he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.

John snickered. "That's Vriska for you!"

They lapsed into another momentary silence before Karkat said, in a voice so quiet John almost missed it, "I kind of hope we get to have a real fucking date soon. It'd be nice, I think." Even through the blurry feed, John could tell that Karkat's eyes were downcast, stealing glances at the screen just long enough to reaffirm the fact that John was there.

"Yeah...I sure hope so! I have so much stuff planned. It will be the best date ever."

"I'm holding you to that."

"You won't be disappointed, Mr. Vantas. Promise."

John snickered, but even though he appeared to be joking, part of him knew it to be true. He really did want to make it special. Not just for Karkat, but for the both of them.

\---

John spent the next few days in a haze. When he wasn't sleeping, he was attempting to function through a haze of cold medicine and feverish discomfort.

He couldn't really remember much. Time blurred together, and the only thing that ever separated one block of time from another were the rare moments that Jade or his dad would come into his room and either force him to eat something or take more medicine.

Essentially, it really sucked.

Then again, it wasn't like he had much of a reason to remember much of anything, The only interesting things that really happened only happened when he was talking to Karkat, and even those weren't all that special. They talked about the same things they always did: movies, dumb games, and on the rare occasion, a topic that was somewhat serious.

"You know," Karkat had said, "for all that forgiveness shit you harped on about last month, you never really listened to your own advice. It's a shame, too. Those were some of the best things to ever come out of your ridiculous mouth."

"I'm sick, though! Can't we talk about something else?"

Karkat had glared at him balefully, and shook his head violently. "No, you vegetated imbecile! I'm even sicker than you, and yet, look who is directing this conversation."

"But I-"

"But no," Karkat had said, tapping against his fingers as he listed off his points, "fuck you, just go apologize to your stupid friend already."

"Bluh," John had said, and that had been the end of that conversation.

What brought that memory back to the forefront of his mind was the fact that, when he rolled over and tried to stretch his legs out, he felt them bump into a solid weight.

"Jade?" He croaked, voice cracking through his parched throat. "Ugh. Can I get some water?"

His bed creaked as the weight left, and John stretched out, the tense muscles in his legs finally relaxing. He buried his head back into his pillow and refused to move, even when he heard her return.

He lifted his head up when fingers tapped his shoulder, though he kept his eyes closed. He felt the glass bump again his mouth (something strange for Jade to do; she would have yelled at him to wake up by now), but he drank greedily from it all the same. It stung going down.

"Ugh, what time is it?" He asked, rolling over again and pulling the blanket over his head.

"About 4:30 on a Friday. January 11, in case you didn't know."

John's eyes snapped open.That voice wasn't Jade's. It wasn't feminine at all, but it was nowhere near deep enough to be Dad's.

Who was he kidding; he knew exactly who the owner of the voice was.

His hand shot out onto his nightstand, quickly grasping his glasses and pushing them onto his face. He sat up, and finally opened his eyes.

Dave stood nearby, nervous shoving his overgrown fringe out of his face. His roots had finally gone back to their natural color, making his hair remind John of a half-assed zebra.

"Holy shit, Dave!?"

Dave shoved his hands into his pockets and leaned back, dangerously close to tottering over and falling onto his ass. He raised his chin slightly. "Sup, Egbert. It's been a while."

"I. What!? Why are you here?" John demanded, gesturing about wildly despite the fatigue weighing his limbs down.

Dave rolled his shoulders, attempting to look casual despite the visible tension running through his body. "Took on the role of unpaid babysitter for a few hours while Jade and Egbert Senior are gone," he explained, lazily kicking his foot back and forth against the carpet.

"I don't need a babysitter," John complained.

"Gonna have to overrule that statement, dude. Try again when you don't look like you're about to pass out."

"I'm _fine_."

"No, no, you totally are," Dave agreed, the serious note in his voice contrasting with the obviously sarcastic way he meant his words. "You just ditched school for three days straight, no big deal. I bet you went all over town with a car that you can magically drive."

John rolled his eyes. "Ok, fine, I'm sick. But I can take care of myself, sheesh!" 

There was a part of him that wanted Dave to leave. It had been months since they had stopped talking, and that part of John wasn't quite ready to forgive him any time soon.

But then he remembered Karkat's words from earlier. Was it really that important to continue to shut Dave out of his life? They had been best friends, after all. Dave could be a stupid dick sometimes, but really, he was a pretty great friend.

...Man, his hair had really grown out since the last time John had really paid attention to him. His bangs now fell past his eyes, and he finger-combed them out of his face every few moments.

"Not too sure about that one," Dave said. "The kitchen's pretty far away, and a little Harley told me that you haven't eaten all day. Not sure you'd make it there and back in one piece."

"Oh man, you are totally right. One of the crocodiles living behind the couch will probably get me! I will never be able to outrun them," John said with a roll of his eyes.

Dave cracked a smile at that, and in a fake Australian accent, said, "Croikey! My good mate Egbert's 'bout to get his head chomped off by a mighty gator!"

"The mightiest gator!"

"But no worries! I can wrangle this one, provided my mate lets me."

"Oh, I am completely convinced!" John sat up enough just to swoon, head crashing back down into his pillow. "Your fake accent has won me over, Mister Strider. Please, wrangle that gator and save me."

Dave snickered, and finally dropped the accent. "Hungry yet, man?"

John blinked. He wasn't really all that hungry, but getting something to eat would be good for him. "Yeah, I guess."

"Cool. One bowl of chicken noodle soup, coming right up." Dave turned to leave and threw the door open, but John shouted his name and stopped him mid-step.

"Wait! Make that tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich," John said.

Dave looked at him, gave a fake salute, and then left John alone with his thoughts. He could hear him milling about downstairs (mostly talking to himself and occasionally lapsing into a pattern of speaking that was almost rhythmic enough to be considered rapping), but the sounds only served as background noise.

He was acting like nothing had ever happened, but it wasn't too hard to tell that he was nervous. Dave just wanted to be friends again.

It was time to forgive Dave.

And maybe even ask for forgiveness himself. After all, he had been the one to push him away for so long. This stupid grudge lasted for much longer than it ever needed to. The sting of guilt lanced through his chest, and he sighed heavily.

Dave came back a few minutes later carrying a cookie sheet covered in John's lunch. He set it down on his lap, and then took  few steps back. "Don't forget about the napkin," Dave said casually.

Of course that had to mean something important. John fished the napkin out from underneath the plate holding his grilled cheese sandwich (which looked a little browner than he'd like, but then again, he wasn't the pickiest eater), and opened it.

Inside was a message written in Dave's pointed scrawl. It looked like something a ten year old girl would send to her crush, except with one little twist. The top read, "let's be friends," and beneath were two boxes: one with a large yes next to it, and the other with a no written smaller than the yes.

John laughed. "Hmmm, I don't know! This is a hard choice."

"If you ask me, that yes looks pretty sweet," Dave replied.

John laughed. "Then I guess I have no choice. Yes it is!"

Dave let out a choked laugh, nearly stumbling away in surprise. He regained his balance, and ran a hand though his hair. "Man. That's..."

"Good? We spent way too long being stupid about this, dude."

Dave nodded. "Yeah. Sorry for being a conceited douche about your boyfriend," he muttered. "I guess I was just a little jealous. You pretty much set your sights on him, and stopped caring about everyone else. Left your friends in the dust, struggling to catch up to you."

John sighed. "I know. But I'm trying not to do that anymore, I swear!"

Dave grinned, and walked close enough to sit at the foot of John's bed. "You know what Vris told me?"

"What?"

"That it was only a matter of time before all that blood in your dick returned to your brain. Guess it just took a little longer than I had hoped."

"Gross, dude." Dave shrugged, and John continued to speak. "And I guess...I'm sorry too? For being a douche for so long. I really should have apologized to you sooner."

"It's alright. Can't change the past, after all. Gotta grow from your mistakes."

It sounded a little stupid, but the meaning was actually pretty deep. "We have to make sure that the future doesn't suck nearly as much as the past did, right?"

Dave smirked. "Exactly."


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes when I write chapters this like this one, I think of the Johnkats on my Tumblr dashboard that won't read this fic and I laugh to myself.
> 
> So many people are afraid of Karkat dying that they refuse to calm down and enjoy the story! Even if he dies, he's not going to die anytime soon. You can't kill off the main character when the story is only halfway done.
> 
> You can, however, force him to go to Denny's at a ridiculous hour in the morning.
> 
> (Special thanks to Hailey for helping me code pesterlogs so I didn't end up crying and wasting my entire night fucking with html.)

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] \--

TG: hey  
EB: hey dave.  
TG: are you on your computer or just your dumb pda  
TG: why do you even use that thing anyways  
TG: isnt it just a glorified electronic calendar  
EB: i don't actually know! nanna gave it to me, and i don't think i have the heart to throw it away.  
EB: stern grandmotherly disapproval is a very scary thing.  
TG: yeah i bet  
TG: nanna egbert glaring at your through cheap plastic glasses  
TG: wrinkles quivering in disappointment  
TG: man im ready to piss myself just thinking about it  
EB: lol.  
TG: is that all you have to say  
TG: just lol  
TG: no witty comeback to trump me and make me feel like an idiot  
EB: uh, no?  
EB: calm down, man.  
EB: anyways, i'm on my computer.  
TG: oh sweet  
TG: ive been working on a new arrangement with that piano piece you sent me the other day  
TG: its coming along pretty well imo  
TG: wanna hear  
EB: yeah, sure.  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] sent ectoBiologist [EB] the file "shitletsbemeddlers.txt" --  
TG: shit  
TG: wrong file  
EB: what is this?  
EB: ...i think i'm going to have to read this.  
TG: uh  
TG: gotta go  
TG: rose is about to get into the vodka again gotta go be the responsible big brother and stop her before she calls bro  
TG: later

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  ectoBiologist [EB] \--

TG: so  
TG: vantas  
CG: AGAIN, REALLY?  
CG: IT'D BE GREAT IF I COULD GET A WARNING BEFORE MY HANDLE IS RANDOMLY GIVEN OUT TO ANY ASSHOLE ON THE STREET WHO WANTS IT.  
TG: its like a free pass  
TG: come one come all and witness the spectacular source of spitting rage that is karkat vantas  
TG: little kids from all over the country drag their parents along just to see you  
TG: mommy mommy i wanna see the jerkoff too  
CG: HA HA HA, REAL FUNNY. YOU ARE A GRADE A COMEDIAN, DID YOU FUCKING KNOW THAT? I'M LAUGHING SO HARD I CAN'T BREATHE!  
TG: whoa man lay off the sarcasm  
TG: keep that up and youre gonna hurt yourself  
CG: ONLY AFTER I CRAWL THROUGH THE SCREEN AND PUNCH YOUR FACE IN.  
CG: ANYWAYS, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?  
TG: thought youd be able to tell  
TG: its dave  
TG: you know  
TG: johns friend  
CG: OH.  
CG: YEAH, HE TOLD ME YOU GUYS FINALLY MADE UP.  
TG: it was a great moment  
TG: many tears were shed  
TG: all the tears actually  
TG: all of them  
CG: I'M JUST GLAD JOHN FINALLY TOOK HIS OWN ADVICE. FUCKING HYPOCRITE.  
TG: yeah anyways  
TG: so about you and john  
TG: hows that going  
CG: WHY ARE YOU ASKING? WHAT, STILL JEALOUS THAT I TOOK HIM AWAY FROM YOU?  
CG: DON'T YOU HAVE YOUR OWN PARTNER TO GO TO.  
TG: wait what  
TG: you think i want a piece of that egbert man meat?  
TG: gross man  
TG: sorry but the d has never really interested me  
TG: boners are funny and all but im not that into them  
TG: i just want to know how you and him are working out  
TG: gotta keep my best bro safe after all  
CG: AND WHY EXACTLY DO YOU THINK I WOULD EVER TELL YOU ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP?  
TG: because johns an idiot and hes too chickenshit to make any sort of move  
TG: so if you want to actually get anywhere with him before the heat death of the universe you should trust your good pal dave  
CG: WE ARE NOT "PALS." SO DON'T CALL US THAT.  
TG: fine then  
TG: chums  
CG: THAT SOUNDS DISGUSTING.  
TG: buddies  
CG: WHAT ARE WE, FIVE?  
TG: bros  
CG: I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN BE RELATED IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM TO YOUR SORRY ASS.  
TG: ok fine we can work towards a common goal at least right  
CG: AGAIN, WHY DO YOU *CARE*? HOW COULD THIS EVER BENEFIT YOU?  
TG: fine fine  
TG: vris has some plans and she wants to enact them  
TG: but she cant do it by herself so she sent me to do the dirty work  
TG: but come on i make a pretty sweet henchman dont you think  
TG: i can even talk in a stupid voice if i need to  
CG: I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD FIND A STUPIDER HUMAN BEING THAN JOHN "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T STICK MY FAT TONGUE INTO ELECTRICAL SOCKETS WITHOUT DYING?" EGBERT. BUT THEN, LIKE A CLOUD OF PUTRID SHIT DESCENDING OVER ME, I FOUND YOU.  
TG: not cool man  
CG: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S NOT COOL HERE. YOU ARE THE EPITOME OF ANTI-COOL.  
TG: my kokoro is brokoro and its all your fault  
CG: I COULDN'T GIVE LESS OF A FAT FINGERED FUCK IF I TRIED.  
TG: ok hateflirting time over now  
TG: next time you talk to john do a favor for my girl and drop some heavy hints  
TG: she wants to be the one that gets to shuttle john around on his first official date but she got a ticket  
TG: as soon as serket senior finds out that shitty truck of hers is going straight to the dump  
TG: so make him take you out before like the end of this week ok  
CG: FINE, FINE. I'LL PLAY ALONG, BUT ONLY BECAUSE, HOWEVER EMBARRASSING IT IS TO ADMIT IT, I AM KIND OF EXCITED FOR THIS DATE.  
CG: WELL, WHEN IT'LL ACTUALLY FUCKING HAPPEN.  
TG: great  
TG: now step on it bro

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

EB: jaaaaaaaaaaade!  
EB: jaaaaaaaaadddddddeeeeeeee where are you???  
GG: um in the room right next to yours???  
EB: i know that!  
GG: then whyd you ask dummy?  
EB: i need to show you something!!  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] sent gardenGnostic [GG] the file "shitletsbemeddlers.txt" --  
GG: oooooooh  
GG: ive seen this  
EB: WHAT!?  
GG: yeah, dave showed me already  
EB: jade, that is not cool. you are going behind my back and conspiring with a bunch of  
EB: uh  
EB: meddlers!!!!!!  
EB: family isn't supposed to do that. :(  
GG: jeeeez, calm down  
GG: were only trying to help you!!! karkats excited you know ;)  
EB: and you think i'm not excited too?  
EB: i'm just really nervous. what are we going to do? what will he enjoy?  
EB: what if it sucks, jade. what if i am a bad boyfriend.  
GG: ugh  
GG: this is EXACTLY what you whined about last time!!!  
GG: stop worrying so much and just DO it  
EB: ok, ok.  
EB: i'll calm down.  
GG: besides, karkat is freaking out even more than you about this  
EB: he is?  
GG: well yeah  
GG: hes messaging me right now!  
EB: what's he saying?  
GG: ahem  
GG: "BLUH BLUH IM SUCH A SHITTY BOYFRIEND I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT DO TO FOR OUR DATE IM SUCH A FUCKASS WHY DOES HE EVEN LIKE ME"  
EB: aww.  
EB: tell him that of course i like him! he's funny and cute and silly.  
EB: and tell him that if he doesn't shut up i'm taking him to denny's for our first date.  
GG: ok!  
GG: he says that it doesnt actually sound like a bad idea  
GG: hes heard that dennys sucks but hes never actually been there before  
EB: oh.  
EB: then, um...  
EB: i guess i have enough money saved to take us both there?  
EB: at least i hope.  
GG: he says that money wont be a problem  
GG: "CG: REMEMBER THAT WHOLE "MY PARENTS DECIDED THAT THEY CAN SIMPLY BUY MY LOVE INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY SPENDING TIME WITH ME" DEAL?  THAT NEVER STOPPED BEING A THING."  
EB: cool! :D  
EB: what about this saturday?  
GG: he says the sooner, the better  
EB: saturday it is.  
GG: oh, wait...  
GG: theres something i think you should see!!!  
EB: oh no...  
GG: lol, after you look at this, message vriska  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] sent ectoBiologist [EB] the file "vriskastotallysupersmartplanofawesomeness.txt" --

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] \--

\--  arachnidsGrip [AG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

AG: Jaaaaaaaade!  
GG: hi vriska!  
AG: ::::D  
AG: So.  
GG: soooo...?  
AG: A8out John's d8!  
AG: Since I am going to 8e his ride, I get to decide what time he and Karkat get to go!  
AG: We have to work with my schedule too, after all.  
GG: yes vriska, of course  
GG: your schedule is the most important :/  
AG: Don't pull that face with me!  
AG: 8esides, I'm only trying to make it more fun for them! My intentions are completely no8le.  
GG: if you say so.......  
AG: That's only seven dots, Harley! ::::(  
GG: whoops  
GG: ........  
GG: there, my mistake has been fixed  
AG: Gr8!  
GG: hehehe  
AG: Aaaaaaaanyways, my plan is to sneak Karkat out during the night!  
AG: Night d8s are so much cooler.  
GG: isnt that illegal?  
AG: Since when has that ever stopped me?  
GG: good point  
GG: but what if he gets caught when theyre trying to sneak out?  
AG: That won't 8e a pro8lem. I've already got Rose working on that!  
GG: really?  
AG: She's in cahoots with that fairy nurse. The one that likes Karkat a lot.  
GG: theres a security guard that likes him a lot too!  
GG: you should talk to her  
AG: W8. Are you talking about Peixes' cousin?  
GG: that was feferis cousin?  
AG: Duuuuuuuuh!  
AG: 8ut there is N8 WAY IN H8LL that I am talking to that 8itch!  
GG: then ask rose to do it!!!  
AG: ...Ok.  
GG: sometimes youre kind of dumb vriska  
AG: Am not.  
GG: are too  
AG: Am not!  
GG: are too!!!!  
AG: AM NOT!!!!!!!  
GG: that only had seven exclamation points  
AG: . . .  
AG: You win this round, Harley.

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG]  ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]  \--

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

EB: so...  
EB: let me get this straight.  
AG: ::::?  
EB: you want me to sneak karkat out of the hospital at some ridiculously late hour. like, two in the morning on a sunday.  
AG: Yes!  
EB: and you want to shuttle me and him over to denny's so we can have our first date.  
AG: Yes!  
EB: well, ok.  
AG: Yeeeeeeees. ::::D  
EB: i just have one question.  
EB: why?  
AG: This has a very simple answer, John!  
AG: I want to help you.  
AG: And 8esides, why not?  
EB: you're in some kind of bet, aren't you?  
AG: John! I am ashamed that you would think that.  
EB: so you are.  
AG: May8e.  
EB: how much?  
AG: 200 8ucks!  
EB: damn! that is a lot of money. you will practically be rich.  
AG: I know! Isn't it gr8?  
EB: /rolls eyes  
EB: this plan is kind of stupid, but i will help you get that money.  
AG: See? This is why you are my 8est friend, John.

\---

Rather than lock himself for an hour in Karkat's bathroom or something ridiculous like that so he could hide from the nurses, John decided to build a pillow fort.

It was the perfect plan, really! All he had to do was block the front so the nurses couldn't see inside, and bam, he had the perfect hiding place.

He had to send Karkat out on a supply run before he had enough materials, but just before visiting hours had ended he had constructed a fort fit for a king.

It spread out in the middle of Karkat's room, giving the usually bare area a comfier atmosphere. He arranged the furniture until it formed a square, and plopped down several books on top of each corner of the large sheet that made up the basic structure.

Pillows were generously scattered inside, and when John crawled in, he could sit up without his head hitting the top of the fort. Satisfied, he threw on a thicker, gray blanket over the front (serving as a good shield from prying eyes), and finally dragged Karkat inside. He didn't complain too much about it, so he must have approved, too.

By 10 P.M., Karkat was laying inside the fort, John's thigh serving as a makeshift pillow as he worked on one of his packets. The only light in the room came from the laptop perched in front of him.

"Dude, you never told me what you were working on," John said, fingers lazily skimming over Karkat's keyboard as he played some flash game where he had to shoot at monsters. It really wasn't interesting.

"Calculus," Karkat answered simply, waving his packet in from of John's face. "Integration is my favourite fucking thing, in case you don't know."

John snatched the packet from Karkat's hand and ignored the following squawk of protest as he squinted at the paper. Each problem had some long, sloping symbol next to it. "I thought you were in pre-calc with me." John said dazedly, handing the packet back to Karkat.

"I completed the credits for that class already," Karkat answered. "Fuck, I could have had the same schedule as Jade had I not been afraid of this," he gestured to himself, "happening again."

"Oh," John said, silently berating himself for being stupid. Karkat was brilliant - anyone could see that - but to think that he lost out on so much because he got sick made John's heart twist within his chest. He moved to card his free hand through Karkat's hair, but his hand was slapped away.

"Really, it's not that big of a fucking deal. Hell, I could graduate at the end of the year if I keep up this pace."

"What will you do then? Go to college?"

A shrug. "Online college, probably. I have no idea what I want to be now."

John sighed. He knew that feeling all too well. How was he expected to pick a subject that would define practically the rest of his life when he was still a kid? "Me too."

"I actually wanted to go in the military when I was little," Karkat admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. Suddenly, the air had grown much more solemn. "Even then, the idea was absolutely fucking preposterous, but my past self was an idealistic idiot who had his head shoved too far up his ass to see how harsh reality really was."

The image of Karkat standing attention in a snug military uniform, standing perfectly straight, eyes blazing with life and pride, flashed through John's head. This Karkat wasn't the sickly, thin wisp of a boy currently draped over him, but the proud, daring young man Karkat really was.

"I think you would have looked great in a uniform," John said.

Karkat snorted, and shook his head. "A pathetic little pipsqueak like me? Pfft. As if."

"Noooooo," John said, gently lifting Karkat's shoulders up and drawing him into a hug, rocking him back and forth. "You'd be cute. Adorable. All the ladies would swoon over you."

"I appreciate the sentiment, but your lies are just becoming more and more obvious by the second," Karkat said.

"Just accept the compliments from these hypothetical ladies," John said, and kissed Karkat right on the nose, giggling when he turned red. He didn't think guys were supposed to be called cute, but that was the only way to describe the pout on Karkat's face when it stood out against the ruddy tint of his face.

"Fine, but only because that's the only way I can get you to shut up."

John just laughed, and kissed him again, this time right on the lips. It only lasted for a few seconds, but he silently congratulated himself on the fact that their kisses were no longer completely horrible. This time at least, no lips were bit and no noses were bumped against.

Karkat shuffled back down, setting the packet away from him. "It's officially too late to think about math any more. Wake me up when it's time to go," he said, eyes fluttering shut.

"No problem," John said, automatically dimming the brightness of the laptop's screen. Now that it didn't have to function as a lamp, there was no need for it to be so bright. "And, um," he added nervously, "sweet dreams?"

Karkat flashed a grin, and snuggled against John's leg, curling his limbs up into a tiny ball.

He fell asleep within minutes, entering a calm, serene sleep. Occasionally, he murmured something John couldn't quite catch, or his fingers twitched against his chest.

John wondered what he dreamed about.

\---

John and Karkat hurried through the empty corridors, hands clasped so tightly together it almost hurt. Karkat's grasp was like iron, and John was too nervous to even notice the pressure.

They checked down every corridor they saw, looking for any staff that could send threaten to send Karkat out of his room and John out of the hospital.

They took the stairs instead of the elevator. It took much longer, but the steps were hardly, if ever, used by the staff. Karkat trailed down slowly, and by the time they clearly the last flight, his breaths came out heavier than usual.

"Can't even make it down a few stairs?" John teased. "Lame."

The punch to his arm shocked reverberated throughout his entire body. He whined from the pain, but he had to admit, he kind of deserved it.

Karkat refused to hold his hand again, so they traveled through the first floor side by side.

"Sorry," John whispered, but Karkat continued to ignore him, "I was just making a joke!"

"Your jokes are going to end with you being thrown in front of a moving truck some day," Karkat hissed, refusing to look back at him. "And when they do, I'll be right on the streetcorner, laughing my ass off."

"You wouldn't."

Karkat slowed down. "...Just fucking try me, asslicker."

"Gross."

They continued on in silence, picking up the pace once they believed the coast to be clear.

"'Ey, crabcatch!" A voice shouted. "The fuck you doin' scuttling around so late?"

"Shit!" Karkat hissed, freezing in place. He looked back to John, eyes narrowed. "Shut the fuck up and let me handle this, ok?"

John blinked, and nodded. He could do that.

A woman came into view, and John recognized her as the staff member that had stopped him and Jade a few months before. She stood in the middle of the corridor, hands on her hips and grinning widely at Karkat.

"I'm going to the front desk," Karkat explained. "Let me through, Meenah."

"Why? Gonna sneak out?" She asked, her grin never faltering. "I never took ya for a rebel."

Karkat sighed, and nodded. She nodded back, finally acknowledging John with a tip of her head. "And what about this loser? He ain't a patient. Need me to take care of him?"

"He's my boyfriend," Karkat said, adding hastily, "and also my ride."

Meenah broke out into a snicker. John's jaw dropped at the realization of just what she was laughing at, and stammered a hasty defense.

Karkat just blushed furiously. "Not like that, you perverted creep! He's taking me out on a date."

"Why so late?"

"Why the fuck not."

Meenah returned to her vicious grin. "Good answer," she replied, and stepped off to the side. "Have fun."

Karkat sagged with relief and turned to grab John's hand. He stopped by Meenah and whispered something in her ear before dashing off.

Once they were out of sight, Karkat let go of his hand, and they slowed down. Karkat panted heavily, clearly winded.

"Ok...Aradia should be at the front desk," John said. "Rose told me that she already talked to her, so all you have to do is sign yourself out."

Still trying to catch his breath, Karkat nodded, and they continued on in silence.

When they reached the main area, it was empty, save for Aradia, who was standing by the front desk. She waved them over with a grin.

"Hi guys!" She greeted. "Have fun out there, and be safe."

"That's kind of what we're planning on doing," John said. "But thanks for agreeing to go along with this."

"It's no problem. I've been hoping that Karkat would go out for quite some time now," Aradia said, pointedly ignoring Karkat's glare as he signed himself out.

"You and him both, I think," John agreed.

"Now, shoo! Before anyone else shows up," she said, motioning for them to leave. Karkat grunted and wave her a short wave as they exited.

The night air was crisp, and bit their skin as they went out into the parking lot. Karkat shivered, and wrapped his hoodie tighter around himself.

"Want my jacket?" John offered, already slipping his arms out of the sleeves as he spoke. It wasn't that cold outside; he could survive a little chill. "I don't need it."

"I don't want it," Karkat answered, but when John draped it over him, he took it anyways, reluctantly putting it on.

"Now." John announced, scanning the dark parking lot. "Where's Vriska? She should be here by now."

He looked over to Karkat, who appeared to be getting more and more anxious by the second. He never got out often, let alone to go out with people who considered themselves his friends. It must be a little scary!

"It'll be ok," John said. "You'll have fun!

Karkat didn't answer.

A few minutes later, Vriska's banged-up truck entered the parking lot, coming to a screeching halt right in front of them. Karkat glanced nervously at John, who had already moved by the door.

"Hey!" Vriska called, rolling down the window. "We're kind of packed in the back, so just stick Karkat on your lap."

"What!?" Karkat spat out, stomping over to the car. He threw the door open, and when John looked inside, he found Rose, Jade, and Dave crammed in the back together, each greeting him warmly.

"We made it a group date!" Jade announced happily.

Well that was unexpected! But not entirely a bad thing, John realized. He looked over to Karkat, who was shrinking back within himself.

"Still wanna do it?" John asked. "I mean, it's ok if you don't."

Karkat frowned, and shook his head. "Get in there, asshole."

John cheered, and climbed into the passenger seat. Karkat climbed on top of him a few moments later, sitting tensely on his lap.

Vriska glanced over to them. "Jeeeeeeeez, Karkat, calm down! You act like you're going to die tonight!"

"I've heard the stories about your driving skills, Serket. Might as well be prepared for the worst," Karkat shot back.

Vriska rolled her eyes. "Worrywart." With that, she peeled out of the driveway, speeding through the parking lot and out onto the street. Karkat remained frozen in John's lap, despite his best attempts to calm him down. He gently rubbed his hands along Karkat's arms and shoulders, moving in small, calming circles. Karkat relaxed, but only slightly.

To be honest, John was just as worried about being killed. He was just better at hiding it.

The others behind him didn't seem to care at all, and continued their conversation with ease.

The clock just struck 2:00 A.M. by the time Vriska pulled into the parking lot of Denny's. They all piled out of her truck, Rose easily taking up the front of the group as they entered the building. John and Karkat fell to the back, John slowing down enough to stay by his boyfriend's side.

Jade looked at them over her shoulder and grinned, grabbing Dave and spinning him around to face Karkat.

"Say hi! It's been a while, hasn't it?" Jade said, jabbing Dave in his side with a bony elbow. He flinched, but remained calm.

"Hey, Vantas. How's the D?"

Karkat grimaced. "It's called polite conversation, Strider. You should learn the parameters of it."

Dave shrugged, expression dampened by his shades. "Excited?"

"Not to see you."

"Fair enough. You look..." Dave paused, mulling over his words, "shorter than usual."

"You look like more of a complete tool than usual," Karkat shot back. "Seriously, what's with the hair?"

John glanced up to Dave's hair, now running down part of his head in black and white stripes. Huh. That was certainly different.

"Oh, this?" Dave ran a hand through his hair. "Well, the bucktoothed brigade told me that I was starting to look like a zebra so I went all the way with it. Why be part a zebra when I can go the full zebra."

"I think it looks nice!" Jade giggled.

Dave turned to her with a small, guarded grin. "Answers like that are why you're my favourite."

Jade beamed triumphantly, and with a roll of his eyes, Karkat pushed through them and went inside. The others trotted after him.

Rose was already inside, chatting idly with the waitress. Vriska stood at the grab machine by the door, eagerly shoving quarters into it and trying to get the stuffed spider in the back corner.

"Rose! Have we got a table yet?" Jade asked, running up to her and giving her a hug. The waitress's grin faltered, but she grabbed several menus and walked off.

The others - except for Vriska, who claimed that she would catch up after she won her prize - followed. They were led to a corner booth, which contained a faded red, rounded couch that wrapped around a single table. A few dimmed lights hung overheard, giving the area a mellow glow. Rose slid in first, followed by Jade, Karkat, John, and finally Dave, who stretched his legs over Vriska's reserved seat.

Unsurprisingly, they were the only ones in the restaurant.

"It's so lonely," Jade said, leaning heavily into Rose's side, who absently patted her black hair. "Don't you think it's a little sad?"

Karkat shook his head. "God, no. It's peaceful."

"I agree," Rose added. "It also means that service should be fast."

Sure enough, the service was fast. The harried waitress from earlier came by just seconds later, asking for drink orders. Dave made sure to order an extra one for Vriska.

"She'll be pissed if she doesn't have a celebratory drink," Dave explained. "So AJ for me, and a root beer for the girl about to win a spider."

The waitress left, and Dave moved his feet back down to the floor. "Damn. She looked unhappy to see us." He shrugged. "Must be because we're teenagers."

"Yes, look at us!" Karkat said. "Shit, I'm surprised we haven't started rioting already!"

Jade and John both giggled, while Rose only cracked a smile. "Actually, I think she just wanted to be left alone for the night," she said. "And not have to deal with us homosexual scum."

"Speak for yourself, sis. Some of us are upstanding American heterosexuals." Dave said.

"Oh, really? I had no clue! Unless, of course, you're referring to yourself." Rose retorted.

Dave snorted. "Fuck yeah. I'm the model American citizen. Gonna grow up to have a white collar job, and a beautiful trophy wife who stays at home pregnant and barefoot while she makes sandwiches for our two and a half kids."

"A half?" Karkat repeated. "How the fuck do you only have half a kid?"

"That's by white people standards. Black kids only count for half a white kid, after all. If you weren't homeschooled, Vantas, you'd know that."

"So you'd have five kids?" John asked, whistling softly. "That's a lot! How will you be an upstanding father for all of those kids, Dave."

"Clone myself, obviously."

"Or get your dear sister to babysit your hypothetical kids," Rose said.

"Oooh, I'd totally babysit!" Jade added.

"Yeah. Definitely gonna clone myself," Dave drawled.

"Yessssssss!" They all looked up at the sound of Vriska's voice. She slid into the booth right next to Dave, proudly toting a stuffed white spider that looked as if it had always belonged in her arms. "I won."

"Congrats, babe," Dave said, slinging a arm around her shoulders. She grinned, and cuddled into his side. "Gonna name it after me?"

She rolled her eyes. "Why would I do that?"

"'Cause you love me."

Vriska hummed, and set the spider on the table. "Nah. I got a better name for it."

"And that is..." Rose prompted.

"Fussyfangs." Vriska decided. Karkat stiffened in his seat, and John shot him a worried look. 

The waitress came back toting drinks, which were passed out to everyone. Jade stopped her from leaving so she could pitch in her order.

"I want your All-American Slam, please!" She said.

The waitress sighed. "We'd have to turn on the burners for that, so it may take a while."

"That's ok," Jade decided, and with a scowl, the waitress penned down her order.

"Actually, breakfast sounds like a great idea. I'll have the..." Rose paused, scanning the menu, "bacon avocado burrito."

"I'll take some pancakes with a side of bacon," Dave said.

"T-bone steak, rare. Eggs sunny side up," Vriska said, playing with the legs of her spider.

John ordered another order of pancakes and eggs. Karkat never spoke up.

"And what about your friend?" The waitress asked, pointing the tip of her pencil in Karkat's direction.

Huh. He still hadn't moved; he only stared blankly at the table. John gently nudged him, ignoring the worry building up in the back of his mind as best as he could.

"Karkat?" He whispered. "Time to order. What do you want to eat?"

Karkat snapped back to attention, looking at John with a bewildered, lost look that sent his stomach churning with worry. "Oh, I just spaced out. It's no big deal," he muttered. "Get me whatever, I don't really care."

"Give him an omelet!" Jade suggested. "With everything on it!" 

The waitress penned down the order, nodding, and left.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” Karkat said suddenly, pushing Jade and Rose out of his way. “Be back soon.” He left without another word, and the others watched him go, exchanging worried glances.

Jade turned to John, the frown on her face sobering her entire expression. “Go after him!” She said. “See if he’s alright.”

John nodded, and scooted out of the booth himself, stumbling after Karkat. Thankfully, the bathroom had multiple stalls within it, and when John opened the door, he saw Karkat standing in the middle of the room. His sleeve was pushed up, and he staring intently at his wrist, though from this angle, John had no clue what could possibly capture his attention so thoroughly.

“Um, Karkat?” He asked, approaching him slowly, as if he would frighten him away if he moved too fast. “Are you ok?”

Finally, he saw what had captured his attention; it was a small, green bracelet with a worn crab charm dangling in the center.

“She used to tell me that she had a friend that called her Fussyfangs,” Karkat said, mostly to himself. “They would roleplay together, as a pirate and a vampire. Can you believe that? Sounds like something straight out of a shitty erotica novel.” He finally turned to John, wearing a broken look that reduced him to nothing more than a worried little kid. “Do you think they knew each other?”

…Oh.

“Um, maybe!” John said. “Vriska used to roleplay a lot when she was younger.”

Karkat sighed heavily, shaking his head back and forth. “Sorry. I-I’m an idiot, I know. A stupid, sentimental sap who can’t learn to move on. Trust me, John, I know that fact better than anyone else.”

“Karkat…” John wrapped him up in a hug, tucking his head under his chin. “It’s ok, really! You’ll be ok.”

He honestly didn’t know what to say. This was all just a blind attempt at comfort.

“Now, how about we go back outside?” He offered. “Our food should arrive soon.”

Their food was probably nowhere near close to being done, but staying out there with the others was leagues better than staying in here and running the risk of Karkat having a breakdown. He didn’t think he’d be able to deal with that.

Karkat nodded, a little bleary. “Yeah, ok. Let’s go.”

John grinned, and took his hand, leading him back to their friends. Vriska cooed when she saw them approach, and she and Dave scooted over so they could take the edge.

“Feeling better?” Jade asked, leaning over the table to look at Karkat. He nodded, and she grinned. “Good! This is for you, after all.”

“Yeah!” Vriska agreed. “It’s like a friendship induction ceremony. Welcome to the cool kid’s club.”

“That’s my line,” Dave protested, frowning, but she laughed and pushed against him with her shoulder.

“Well, this ceremony is the lamest fucking thing I’ve ever had to take part in against my will,” Karkat grumbled.

“Nope!” Vriska said. “Not buying it, Vantas!”

Karkat shrunk down in his seat, and John grinned at him. “Aw, come on, buddy! Cheer up.”

At that moment, the waitress arrived with their food, and after a bit of chaos and mixed orders, everyone had a plate of food in front of them.

Jade grabbed her fork and speared a piece of pancake, but Rose grabbed her wrist, effectively stopping her. “Before we eat,” she said, tucking a lock of lavender hair behind her ear, “I’d like to make a toast.” She listed up her glass of orange juice. “To the fact that John is no longer the fifth wheel.”

“To friendship!” Jade added.

“To Karkat!” John finished, looking over at the boy in question and raising his own glass. Karkat’s eyes widened, but he lifted his glass, and the cups clinked together in a chaotic twinkle of plastic. It was a little silly, but despite Karkat’s surprise, his grin showed through, bright and for once, happy.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the past two weeks I've been stressing out over the ouroboros (not sure if that's how you spell it...) fic remix challenge. It was a frightening time and I finished the fic with like, two hours to spare before the deadline. So that, combined with midterms, is the reason why I haven't really updated.
> 
> Also, while this fic wasn't updating, I had a birthday. How cool is that? The coolest. I gained exactly 0 benefits from it.
> 
> But enough about that. Hope you guys like this chapter!

It took much longer than he would have liked, but February 8th would mark the day that John Egbert Finally Got Off His Ass And Got His Drivers License. He had his permit for a while now, and the three lessons had been long under his belt for almost as long.

What he didn't have were the 60 total hours of practice that his dad insisted on, despite his protests that, "the people at the DMV don't even care! Why does it even matter? I haven't crashed the car yet!"

Jade hadn't gotten her hours yet, either, so at least there was that.

After a long time that consisted mostly of arguing, John finally got the proper amount of time marked down, and so he was finally able to take the test. He passed without sucking too badly. A curb was bumped at one point, and he may have fucked up a few turns, but nobody died.

John was currently excitedly explaining his driver's test to Karkat while they played War, slowly setting their cards down on the bed between them. Karkat acted a little sluggish, but he was probably just tired. After all, it had been a few days since his latest treatment had ended, so there was no reason for him to be sick, right? He sure looked better than he had earlier that week.

He probably just hadn't slept too well the night before.

John pushed those thoughts out of his head. They could talk about that later! Right now, he had some rambling to do.

"And oh man, the lady who was my teacher was really strict. She had this little, scrunched up face and this big, poofy old-lady hair and she spoke in this high-pitched voice! It was actually kind of funny. I laughed at her once when I was making a turn and she docked me a point. Can you believe that, Karkat?"

"I didn't know you could get deducted points for being a dick," Karkat replied, flipping over his card. Seeing that he had won that round, he grinned, and swiped John's cards. "It's really a miracle of nature that you managed to pass."

John laughed. "No, it was because she said I took my eyes off of the road. I guess I don't scan intersections enough either, but that's stupid. Dad says I'm a good driver."

"He's just proud that you haven't killed yourself and totaled his car."

"Probably."

They continued to dole out cards, and Karkat continued to win. Huh. Guess this just wasn't John's round. They were usually pretty evenly matched in this game, but some stroke of luck had turned the tides in Karkat's favor.

The silence, thankfully, was really comfortable. John saw no need to break it (especially since he got the feeling that Karkat didn't want to hear him ramble on about his driving exam anymore), but Karkat apparently did.

"So...this license means that you won't have to rely on Serket or Egbert Senior to shuttle you around anymore, right?"

John grinned. "Yep! I'm also going to be the one driving me and Jade to school. And to here, I guess."

"You have a car already?" Karkat asked, looking up, eyes shining with curiosity. He was obviously planning something.

"Nanna gave one to me. Early birthday present," he said, grinning. He'd seen it already, thanks to the wonders of Facebook; it wasn't anything special, really, just a small, blue smart car. It only seated two people and it looked pretty dumb, but a car was a car, and a  _free_  car was freaking awesome.

"Oh," Karkat said, mouth slamming shut so quickly that it became obvious that he was hiding something. John gently elbowed him in the ribs (it had taken him a while, but he finally learned how to bother Karkat without actually hurting him or setting him off too badly), trying to get him to confess what was on his mind.

"Come on, I know you want something! What is it? Another ride to Denny's? A romantic drive down to the beach? It'd be a little cold, but we could totally do it-"

"-For the love of fuck,  _shut your gaping maw,_  John Egbert. With each inhale you're sucking all of the intelligent out of the room," Karkat snapped, tensing up as his face darkened. "But..." he added slowly, "keep that beach idea in mind for a time when the world isn't in danger of entering another ice age."

John snickered. Winters were very calm where they lived, and even though it was a little colder down by the ocean, it really wasn't that bad. "Will do!" He took a deep breath, letting his expression settle back to neutral before broaching the topic he really wanted to. "But really, what is it?"

Karkat took a deep breath, drawing his legs closer to himself until he compacted himself into a tiny Karkat ball. John frowned, and tugged his arms away from hugging his knees. Karkat's hand found his, and John figured that it was enough of a compromise to work. "I think I know what graveyard she was buried in," he said, looking at John with steel in his gaze. "And I want you to take me there."

John blinked, and pointed a single finger against himself. "Me?"

Karkat nodded. "My asshole parents never took me no matter how many times I asked before I got readmitted. And now, they always tell me about how, 'oh, we don't have much time together, so we shouldn't go do such a morbid thing.'" Karkat spat out angrily, his muscles tensing and his hand wrapping around John's in an iron grip. John rubbed his thumb over his knuckles until he relaxed slightly. "And I know it's a shitty place to go with your boyfriend, but...I really trust you. And," Karkat said, his voice faltering, "I'd like it a lot if you were there with me."

John frowned. "You say that like it'll be some big chore for me."

"It will."

"No it won't! Not if it makes you happy."

"Really?" Karkat's face shifted from something tense and guilty to a more open, hopeful look. There was no real way for John to ever know how badly Karkat wanted this, but there was also no denying that this was important to him.

So he nodded. "Yeah! We can go tomorrow, ok?"

Karkat broke out into a huge smile before he was able to stop it, wide enough to reveal every single silly-looking tooth in his mouth. John had seen him grin only a few times before; a rarity for a grim creature like him.

However, there was a difference between this grin and the other ones he had seen before.

Because this time, when Karkat grinned, it took him a long time to stop grinning. Even when he finally returned to normal, whenever John caught his eye, he could look past the ashen skin and the dark circles to see what could only be described as joy.

And that was more than enough of a reward for him.

\---

"Oh my fucking god," Karkat sputtered out in-between bouts of obnoxious laughter that made John's cheeks burn red with embarrassment. Yeah, his car was a little stupid looking, but so what?

"I can't believe this," Karkat said, pointing to the car. "It looks like one of those pedal-powered cars parents give to their toddlers."

"I had one of those when I was little..." John muttered under his breath. Somehow, Karkat was able to hear him, and burst into laughter yet again.

"Congratu-fucking-lations, you have one yet again!"

"Do not!" John protested, but when he glanced at it, the dreadful realization that smart cars really did look like the toys they gave little kids to pedal around in settled over him.

It wasn't even a car, really; it was more like a golf-cart with doors and windows. There was no trunk or back seat to speak of, leaving a small, smashed together scrap of plastic. While that was bad enough own its own, the supposed "smart car" was covered in a crappy rendition of a cloudy day. Sky blue paint covered the entire body, and fluffy white clouds were splattered at random intervals.

Now that he looked at it again, it was extremely embarrassing.

Why couldn't Nanna have just gotten him a truck?

"There's a part of me that would rather suffer a painful, torturous death than be caught within 20 feet of this fucking disaster," Karkat said.

"A car's a car," John shot back, and with a sigh, shoved his keys into the door and unlocked it. "Let's just go already."

Karkat's hand hesitated inches away from the door handle, but his eyes darted down to the red and gray tote bag hanging off of his shoulder. He must have swallowed his stupid pride, since a moment later he flung the door open and crawled inside. John slipped into the driver's seat once Karkat had actually gotten inside.

John was, thankfully, a much safer driver than Vriska, though he tended to be a little careless. Karkat visibly tensed up whenever John stopped too close to another car at a light, but he didn't go over the speed limit and he didn't weave through traffic.

They had just gotten onto one of their nearby town's biggest roads (a prime place for people who stopped here and were looking for something to eat; there food joints stacked up against each other on both sides of the street like dominoes) when Karkat turned to John suddenly. "Is Jade's flower shop anywhere nearby?" He asked.

"Uh...no, not around here. But it's not too far. Why?"

"I need to go there." There was something in Karkat's voice, some sense of conviction, that kept John from even dreaming of protesting.

He thought about where they were headed, and suddenly, he didn't need to ask why.

"No problem, man! Next stop: Flower Power."

Karkat rolled his eyes at the ridiculous name, but amusement was written all over his face. John grinned to himself. Leave it to Jade to find the silliest named place in town to work at.

Flower Power was a small space in a larger shop complex, separated by thin walls and clusters of windows, What set this place apart from its neighbors were the words Flower Power written in large, colorful, looping script across the building's front wall, and the rainbow of flowers shoved into the display window. The bright bursts of color stood out against the drab blacks and browns of its surroundings.

Karkat outright gaped when he saw it. "She works _here_!?" He said, and a disbelieving laugh forced its way out of his mouth as he unbuckled his seatbelt. "Jesus Christ. Leave it to Harley to work at a place that might as well have waltzed straight out of the hippie era."

"It probably did," John added. "This town is pretty old!"

"I know that, you stupid paint-huffer," Karkat grumbled. John snickered to himself, but Karkat took that opportunity to slip out of his car unnoticed. John blinked in surprise, and scrambled out after him as he stomped his way through the cramped parking lot.

The inside of the shop was even more colorful than the outside. Flowers covered every inch of available counter space, leaving only a thin walkway for a customer to walk on.

Karkat broke off the path the moment he entered the door, instead picking his way through the flower maze at a speed that turtles could easily beat. He walked carefully, as if breathing wrong on one of the petals would cause the whole store to collapse into a pile of rubble.

John knew better than to interrupt a man on a mission, even if he didn't know what that mission was. He walked to the cashier's table, and rang the small bell there, the light tinkling filling the air.

"Shit!" Came from a room that John couldn't see into, and a moment later, Jade burst out behind the door, wide-eyed with panic. "I'm sorry, I was in the back trying to-" she stopped when her eyes met John's, and broke out into a relieved grin. "Oh, hi John! I didn't expect to see you here!"

John mirrored her grin. "Neither did I, haha. But Karkat wanted to come here, so we did."

"Ooooooooh, Karkat's here?" Jade asked, standing up on her tip-toes to scan the small area. John doubted she would be able to see anything through the canopy of flowers, though. "Where? I don't see him."

"He probably got lost in all the plants," John said, snickering. "Poor guy."

"I'll have you know that I am an excellent fucking navigator, thank you very much," Karkat snapped, emerging from behind a counter covered in potted plants. He held one in his hands; one with thin green stems that led up to a white bulb that exploded into thin, curving white petals that sloped upwards in a gentle circle. They looked familiar, probably common in those bouquets John sometimes saw in grocery stores.

"Chrysanthemums?" Jade reached over the counter and took the pot from Karkat, hands clasped tightly around the brown clay as she examined them. "They're in great condition."

"Really? I picked them because I thought they looked like a nice addition to my fucking salad!" Karkat snapped. "Just tell me how much they cost, Harley."

Jade stuck her tongue out at him, and set the pot down on the counter as she typed a few things into a nearby computer. She hummed lightly, and lifted her hands up, eyes scanning along the gray surface until they settled on a colorful scanner. She picked it up and rang up the item.

"Actually..." she said, as her fingers hit a few stray keys, "why are you buying this?"

"Is it any of your fucking business?"

"Well, if you wanna be a jerk about it, then fine!" Jade snapped back. She and Karkat glared at each other, and John coughed awkwardly, eyes darting between the two.

"We're going to the cemetery," he blurted out, blatantly ignoring Karkat's sharp glare, now directed fully at him. 

Jade's own glare softened. "Oh, I didn't know you were going today..."

"Yeah," Karkat said curtly, "we are." Did John hear a hint of wistfulness, too? He wasn't sure if it was genuine or just his ears acting up.

"Gosh, this will be really good for you, Karkat." Jade said. "Just take the flowers. They're on me!"

Karkat looked over to her, jaw hanging down, and Jade simply giggled. John chimed in his own thanks, and she nodded happily.

"And there's one more thing I wanna give you!" Jade chirped, disappearing into the back room. She returned just moments later, a small shovel in hand. "Gotta dig a hole if you wanna plant a flower!"

Karkat blinked. He opened his mouth, blinked, and closed it again, glancing from Jade to the items now on the counter and back again.

She simply continued grinning. "It's what friends are for, right?"

"Jade, I...thank you. Thank you a lot." Karkat eventually said. John felt a smiled come to his own face, and Jade gave both boys a gentle punch on the arm, not nearly hard enough to hurt.

"Now, get going, you dummies!" She said playfully.

Karkat grunted, a sound that might have been a laugh it had lasted just a second longer. "Does this mean I owe you?"

"Maybe! Now, shoo!" She said, gesturing them away. "I'll see you two later, after I get off of work!"

"Bye, Jade!" John said over his shoulder as he followed Karkat out of the store. When they were outside, John noticed how Karkat seemed to move faster, as if his entire body was lighter.

He cradled the pot of delicate white flowers, even taking care to watch where he stepped as he headed back to John's care. He was too preoccupied to even make fun of the design or the paint job again (which was truly a feat).

John unlocked the doors, and Karkat slipped inside, putting the shovel in the ridiculous tote bag at his feet but keeping the flowers in his lap. As John buckled himself up and started the car, he saw Karkat watching the flowers with a small smile.

"What do they mean?" He asked.

"The flowers?" Karkat asked stupidly.

John rolled his eyes. "No, Karkat, I was asking about your jeans."

Karkat frowned, though his gaze never left the flowers. He touched one delicately, gently stroking the petals. "Like you haven't said something even more mind-numbingly stupid than that before."

"Aha! So you admit your answer was dumb."

"Yeah yeah, it was dumb and I'm an idiot who should be be dunked into a fucking vat of boiling water so hot it'll hopefully scald the stupidity from my brain as I die."

"Like a crab?"

"Yes, John, like a crab."

"Dude, that would suck. Don't be a crab."

Karkat snorted. "Anyways, fuckhead, you wanted to know what these meant, right?"

John nodded. "i'd look it up on my phone, but that's kind of illegal, since I'm driving," he explained.

"They mean a lot of things, actually," Karkat said suddenly. "White chrysanthemums stand for optimism, joy, honesty, loyalty to a loved one..." he trailed off, but after a few seconds, he added, "a long life," in a whisper.

John's heart twisted, and he reached over to Karkat, trying to give him some sort of comforting touch. He aimed for holding his hand, but seeing as those were both preoccupied with keeping the flower pot stable, he instead rested it again his skinny arm, the skin dry under his fingers.

"I once gave her a necklace with a chrysanthemum charm," Karkat blurted out suddenly, "I thought that maybe if I gave her one, it'd keep her healthy and safe. It was so naive, it'd almost be beautiful, except for how fucking stupid it was to think that a scrap of metal could save her life." He laughed bitterly, the sound only piercing John's heart further.

"It was sweet, though," John added. "I bet she loved it."

Karkat finally broke away to look up at John. He didn't smile, but his eyes were soft. "Yeah. She did."

\---

"Montecito Memorial Park and Mortuary," Karkat said, his hand tightly clinging to John's as they walked through the lobby of the funeral home. John tried not to think about how it eerily resembled the nursing home his Nanna lived at. "It's like if they give it a nice enough name, people will forget it's full of fucking bodies."

"It looks nice," John remarked, pointing to the various, soft colored couches scattered through the room. "And look, the chapel is right over there!" He pointed down a hall, and from where they were, all they could see were rows of dark benches.

Karkat stopped in place, a frown resolutely glued onto his face. "That's where we held her ceremony," he said, no real emotion in his voice. "We were going to do it outside, but it was raining too hard."

John flashed an awkward smile to the confused receptionist, and exited out into the graveyard, pulling Karkat with him, who still clung to the pot of chrysanthemums for dear life.

"You can let go, you know," John said, gesturing to their clasped hands, "if you want to keep it safe."

Karkat shook his head. "No. I can at least try to have both."

There wasn't really much John could say to that. They walked on in silence, surrounded by fields of green that sloped on for forever. The sky overheard was a dull, grayish-blue, despite the lack of clouds in the sky. Despite the greenery that surrounded them, the air seemed to weigh down heavily on everything within; even the majestic trees scattered throughout drooped from the force, branches hanging limply down.

Karkat took the lead, but he wandered about in a slow, almost aimless manner, as if he didn't actually know where to go. All John could really tell was that they were headed in the general direction of what could have been a sparse garden.

Their pace only slowed the closer they got to it. Karkat looked down at the ground around them, scanning the slabs buried in the ground, each displaying a unique name, each with its own story behind it.

"You know," he blurted out suddenly, for a reason that he wasn't entirely sure of himself, "I think my mom is buried here."

"Where?"

John shrugged. "Don't know. Somewhere!"

"We could visit her grave too," Karkat suggested. "Might as well, since we're already here in this hell."

John shrugged again. "We don't have to."

"Are you saying you don't want to?"

"Nah, just that I don't care either way."

Karkat grew quiet, and ventured hesitantly, "you mean, you don't miss her? She was your fucking mother, John. The woman who gave birth to you, who shares your fucking blood, but you don't want to visit her? Are you some kind of sociopath?"

"No! I just. Don't really miss her."

"How can you not?" Karkat asked, utterly baffled. John couldn't see what was so confusing about the whole issue.

"I can't miss someone I don't remember."

She had died when he was really little. He couldn't remember her face, or her laugh, or even her funeral. Really, his family had only ever been his dad, himself, and Jade.

"And you're not sad over that?"

John shook his head. "I shouldn't be sad over the people who I've lost. Not when I still have living people to care about."

Karkat watched him with a strange look, one that was both thoughtful and a little pained. It passed in just a few moments with a deep breath rising in and out of his lungs. He squared his shoulders, and began to walk again, this time with a more concrete purpose driving his every step forward. His grip was strong around John's hand.

They found her grave, eventually. It was on the edge of a long row of nameplates, right on the border of the garden. Flowers of all colors swayed in the breeze just a few short feet away, but the area around where they stood was completely barren.

Karkat approached it without a word, finally letting go of John's hand. It fell uselessly to John's side, and he grew quiet, feeling as if he wasn't supposed to intrude on this moment.

The nameplate read Kanaya Maryam, written in an elegant, looping script. Below that were the years of her life, and below that, at the very bottom, was a simple quote.

_I have a good reason to believe magic is real._

Karkat kneeled down in front of the grave, gently setting the pot of flowers in front of him. He reached into the tote bag hanging off of his shoulder, and brought out the shovel Jade had given him earlier.

It took a few minutes for him to speak, but once a small hole had been dug, he began, his voice starting out shaky and quiet. "...Kanaya. Hi. I know you can't fucking hear me since you're fucking dead and all, but...it just feels right to speak to you."

Somehow, John knew that Karkat had entered his own world, one that he didn't completely belong in. He stood a few feet away, and kept silent as Karkat spoke.

"Can you believe it's been three years since I was last here? It's like time decided to skip for us. You know, like those stupid records you always played, with the tinny sound and the girls who sounded like drugged-out chipmunks when they sang." A laugh bubbled up in his chest, rattled around his lungs, and came out in the form of hacking, wet coughs. He wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his shirt, and grimaced. "Fucking gross, ugh. How come I was stuck with this piece of shit, broken body? How come you were too, for that matter?"

He dug a little faster as he continued to complain. "I'm fucking sick again. This bullshit just doesn't give up, you know? It's not enough that I suffered through lukemia once. No, I just _had_ to relapse." He sighed, the noise hanging thickly in the air. 

"This sucks!" He said loudly, almost shouted. "Everything fucking sucks! My hands hurt, my throats sore, I feel like I'm about to vomit constantly - hell, I feel like I could hurl up the slop they fed me for lunch any moment now. Digging this fucking ditch hurts my hands, kneeling like this hurts my back, and I didn't think it was humanly possible to be this fucking tired."

John whispered Karkat's name, but it was carried away by the wind. He wanted to offer his help, but he knew that Karkat would only refuse.

Karkat set the shovel aside and shoved his hand in the hole. Deciding that it was deep enough, he began to fiddle with the pot, probably trying to pull the plant out without harming it.

"Aside from you, you know, dying, it's not that bad. I'm happier than I have been in a long time, actually. I haven't been this content since you decided to leave me like the flighty broad you fucking are." The smile on his face was nostalgic, wistful. He truly did look content. "I have _friends_ now. Can you believe that, Kanaya? There are actually people out there besides you who are willing to put up with me for extended amounts of time. Not only that, but I've managed to stumble ass first into not one, not even two, but a metric fuckton of friendships."

He pulled out the flower, and gently set it into the hole. "I'm still friends with Terezi, of course. She hasn't changed over the years. You still probably wouldn't like her. I have Gamzee, too, though he's a stupid, zealous piece of dog shit. But he needs someone to keep an eye out for his dumb ass, and I guess that horrible misfortune is only fated to fall to a pathetic loser like me.

"And then I have other friends, too. I think you know Vriska. A couple days ago she won this hideous stuffed spider, and she named it Fussyfangs. You used to complain about that nickname all the time." Karkat smirked. "And you used to complain about how silly it was to get a crush on that dirty cheater you called a roleplaying partner. I'm pretty sure that the Marquise herself is now my friend." He scooped another handful of dirt around the roots of the chrysanthemums. "She's just as crazy in real life as you thought she'd be. I might actually take her here soon, so she can visit you, too.

"There's also the Strilonde siblings. They're both really fucking ridiculous. Batshit crazy losers. One of them is a snarky broad just flighty and pretentious enough to rival you. The other is just a massive tool. You'd get along with them wonderfully.

"And Jade. She reminds me a little bit of you, actually. I must have overestimated your intelligence if you think she could ever fucking replace you, because she hasn't. But she does like gardening like you." He paused to run his fingers along the petals of one flower. "She gave these to me, actually. She's impatient as hell and prone to forgetting that she has a functioning brain, but she's one of my best friends. You'd like her too, if you met her."

Karkat looked over to John for a brief second, a smile flashing across his face, before returning to his work. He covered it up with dirt, taking care to fill in any stray holes. "I have a boyfriend now, Kanaya. Can you fucking believe that? A _boyfriend_. I'm still pretty certain that he's either an idiot who only managed to learn how to breathe through what must have been magic or just that fucking determined to ruin his own life in the process of bettering mine, but he _likes_ me. Likes me enough to bother me constantly and hold my hand and go through every dumb, sappy cliche move in the book that I like. He's the one who took me here. He's the one who introduced me to most of those people I just mentioned. He even forced me to make up with Gamzee after we fought."

Karkat patted the ground next to him, and John nearly jumped in surprise, but he scurried over and sat next to Karkat. It was a little silly, but it was important to him, so he was kind of obligated to help him out any way he could. "This is John. He is the biggest, stupidest, most obtuse bucktoothed idiot I have ever had the misfortune of meeting." He paused, eyes meeting with John's. Happiness, however faint it was, shone within them.

John took it as a sign to speak. His voice faltered and he fumbled around with his words, but he managed to get something out. "Um, hi, Kanaya. You sound like a really cool person. I wish I could have talked to you and, uh, had you respond." He finished with an awkward, forced bark of a laugh, but Karkat was placated all the same.

He patted the dirt around the flowers approvingly. "I hope you're happy with these," he said, talking again to the grave. "I thought they fit you." The flowers shone brightly against the grass and the stone, white petals swaying lightly in the breeze.

Karkat groped for John's hand, who snatched it up eagerly. He moved to stand up, but Karkat sat in place, and pulled him back down despite the fact that he barely even registered John's movements. "I think...I think I can move on now. You're gone and even though I'll never, ever fucking forget you for as long as I can keep blood pumping through my useless body, I can accept the fact that you're gone. I need to keep going forward." The upward tilt of his lips was melancholy. "It's what you would have wanted."

Karkat finally stood up, getting to his feet in staggered, shaky movements. He moved as if his joints refused to cooperate, and even when he managed to get up, he was unable to stand fully straight. Compared to him, John rose in one smooth movement, and with a hurt frown, he gave him a chaste kiss.

"Give me your phone," Karkat said, once they had parted, "there's one last thing I had to do."

John obeyed, and Karkat took to it instantly, tapping against the screen with hurried twitches of his fingers. He raised his eyebrows at whatever he saw, but he pressed another button and then held the phone away.

A tinny, familiar voice sounded from the small machine. He had put it on speaker. "Hello?"

"Hey, Serket." Karkat said curtly.

Vriska gasped, and then gave a clearly fake coo of delight. "Ooooooooh, _helloooooooo_ , Karkat! I expected to hear John, not you."

"I'm here, too!" John chimed in.

The grin in her voice was audible. "Hello to you too, John!" She said with a laugh. "Now, what do you two want?"

Karkat wasted no time in cutting to the chase. "You used to roleplay when you were younger, right?"

Vriska scoffed. "Used to? What do you mean, used to? I never stopped!"

"Congratulations, you are eternally 12 years old." Karkat snapped. "But that isn't the point. The point is, did you ever roleplay with someone who went by the handle grimauxiliatrix?"

"Yeah! Good old Fussyfangs. Man, she was actually pretty bearable. I used to talk to her just about every day."

Karkat shot a relieved look at John. Turns out, he had been right. "Well, there's something I need to tell you about her." He took a deep breath, and spoke in a confident voice. "Her name was Kanaya..."


	19. Chapter 19

John spent a lot of his free time thinking. Well, it wasn't thinking so much as it was daydreaming, but as far as he was concerned, it still counted.

He spent his days at school thinking about Karkat. About the bare flash of an exposed tooth when he smiled, the way his eyebrows crinkled when he was irritated.

The way he absolutely _melted_ when they kissed, hehe. Or the blush that dusted his cheeks when they pulled away and John gently rested their foreheads together.

What really stuck with him was what happened during lunch one day. Despite the mild winter they were lucky enough to have, cold wind and chilly air brought an end to Vriska's constant wandering of the campus at lunch. And now that Dave felt comfortable returning to their main group, the five of them hid in the warm, spacious classroom of one of Rose's teachers from freshman year.

John, who had finished with his juice pouch, took the small straw out and rolled it absently between his fingers, his eyes located on a spot somewhere far away.

There was only an hour and a half left in the day. Lunch, and then his final class, and then he could go see Karkat. He grinned lazily at the thought; something that had become a natural reaction for him.

He snapped out of his reverie when he felt a light tap on his arm. He looked over, and saw Rose sitting sideways in her seat, shoving the remains of his lunch aside so she could lean on his desk. (Jade sat behind her on top of her desk, kicking her legs happily as she drained a carton of apple juice.)

"Oh!" John said, snapping his head to look at her. "Hi, Rose!"

Rose smirked, the black lipstick she wore cracking just the slightest bit at the center of her mouth. "Hello, John. Care to return to us now, or would you rather stare off into space for a bit longer?"

"Hehe, whoops," John laughed, and fiddled with his glasses a little, "I didn't really mean to."

"But obviously something must have distracted you to the point that you completely ignored Vriska's little show."

Whatever 'show' Rose referred to was obviously over now. He glanced over to the two desks that Vriska and Dave took up, and all he saw was Vriska's shoulders shaking with amusement, hair bouncing behind her, and Dave's sunglasses perched on her face.

Dave, meanwhile, didn't look so happy. He didn't really look mad, but he crossed his arms and pouted like a little kid. "Not cool, Vris."

"Just like you!" She crowed, laughing obnoxiously at her own joke.

"And just like you too, Vriska," Rose added, a harsh puff of air escaping her lips at the end, not quite a scoff but not quite a huff, either.

"Anywaaaaaaaays..." John said, turning back to Rose.

"Oh, yes. Anyways, care to tell me what exactly took up your thoughts?"

Damn. John found it pretty hard not to flinch under Rose's intense gaze. It was like she was picking him apart with just her eyes.

"Um..."

Rose raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"Well, I'd think it was pretty obvious..."

She gasped, a single, dainty hand coming up to cover her mouth, but her eyes shone with amusement. She was making fun of him! "Oh! How could I have not guessed that? Of course you were thinking about Karkat."

She grinned, and John could have swore that a cold shiver ran down his back.

"Jeez, Rose, you're kind of scary..."

"I don't mean to be."

For some reason, when John opened his mouth again, a rush of what was essentially embarrassing word vomit flowed out. "He's just, um, really great. _Really_ great. He's silly and angry but never actually all that angry and I know he likes all my jokes and he doesn't think he's very cute but he totally is, Rose. And this is kind of dumb considering I just saw him yesterday, but...I kind of miss him?" He finished awkwardly, posing it as a question despite the fact that Rose wouldn't have an answer.

And yet, she did.

Her smirk turned genuine, warm and automatically causing John's racing heart to slow. He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes.

"Sounds to me like somebody's fallen in love." She said.

John's face grew hot, but that didn't stop him from responding. "Um, maybe? Maybe I have! I do not really know. I just wish he was here with us, you know?"

Rose nodded, and with a small sigh, she said, "don't we all."

\---

Now, John spent his Friday night at home, sprawled across the couch with Bec laying on his feet and preventing him from moving. The dog's fluffy white tail thumped happily against the cushions, his muzzle pressed firmly against one of John's hands.

The other hand was tightly wrapped around the remote, clicking buttons as he surfed through channels. He couldn't find anything interesting on, so he left it on some channel all about weddings, of all things.

He dropped the remote, tilted his head back, and groaned loudly. "Uuuuuuuugh! Why is it so boring here!" He lifted his head up in order to look at the dog at the end of the couch. "Bec, why is it so boring right now."

Bec lifted his head up, though John wasn't sure how he could even see anything with all the fur constantly hanging in his eyes. His tail thumped heavily against John's leg, but the animal remained silent.

"Bluh. You're no help."

Bec whined.

"Bluh."

Normally, he would have spent his afternoon with Karkat over at the hospital. But Karkat had some meetings with his doctors he had to sit through for most of the afternoon, and that meant that John couldn't visit.

He wondered what those meetings were for, considering that Karkat usually went out of his way to avoid the hospital staff who weren't named Aradia. They must have been important.

John sighed, and stared listlessly at the TV. It was completely boring, but there wasn't much else for him to look at in the room.

After an hour or so (and an episode of My Fair Wedding, which was only slightly more interesting than watching paint dry), he heard Jade's voice calling his name.

"I can't get up!" He shouted back, cupping his hands around his mouth.

"Well, why not!?"

"Bec's on my legs and he won't get off!" John shouted back.

Jade whistled loudly, and Bec's ears instantly perked up. He jumped off of John's legs, and padded obediently up the stairs. John lagged behind, trying to massage some feeling back into his legs.

Eventually he managed to make it up the stairs and into Jade's room. She waved him over to where she was sitting on her bed, and he crawled over the galaxy-print sheets in order to sit next to him.

"I have something to show you!" Jade announced. "I think you'll like it a lot, hehe!"

Jade looked down at her tablet, and with a grin, passed it over to John.

Oh. It was a chat between herself and Karkat.

\-- calamitysGrief [CG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

CG: JADE???  
CG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE FUCKING THERE JADE OH MY GOD  
CG: I WILL PROBABLY EXPLODE INTO A HIDEOUS ARRAY OF INCANDESCENT RAGE AND GLITTERING PIECES OF EXCREMENT IF YOU DON'T ANSWER RIGHT FUCKING NOW  
GG: jeez calm down!!!!! im here!!!!  
CG: THANK GOODNESS  
CG: JADE, I  
CG: I REALLY NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE. ASAP.  
GG: huh? why, whats the matter? :o  
GG: is everything ok?  
CG: I'D SAY YES, BUT YOU'RE SURPRISINGLY ADEPT AT SEEING THROUGH MY BULLSHIT  
CG: SO NO, IT'S NOT OK. AT ALL.  
GG: :(  
GG: wanna talk about it?  
CG: NOT REALLY.  
CG: I GUESS I CAN SAY THAT THE MEETING I WAS DRAGGED TO DIDN'T END VERY WELL.  
GG: aww :( im sorry karkat  
CG: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SORRY? IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE WHO ORCHESTRATED IT.  
CG: JUST.  
CG: SHIT, I KNOW THIS IS OUT OF NOWHERE, BUT DO YOU THINK I COULD COME OVER TOMORROW AND STAY THE NIGHT? THEY'RE FORCING ME TO STAY HERE TONIGHT, BUT I COULD CONVINCE THEM TO LET ME OUT TOMORROW.  
CG: HELL, MY PARENTS ARE IN TOWN. I'LL FUCKING FORCE THEM TO SIGN ME OUT FOR A DAY IF I HAVE TO.  
GG: then why not go with them  
CG: BECAUSE, WOW, MAYBE I DON'T HAVE THE BEST RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM!!!! FUCKING AMAZING. NOT EVERYONE IS ATTACHED TO THE HIP OF THE PERSON WHO CONCEIVED THEM.  
CG: WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT.  
GG: no need to get snippy!!!! youre such a jerk sometimes!!!  
CG: I'D BE LESS OF A JERK IF YOU WE'RE LESS OF AN IDIOT!!!!  
GG: see!!!!! youre doing it again!!!!!  
CG: UGH, OK, FINE, WHATEVER. I SUCK, OK? I SUCK AND I'M STUPID AND MEAN.  
CG: IF WE HAVE TO CONTINUE TO BE CHILDREN, I'LL EVEN BREAK OUT THE BIG INSULT!  
CG: I'M A BIG POOPYHEAD!!!!!!!!  
CG: OH MAN, HOPE YOU DON'T TELL THE TEACHER ABOUT THAT ONE!!! I MIGHT GET PUT IN TIME OUT!!  
GG: lol  
GG: ok i get it!!! hehehe  
CG: BUT YEAH.  
GG: well i dont think itll be a problem!!!!! dad really wants to meet you so hed be glad  
GG: saturdays are dave and jade time but youd have john!  
CG: YEAH.  
GG: brb  
GG: ok dad said yeah!!!!!  
GG: hehehe see you tomorrow karkat!!!!! :D  
CG: SEE YOU, JADE.  
CG: AND UM  
CG: THANKS.  
GG: anytime <3

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering calamitysGrief [CG] \--

There was a brief moment where John wondered why Karkat didn't go to him first to ask about something as big as that, but John was no longer enough of a selfish dick to believe that he was the only important person in Karkat's life.

After all, Jade was important to him, too.

"Aren't you excited?" Jade chirped. "I think I'll probably have to leave a little after he comes over, but still! It'll be fun for you." Jade paused, but her eyes widened, and she continued with gusto. "Ooooh! And you two could try to find me and Dave on Omegle! It'll be so great!"

John quickly found herself caught up in her enthusiasm. He flopped down on her bed, and knocked their shoulders together. "Definitely! Oh man, what would I even do? Would he be able to sleep in my room? Do you think Dad would even allow that?"

Jade giggled. "Well, he lets me and Rose sleep in my room, so probably!"

John sighed in relief. There was a chance that, in less than 24 hours, John would finally be able to have Karkat over. He could give him a tour of the house and make food and watch shitty movies on the giant flat-screen in John's living room.

If he were completely honest with himself, he really did want to curl up with Karkat and sleep together. (And, continuing on this trend of honesty, he meant that in both senses of the word.) It was almost like one of those relationship rites of passage. It would just feel all wrong if they didn't get the chance to do that.

"Oh man, I'm already pumped for it. Do you know what time he'll be coming over?" John asked, his voice tight with a sudden surge of excitement.

"Dunno!" Jade said. "But we can find out tomorrow morning."

"First thing?"

"First thing!"

\---

Saturday afternoon came without much fanfare. John's dad offered to drive over to the hospital and pick Karkat up, but John insisted on getting him himself.

He tried to stop the excited buzz that seemed to fill his body with energy, but nothing seemed to work. It stayed with him even when he parked his car. He leaned his head back against his seat and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart. Nothing worked.

For a Saturday in the middle of visiting hours, the parking lot was surprisingly empty. It wasn't like it was a cold day; the warm, mid-March air meant that spring was right around the corner. This was the first time in weeks that John didn't even need to put on a hoodie before leaving his house.

When he went inside, the first thing he noticed was the stern couple standing by the front desk. They were talking to the staff member there (one that liked John a lot, though he didn't quite remember his name), but kept their voices calm and controlled, despite their thick accents. He couldn't really tell where it was from.

Curious, he walked closer to them, trying his best to only watch out of the corner of his eye. He caught a glimpse of messy dark brown hair, and before he could stop it, he turned to face them fully.

Sure enough, Karkat was right by them, clad in a heavy sweater and visibly shrinking within himself. he folded his arms tightly against his chest, as if he could disappear if he just took up less space. That same gray and red totebag hung off his shoulder, now filled to the brim with various things.

"Karkat?" John said, and Karkat looked over at him with shock, while the two adults traded bemused expressions.

"John. You're, uh, early," Karkat coughed out, unable to meet his eyes. He worried his bottom lip with his teeth, rough enough that John seriously wondered if he was going to break the skin and make himself bleed.

"John?" The tall, stern man echoed, his voice deep and hollow-sounding. "So this is your friend?" He asked, now turning to face Karkat, who nodded weakly.

Friend.

Karkat told his parents that they were friends.

"Nice to meet you, John," the woman said, though she didn't make any move to reach out and shake John's hand. "We've heard a lot about you."

Karkat rolled his eyes, and John instantly knew that it was bullshit.

"Nice to meet you too." John said curtly, trying his best not to show his irritation. "Um, Mr. and Mrs. Vantas."

"Anyways, can I please get signed out already?" Karkat asked. "I'm tired of being here."

"Yes, of course," his mother mused, turning around to face the desk. His father followed a moment later, and grabbed a pen, scribbling on the nearby paper.

"You know, we could always take you back home. We'd have to hire a professional caretaker to watch over you, but it would be possible," his father suggested, never once looking up from the paper he signed.

"No!" Karkat snapped. "I'm fine here."

"They've done a very good job of watching him," his mother said. "And it might be easier for them to find a donor if he stays here."

"A donor?" John asked. "For what?"

"That's none of your fu-" Karkat's eyes widened for a fraction of a second, and he quickly corrected himself, "freaking business, you nosy pile of dog snot!"

Karkat's parents remained silent, but his father put the pen down. "There you go, Karkat. Go have fun with your friend."

"Goodbye, dear," his mother said, a little absently, "we'll see you soon."

"Bye." Karkat muttered, walking over to John's side. He stormed right past him without a word, and John trotted after him.

Once they were outside, Karkat slowed down, allowing John to finally catch up to him. "Wow, your parents are douchebags! No wonder you don't like them."

"Yeah, no shit," Karkat replied tersely. "Now John, I know this may be hard for someone as stupid and tactless as you, but promise me something, ok?"

"Anything."

Karkat's face softened, and John could have swore he heard him mutter something along the lines of, "it's not fair that you're so fucking perfect." But he squared his shoulders, and looked John straight in the eye before raising his voice to a normal level. "Tonight, you're not going to ask me a single fucking question about what you heard in there. You're not going to _think_ about what you heard in there, ok? I'm tired of hearing bullshit like that for the past couple days, and I don't need it from you too."

John nodded slowly. "On one condition."

Karkat groaned and folded his arms in front of his chest in a gesture of annoyance, but that didn't stop him from saying, "what," as flatly as he could possibly manage.

"Why did your parents have to sign you out?"

Karkat blinked. "Oh. Well, they were there for one last meeting with the doctors, and figured that they might as well sign me out themselves." He scoffed. "They only ever show up for fucking meetings anyways."

"Aw, that's horrible! You have some pretty shitty parents."

"I know."

"I should have my dad adopt you," John said. "Then he'd bring you cake every day. You'd get tired of eating it so fast."

Karkat's lips quirked into a smile at that. "You'd be surprised, Egbert," he said. John was just glad that the mood had lightened again.

They reached John's car, and while Karkat had to suppress a snicker at the ridiculous paint job (causing an embarrassed blush to darken John's cheeks), he didn't complain when he got inside.

John started the car, and together, they set off for his house. It took all of his willpower not to bounce in his seat from pure excitement. He felt like he was a little kid again, innocent and without a care in the world.

John's house really wasn't anything special. It was a two story building, but each floor was fairly small. It was nestled in the middle of a small, green neighborhood that tried to be cheery despite the gray atmosphere all around it. The only thing that made it stand out was the faded blue and white paint that covered the outside of the house, a stark contrast to the surrounding earthy tones.

It wasn't much, but it was comfortable, and it was the home that John had spent practically his entire life in. But when he saw the way Karkat looked at it, with such awe and pure adoration, it was as if he had seen Heaven itself.

"You can leave the car literally whenever you want," John said, gently touching Karkat's shoulder. "The door's unlocked."

Karkat jumped at the touch, and his head whipped over to stare at John, slightly bewildered. "Oh, yeah. Sorry. It's just..."

"Hmm?"

"I haven't been in such a normal house in..." Karkat paused, "fucking years." He let out a small, surprised breath. "Fucking hell, I can't even remember how long it's been."

Oh yeah. That was what happened when you were stuck in the hospital for years on end, especially when your only friends lived thousands of miles away.

The thought brought a frown to John's face. "That's why we're changing that! Right now. Come on." John opened his door, circled around the car, and beat Karkat to opening the passenger's door. Karkat shot him a glare, but John only grinned, and made an exaggerated bow. "After you, dearest."

"You're an idiot," Karkat snapped, but the blush rising to his face was _completely_ worth it.

Karkat reached out for his hand, but John was the one to lace their fingers together. Karkat's grip was tight, and he was clearly tense, but the beginnings of a grin shined up to John.

"Hey, Karkat?"

"Yeah?"

John smiled. "You're really cute."

"I-" Karkat began, but John laughed and leaned down, cutting him off with a kiss. Karkat was quick to reciprocate, and more than eager to continue.

It meant that they ended up standing outside of John's front door kissing each other silly, but John really couldn't bring himself to care.

Karkat finally managed to pull away, and turned towards the door. "Do you have a key, or are we going to loiter outside like a couple of hooligans until your family takes pity on our poor, idiotic souls and lets us in?"

"I have a key," John said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a key ring. He fit a couple into the door with a nervous laugh, trying to find the one that worked. After a few tries, he got it, and opened the door.

Karkat made a point of waiting for John to go inside first. He walked slightly behind him, as if he wasn't allowed to go in by himself.

"So, do you want to put your stuff down in my room first, or would you rather do the tour first?" John asked, unable to fight down a smile. Now that Karkat was actually here, actually in his house, it finally sank in. He managed to forget all about his previous worries. All that mattered right now was having fun with his boyfriend.

"Tour." Karkat answered instantly. "I can put my shit down when we get there."

"Perfect!" John said. "This way, you should be able to find and meet my Dad, too. You'll like him a lot. He's really great."

The tour was relatively simple. Despite having two floors, it really wasn’t that big; there were a few rooms per floor, and even then, they were kind of squished together. John rather liked it. It was cozy.

Little knick-knacks (mostly collected by Jade) littered the shelves, and various movie cases, books, and games sat behind them. The walls were painted soft, pastel colors, like spring had decided to cover the inside of his house with its very essence.  A few stray letters and business documents were on the dining room table, but Karkat took one look at them and stepped away. This simply wasn’t a time for legal bullshit.

What Karkat did have time for, though, was running his hands over anything he could touch. He was in a constant state of amazement the entire time, and John could only laugh at the way he gawked at pretty much everything. He even took off his shoes and socks just to feel the wood floor beneath his feet (but quickly put his socks back on, claiming that it made his feet cold).

“It really isn’t that amazing,” John said, leading him into the kitchen, “it’s just a house!”

“Yeah, I know that, but it feels like it’s fucking lived in,” Karkat snapped.

Compared to the other rooms they had just visited, the kitchen was huge. Spacious cabinets painted a deep red lined the upper wall, stocked with various items. Wood gave way to tile below their feet, and Karkat looked down at it with distaste.

“Hi, dad!” John said happily. The man in question stopped poking at the lone pot on the stone and turned around.

“Oh, hello boys.” He turned to Karkat and stuck his arm out. “Karkat, I presume? It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Karkat looked over at John as if he had just swallowed a bug, but he shook the hand offered to him anyways. “Nice to meet you too, Mr. Egbert.”

“Oh, uh…do you know if Jade is here?”

His dad frowned. “I’m afraid you just missed her. She left a couple minutes before you two arrived.”

Karkat looked a little crestfallen at that news, and John squeezed his hand tightly, trying to cheer him up.

Dad chuckled, turning back around to check the pot again. “I hope you like lasagna.”

Karkat snorted. “Even if I couldn’t stand it, it’d still be better than the slop I usually eat on a daily basis. John’s given me enough of your cooking to know that it’s probably impossibly for you to make something inedible.”

“That’s very nice of you, Karkat. I appreciate it.”

“I didn’t even know you could give compliments to people,” John teased. “Anyways, we have a tour to finish. Later, Dad!”

“I’ll call you down when dinner’s finished,” he called after them as they left. John gave him a thumbs up, and led Karkat to the foot of the stairs.

There weren’t that many, but by the time they reached the top, John could have sworn that Karkat was breathing heavier. Huh. He was probably just hearing things.

There wasn’t much on the second floor, besides a couple of bedrooms and an open area that held their biggest TV. Karkat outright gawked at it, and pulled John over just so he could get closer. The flat screen took up most of the wall it was mounted on, and even though John was used to seeing it, he had to admit, it was still pretty impressive.

“We’re going to watch something on this, right?” Karkat asked. “Actually, no, scratch that. We _are_ going to fucking watch something on this before I leave.”

John grinned. “Definitely!”

\---

After watching a few shitty movies, John found himself back in his room, sitting right next to Karkat as he checked on their Sims. It felt pretty nice to know that their whole friend group (and Feferi) was finally included in the game.

It was pretty funny to see how they naturally gravitated towards each other. Dave and Vriska decided to be hooligans together, Jade and Rose were married, and John was still a fucking teenager.

That didn't stop him from dating Sim Karkat at all.

"Holy shit," Karkat said. "Rose is having a baby."

John let out a short burst of surprised laughter. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You heard me, you neanderthal! Rose is in fucking labor. As in, she's going to have a fucking kid."

"But..."

"No, I don't know how that could fucking happen either."

They both looked at the screen, which now showed Rose holding a baby girl in her arms.

"Um...what are we going to name the kid?"

Now it was Karkat's turn to look baffled. "I don't know!"

"Then let's ask Rose! It's her kid after all." John said, snatching Karkat's laptop away. He was awarded an offended squawk for his efforts, but Karkat didn't try to take the computer back.

He quickly saved their game and closed the screen so he could open up a chat client. Thankfully, Rose was online. With a grin, he changed Karkat's handle to his own and sent her a message.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

EB: hi rose!  
TT: Hello, John.  
EB: i have a question.  
TT: And I may have an answer for you.  
EB: so, me and karkat are playing the sims and i guess jade somehow got you pregnant? don't ask me how that works.  
EB: anyways, you had a baby. what do you want her to be named?  
TT: I didn't realize that you were having that sleepover tonight. Jade mentioned it to me, but not the specific time.  
TT: But as for your question? Hm.  
EB: HURRY THE FUCK UP, LALONDE. I HAVE A GAME TO GET BACK TO.  
TT: How cute. You and Karkat have to share a keyboard to badger me.  
EB: HA HA, VERY FUNNY. CUT THE HORSESHIT.  
TT: Only because you insisted so very politely, Karkat.  
TT: . . .  
TT: Roxy.  
TT: Name her Roxy.

\---

They really didn't do anything special. They watched movies, and played games, and ate dinner with John's dad, and tried to find Dave and Jade on Omegle (it didn't work out very well). They did the things that they always did together, just in a different location.

Still, John felt like he was on top of the world throughout the entire night. His cheeks started to hurt from grinning so much. A sense of cheer followed them wherever they went, bringing to mind the same feeling of comforting joy and innocent excitement that used to make Christmas mornings so special.

He never really wanted this feeling to end. Hell, he never wanted _this_ \- Karkat curled up against him, arm wrapped snugly around his waist as he slept (while he wanted to pull an all-nighter with John, he eventually got to a point where he dozed off in the middle of a sentence, and John finally convinced him to take a short nap), legs intertwined until they were nothing but a bundle of warmth, drool gathering at the corner of his lips - to end.

While a little tired, John was by no means ready to go to sleep, and so he played games on his phone while he waited for Karkat to wake up. Temple Run was out of the question since one arm, as well as the attached hand, was busy being wrapped around his boyfriend, but that didn't stop him from playing Angry Birds.

"This game is dumb," he muttered. "But so, so addicting." 

Karkat stirred, and muttered sleepily, "what's addicting?"

"Angry Birds."

"Mmm. It's dumb."

John snickered. "That's what I said!" He whispered, locking his phone's screen and setting it on his nightstand. It plunged them into near-darkness, but John was still warm and comfortable, and he found himself not caring at all.

"Anyways," Karkat broke off into a yawn, "I guess I'm awake now."

"Good morning, then," John said, and gave him a gentle kiss. Karkat hummed pleasantly, but he pulled away after a few seconds.

In the quiet of his room, John could hear the sheets rustling underneath them as Karkat pulled away slightly. Cold air rushed in to fill the void, and John fought down a shiver. He tried to pull him closer, but the stubborn boy resisted.

"Ugh, my head itches," Karkat muttered, and his hands pulled away from John to scrub at his face.

"I'm sorry?" John offered weakly. There wasn't like he could do much to help.

"Um." Karkat's voice faltered, and he sat up suddenly, pulling the sheets with him. Cold air rushed in to fill the void. "...can you promise me something?"

"Sure!"

"You will not, under any circumstances, be a complete and total ass about what I'm about to do. You won't laugh, you won't make some dumb joke, and you absolutely won't ascend to the throne and reign as supreme overlord of the self-esteem crashers. Ok?"

John blinked, through the effect was lost in the dark. It wasn't like he could really see anything besides extremely vague, blurred shapes. And it wasn't like Karkat's vision was much better.

"Well, ok."

Karkat's next breath came out in a loud sigh, and he shifted around, rustling the sheets and apparently setting something on the nightstand next to John's phone. He sighed, and laid back down. John automatically reached out and pulled him close again, trying his best not to smash his face into his chest.

"So, what was that all about?" John asked cheerfully.

"You're an idiot," Karkat said, roughly grabbing John's hand. He pulled it up, and gently rested it on top of his head.

Oh.

Instead of the short, slightly scratchy hair he was used to feeling, John felt only skin and short, bristly patches growing out in random clumps. It reminded him of the time he didn't shave for three days straight (and how it resulted in Karkat told him to go down to the deep South to return to his neckbeard roots).

"You're bald."

"Just what I thought you couldn't get any fucking dumber," Karkat said, "you always do. Every single fucking time."

"It just never clicked, ok!?"

"It's not like that's the first fucking thing you learn about cancer patients!" Karkat snapped. "Oh, look, there's a bald kid! Must have cancer, the poor bastard."

"But you have hair! Or, uh, had hair!"

"Fake hair, you idiot. The best fucking fake hair money can buy, but it's fake all the same. Really, I think I should be amazed that you hadn't mentioned it sooner."

John attempted a shrug. "Now that I think about it, you're right! Oh well. Who even cares anyways."

Karkat's hand dropped from his, and wrapped back around his waist. He practically burrowed into John's chest, curling tightly around him until there was practically no space left between them. "You really don't care?" He asked quietly.

"Not really." He felt Karkat smile against his skin, and that was worth more than any words either one of them could have said. They fell into a near silence; the only sounds in the room came from their quiet breathing.

John wasn't quite sure what spurred it, but some small, random desire made him lean down until his lips were by Karkat's ear. He giggled. "Hey, Karkat. Wanna know a secret?"

"This is going to be stupid, isn't it."

He thought of what Rose told him a few days earlier.

Well, it was now or never!

"I think I'm in love with you."

"Oh," Karkat said stupidly, his grip faltering. Worry shot through John's mind for a split second, but he forced it down and held is breath.

"Well..." Karkat replied, suddenly breathless, "I think. That." Oh, was his voice cracking?

"Please don't cry!"

"It should be illegal to be this fucking amazing, John Egbert." Karkat sighed, but it was a little too breathy, a little too much of a gasp to be bad. "I love you too."

John still couldn't see for shit, but he didn't need to see to know that Karkat was smiling. After all, he could hear it in his voice.


	20. Chapter 20

There was a new addition to Karkat's room.

Maybe John just hadn't noticed it before, but now, all he could focus on was the white binder on the dresser, placed right where his laptop usually sat.

With a quick glance, he confirmed that Karkat was absorbed in whatever was playing across the screen of the computer in his lap, fingers slowly and heavily plucking away at the keys. He slipped off the bed, and quickly snatched the binder.

It wasn't all that heavy or all that full. He flipped it open, taking note of the pencil tucked into the pocket with the lead sticking out so far it was bound to snap, and looked at the papers.within. Karkat's messy handwriting was scrawled inside of the multitude of boxes, recording times and the names of medications printed on the side.

"A...medicine book?" John said. "I haven't seen this before."

Karkat's head snapped up, and panic flitted over his face. "It's nothing!" He snapped. "Just put it down, John."

John rolled his eyes, and though he didn't set it down, he did close it. "It's not nothing if you act like that over it! What's the big deal about a dumb notebook, anyways?"

Karkat frowned. "It's just-"

"You never had a notebook before."

"You think I don't fucking know that!?" Karkat snapped, rising up slightly to fully glare at John. "Don't be such a shit about this if you don't know what the fuck is even going on!" He looked ready to lash out, but his face quickly fell, and he sat down, shrinking within himself. "Jesus. I'm-I'm sorry."

"Um, it's ok?" John said, puzzled at Karkat's reaction. He didn't see what the big deal was. "I was just pointing it out, dude. No need to freak out. It's just a book."

"It's just a book," Karkat shot back, his voice high and strained with grief. "Maybe to you, it is! But did I ever need a book before?" He laughed bitterly, and shook his head. "No. But now? Ha! I can't even remember what meds to take and when to take them without being reminded!"

"Oh," John said stupidly, and before he could register what was happening, he was already leaning over and wrapping Karkat in his arms, holding him tight. "You're fine, don't worry!" He said, trying in vain to cheer him up. "So what if your memory isn't perfect? It's ok!"

Karkat shook his head, and with an undecipherable mumble, he pushed John away. "I know you're trying, but you just don't understand, ok? I'm." He swallowed thickly. "I'm getting worse."

"Bullshit!" John snapped, but he knew better than to move in and try to hug him again.

"There's something I need to tell you." Karkat said, shooting a glance over to his laptop. John followed his gaze, and saw a skype chat take up the screen. Familiar names filled the screen. "I need to tell everyone, actually."

"Then go on. Tell me! Or us, I guess."

Karkat nodded, and John moved to sit next to him as he sent a call request to the group.

Three separate screens popped up, each containing a pair of people within: Rose and Jade in one, Dave and Vriska in another, and Terezi with someone that John didn't recognize.

"Huh?" John said, eyes darting between each group on the screen and Karkat. "What's going on?"

"He's been planning this little meeting for a while, John," Rose said, blinking at her screen. "I thought you already knew."

"No!" John protested. "Not at all!"

"Now that we're all here, I guess it doesn't matter!" Terezi said, grinning wildly. "Let the meeting commence."

"Terezi has a point," Karkat said, discreetly leaning against John. "And although she knows who all of you are, I'm not sure if you all know who she is." Terezi giggled, and Karkat rolled his eyes. "The girl in the cheap red glasses is Terezi. The greasy, unwashed asshole next to her is Gamzee."

The two of them waved; Terezi with sharp, twitchy movements, and Gamzee with a slow turn of his hand. The others gave their own forms of acknowledgement.

"Can we cut to the chase already?" Vriska asked, leaning down to take a sip from the creamy brown frappuccino in front of her. Dave had a bright pink one in front of him, the cup also emblazoned with the Starbucks logo.

"Dude," John said, "where are you? We don't even have a Starbucks in town."

"We're by the freeway," Dave explained, tilting the screen so the cars zooming by in the background were visible, "Vriska decided that she wanted some coffee so here we are, on the edge of civilization."

"There's an In-N-Out right by here!" Vriska added. "We're going there afterwards. It'll be great."

John couldn't help but feel a little jealous. He hadn't had a good burger in _forever_.

"What's going in and out have to do with us motherfuckers?" Gamzee asked, blearily looking at the camera.

Karkat rolled his eyes. "It's a fast food place, you obtuse fuck."

"And it's also not what we're here for! I wanna hear what Karkat has to say!" Jade complained, frowning.

"Thank you for getting us back on topic, Harley. Anyways, you've all heard about these stupid fucking meetings I've had to endure for the past few days."

"Yeah, what's up with them? Why do they make you so mad?" John asked.

"Because..." Karkat sighed. "I'm getting worse," he admitted. He looked over to gauge John's reaction, and whatever he saw must have upset him, because his mouth immediately twisted into a frown. "And don't you dare say that I'm not, because you all fucking know I am. Well, guess what! It's not the end of the fucking world."

"But..." Jade said.

"But nothing," Karkat snapped. "I'm getting worse every fucking day and I _know_ that every single one of you assholes know it."

"I feel like there's something you're not telling us," Rose mused, glancing over to Jade, who wouldn't stop frowning. She echoed the general atmosphere of the chat.

"You're right, Lalonde! Plus ten intelligence points for you. The doctors want me to get a transplant."

"A personality transplant would be useful and all, but I don't think that'll save your life," Dave said. "Well, maybe it'll keep you from getting punched in the face or something."

"Dave, stop being such a douche," John said.

Dave shrugged. "Gotta fill my douchiness quota for the day."

"Anyways!" Jade shouted, pointing at the screen. "What is the transplant for, Karkat?"

"Bone marrow. Neither of my parents are matches for me, so the doctors are looking at the registered donors for a match. The only problem is that I have no fucking clue how long that'll take," Karkat explained, sighing. "But whatever. It's not like I never expected anything different than this pitiful outcome."

The words that he didn't say hung in the air, pressing them all into silence.

But...it couldn't happen. John wouldn't let it. Not like that.

"Shit," Dave sighed, "is there anyway we could help? Like, go to some doctors and get the shit poked outta us until we find out if we're a match or not?"

"Even if you were stupid enough to do that, there's still a very good change that you're not a fucking match at all." Karkat said. "Normally it wouldn't matter if you weren't an exact match, but there's no way in hell I'd be able to get through my body rejecting the transplant."

"But there's still hope, right?" John asked.

"Of course there is!" Terezi said. "If you can't put your faith in the system that's kept him alive for so long, then why are you even here?"

Gamzee chuckled, the sound crackling through Karkat's speakers. "Faith is what's going to save your fucking soul, brothers and sisters. Don't doubt it."

"Wrong faith, asslicker." Karkat said, shaking his head.

Still, John couldn't help but wonder. It didn't hurt for him to get tested, right? If there was a chance that he could help Karkat, then he would take it.

"I just thought I should tell you all," Karkat said. "Since most of you fuckers have been sticking your bulbous, distended noses into my business all the time, I figured that I might as well get all of you to shut up at once." He crossed his arms over his chest, but pretty much everyone there could tell that it was just a front.

Nobody was surprised that Jade was the first to laugh, the sound coming out of her mouth in short, loud, squeaky bursts. When her giggles started to die down, she finally managed to eke out, "you know we just care about you, Karkat!"

"Every inch of my heart is dedicated to sending all those POSITIVE CHILL RAYS in your direction, bro," Gamzee added. John tried his best not to feel weirded out by that remark.

Though, they both had a point. If there was one thing John had learned about the people currently on video chat with himself and Karkat, it was that they all cared. Some showed it in odd ways, and some didn't show it very often, but they were all friends.

And they were going to help him out.

\---

"Um, hello," John's voice came out of his mouth in an unsteady, nervous whimper. He had never set up an appointment for himself. It wasn't hard, but the very fact that he had no clue what to do was what made it so nerve wracking. "I, um, really need to find out if I can donate bone marrow."

"Oh, then you'll want to sign up through a specific website," the receptionist said, tinny and forced through the speakers on his phone. "The registry is always looking for new donors."

"Well, I actually want to see if I can donate to a specific person. And I guess I need to find out if I'm a match or not? So, um, how can I do that?"

Now it was the receptionist's turn to sound confused. "Um...I guess you should set up a blood test? I can tell you the closest facility, if you don't know where one is..."

"Yes!" John coughed, realizing that his yes was probably a little bit too eager. "I mean, uh, yes, I would appreciate that," he finished, his voice somehow dropping a bit in an attempt to sound more mature.

Heh. Him. Mature. Yeah, right.

He listened carefully to the directions, making sure to take note of the time the place opened and what streetcorner it was on.

He hung up a few minutes later, grabbed his keys, and left his house.

\---

Getting blood drawn fucking sucked. How could Karkat put up with this so often?

\---

Three days later, John received a phone call from one of the technicians that took his blood, asking for another sample.

As it turned out, the only thing that sucked more than getting blood drawn was getting blood drawn twice within the same week.

And the rotten cherry on top of the metaphorical shit sundae was the fact that he'd have to wait nearly a week for the results to come in.

\---

Eventually, after much waiting and a very strong desire to tell Karkat all about what he was doing (because, when it came down to it, John just wasn't much for keeping secrets), he received a phone call.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he glanced over to Dave and Vriska, who were arguing over some dumb thing that he didn't pay too much attention to. "I got a phone call. Can you cover me?" He asked, pulling out his phone.

Vriska's head snapped over to look at him, the anger quickly draining from her face. "Well, sure, but it's not like it matters! The teacher really doesn't give a shit," she said with a solid roll of her eyes.

"Yeah, ok. You have a point." John said. "I'll just take it, I guess." He held a finger up, and Vriska and Dave got the hint without a problem, quieting down so he could hear the voice coming through his phone.

John was quickly lost in a sea of medical terms and rushed explanations. He managed to get the fact that, in order to determine who he could donate to, certain markers in his blood had to match up. Something about HLA markers and blood type, and how he'd be unable to join the regular donor registry due to being a minor.

"Ok, that's nice and all, but I was wondering if I was a match for a specific person." John said, his heart pounding in his throat. This medical jargon was nice and all, but really, he only had one specific goal to care about.

"Oh, we can check that! Who is it?" The voice cheerfully asked.

"Karkat Vantas," John replied. A few of his classmates turned to give him a confused look, but he pointedly ignored them.

"Oh, then we can arrange that! I'll call you back in a day or two with the results, if that's ok."

"No, no! That's great. Thanks a lot," John said, just barely withholding a sigh of relief. He quickly said goodbye, and shoved his phone back into his pocket.

That was the same moment when Feferi walked over to him, placed her hands on his desk and learned down until they were eye-level, taking up his entire field of vision.

"John! I just heard you mention Karkat, didn't I?"

"Um..." John searched frantically for Dave and Vriska's reactions, but he couldn't see them past the curtain of brown waves hanging in front of him. "Yeah, you did."

"Wow, I haven't thought of him in a while! How is he?"

"He's going through a rough period right now, but he'll be fine."

Feferi smiled, her lips pressed tightly together, and sat down. He could see Vriska and Dave now, and the two of them looked just as confused as he felt.

"That's good," she said, the smile still plastered on her lips, as if it was inexplicably forced on her and now she couldn't take it off. When she looked over at John, her eyes were large and kind. "I'm just so busy, you know? We have STAR tests coming up and I have AP tests to study for and just...argh!" She groaned, and within a few seconds, it morphed into a bubbly laugh. "Maybe one day I'll get to have a life again!"

Dave frowned, his hand going up to adjust the sunglasses on his face. "It's not that bad, Fef. Let loose once in a while. Hell, go visit the sick kid. He's a douche, but once you get used to him, he's not that bad."

Feferi giggled. "Who can even have fun at a time like this? I already blew off going to water polo practice so I could stay on a Skype call for a few hours longer! I can't have any more fun."

"That's stupid!" Vriska shouted, slamming her hands down on the table. "You're only so busy because you decided to join every fucking club and team you possibly could! You can spare an hour or two, can't you?"

Feferi shook her head, though when she stopped, she focused a sharp glare right at Vriska. John silently thanked the fact that it wasn't directed at himself - she could be really scary when she wanted to be!

"You just don't get it, Vriska. You don't have any commitments. I have important things to do, after all! I can't fuck around like you!"

"And who says I fuck around?" Vriska sneered.

Feferi rolled her eyes. "Everyone, duh!"

"She has a point," John added quietly. "But still, it'll just an hour if you want to visit him. He's going to be getting a transplant soon, and I don't know when he'd be able to have visitors any time after that."

It would be a worry for the others, but with any luck, John would be right there, recovering alongside him.

"Hmm..." Feferi tapped a finger against her mouth, small patches of pink lipstick transferring off of her lips, "I'll try, I guess. But no promises!"

"I can give you his handle, and you can talk to him online," John suggested.

"If I can squeeze it in, then sure." She responded, smiling brightly. "I'll message you for it sometime soon, ok?"

John grinned back. "Sure!"

\---

Three days later, John had yet to receive any sort of message from Feferi.

He did, however, get a call from the hospital.

The earliest they could set up an appointment for him for donate was the Monday following his birthday, provided that Karkat agreed.

It was only a couple weeks away. A couple weeks, and everything would be ok.


	21. Intermission: 受け入れること

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Karkat was a troll, he would label himself and Jade as moirails instantly.
> 
> To be honest, I just...wow, I really love Jade and Karkat's friendship. It's one of the funniest in the whole comic, but in fanworks, it's almost always ignored. that makes me sad, too, because they are such great friends!
> 
> sighs. i wish i could have more moments like this in the fic proper, but i guess that's the pitfall of having only one POV character. Everyone else is off doing things in the background that John, and by extension, the reader, never sees, despite how fun or how important it may be!
> 
> Anyways, enough of that. I know nobody likes intermission chapters, but hey, this is technically the last one! And with this, we also move onto the final arc. I'm excited for it and I hope you guys are too!

John was someone that, no matter how bad the situation got, always kept his head up. He couldn't deal with grief if he ever encountered it; it was like a poison to him, creeping up slowly until it reached a breaking point that he simply could not bear to handle anymore. He never had to experience the loss of someone close to him, as anyone who had died he simply couldn't remember anymore.

He was always used to being told what to do, and how to act. In a sense, he was shaped more by the people around himself more than he was by his own choices. He had yet to fully become his own person.

Jade wasn't like that. Not anymore, at least.

She had dealt with friends leaving her for being too "weird;" with beloved pets (that John never really spared a second glance to) dying and leaving her all alone; with learning how to separate her personality from those around her.

She didn't mean to sound like a bragger, but it was pretty obvious that she was a little more mature than her little brother.

It was one of the reasons why, whenever she went to the hospital by herself, Karkat was more open with her than he was with John. She needled him more when she had to, and if he tried to give her any sort of cagey bullshit, she just didn't accept it. 

Dave had roped John into joining him for some quality 'bro' time, which probably meant that Dave had some new sword to show him. But, she had to admit, that new katana he kept in his kitchen was pretty cool, even if it was hilariously unusable as an actual cutting device!

This meant that Jade wandered the halls leading up to Karkat's room alone. For a Saturday, the place was surprisingly empty. When she entered the elevator, she entered an empty, brown area, and the only sound she heard was the gentle whirring of engines as it brought her up to the right floor.

Ah, the children's ward. She had always liked it, ever since John first led her through it. The animals painted on the walls were friendly and energetic, bouncing along their little scene in harmonious joy. It felt comforting, in how different it was to the stark, clinical white of other areas. 

She opened Karkat's door without even bothering to knock. "Hi Karkat!" She said, grinning widely at him. It faltered when she actually registered what she saw; Karkat laying on his side, his side rising and falling shallowly under the thin hospital sheet covering him. An IV drip stood nearby, the end of the tube disappearing under the blanket.

The only light in the room came filtered through the windows overlooking the parking lot, half-concealed by milky white curtains. It was barely enough for her to see properly with.

He looked up to her with a squint. "Jade?" He asked. "I didn't think you were coming today. Hell, I didn't think anyone was coming today."

He made to sit up, but Jade marched over immediately placed her hands against his shoulder, pushing him back down.

He didn't like appearing weak around his friends, even if she personally could not give a shit! It wasn't like she didn't know he was sick. He had no reason to ever hide how bad he felt, but he always did, time after time.

"Oh no you don't, mister!" Karkat grumbled, and when he tried to move his free arm under the blanket, she snatched a skinny, dark wrist in her hand. "And don't you dare rip out that IV, either! You've done it waaaaaay too many times already!"

"Fuck you, it's my body!" Karkat protested.

"That doesn't mean you should take out a..." Jade paused, leaning back so she could glance at the outside of the bag, "a...total peripheral nutrition?" She blinked, and glanced down at Karkat, who looked away guiltily. "Since when have you been unable to eat?"

"I can still fucking eat," he mumbled. "It's not like I don't hate myself enough to just ignore any nausea I may get and shove it down my throat anyways."

"Then why...?"

"I'm too skinny," he says, in a matter-of-fact tone that only hides what hangs in the air, remaining unsaid. _I'm getting much weaker._

"Oh, Karkat..." She knelt by his bed, making sure that they were eye level before reaching forward and gently, slowly, so he wouldn't just too upset over her touching him, moving his hair out of his eyes. The strands felt fake under her fingers. "It's alright. You'll get better soon. The transfusion is just two weeks away! You can make it through two weeks, right?"

He snorted. "Of course I can make it through two weeks. I'm not ready to die yet, you know."

Sure, those words left his mouth, but Jade could hear the uncertainty concealed within them.

She wished, just for a moment, that she could be like John. That she could crawl into bed with him and wrap her arms around his skinny frame, and make him forget about all of the hurt he's ever experienced through her warmth. She wished that she could doze against his back, chin tucked neatly over his shoulder, and keep him safe through his dreams.

But she couldn't, because she just wasn't that type of person. Jade could cuddle with anyone and everyone she liked while awake, but she wasn't sweet enough, wasn't caring enough, when it came down to the truth. Rose had learned the hard way that Jade slept at night in the corner of the bed, curled up within herself like a dog. The heat and solidity of others was just too restricting to her.

Besides, Karkat never wanted to be protected.

She smiled, and silently congratulated herself on withholding the sadness blooming in her heart. "You liar."

"You've gone insane, Harley. I'm not a liar. Your brain is just too addled by shitty cartoons and furries for you to be rational anymore."

"Jeez, Karkat!" She said, sticking her tongue out at him. It was a childish move, but when he frowned, it ended up as a pout, and his bottom lip stuck out so far that it completely ruined whatever effect he was going for. They were both childish together, and that thought made her feel a little better. "There is literally _no_ reason for you to hide things from me!"

"Is it just that fucking wrong that for once in our miserable friendship that I don't want to tell you something!?"

"When it's something that I _know_ is important, than yeah!" She groaned loudly, throwing her head back with the sound. "Uuuuuuuurgh! You're supposed to _trust_ me, Karkat!"

"And maybe I want to protect you from some of the miserable news that always follows me around! Maybe I want you to stay a cheerful, oblivious idiot, because someone needs to be able to keep their head up, and it sure as fuck can't be me!" 

She sighed heavily. "Karkat, you big dummy! You don't need to protect me." Figuring that yelling wasn't going to help her, she took a deep breath, and forced the buzzing irritation within to fade. "You have to deal with so much already! You can let me help. I won't break."

She caught his gaze in hers, and could see how scared he truly was. Karkat wasn't one for letting his guard down, but when he did, it showed just how much of a kid he still was.

That's all he was, really. A scared, sick kid.

Never in her life would she ever wish what he had to go through on anyone else.

"I'm...I'm fucking scared, ok?" He murmured, breaking their eye contact. "I don't think I'll make it through that transplant." His voice wavered as he spoke.

"Why not?" Jade asked. "John's a really close match, right?"

Karkat nodded. "But there's a chance that my body won't accept it. Hell, there's a chance it won't actually do shit to help me, even if the transplant goes perfectly fucking smoothly!"

"That's why you need to hope!" Jade insisted, desperate. The way Karkat was talking, as if he had no chance of getting through this, was terrifying.

"Hope's never fucking saved a life," Karkat retorted. "Hope's never done anything but let someone cling onto life for just a little bit longer, before being crushed."

"That doesn't mean you can just give up. What about us? What about me and John and Rose and all of your other friends?"

Karkat drew within himself, looking clearly guilty. "I know, alright!?" She tried to get him to look at her when he spoke, but he wouldn't budge. "It's really not that bad, though. You're all strong enough to move on if anything happened to me."

"Don't say that!"

Karkat ignored her, and continued on. "To be honest, I'm not all that fucking scared of dying itself. I'm afraid of the pain. I'm afraid of fucking up and hurting all of you, but I'm not scared of death. Not anymore."

"You're not going to die!"

"But if I do, then I fucking do. I won't have to be so fucking pathetic, at least. I won't have to rely on others to take care of my sorry ass, because let's admit it, I can't even get up a flight of stairs without feeling like I'm about to collapse."

Jade tried to fight the tears welling up at the corners of her eyes, she really did. Too bad it didn't work. "You'll get better, dummy! You'll get better and then you can graduate with us and it'll be a lot of fun! For Grad Night we get to go to Disneyland!" Because who could say no to Disneyland, right?

Karkat smiled wanly. "I've never been to Disneyland before."

"All the reason to get better!" Jade said, grinning. Maybe Karkat was going to cheer up now! "It's the happiest place on Earth, you know."

"I know it's a place for little kids and tourists, but I do want to go. If only because I want to see that fucking Aladdin play."

Jade clapped her hands together. "Yesss! It's really good, you'd like it a lot! The rides are so much fun and the staff is so nice."

Karkat rolled his eyes, and Jade's grin grew. Karkat could be extremely grim, and sometimes, it was like the weight of the world was crushing him.

But he could make it through, right? She believed that he could, at least.

"Hey, Jade?" Karkat asked. She wasn't used to hearing him like this, without a single hint of anger in his voice.

"Mmm?" She hummed.

"I know I'm pretty horrible to you most of the time, but...you're one of the best friends I've ever had. I'm sorry for being such an insufferable asshole when you don't really deserve it."

She giggled, and punched him on the shoulder. "Love you too, Karkat!"

This really was love. It wasn't quite the same way that he felt for John, or the way that she felt about Rose (because, even though there had been times that they had struggled just to talk to each other, or times when Rose watched her as if she was planning her own murder, Jade wouldn't give up what they'd been through together and how they came out of it stronger for the world), but it was just as important.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter again. Sorry guys, but the next ones after this should be pretty long!  
> Here's to hoping that I can finish this before the end of the school year. Got other projects to start!

April 15th.

That was the date they had decided on. Even Karkat's parents had agreed to let John be the donor, if only because it meant that their son wouldn't be stuck on a waiting list and had his life left to chance.

It was a little more than two weeks away, and just a few short days after John's birthday. While it wasn't that big of a procedure for him (taking at most a few hours; after all, all they had to do was knock him out long enough to stick a needle in his hip and take some marrow), Karkat would have to be put on chemo so his body could accept the donation. With any luck, it'd be the last round he'd ever have to be on.

John sat in the passenger seat of his dad's car, and looked out the window as he mulled over his thoughts. Heh, at first Karkat thought that the whole meeting was just an elaborate April Fool's Day prank. What a doofus! But there was no way it could have been, since John never pranked the same person twice in one day.

Granted, pranking Karkat by pretending to wipe his computer's hard drive was pretty weak, but his reaction was still priceless.

Though, the fact that his arm still throbbed dully from the punch Karkat gave him sucked.

"So, son, your birthday is coming up..." Dad began, purposefully trailing off so John would have to respond.

"Yeah?" John turned to look at him, confused. "I thought we weren't doing anything big this year."

"Well, since you have that transplant just a few days afterward, I figure that we might as well change that. You can do almost anything you want for your birthday, within reason."

John blinked. He knew that Dad had some money saved away for his birthday, but he honestly didn't expect the celebration to be big. Maybe dinner at his favorite restaurant and going out to see a couple new movies. Or maybe he'd even get a new keyboard; he wasn't entirely sure.

"Almost anything?" John asked. "So, I can pick?"

"Provided it won't cost _too_ much, yes."

John blinked, and it only took him a moment to decide what he wanted to do. "...Disneyland."

"Disneyland?"

"Yeah!" John said, grinning. "I haven't been there in _years_. Going there for even a day would be awesome." Plus, Rose and Dave had annual passes, so they could come without a problem.

"Hmm...I may be able to pay for a few tickets, but I'm afraid that some of your friends would have to come up with the money themselves."

"That's ok! I think we can figure out something." John replied cheerfully, unable to fight his grin. Disneyland! Oh man, he could imagine it already: his five best friends, spending an entire weekend with him in the happiest place on Earth. Hell, Dad and Nanna would be there, too! Nanna would probably get a million pictures with every face character she found.

"So, John, I think we may be able to strike a deal."

"Yeah?"

"I can pay for tickets for our family for the entire weekend, and I'm willing to cover hotel costs and food. Your friends would pay for their own tickets. Do you think they could manage that?"

"Oh, totally! The only one that might have a problem is Vriska, but she's Vriska! She's the best at getting money together at the last second."

John couldn't stop bouncing in his seat. This would be great! Except...

He froze in place. Karkat wouldn't be able to go, especially since there were bound to be thousands of literally snot-nosed kids there, and he might get sick.

He wanted to spend his birthday with Karkat too, not just his other friends!

But at the same time, when would be his next chance to go to fucking Disneyland?

Maybe...he'd just have to go without Karkat. Damn it.

He frowned, and it brought a concerned glance out of his dad, but the car stayed silent.

\---

"Oh man, Karkat, I have the best news." John said, nearly bouncing at the foot of his bed. He had convinced Karkat to come over for the day, and after much whining, he agreed.

Karkat rolled his eyes, and shuffled John's pillows around until he was satisfied. "Did someone finally decide to award you a brain, John? Did you trip over it one day and only now got it installed inside of that empty cavity you call a head?"

Hehehe, he didn't _really_ think John was dumb. Not at all! He was probably just crabbier than usual.

(He looked so much frailer, and he even breathed louder, wheezy almost coughs filling the silence, but John ignored it to the best of his ability. It wouldn't matter soon.)

"Pfft, no. What I wanted to tell you is that for my birthday, I get to go to Disneyland. Isn't that the coolest?"

Karkat's reaction was certainly...strange. John expected a scowl, or a frown, or _something_ that showed his apathy for a place that he probably thought was for dumb babies. Instead, his eyes lit up, and he nearly gasped, mouth opening just the slightest bit as he turned to face John.

"Really?" He asked, and there was no sarcasm in his voice at all.

John blinked. "Uh, yeah?" He grinned, and when he laughed, it came out much more strangled-sounding than he would have liked. "It's just Disneyland. It's not even that far away from here."

"I know that, you idiot-"

"-then why is it such a big deal?" John asked. "Wouldn't it be a bad idea for you to go anyways? Since that transplant is just a couple days after."

"If you had the mental capacity to surpass an old sponge, then maybe you would have asked yourself the same question," Karkat snapped, folding his arms over his chest, frowning. Why did he get defensive so quickly?

Wait.

"Did you want to go? Or," John paused, and added quietly, " _do_ you want to go?"

Karkat snorted. "Who wouldn't." It wasn't posed as a question at all, and all it really did was make John feel like an idiot for asking.

He had a point. "Yeah, Disneyland is pretty much the best place ever."

"Exactly."

"But are you sure you should go? I mean, it would pretty much make it the best birthday ever if you came, but then again, it'd be a little risky? There are a lot of people there."

Karkat curled up within himself, and John fought down a stab of pity as he crawled over and sat next to him, gently bumping their shoulders together. "That sentence was pretty much useless. There's a lot of people living here, but we never fucking see them. There's a lot of people everywhere, and yet, there are still miles upon miles of empty space everywhere you fucking look."

"No, I mean, like, a ton of people. The wait for a single ride can literally be hours long. It can get pretty crazy!"

Karkat shrugged. "Oh well. It's not like you or I would have anything better to do."

"Point!" John sighed. "Still, it would be cool if you went! Really cool."

"I know, asshole."

"But also kind of dumb? Yeah. But then again, there's a chance that nothing bad would happen, since it'd only be a few days..." John trailed off, deciding against confusing himself or Karkat any longer. He wished he could just take a decisive stance on this, but he couldn't!

He knew it was bad to keep talking about it. He didn't want to make Karkat jealous since he probably wouldn't be able to go!

But John wanted him to go more than anything. Was it really so much to ask for just one weekend?

Ugh.

"Hey, John?" Karkat asked, breaking John out of his thoughts.

He fiddled with his glasses (old habits died hard, after all), and looked over. "Yeah?"

Karkat stared down at his lap. "Can we agree to just. Shit. Not talk about this anymore? I don't need any more reasons to be depressed than the plethora I already have."

"Oh, uh, yeah! Sorry about that."

"And how about we watch a fucking movie?"

"Ooooh, even better idea!" John said, grinning. He reached down and pulled Jade's laptop out from underneath his bed. It was practically his at this point, since he used it pretty much all the time. "Netflix just added this sweet movie. It is so cool-"

John's words were cut off quickly; Karkat clapped his hand over his mouth, and all that came out was muffled rambling.

"No."

"Mmpf?"

"I get to pick," Karkat said simply, and snatched the laptop from John's grasp.

Sure enough, Karkat somehow managed to find the shittiest, most predictable, boring movie Netflix had to offer. John didn't need to pay attention to the synopsis to guess what it was about: some plucky girl meets a quirky guy and falls in love during a montage set to cheesy pop music.

It did, however, give John a chance to initiate a pretty awesome make out session, leaving the movie completely ignored.

\---

For how much Karkat seemed to hate sleeping, he sure did it a lot. There wasn’t any plan for him to stay the night, but here he was, curled up around John’s arm at just 6 PM.

Karkat was only truly at peace when he was asleep. The tension constantly plaguing his body left, and he went practically limp, as if all of the fight drained out of his body.

He almost never smiled. When John looked over at him, it was a shock to see that Karkat looked…content. Maybe not happy, but definitely content.

And that was much better than anything else. He felt a little sappy for wanting to do this, but it wasn’t enough to stop him from leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss against his temple.

Karkat shifted slightly, but he didn’t wake up, and he didn’t stop looking pleased.

There was pretty much no way in hell that he was going to move. Luckily for him, while Jade had borrowed his PDA earlier (for who knows what reason), she happened to leave it right on his nightstand. He grabbed it without a problem and turned it on, hoping to chat with someone to pass the time.

When he opened Pesterchum, he didn’t expect to see that Jade’s handle and contacts taking up the screen.

Huh, she left a chat open. John knew that he shouldn’t pry, but hell, he had nothing better to do. They shared most of their contacts and every handle he recognized was offline.

He shrugged, and resigned himself to hoping that Jade would never find out about this.

GG: siiiiiiiighs  
GG: :(  
TT: What is this, I wonder?  
TT: There are a strange combination of letters on my screen.  
TT: Could it be that Jade Harley, for the first time in local recorded history, is upset?  
GG: hehe  
TT: It does not seem to be the case today. The eager reporters who came here for the 'juicy details' go home with their tails between their legs.  
TT: Better luck next time, men.  
GG: omg rose youre so silly  
GG: you say youre not but then you type things like that!!!  
TT: I'm being facetious, not silly. There is a difference.  
GG: silly :P  
TT: Anyways.  
TT: I presume that something is the matter?  
GG: yeah  
TT: Would you care to tell me, or would you rather sigh into the chatbox some more?  
GG: well  
GG: im mad!!!  
TT: Over what?  
GG: ok well a little sad too  
GG: and i guess guilty?  
TT: Again.  
TT: Over what?  
GG: well a little while ago i went over to the hospital right  
GG: and karkat was feeling all sad and stuff so i tried to cheer him up by telling him about grad night and how much fun itll be!!!!  
GG: we get to go to disneyland!!!  
TT: For a marginal fee, I might add. Only, what, 100 dollars?  
GG: shhh you have an annual pass  
TT: I do indeed.  
GG: but um yeah i told him about that and now john wants to go there for his birthday  
GG: dads even buying us park hopper tickets :(  
TT: And I'm guessing you're upset over this because after building Disneyland up to be some sort of Nirvana in his head, it turns out that when the chance arises for him to go with his best friends, he can't?  
GG: yeah  
GG: i feel so bad!! and i know johns upset too  
GG: i want him to go because i want to have fun with him  
GG: but if he goes im gonna be so mad at him for being such an idiot!!!  
GG: sighs  
GG: hes one of my best friends rose  
TT: I know.  
TT: We all feel that way, Jade. As my dear brother would put it, our group is simply a mutual circlejerk of good fuckin' feelings.  
GG: which brother  
TT: Does it matter?  
GG: haha no i guess not theyd both say that  
TT: This is just my humble opinion, but,  
TT: I don't think you should worry so much, Jade. I feel a mixture of doubt and hope for him, but at this moment, the hope is winning out.  
TT: He may be rash, and quick to give up, but he's much more levelheaded than we sometimes give him credit for.  
TT: It'll all be ok. One way or another, it will.  
GG: i have to have faith, right?  
TT: Exactly.  
TT: Even when things seem bleak, there's always some sort of light at the end of the tunnel, however overused that saying may be.  
TT: It may not turn out perfectly, but it probably won't turn out as horribly as you think it will.  
GG: thanks a lot, rose!!!  
GG: i do feel much better now :D  
GG: love youuuuuuu <33333  
TT: <3

John closed out of the window then, despite the fact that their conversation continued for a while longer. He had gotten into some pretty personal stuff there (but then again, it was kind of his business too? At least, he thought so), but he had no desire to see Jade and Rose get all schmoopy with each other. Bluh.

However, Rose did have a point. A little faith really would help them all right now. And if things did get bad, then there was always some sort of bright side. They'd just have to keep moving on.

He smiled at the thought, already feeling a bit more comfortable. He stole a glance to the sleeping boy still wrapped around his arm, and snuggled down into the sheets.

A little extra sleep never hurt anyone, after all.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can practically taste the end of this fic coming. Can you?

The car was huge and lonely.

In order to fully shuttle everyone around, Dad had rented a mini-van for the weekend. He and Nanna sat in the very front, happily conversing about something that John could never quite catch, their voices too quiet for him to hear from all the way in the back.

Dave, Jade, and Rose all sat in the middle row, somehow managing to be louder than the music blaring out of Jade's laptop. Vriska sat at the other end of the back row right across from John, and leaned over the back of Dave's seat so she could properly butt into their conversation. 

It wasn't that they were ignoring him, really! He just wasn't quite up to talking. His friends were just a few feet away, but the empty seat right next to him served as a lonely reminder that their friend group wouldn't be complete this weekend.

He resigned himself to staring out of the window, watching the scenery blur by as they raced down the freeway. The sun had finally risen far enough into the sky that it didn't constantly blind everyone, and the ashen sky soon gave way to a bright, intense blue.

Sometimes it was like he forgot that the sky could even be that beautiful. All he ever saw was gray, gray, gray. Sickly, deathly gray.

"John!" Jade's voice sounded in his ear, making him jump with a shocked yelp. He glared at her as she laughed, though he couldn't stay mad at her for long. "Are you ok?"

He shrugged. "I'll be alright."

"It'll be fun, really!" She said, offering him a wide grin. He mentally cursed her for having such an infectious sense of cheer. It wasn't fair; he was trying to mope here! "Just because Karkat isn't here doesn't mean that you won't have fun! You still have all of us!"

"Yeah, I know." John sighed. "It's just that he'd like it a lot, you know? It'd make him feel included. He's only ever gotten one chance to hang out with all of us together."

"He'll have more," she said urgently, too quickly for it to be natural. She couldn't hide her worry. Her eyes darted away from his, and she added in a murmur, "you can't say stuff like that, you know. It makes it sound so..."

"Morbid?" He offered. She nodded.

"And..." John sighed. "What if we waited a couple of weeks until Karkat got a little better? Then he would have been able to come!"

"You can't be sure about that," she muttered. "And it'd be better not to push him. He needs to take it easy, and he'll _really_ need to take it easy after the transplant." She replied.

"You have a point," John said, his shoulders slumped down.

"Anyways, stop moping! Come on, why don't you join us and start talking!"

"Nah, I'm good."

Jade pouted, her eyebrows furrowed down in the way they always did when she was personally offended by something. "Oh no you don't, mister! You're breaking the one rule we have in this van!"

John cracked a smirk. "And that would be...?"

"Any and all sadsacks that choose to mope around are strictly prohibited!"

"You made that up just now, didn't you?"

Jade snorted. "That doesn't stop it from being a rule. Now, come on!" 

She leaned down, fumbled around until she managed to unbuckle his seatbelt, and pushed him towards the middle. "Vriska, grab him!" She commanded.

Vriska looked over, confused. "What? Why would I do that?"

John struggled to move back to his seat, but Jade's arms were insistent, and kept pushing him into Vriska's side. He was trapped. "Because he needs to join the party!"

"Uh," Vriska's eyes darted between the two siblings, "ok." She wrapped her arms around John, and pulled him close to her. "Gotcha!"

"Dammit," John said, though that was mostly directed at the large grin of triumph Jade wore. "You win this time, Harley!"

With a laugh, Jade scrambled around for the seatbelt and buckled him in.

"Dave! Rose!" She said, finally getting the other two to look over at them, "John finally decided to join the fun!"

"Kay, cool," Dave said, his face flushed with anger. "You can help this flighty broad finally see the light."

"No," Rose replied coolly, "I think John will assist me in showing you just how much of an idiot you really are."

Vriska leaned over to John. "They've been arguing for like, ten minutes over the stupidest shit," she whispered.

"Now, tell me," Rose said, deliberately pushing Vriska away with a single hand, "how could a racing game with its broken mechanics and absolute lack of a coherent plot possibly be better than a puzzle game designed to challenge your intellect?"

"How could a stupid puzzle game designed to make you feel like an idiot that really only tests if you can remember useless crap be better than a racing game? You know, ones that are actually fun and cool? Hell, I'd rather customize a pixellated car on my PS2 than play your dumb time-wasters." Dave retorted, trying with all of his might to keep his voice level, though it still fluctuated with emotion.

"At least they don't rot my brain, dear brother," Rose retorted.

"You're both being dumb," John decided. "and your games equally suck." Dave made a choked sound, and Rose's jaw dropped. Practically the only sound in the car was the weird Japanese pop coming out of Jade's computer.

"Oh my god," Vriska said. "Oh my god, John! That was beautiful!" She burst into loud laughter, and nearly doubled over in her seat. Both John and Jade started laughing just at her reaction.

"H-hey!" Dave said. "That wasn't funny, what the hell!"

Soon the back of the car was full of chaotic voices each trying to win out over the others, and John managed to forget the melancholy ache in his heart for a little while.

\---

They somehow managed to snag a room at a hotel just a block away from Disneyland itself. What wasn't amazing was the hotel itself (after all, it was just a Best Western, and those weren't exactly five star resorts), but the fact that they managed to book three whole rooms on such short notice.

But hey, it worked. Jade, Rose, and Vriska all shared one room, Dad and Nanna stuck themselves in another, and left Dave and John to take the last room. It was pretty nice, considering it meant that they each got an entire bed all to themselves.

"Dude," Dave said as he poked around the small room, "they have complimentary coffee. How sweet is that?"

"Sounds pretty bitter if you ask me," John said, resisting the urge to snicker at his own joke. Man, he could be a riot!

(The thought that Karkat would have slapped him for such a shitty remark came to the forefront of his mind, and it took all of his energy to keep some sense of cheer.)

"I." Dave cut himself off, and turned around to face John. He carefully took his shades off, and set them on the nearby counter just so John could see his dead stare.

John grinned. "What? It was good!"

Dave shook his head slowly. "No man, not at all. If you do that again I think I may end up dying from the sheer sense of lame you have," he coughed, but it was obviously fake, "see? I'm allergic. It's deadly."

"Deadlier than that bee allergy you have?"

"Way deadlier."

A loud knock sounded on the door, and both boys looked over to see Vriska burst in. "Heeeeeeeey losers!" She greeted with a grand sweep of her arms. "Hurry the fuck up. We got places to be!"

"You guys are already done?" John asked.

She set her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes. Somehow, her presence managed to fill the entire room. That was just the thing with Vriska; you couldn't ignore her, no matter how hard you tried. She demanded attention so much that no one could ever refuse her. "Well, duuuuuuuuh! We finished like a whole eight minutes ago!"

"I call bullshit, babe," Dave said cooly. "We got here five minutes ago."

She scoffed. "Whatever! The point is, you guys are being lame and slow, and I have a breadbowl and a turkey leg to get before the day's up!"

Of course it had to do with food. "Alright, we get the point. Come on dude, we're outta here." Vriska grinned, turned on one heel in a single, smooth motion, and flung their front door wide open. Dave trailed after her, and John hurried after them. He reached into his pocked for the room card, and once he felt the plastic material, he shut the door.

They met up with the others at the front. Jade already wore a hat on her head; a giant blue hat covered in stars. She grinned so widely that there was a strong possibility that her face would just snap in two, but at least she was happy.

"Where'd you get the hat?" John asked, confused. There was no way she could have bought one already, and they had both lost the hats from their childhoods.

"Rose, silly!" She said, giggling. "Who else would have a wizard hat?" Rose blushed at the comment, but if anyone but John noticed, they didn't say anything.

"It was on sale," Rose said quickly. "Besides, it's comfortable. You would have gotten one too if you had ten dollars to waste."

"No." Vriska said flippantly. "I would have gotten some of their chicken nuggets!"

Rose rolled her eyes. "Vriska, did you only come here for the food, or are you actually going to ride any of the rides?"

"Eighty percent of their rides are completely boring! The only good thing at this dump is the food, so of course I'd care about it." Vriska retorted, speaking as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Who comes to Disneyland just for the food? That's like asking to go into debt," Dave pointed out. "Imagine what the loan sharks would say when you told them that you're 2000 dollars into debt because you had to try every restaurant here."

"Oh yeah, speaking of restaurants!" Vriska said, purposely ignoring most of Dave's comment. He frowned, but otherwise didn't protest. "Do you think we could sneak into the restaurant in the middle of the pirates ride? I've heard that it's great."

Dad finally stepped forward with a low chuckle in his throat. "I'm sorry Vriska, but I don't think I have the money to afford that little trip."

"You have to make a reservation weeks in advance," Rose pointed out. "We've tried it before. It doesn't work out too well."

"Damn." Vriska said with a frown. "Oh well. Let's just go already!"

They boarded the nearby tram, which was surprisingly empty considering the fact that the park already opened. John could only guess that it was because most tourists stayed at a hotel better than theirs. Whatever. Screw those guys.

The ride was short and sweet, and in just a couple minutes, they hopped off near the front of the park. Vriska tossed her hair behind her shoulders and fixed them all with a sharp look. "Ok, I know you guys already have your tickets, but I don't! So I'm going to go get mine." She cast an uneasy glance to the quickly growing line, but she shook her head, and it disappeared. "Be back soon!"

She soldiered off into the hordes of people, and from where John was standing, he could see her pushing and shoving her way past people. The others mostly watched with exasperation and mild disapproval (except Dave, who grinned widely).

"What a bitch," Dave said, awe-struck. "Seriously, it takes a special kind of person to step on little kid's feet at Disneyland of all places."

"That's mean!" Jade said, frowning. "Just push them away, jeez!"

"It's out of our control now," Dad said, his hands comfortably hidden inside of his pockets. He turned around and began to speak to Nanna, effectively ignoring Vriska's shenanigans.

Vriska came back just a few minutes later, waving a single ticket in the air. "Got it!" She said happily. "Vriska Serket just doesn't wait in lines. Waiting is for losers who don't know how to bend the rules around!"

"Tell that to the ever-present line at Space Mountain," Rose sighed. "Waiting for two hours is usually a good time."

She rolled her eyes. "No way! I am not waiting that long. Don't worry, Lalonde. I'll figure something out!"

Rose sighed. "Of course you will."

\---

The morning went by pretty fast. They decided to go into Disneyland first, and the moment they got into the park, Jade grabbed John and dragged him into the first shop she saw. She explained to the cashier that he was a lucky birthday boy.

And that was how John got the giant pin now clipped firmly to his t-shirt. Ghostbusters could like Disney too, after all (though if he was being honest, the ghost on the front didn't seem too pleased about it).

Vriska complained in the line of every ride they went on. It was always too damn long for her, but she had no other choice than to wait. Eventually, she found fastpass stations, and dragged along Rose (the designated ticket carrier) to get them for everyone.

Lunch came without much fanfare. They decided to meet up with Dad and Nanna in the other park to grab lunch near the pier.

Once in California Adventure, they all seemed to cheer up a little. There weren't large crowds of people milling about, so it was much easier to get from place to place. Jade took the way, and waved through the area with ease.

"How do you do that?" Rose asked. "I thought you haven't been here in years."

"I haven't!" She said, turning around to face them. She walked backwards without a problem, and tapped her head with a grin. "But I remember parts of it!"

"You took a virtual tour before we came here," John pointed out with a snicker. She just couldn't fool him!

"Whatever!" She said, sticking her tongue out at him. "Either way, I'm doing an awesome job of leading us! Now, hurry up!" She said, and took off sprinting.

John silently cursed himself, and the group raced off after her. Vriska caught up with ease, but the other three started to lag behind.

Stupid, dumb athletic sisters!

Vriska and Jade pulled them onto whatever roller coasters they saw. Thankfully, they all dealt with roller coasters pretty well, even if Dave always shook a little after stepping off of one. They even went on the huge one in the back of the park that could be seen for miles. It was a little rickety, but fun! Very fun.

As they walked down the pier, John looked over at all the shops and game stores. just a few feet away, a band of men played a jazzy, upbeat tune.

John was cheerful on the inside, even if he knew he didn't look it. It was just that Karkat would really like it here; especially this part of the park. He'd love the water, and he'd love the arcade, and he'd love the band, and he'd love to go on the ferris wheel.

He lost himself in his own thoughts, the scenery around him fading to a dull blur. He snapped back to reality when a hand touched his arm, and he looked over to see Rose watching him with a concerned expression. "John? Are you alright?"

He nodded. "Just thinking, that's all." He looked around, and found them alone in a crowd of strangers. "Hey, where'd the others go?"

"They went up ahead to meet up with your father and grandmother to get lunch. Weren't you listening when we all decided that?"

"I guess not," he said with a shrug. "Where'd they go?"

Rose pointed over to a large, two story building on the other side of the water. "There. They have the breadbowls Vriska's been lusting after since we stepped into your car."

He snickered. "Yeah, they are pretty amazing! Let's go."

Rose smiled at him as they began to walk. "Gladly. I'm not sure about you, but I'm famished."

"You ate in the car," John pointed out.

"My metabolism works at a rate that's about one-third faster than the average human, John. I'm like a hummingbird, in the fact that if I do not eat every few hours I'll surely die," Rose explained, clearly fighting down a smile.

"I call bs!"

"You wound me, John. You cannot even trust your own friend to tell you the truth?" She rose a hand against her forehead and sighed dramatically. "I guess we're not as close as I had thought. Oh, how wrong I was!"

"Roooooooose!" he said through a laugh. "You better put that personality away before anyone sees it!"

She frowned, this time a little more seriously than before. "I always have a personality," she said, without any inflection in her voice.

"A boring one."

"John." She looked genuinely... hurt? Uh-oh.

"Kidding!" He said quickly, raising his hands up in surrender. "Promise!"

"That was mean."

"Sorry."

\---

Just as they finished lunch, John felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He snatched it out immediately, expecting it to be Karkat. He unlocked the screen, and sure enough, it was.

"Who's it from?" Dave asked, the first to notice John fiddling with his phone.

"Karkat." When had he started grinning? He felt like he was going to burst in excitement, all because of a silly text. He hadn't even read it yet!

(John thought, somewhere in the back of his mind, that love was a silly thing, and made him do a lot of silly things.)

"Oooh, read it!" Jade said through a mouthful of bread.

"Alright, alright! He says...to go over to the Little Mermaid ride in California Adventure and ride it soon. Just for him."

"Well, we should take it easy for the next few rides. I'd rather not throw up my lunch, especially when I paid so much for it," Rose pointed out. "So personally, I'm all for it."

"Same," Dave agreed.

"Yeah!" Jade chimed in, scarfing down the last of her lunch. "Let's go!"

"We'll let you kids have fun," Nanna said happily. "If you need me or John and Jade's father, kids, we'll be at the Aladdin show!" She stood up, and the adults gave them one last goodbye as they left.

"Ok then, are we all agreed?" John asked, looking at his friends. "What about you, Vriska?"

She rolled her eyes. "Fine, but it's only because I feel sorry for you lame little babies!" 

"Works for me," John said, standing up. He looked about his friends, and not for the first time in his life, realized how incomplete they looked. "For Karkat?" He offered.

The others rose their respective sodas. "For Karkat," they agreed, and toasted under the warm April sun.

\---

The Ariel ride was just on the other side of the water, so they all crossed over the bridge and arrived within a few minutes. The line was nearly empty, and so they hopped over the ropes separating the different sections of the ride and ended up right in the front. Vriska grabbed Dave's hand and tried to take the front seat, but John wouldn't let her.

The ride was just big enough to fit them all in one car, though they still had to split off into three rows: John alone in the front, Rose and Jade behind him, and Vriska and Dave taking up the rear. It felt too big for John to just sit there alone; the shell loomed over his head ominously  He shifted in his seat, and moved to the middle, trying to take up as much space as possible. He heard his friends laughing loudly behind him. He wriggled around, trying to see them, but couldn't.

The ride wasn't good at all. Almost every movie-themed ride had some degree of cheesiness to it, but this was just fucking disappointing. The characters were all three dimensional, but getting able to see their jittery movements and sewn up animatronic bodies ruined some of the Disney magic.

John had to look away during the 'under the sea' segment. All he could hear was Dave laughing at how her hair looked like ice cream, swirling up towards the ceiling. It was horrible.

Hell, he couldn't help but feel disappointed by it. At first, he was a little excited. Probably the most excited one there! But it was just depressing to ride.

He sighed as the ride ended, their seatbelts automatically unbuckling around them. He stood up, and let his friends trail behind him as he walked out.

John missed it at first; he wasn't paying attention to his surroundings at all. He almost walked right by, if not for the hand that grabbed the back of his t-shirt and roughly pulled his backwards.

"Hey!" He shouted. "What the he-" he whipped around to see who grabbed him, and fell silent.

In front of him, Karkat grinned wryly, leaning against a small, black wheelchair. He let go of John, and folded his arms over his chest. "Hey, asshole. Nice to see you too."


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO YES HI I HAVE NOT ABANDONED THIS sorry for not updating for like...two months. basically the condensed version is that i had the end of the school year to slog through and i wanted to wait until I had an illustration to go with this chapter before publishing it.
> 
> Eventually I've gotten to the point where I've lost just about all the motivation I had to continue writing this (as I've finished up to chapter 26 out of 28 writing-wise, but the last two chapters' notes just stare at me ominously), so I figured I should just say to hell with it and update. Updating this fic and seeing my own progress helps give me motivation to keep going, so this will probably serve as the kick in the ass I need to finish! I'm not going to make any promises, but I hope on having this fic completely complete by the end of June. I'll add in the illustration whenever it gets finished.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy. This is the final push, everyone! I hope you'll stay with this fic (and by extension, me) to the end. :)
> 
> also, uh. I feel like I should warn for casual ableism or something in this chapter?? It's just that a large majority of my family i physically handicapped somehow so this tricks gets used to our advantage a lot. And it gets slightly nsfw, but only slightly!

There was a second of delay before John could really do anything. It was as if his brain just couldn't process the incoming information fast enough for him to react.

He froze in place, and then suddenly, he whooped with joy. "Karkat!" He shouted, rushing forward to wrap him up in a hug, arms wrapped tightly around his chest. Karkat was lifted right up off the ground, and any protests he may have started were silenced by the multitude of kisses peppering his face. This wasn't a moment for thinking; all John felt was happiness, and all he knew how to do was express it in any way he could.

"Put me down!" Karkat shouted, though the fact that he had to force it out through a laugh only meant that John wasn't putting him down any time soon. Soon, they both started to laugh, and John felt like his chest was going to explode from sheer joy.

After a solid two minutes of quick kisses and laughter, John finally calmed down enough to say something other than his boyfriend's name. "Man, I," John paused, shaking his head back and forth with a quiet, almost surprised chuckle, "I missed you so much."

"You saw me Thursday," Karkat pointed out.

"I know. But like, three whole days without you? That's way too long."

It probably wasn't the words themselves that make Karkat blush so hard, but the sentiment behind them: _I never want to leave you._

Jeez, John felt like such a sap. He was in it deep; there was no denying it.

It wasn't Karkat's half-hearted complaining that finally convinced John to set him down, but a wordless shout that came from behind them. He looked over his shoulder, and saw Jade's heart shatter in two. Her eyes watered from behind her glasses, and a dozen emotions flashed across her face in the span of a single moment. She ended them with a firm snap of her mouth shut, and she stomped over.

The others stayed where they were, crowding around the exit and trying desperately not to get involved. Vriska looked intrigued; Dave's sunglasses sat on the top of his head as he cradled his face in his hands; Rose refused to look at them, though she appeared disappointed herself.

John quickly let go of Karkat, only for his sister to grab his by the wrists. "You!" She shouted, leaning down until they were eye level. Karkat glared back at her with equal intensity, though seeing Jade angry was just unnerving. It was as if someone else was wearing her skin. It just didn't fit.

"I can't believe you!" She snarled, lashing out at him. "After...after you promised! You promised you wouldn't come! You promised you'd stay home!"

"You'd do the same fucking thing if you were me, Harley, and don't even try to deny it!" He bared his teeth at her, face scrunched up until his eyes were just thin slits. "Don't even try to understand, since all you do is fail spectacularly and embarrass yourself!"

"No, I wouldn't! Because guess what, Karkat? I'm not a big, selfish asshole like you!"

Karkat's face fell during the single moment he glanced over to John, but his expression quickly hardened. "Come on." He growled, and dragged her away. They disappeared behind the building, and though they were out of sight, John could still hear their shouts. It was almost like a screaming match, crescendoing up until Jade's voice broke on a single note.

They grew quiet after that.

John looked around, and the others shifted uneasily. "Think we should intervene?" Dave asked. "You know, step in, play mediator."

"No." Rose said quickly. "Just," she stopped, hand outstretched in a single gesture of a command, "stay here, everyone."

Dave shifted, and leaned back against the nearby railing. Vriska rolled her eyes and began checking her phone, and John could only wait for them to come back.

They came back a few minutes later, and everyone tried their best to ignore the puffy skin around Karkat's eyes and the wet tear tracks still marring Jade's cheeks. She refused to look at any of them, choosing to only stare down at the ground. "Rose, will you come with me?" She asked, punctuating her question with a single sniffle. "I don't think I can stay here right now."

Rose gave her a worried look, and gently worked on wiping the tears off of her cheeks, reaching up and using her thumb to brush the marks away. "Certainly."

Dave coughed, and stood up. "Think I better go with them. You know, keep the numbers even. You ok with that, Vris?"

Vriska shrugged. "Yeah, whatever." she surged forward to give her boyfriend a brief kiss, and then turned to the other two boys. Behind her, the others walked off away from them, heading right towards the front of the park.

"I really hope you're not a complete baby like some of those losers," Vriska said, jerking her head back to the others, fading off in the distance. "Because I've been eyeing some pretty awesome roller coasters, and with your help, we can get on them ASAP!"

Karkat shook his head, and folded his arms over his chest, as if he could create a buffer between himself and Vriska. John wondered if he was just trying to protect himself. "For the record, I'm not scared of a few fucking loop-de-loops or whatever other bullshit these rides want to throw at me. And secondly, how the fuck am I going to help you? By making the wait in the lines that stretch onto infinity an iota less boring?"

Yep, Karkat was definitely putting up a front. John wondered if he should try to comfort him somehow, or if his efforts would be brushed off.

"Weeeeeeeell, with the help of your trusty wheelchair, we can practically skip those lines!"

"I'm not getting in that fucking thing!"

"Too bad!" Vriska said, grinning. "Come on, take one for the team, Karkat! Be as pitiful as possible, and then we can have as much fun as we want! Now, get in!"

"Um, how exactly is carting him around in a wheelchar going to help us?" John asked.

"Duuuuuuuuh! They let handicapped people and whoever's in their group go to the front of the line!" Vriska said, rolling her eyes.

"And how exactly do you know this?" Karkat asked.

"Oh," Vriska shrugged, "just a guy I used to know. Had to cart him around everywhere, and all the staff let us go to the front of the lines because of him! It was really the only good quality he had."

"Okaaaay..." Karkat said slowly, moving towards the chair. He unfolded it, and sat down. Vriska grinned, (the wild glint in her eyes sent a shiver down John's back), and immediately grabbed onto the handles. She went running off into the distance, towards the giant ferris wheel. She jumped onto the back of the chair after a few seconds, her laughter somehow managing to drown out Karkat's worried shouts.

John rolled his eyes, and chased after them, the fight between Jade and Karkat quickly forgotten.

\---

The rest of the day was much less amazing than John had hoped it would be. Karkat was with him, sure, and he had Vriska too, but it felt wrong with half of his friends gone. He tried texting Jade once or twice to see how she was, but she never responded. Dave had only told him to talk to her when they went to the hotel that night, and by that point, he just gave up on contacting the others.

Vriska did turn out to be right! They managed to go to the front of just about any line they were in the moment the staff saw Karkat. He grumbled about being used, but he would have grumbled more if he had to wait in line for two hours.

They went on all of the crazy roller coasters they found. They changed up who sat next to who (because they could almost never fit three people in a single row), but Karkat was never alone, even if he held the hand of whoever was sitting next to him at the time in a deathgrip.

Both John and Vriska laughed at him for that.

Though he had to admit, the ferris wheel was probably the best ride they went on. Vriska refused to go in a normal car, so they went onto the ones that slid back and forth as the wheel rotated. Karkat wasn't expecting this at all.

He ended up clinging onto John and cursing loudly whenever the car slid back and forth, fully convinced that it would somehow break and cause them to plummet into the water below. It never did, of course, but that didn't stop Karkat from swearing never to go on it again.

They left the park long after nightfall came, and while they sat around waiting for the tram to pick them up and take them to their hotel, John texted his dad, asking if Karkat could stay with him. Of course he recieved a yes almost immediately. It was almost like Dad already knew it was coming! Perfect.

"So, uh, I guess you'll share a bed with me, Karkat." John explained. "Dave can stay in his own bed."

"Doesn't it feel nice to make someone else the third wheel for once, John?" Vriska asked. "Poor Dave. Poor me, too, since I get to listen to those flighty broads giggle to themselves all night!"

"Pff, you don't actually care, do you?"

Vriska gave him a hurt look that could have been genuine if she hadn't combined it with such a ridiculously exaggerated pout. "Of course I do! What about my poor sensibilities? What if they're doing something nasty?"

John snorted. "They wouldn't!"

"Exactly! They're just boring."

"Wow," Karkat said, "this became extremely awkward extremely fast! How about the two of you shut up for a couple minutes while I try to keep down the meager remains of my lunch?"

"But Karkat's more boring than the entire human race combined," Vriska whispered snidely, though her voice was still loud enough for Karkat to hear. He fixed her with a sharp glare, and both of his hands flicked up so he could flip her off.

She laughed at the sight. "Now that's more like it!"

The tram pulled up to the sidewalk, and the three entered the nearly empty compartment, making sure to flash their cards at the driver before taking a seat. The ride back to the hotel was brief, and passed without much fanfare. Karkat had grabbed John's hand at some point during the ride, and when they got off and stood in front of the hotel, he could feel his grip tighten.

"Nervous?" John asked.

"I fucked up," Karkat replied, and there was something in his voice that convinced John not to push the issue.

"Anywaaaaaaaays," Vriska said, "let's get inside already! I'm freezing my ass off. Which one was ours again?"

"That's one of them," John said, pointing to a nearby door. Vriska marched up to it and pounded her fist against the door until it swung open to reveal a bleary-eyed Rose, already dressed in her pajamas.

"Oh good." She said, though her voice was thick with sleep and she couldn't keep her eyes open fully. "We were wondering when you'd arrive." She glanced over to Karkat. "Jade's been waiting for you."

"Fuck."

"Strange. That's exactly what she said, too."

"Guess you're not tired enough to not be a sarcastic bitch, Lalonde." Vriska commented.

"And you're not exhausted enough to be a nuiscance. It's probably best for the rest of us to join Dave next door and give them a little bit of privacy." Rose explained, knocking on the door that joined their rooms together.

Before the door opened, John heard Jade's voice drift out of the bathroom. "Is everyone gone yet?"

"Just about," Rose replied, just as Dave opened the door. She brushed right past him, and gestured for the others to follow her.

"So," Dave said, once the door closed and everyone but Jade and Karkat were inside of his room, "they're finally gonna have the big talk?"

Rose nodded. "And with any luck, our friend group will return to normal."

"Normal, but with Karkat, right?" John asked warily.

"Well, of course," Rose answered, blinking at him owlishly. "We all like him here, John. He's as much of our friend as he is yours."

"I'm getting changed," Dave announced suddenly, pushing through the others to reach his bag. "And if we could talk about someone other than Karkat for half a second, that'd be cool too." He disappeared into the bathroom moments later, and everyone remaining in the room rolled their eyes.

John sat down on the free bed, and Vriska plopped down next to him seconds later. "So!" She began. "I don't know about you two, but this didn't suck as much as I thought it did!"

"She rode every roller coaster in California Adventure and bought three separate turkey legs," John explained. "Though I got the last one! That was pretty awesome."

"Sounds delightful. Personally, I went with Jade and Dave over to Disneyland proper, where we stayed in Futureland for practically the entire day. It wasn't nearly as bad as I expected it to be either," Rose answered.

Dave returned, and the four of them chatted aimlessly until the door suddenly swung open. Karkat entered the room, and though he looked sullen, it was much better than John expected. He leaned over, and saw Jade standing behind him, biting her lip.

"How did it go?" Rose asked. "Have you made up, or are we going to continue to suffocate under this awkward atmosphere you two have dredged up?"

"We're - we're good," Jade said, as if she had to convince herself that it was the truth. "There's not much we can do about it now, I guess. Let's just go to bed."

Rose shrugged, and waved goodbye to the boys as she left. Vriska followed her, and gave them a farewell mock salute. The door closed behind her, leaving Karkat to walk over to John and practically fall onto the bed.

"Hey, everyone?" Karkat asked.

"'Sup?" Dave asked back.

"Let's just go to bed." Karkat rustled around the small suitcase next to the bed (whoa, when did that get there? John swore it hadn't been in here this morning), but shimmied under the covers without even bothering to get changed.

It took John a bit longer to get ready, and he ended up being the last one to actually get to sleep. As he laid down behind Karkat, he wrapped an arm over the boy's scrawny shoulders, and scooted closer to him.

All he could really think of as he went to sleep that tomorrow would, with any luck, be better.

\---

"C'mon buddy, wake up!" John whispered, gently shaking Karkat's shoulder. Even though the others had just left for the park without them (after much groaning and complaining), Karkat still refused to get up. "Everybody else left already!"

That got Karkat's attention. He rolled over, and opened one eye to look up at John. "Really?"

"Yeah. It's just you and me right now."

Karkat failed to hide his smirk, and the sight sent John's heart racing in his chest.

"...You planned this, didn't you," John said slowly, sitting down on the bed.

"Is it such a federal fucking offense that I wanted a couple minutes alone with you? Jesus christ."

"No, not at all! It's just...a weird way to do it, I guess?"

"It's called being creative, you dipshit." Karkat sat up, and took a deep breath, as if to steady himself. He then sat John down, and settled onto his lap.

"Ooooooooh. So _this_ is what you meant by alone time," John said, and Karkat rolled his eyes, and kissed him roughly.

This was definitely a new position for John to be in. Karkat was insistent, grabbing his shoulders and holding him in place as their kisses quickly became less and less chaste.

Somewhere between Karkat's tongue pressing into his mouth and the insistent hands traveling up his shirt did John realize that this felt different than any other make-out session they'd had.

It felt more urgent, in a way. Normally it was something casual and fun; light pecks and laughter and smiles. This was all too serious, like Karkat could escape some horrible truth if only he kissed John hard enough.

Karkat positioned himself strangely, too - he balanced himself onto his knees, just barely hovering over John's body.

And then he felt fingers brush down past the top of his jeans, and every though flew out of his body at once. His nerves were on fire, now hypersensitive to every touch. Karkat's shaking fingers fumbled with the top button, only succeeding after several tries.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, god fucking damn it John, just hurry up please for the love of god get these fucking pants off or something before I get an exacto knife and fucking cut them off of you," Karkat mumbled, the words coming out in a jumbled mess. Despite them, Karkat succeeded, and when John felt a hand brush against the front of his underwear, he gasped loudly.

He blinked, bewilded and a little exhilerated, and looked up at Karkat. He looked down at the wide, panic-stricken eyes, and quickly trailed up his body. He was breathing heavily, chest rising up and down like he was going to hyperventilate.

It didn't make much sense, but any slight fog of arousal was cleared away at the sight. "Karkat?" John asked, trying to keep his own anxiety down. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fucking fine, what else could I possibly be?" Karkat asked, his voice higher than usual, and extremely strained. "Hahaha I'm fucking fantastic! Just trying to make my boyfriend's birthday a spectacularly, vomit inducingly special event that would make even the most hardened critics weep with joy because we're just that fucking sweet, no big deal!"

"But...my birthday is already special?" Karkat really wasn't making much sense.

"Yeah, but what kind of fucking relationship doesn't reach that milestone? It's practically a right of passage."

"It doesn't look like you really want to do it, though."

Karkat shook his head. "I - fuck, I really don't." He moved off of John, and sagged into the bed next to him. "I have no fucking desire to ever participate in sexual activities. And before you decide to whip out your dick and finish yourself off to the thought of having an outrageous pity party because your boyfriend is too pathetic to want to fuck you, it's not your fault, I promise."

No wonder he was acting so weird. John shrugged. "It's alright, really! Sure, it sucks a little, but why would I want to push you into something you didn't want as much as I did? It'd be a complete boner killer."

Karkat choked down a laugh at that, and bit his lip, struggling to keep his composure. John grinned, and gently elbowed him. When he looked over, John wiggled his eyebrows in the most ridiculous way he could manage, and Karkat finally lost it.

They laughed obnoxiously into the empty hotel room for a few minutes. John was, strangely enough, the first to regain his composure. He sighed happily, a final exhale of good feelings, and smiled, mostly to himself.

"Hey, Karkat?"

He didn't expect a respose immediately; Karkat only gave one once he could control his breathing again. "Mmm?" Even then, it was nothing more than a breathless hum.

"We should get married one day." He didn't say it with any dramatic gestures, or even any sort of specific tone. It was a simple statement, said in the same way he'd talk about the weather or about doing chores.

That didn't stop Karkat from freezing in place, and then spluttering at him. He opened his mouth, and moved to talk, but nothing could come out. John blinked, and waited patiently until he heard Karkat squeak out, "w-what? It's - hell, that's not even fucking legal right now, John! We're minors! Minors who've been dating for barely a third of a fucking year!"

John rolled his eyes. "Well not right now, Karkat, duh! Like, when we're older. When we have the money to make it on our own, we can move in together, and it'd probably be legal by then! We could have the nerdiest wedding, dude. Movie posters. Everywhere."

"You're an idiot."

"And you're the person I'd be happy to spend the rest of my life with!"

Karkat visibly choked up, and looked over to John helplessly. "You-" he cut himself off to rub furiously at his eyes.

"Oh shit, you're crying! Why are you crying?"

Karkat hid his face in his hands, and John leaned over to pry them away. Tears welled up at the corner of Karkat's eyes, but he smiled through them (even if his smile felt sad, too).

"We've known each other for how long, now? Half a year? And yet you're saying shit like this, like you're willing to throw away all of the potential you have to stay with a doomed piece of shit that the universe itself wants to spite at every turn?"

"Seven months, actually. And yeah! Except I don't think you're wasted potential at all. Hell, you're so much smarter than me, Karkat. You can come back to school senior year and ace all of your classes. Jade will drag you off to Stanford or something, and you'll both go for 5k a year like that kid Jade always complains about did."

Karkat sniffled helplessly. "You're a fucking idiot, did you know that? Because you astound me each time with just how much more of an idiot you can prove yourself to be." He wiped at his eyes again, barely able to keep the tears from spilling over.

"And seriously, I may not have known you for long, but you're such a big part of my life now, you know? I don't need to have known you for years to know that you've changed me a lot. I don't think I could ever forget about you!"

That was finally what made the tears break over Karkat's barriers and come streaming down his face. John smiled sheepishly, and opened his arms. Karkat crawled over, and he wrapped him up in a tight hug, lightly rocking him back and forth. The room was silent; not even the bed creaked under their combined weight. For now, John just let him cry it all out.

After a few minutes, Karkat found his voice again, and he began to speak. "I'm - jesus christ, I'm so fucking sorry, John. I'm sorry for fucking up and I'm sorry for doing all of this. Even when I find something - no, someone - that manages to pop up out of the corner of apathy street and abandonment of all hope boulevard, someone who shows me that I can move on and that I still have some small measure of worth left, I go and fuck it up by being a selfish, needy asshole."

What was he even talking about?

"And," Karkat paused, to swallow a hiccup of a sob, "tell Jade that she was right. Tell Jade that she's been right all along, and that I'm sorry for not listening to her before."

"You can tell her all that when we get to the park, silly," John said, rolling his eyes. "It'll be ok, really!" John gently slid Karkat off of his lap, and stood up. He offered out his hand. "Now, come on! The others are waiting."

Karkat paused to finish rubbing away the last of his tears, and looked up. He bit the bottom of his lip briefly, and finally stood up.

He rummaged through his stuff, grabbed a bunch of clothing, and disappeared into the bathroom. When he came back, he grabbed John's hand and held it tightly in his own.

They walked out of the hotel room together, hand in hand, and somehow, it felt different than all of the other times they had done it before.

Somehow, John felt closer to him than ever before.

\---

"Yoooooooo! Over here!" Vriska called, waving John and Karkat over to the Peter Pan ride. They walked over, though once Vriska's eyes settled on the wheelchair Karkat pushed, she frowned. "Hey, Vantas, why aren't you in that?"

"Because it's fucking embarrassing, Serket. I'd like to see you piss your dignity all over the ground while in this thing."

"It's not so baaaaaaaad!" Vriska chided, strolling over to him and pushing the wheelchair open. "It gets us to hop to the front of every ride!"

"Sorry bro," Dave said, smirking, "but sometimes you gotta take one for the team."

"Yeah, remember yesterday?" John added. "We got to ride practically every ride in California Adventure!"

"Wait..." Jade said, watching them all carefully, "does this mean we wouldn't have to wait two hours to go on Space Mountain?"

Vriska grinned, and nodded. "Of course! We'd have to wait maaaaaaaaybe five minutes at most."

Jade's mouth dropped open, and she fixed Karkat with her best puppy dog look. Karkat sighed bitterly, but even he couldn't resist her. With a loud groan, he sat down in the wheelchair. "And before any of you assholes come over here and try to be helpful, I can push myself."

"Are you sure?" Jade asked.

"Positive. Don't fucking baby me, Jade. Even my own mother wouldn't stoop that low."

She pouted in response. "But it looks fun!"

"It is." Vriska assured her. Karkat flipped her off, and with a laugh, she reached over and condescendingly patted his cheek.

"Anyways, this is fun and all," Rose cut in, pausing to fix the giant blue wizard hat perched on her head, "but I believe we have lines to go skip."

"Let's work our way over," Dave suggested. "Get the most bang for our buck."

They all left, and despite Vriska's protests, Karkat grew fed up with the wheelchair and walked with the rest of them. They laughed and joked around as they made their way through the park. Karkat was wedged between himself and Jade (who had somehow picked up a pair of mouse ears along the way), with Rose taking up one end and Dave and Vriska arguing with each other over the best way to go.

They played games and swarmed face characters to take pictures with and generally made giant, obnoxious fools of themselves.

It was pretty much perfect.

\---

Night had already fallen by the time they walked back to their car, sleepily crowding into the back. Dad and Nanna were none less worse for the wear, and chatted amiably as they drove out of the park.

John only wished he had that much energy left. He, Jade, and Karkat sat in the back row, while Rose, Dave, and Vriska sat in the middle row. The three in the front dozed on each other; Vriska had a Lalonde or a Strider using each of her shoulders like a pillow.

Karkat sat in the middle of John and Jade. Jade, by some strange magic John wished he knew, was wide awake, and grinned over at them. "That was so much fun!" She whispered, though her attempt to be quiet didn't work at all, ending up in some mix between a stage whisper and a shout. "We need to do that again soon."

"We do," John agreed. "And heck, I think Karkat got closer to everyone! Didn't you, Karkat?"

Karkat nodded. "Alright, I concede. Strider is actually pretty tolerable."

"You're now officially his bro."

"And Rose's bro too, apparently." Jade added, giggling.

"I'm just the life of the fucking party, aren't I?"

John laughed. "You totally are, dude!" He reached over, and placed his hands on thin shoulders. "Your place is with us now."

"It always has been!" Jade nodded to herself, convinced of the truth in her words.

Karkat looked down at his hands, and in the light from passing cars, John could see a blush coloring his cheeks. Suddenly, he broke out into a coughing fit, sending both Jade and John scrambling.

Jade yanked a tissue out of just about nowhere, and offered it to Karkat. He grabbed it from her, and coughed into it for a few seconds longer. The coughing finally ended, and he straightened up, balling the tissue up in his hands. He looked back and forth between the two, and growled out a, "what? You look like I was just having a fucking heart attack."

"That sounded horrible!" John said. "Are you ok, man?"

He nodded. "Yeah. My throat feels a little irritated, though I don't think the coughing fucking helped at all."

"Aww," Jade frowned, "do you need some water? I have some right here."

Karkat shook his head. "I'll be ok."

"That's good," John patted him lightly on the shoulder, "though I know it sucks. I always get like that right before I get a cold."

"Me too," Karkat agreed.

A thick silence crashed over them, and Jade looked over at them with wide eyes. She turned around and ripped through her bag until she brought out the water bottle she mentioned earlier. She shoved it into Karkat's lap. "Drink," she commanded, and there was an urgency in her voice that had Karkat guzzling down water before John could even register what just happened.

"You'll feel better in the morning, I bet," John said. "Dad offered to let you stay at our place for the night."

"That sounds nice," Karkat said, returning the bottle to Jade. He sounded a little dazed, as if he wasn't fully aware of what went on around him.

They fell silent again just as Dad drove into a patch of pure darkness, entering a stretch of road that no other cars occupied.

An uneasy feeling tried to settle in John's gut, but he pushed it away. He groped for Karkat's hand, and when he found it, held it tight.

"Karkat?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you regret coming with us?"

A pause, filled only by a muffled squeak that came from Jade's direction. Ultimately, it was only Karkat who answered. "Fuck, John, why would you even think that? No. Not at all. I'm - I'm glad. Really."

"We're so dumb," Jade muttered. "All of us."

Neither John nor Karkat could object to that.


	25. Chapter 25

Karkat got sick.

That was the simplest way to put it; the easiest way for them all to digest that information. Of course he was sick before, but no matter how horrible it was to admit it, over time, they all grew used to Karkat's special brand of sick.

It was only because he hid it so well, Jade insisted. She had known all along what had really been going on. She had always known.

(It hurt John a little, to think that Karkat trusted Jade with his health issues more than he did his own boyfriend. But the others were also right; John probably wouldn't have taken it seriously.)

Not that it was a big deal, really. The others were blowing this whole thing way out of proportion! It was just a cold, after all. Just something a little more intense than usual.

John thought back to the last time he had the flu. It sucked, yeah, but he wasn't going to die. Karkat would bounce right back in a week, tops. Calling it pneumonia was a gross exaggeration!

Everyone was worried too much. It honestly wasn't that big of a deal.

He'd be fine. All they had to do was give him a few days to get better, and once he was better, they could reschedule the transplant.

\---

"I'm really sorry, everyone, but there should only be two of you in there with him at a time," Aradia explained, gesturing she spoke, her hands conveying a story of sympathetic comfort. The five of them stood in the lobby, gathered in a circle around her. "I know you all care about him, but in case anything happens, the staff need to be able to get through!"

It seemed reasonable enough. John knew that the others wanted to stay here just as much as he did, but they had to be safe, right? Even if they weren't before, there was still a chance to redeem themselves.

...No, not a chance. John shook his head, clearing the thought away. It was a certainty; it had to be.

"I'm not leaving," Jade announced, her expression set in stone. "Sorry guys, but. No. Not yet."

"Not like any of us blame you, Jade," Dave said, shrugging. He lowered his shades, so John could see his eyes dart over to him. "You take first shift too, Egbert."

"Me?"

"You're the one constantly sucking his face, so yeah," Dave reasoned.

"I'm not constantly sucking his face!"

Dave shrugged. "Still the first one up. Break a leg, buddy."

John and Jade exchanged looks, and with a small nod shared between them, they turned to enter the room. As their hands reached for the door, Aradia shouted. "Stop!"

They obeyed, and looked back in confusion. Aradia grinned sheepishly, and began to explain. "His parents are in with him right now. You can go in when they leave, provided Karkat feels well enough!"

"Oh," Jade murmured quietly. Their expressions both turned sour. "Ok."

They sat down, and John was certain that Jade shared his sense of disappointment. Karkat didn't even like his parents; he couldn't imagine how awkward it must be inside of his room right now.

"Well, I suppose there's not much else for the rest of us to do here," Rose said. "I think we should just come back later."

"You guys can," John said, waving them off. "I'll stay here."

"Me too!" Jade added. "We might be able to visit soon."

"Suit yourselves," Vriska took the chance to say. "I'll take these guys home."

Goodbyes were said, and within a couple of minutes, John and Jade found themselves alone with Aradia.

An unsettling atmosphere settled over them, and when John looked up, he saw Aradia with that same far-off expression she held months ago, back when he thought of Karkat as just some angry kid. She must have seen or heard something at that time that they simply were unable to.

She looked down at them, her eyes still strangely cloudy. "Do you have any regrets?" She asked, and though she looked at (through) John, Jade was the first to answer.

"Letting him go to Disneyland with us," she answered in the span of a single heartbeat, her voice heavy. "There must have been something I could have done to stop him..."

"It was his choice in the end though, right?" Aradia asked. "He knew what he wanted to do."

Jade fell silent, and she looked down at her lap. She gripped her skirt so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

Aradia turned her gaze on him. Oh. He had to answer now, didn't he. "Um," he faltered for a moment, "no. I don't think I do."

"You don't think, or you don't?" Aradia asked, careful. "There is a difference."

"Then," he paused to swallow, "I don't."

She smiled brightly, and the sight sent a chill down John's back. There was something about her that was just off, like she was a little too morbidly cheerful to be normal. "Good. I'm glad you took the advice I gave you so long ago!"

She waved goodbye; the siblings couldn't bring themselves to speak anymore.

\---

John was nearly asleep by the time he heard stiff footsteps. He blearily opened one eye, and saw Karkat's parents walking out of the nearest elevator. They both wore the same stern, tight expression--as if hiding their emotions behind a mask.

He looked over to Jade, completely passed out in the chair next to his, and decided against waking her up. Knowing her, she'd only try to yell at them.

He straightened up a little as they came closer, and nearly froze in place when Karkat's mom pointed at him. They approached him; he tensed up so much that there was a serious chance that his spine would snap at any moment.

They stopped a few feet in front of him. Karkat's mom reached out slightly, as if to touch him, but she quickly drew back. "You are...John?" She asked.

John nodded.

"And you are Karkat's...boyfriend?"

He nodded again, this time unable to look up at them. Why was he so nervous?

"He says you make him very happy," his father added. John finally gained the courage to look up, confused. "We're grateful for that."

"Um," John faltered, "it's no problem. I just like him a lot, I guess."

Karkat's mother stepped forward, more confident this time. "Would it be ok for you to give us your number? He had a final request and we may need to contact you soon." Her voice was tight, laced with emotion she tried to hold back.

No wonder Karkat, someone who was so open and expressive with everything he did, never got along too well with them. John blinked, and after a moment's hesitation, nodded. The woman in front of him brought out her phone, and tapped diligently at the screen as he recited his number.

"Thank you," she said, putting her phone back into her bag. Both of Karkat's parents reached out to shake John's hand. He shook their hands with a cold formality and watched them as they left.

\---

This was the first time that John had ever seen Karkat look like a stereotypical hospital patient. Machines of all sorts were crowded around him like a small audience, giving their cheers in the form of steady beeps and clicks. A small tube ran from a nearby tank and into his nose, and several IV tubes disappeared under the thin sheets covering his body.

"Oxygen," Jade said, pointing to the clear ring under his nose. "So he can breathe easier."

John nodded; the movement felt completely worthless. "Ah."

"Yeah."

They each pulled up a chair and sat by the edge of his bed. John took one of Karkat's (frail, and thinner than usual) hands and gave it a gentle squeeze. Jade looked like she wanted to simply wrap him up in her arms and never let go, but she stayed still.

They fell silent, listening only to the beeps of machinery and Karkat's occasional coughs. His sleep couldn't have been restful.

"You know," Jade said, after the soft noises around them became too much for either of them to bear, "he's not going to be happy that you're seeing him like this when he wakes up. He doesn't like making you worry."

"I don't think that matters too much anymore," John replied, looking down at the sleeping boy next to them with a fond expression. He still held Karkat's hand. "I'm happy that I can be here with him."

Jade smiled, and what surprised John the most about it was how sad it made her look. Sadness never did fit her face well. "Same..." She trailed off, though after a few seconds, she added in a whisper, "I hope he wakes up before we have to go."

John nodded, and they fell silent once more.

\---

"I know you two wear your hearts on your sleeves-" Karkat paused in the middle of his sentence to indulge a thick coughing fit, continuing with a wheezy, hoarse voice once it finished, "-but if I see you cry, I'm kicking you out."

Jade, whose sniffling had probably prompted Karkat to speak, nodded. "Ok."

"It's not the end of the fucking world," Karkat croaked. "It'll keep turning with or without my presence to clog it up."

Jade muttered something John couldn't catch, but instead of asking her to repeat herself, John spoke up instead. "It'll just be a few weeks before you get better, you know."

Jade whined, the sound a high pitched, desolate wail starting in the back of her throat. It reminded John of a cornered animal, desperate to escape any way it could. It wasn't a sound meant for humans to make, yet Jade still managed it.

Karkat made a sound too, one that was either a wheeze or a cough (John couldn't really tell; right now, they were one and the same). He rolled his bloodshot eyes, and slumped back in his bed.

He looked broken.

"You know, John, you're an idiot," he said.

John frowned. "You tell me that like, twice a day."

"I'll stop telling you that-" he was interrupted by another gross coughing fit, this time ending in a hacking wheeze that almost sent Jade running out of the room for a nurse, "-when it stops being true."

\---

John was a near-constant presence at the hospital, there from the moment school let out until the moment visiting hours ended. Even though the five of them often switched off so they could stay with Karkat, John still haunted the halls of the hospital even if others were actually with Karkat.

He couldn't explain why he had such a strong desire to stick around. He refused to let any thought exist that didn't concern Karkat getting better in a few weeks at most, and yet, some voice in the back of his mind refused to let him leave his side.

Jade, over the past few days, had sombered considerably. This didn't stop her from staying over almost as often as John, leaving only when she had some school function to attend. She even studied for exams in the waiting room, spreading her review books across the floor just like she did at home.

Vriska, Rose, and Dave weren't there as often, but he still saw them at least every day. They all spent their own free time with Karkat, too, even if they didn't seem like they wanted to.

Vriska was frustrated with the ordeal as a whole, and she snapped at anyone who even looked at her wrong now. She had stopped biting her nails years ago, but John started to notice a couple fingernails of hers bitten down to the quick.

The contrast between Rose's near-constant rash outbursts and her usual calm, collected composure shocked everyone.

Dave just...well, Dave didn't seem too different. He talked a little faster, as if there were words he needed to push out before it was too late. He moved a little more stiffly, and every action seemed a little strained.

They were all stressed, though. That was all, John told himself. It'd go back to normal soon.

\---

John walked through the hospital, a bouquet of plastic daffodils tightly clutched in his hands. He figured that Karkat could use a little color in his life; brightening up his room might help his mood. Plastic daffodils were pretty hard to find, but he had managed to snag a dozen for a relatively cheap price.

Besides, they couldn't die on him, and that would hopefully cheer Karkat up more than anything else.

He went into the open elevator door, and hummed to himself as it closed. He had been here the entire day (both he and Jade had chosen to skip school so they could spend more time with Karkat), but strangely enough, the hospital seemed emptier than usual. Tuesdays weren't the busiest days, but the place was never this much of a ghost town.

He got out onto Karkat's floor, and began to walk to his room, keeping an eye out for anyone else. Even the staff seemed scarce today. It was like the whole world decided to simply take a break.

A strange sound jolted him out of his thoughts, and he froze in place. He heard it again moments later, and this time, he realized that it was a girl's voice, shouting something he couldn't make out.

He began to walk towards the source of the noise, and after a third time hearing it, broke into a run at the realization that it was Jade's voice.

"Nurse!" She screamed, shrill with panic. He sprinted as fast as he possibly could, and ran past her as she turned on one foot and tore down a hallway.

It was as if his body had been put onto autopilot. John rushed to Karkat's room without even thinking.

The door was left wide open. He ran inside, skidding to a stop right by his bed. He was greeted not by one of Karkat's quips, but by a single, monotone beep from the heart monitor.

John's world froze. He let out a bark of a laugh, and leaned against the foot of Karkat's bed. "This is a prank, right?" He said, reaching over to grab his hand. It was still warm; it had to be a prank. "Revenge for that time a couple weeks ago when I convinced you that Gordon Ramsay joined a metal band, right?" He laughed again, and squeezed his hand tighter. Karkat didn't squeeze back.

John refused to falter. "Oooooh, I get it," he said, nodding slowly. "You're asleep. You scared Jade, though." He leaned over, and put his hands on his shoulders, giving him a light shake. He was nothing but heavy (not dead not dead _not fucking dead_ ) weight.

John rolled his eyes. "Ok, cut the crap, Karkat! You're not fooling anyone." He shook him again, a little more forcefully this time. He heard footsteps out in the hallway and ignored them. "Wake up."

Doctors and nurses poured into the room, crowding around him. One tried to push him away, but he wouldn't budge. "Wake up, Karkat!" He said again, a little more desperate. "This isn't fucking funny! Wake up!"

"Please sir, I need you to get out of the way," Aradia pushed her way up to him, too distracted to even notice who he was. Voices surrounded him, and John was pushed away from Karkat, somehow ending up next to Jade.

"H-he's not dead, you know!" John shouted at them as the staff moved all around. "It's just a prank! He's fooling you!" He looked over at Jade, and when she met his eyes, she burst into tears.

He growled in frustration. "Jade, no! Don't let him fool you!" He laughed nervously. "E-even if he's doing a p-pretty good job..."

He clenched his fists, and belatedly realized that he was still holding the plastic daffodils. Suddenly, they took up his entire world, and he picked at the fibers of the petals as the world around him exploded into chaos.

At some point, a nurse told him that he should go sit down, but he refused to move. He wasn't hyperventilating at all, unlike Jade. His breaths were just a little faster than usual.

Words seemed to fail John now. He looked around, eyes eventually settling on the clock on Karkat's nightstand.

Normally, he'd just be walking into the hospital at this time.

"Name, Karkat Vantas. Time of death. 2:15 P.M."


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, last chapter was fun, don't you think? This chapter is fun too.
> 
> Chapters 27 and 28 are going to be uploaded at the same time, since 28's nothing more than an epilogue. I sincerely hope you guys will stick around until then! It's just a few more days until the very end, I promise!

John received a phone call a few days later, toward the end of his English class. His teacher had grown progressively more lax after the completion of the required state testing, so the students were practically given free reign once the day's lesson was finished. No one cared enough to police the students anymore.

He answered the call without hesitation, even though it was a number he didn't recognize. "Hello?"

"Hello. Is this John?” Not recognizing the voice, he searched his mind for an identity to connect it with. He knew it sounded familiar, though...

Finally, it hit him. "Mrs. Vantas? Um, yeah, it's John. Did you need something?"

"Yes. We have to plan for the funeral, and since you were so close to our son, my husband and I would like your help."

"Um...ok. We should probably ask Jade to help, too. She'd be more of a help than me, to be honest," John explained. He didn't really understand why, of all people, they would come to him. He'd never been to a funeral before; he didn't have the first inkling as to what to do.

In all honesty, he had never expected to get this call in the first place. He expected them to just fall off the face of the planet, never to be seen in his life again.

So much for that idea.

"Jade? The tall girl, right? The one that was with you?" She asked.

"Uh, yeah. My sister. She knows a lot more about that sort of thing than I do, haha."

"Then can you see if she'd be willing to help as well?"

"No problem."

A pause. Then, Mrs. Vantas said, in a quiet, unsure voice, "thank you, John."

The days following that call weren't much different from how the past months of his life had passed. He spent almost all of his time at the hospital, and while there was an ever-present void in the building that clawed at him whenever he entered it, there were things he had to do. He couldn't afford to mope around and dwell like the rest of his friends.

(Jade wouldn't agree to go with him, too afraid that she'd get a panic attack. Rose was always off doing something; she didn't answer John's messages, apparently too busy to give him the time of day. Dave drew within himself, even going so far as to bring his online empire to a screeching halt with the announcement that he was going on hiatus. Vriska was easy to come into contact with, but after the first few times, John simply abandoned the effort. She was a constant ball of fury, wary of everyone and everything, as if the world was out to get her, too.)

Actually, all John really felt was a dull numbness, like he was standing on the edge of something huge that sprawled out in front of him, but couldn't find the will to take the first step into this chaos.

The tasks were simple enough: dig out his things, clear out the room, and make sure that any last wishes were fulfilled. Of course, Karkat wouldn't just leave a list that important out in the middle of his room.

The last thing John ever did in that room was turn on his laptop, punch in his password (Karkat's parents stood nearby, and John may have just been imagining things, but they looked shocked that he knew it), and search through his documents.

Surely enough, John found a document titled simply _READ ME_. He opened it, and found himself looking at a list of instructions.

He skimmed through the list, eyes darting across the screen. "Here you go," he said, handing the laptop off to Mr. Vantas. "This should be everything you need."

Karkat's father nodded absently.

John scratched his arm, suddenly feeling a little out of place. "Can I, uh, go home now? There's nothing else left for me to do."

Both adults nodded. "Of course," Karkat's mother answered. "Thank you, John. We wouldn't have been able to do this without you."

"Heh, no problem."

"Before you go, can you answer one last question?" She asked, looking away from the screen to watch him, eyes shining with pained regret. He flinched, though his nod was automatic.

She took a deep breath, her face taut with emotion. "I know we weren't the best parents to him, and I know our relationship could have been better, but was he happy?" She took a deep, ragged breath. "Please, John, do you know if he finally found peace before he left us?"

The fact that they had never been around long enough to figure out themselves made John grit his teeth in anger. He didn't know if they had simply never had a good relationship, or if something caused a rift over time, but it was clear that Karkat deserved so much better than what he had.

Still, the least he could do was give them an answer. "I think he did! I think he was happy in the end. Happier than he had been, at least." Their faces twisted in a flash of pain that passed in just seconds, but it was cathartic to see.

"Well," John said, standing up. He stared straight ahead, focused on the blank door in front of him. "I better get going. Bye."

He walked out of the room, and didn't look back once, ignoring the dull throb pulsing through his body.

He felt completely hollowed out.

There was nothing left for him here.

\---

The funeral came without much fanfare. Vriska insisted that it was because John had, in her words, become, "a total fucking zombie, just like every other dumbass I'm unlucky enough to be friends with! Of course the days are going to blend together for you!"

He hadn't really felt much of a difference.

If he were being honest, he hadn't really felt much of anything recently. It wasn't a blur so much as it was just the same routine, day in and day out. Nothing made it special.

Karkat was going to be buried at the same cemetery they had visited just a little while earlier. Jade stuck around to prepare for the funeral much longer than he did, and according to her, he was going to be buried next to Kanaya.

It really was the best place for him. John was sure that there was nowhere else Karkat would rather be at.

"It's a little poetic, don't you think?" Rose said, jolting John back to reality. "How still the air seems to be."

"Oh, what?" John blinked, and shifted his grip around the lone, plastic daffodil in his hand. It was a beautiful day today, showing that summer was just around the corner. His black suit was stifling and uncomfortable in the warm weather. "Uh, yeah, I guess."

She took a step closer to him, and gently set a gloved hand on his arm. He glanced over to her. She looked like a movie star, with her large, black hat tipped on her head just enough to block her from the sun. A thin veil shielded her eyes from the world, revealing only black lips pulled down in a frown. "John."

"Yeah?" He felt childish next to her.

"Are you certain you're ok?"

He nodded. "I just wanna get this over with," he said, his laugh coming out as a choked gasp. "It's really hot today."

Rose hummed, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Then shall we go inside, or are we going to wait for the others?"

Jade and John's dad were already here, helping to put the last decorations in place. John wasn't sure if Vriska and Dave would even come. If they did, they'd probably only come crawling in when the ceremony was halfway over.

No more cars appeared to come their way, even though the parking lot was barely half full. There was no more reason to wait around.

"Let's go," John said.

Bursts of color decorated the entire area inside. The casket, made of carefully painted gray and red wood, sat at the very front of the room, surrounded by what must have been hundreds of flowers. The entire place had Jade's marks all over it.

The size of the chapel only emphasized how few people had come. There were maybe enough people to fill up five rows of seats at the most, but the fact that they were scattered all over the room only made the place feel lonelier.

"I'll go find a seat for us," Rose said, heading off to the front. John didn't blame her for leaving, and he didn't blame her for lying, either. He watched as she walked up to Jade and stood on her tiptoes to whisper something in her ear, but he made sure to turn before he had to meet Jade's disappointed gaze.

He focused his attention on the other people nearby instead. There was a large group that held a passing resemblance to Karkat, mostly crowded near his parents. Relatives, probably. There were various members of the hospital staff scattered about, consisting of doctors and nurses and assistants that John never learned the names of.

There were a few staff members John recognized. He saw Aradia milling about and poking curiously at the flowers. She didn't look up as John approached her, though when he stopped, she spoke.

"They're all fake. The flowers, that is. Isn't that strange?"

John smiled, and it felt much more melancholy than he hoped it would be. "No. It's perfect."

"They're still beautiful."

"Exactly." With that, he left her side, and went closer to the security guard who had always tried to give him trouble. She held a figure by their shoulders, and when he got closer, he saw that it was Feferi.

He stopped just a few feet away from them, close enough to talk to them if he wanted to. He didn't see a need to just yet, so he stayed quiet and tried to piece together what Feferi was attempting to say through her sobs.

"I-I never v-visited him, Meenah. I a-always said I would, but I never did!" She cried. "And now I'll never b-be able to!"

Meenah sighed, and awkwardly clapped Feferi on her shoulders. "There there, ya blubberin' small fry. Nothing you can do about it now."

"I know, and that's the worst part! There was so much I could have done, but never did..."

"It happens," Meenah said, shrugging. "Gotta pick yourself up and deal with the remains."

As it turned out, there was nothing John could really say to them. He continued wandering around the chapel, taking in the other people there. The only other people that stuck out to him were an older Korean couple sitting off to the side, but it didn't take him long to understand why they were there.

The Maryams had to pay their final respects, after all.

There wasn't much else for him to see. He took a seat in the front row, and found himself staring right at the casket in front of him. It seemed to fake, as if he was staring at a toy and not the container holding his dead boyfriend.

It felt weird. He looked away, not wanting to stare at it for any longer than he had to. He'd have time for that later.

A pair of voices added themselves to the quiet sounds surrounding John, though these voices soon ended up right next to his ear. He flinched, and looked over to see Vriska flashing him a wide grin. Dave was right behind her, and gave a short wave, nothing more than a quick snap of his wrist.

"You're here on time," John said dumbly. He couldn't seem to find the words for anything; it was all he could think to say.

Vriska huffed, and flicked his forehead. As he rubbed the now sore spot, she spoke in a haughty voice. "You idiot! Do you really think I'm a big enough bitch to be late to my friend's funeral?" Her expression softened. "Try again, John."

"Oh. Um, sorry," John said, fixing his gaze away from her and onto his lap. The lone daffodil rested against his black slacks, a bright contrast to the dull color.

"Whatever," Vriska breathed out in a sigh. "I know you think I was a pretty shitty friend to him, but there was a lot you never saw! Conversations you never heard, inside jokes you never understood, all that good stuff."

Dave finally took the chance to cut in. "Breaking news reveals that John Egbert is not actually the center of the world. The masses are shocked."

"Eeeeeeeexactly! Thank you, Dave." She said.

John shrugged. "Alright," he said, and fell silent. Vriska grunted, and pushed at his arm, but soon gave up and turned to talk to Dave.

He looked down at his watch, effectively ignoring the conversation next to him. Only a few more minutes...

"Oooh, is that you, John?" He moved his head up, slowly, to look for the new voice talking to him, and saw a thin girl with bright red glasses staring at him. A streak of blood red hair was tucked behind her ear, and a greasy looking boy with a strange expression stood behind her.

It took him a moment to realize who it was.

"Terezi?"

She giggled. "Correct! And this here is my partner in crime, Gamzee! It's ok if you don't remember him. I don't blame you for repressing the memory of ever seeing him!"

The boy behind her frowned slightly, and smacked her arm. She yelped, but delved straight into a cheery laugh.

"And who are these clowns?" Vriska asked, turning to face the three of them.

"Terezi and Gamzee," John explained. "Karkat's online friends."

"We were just fucking blessed enough to have enough money to afford a few plane tickets," Gamzee said. "I'm thankful. Had to see my best bro off to the promised land in the flesh, after all."

"It's sad," Terezi said, her voice a little quieter than before, "that this gets to be the first and last time I ever see him face to face. I wanted to tease him so much, too!"

"You still can," Vriska said, "as long as you don't expect any kind of response."

Terezi turned to her, and watched her curiously. "And who are you again? The humongous bitch, right?"

"The one and only! You're the weird dragon girl, right?"

Terezi grinned. "You're sharp! I like you." She thrust her hand out suddenly, her bright red glove soon enveloped in Vriska's black one. "Terezi Pyrope, scourge of rebellious little sisters and big jerks across the country!"

Vriska rolled her eyes, but gave Terezi's hand a firm shake. "Nice title, sister, but can it hold up to the five time winner of the state LARPing trophy? I think not."

Terezi gasped. "A LARPer, here of all places?"

"Not just any old LARPer! I'm simply the best LARPer there is."

An announcement sounded through the chapel for everyone to take their seats, as the service would begin soon. Terezi spared a glance to Gamzee, who began to drag her off to a different row. "We'll talk later!" She shouted at them. "After the service!"

Vriska laughed quietly. "What a weirdo. I think I like her."

"Yeah, she's fun," John said absently. The people all around him soon settled down, and Rose sat down next to him just as Karkat's parents walked up to the front. Jade followed her seconds later, and sat down at the very end of the row.

John sighed, and the service began.

\---

He honestly couldn't keep himself focused for most of the funeral. People came, and they talked, and then they left, and it all blurred together in his mind until he couldn't pick out who said what.

He just wanted it to be over already. There was no point for him to be here. Karkat wouldn't give a shit either way. Funerals weren't for the dead, after all. They were only for the survivors unable to let go of their loved ones just yet.

Jade went up to give a eulogy of her own at one point, and though John couldn't remember a single word she said, he remembered her crying all too well. When he looked over once she was in her seat, he saw her dabbing at her eyes with a thin tissue.

"John?" Rose asked gently. "Everyone's waiting for you."

Shit. It was his turn to talk now. He swallowed thickly, and nodded at her before standing up. It was only a few feet to the microphone, but his legs simply refused to cooperate with him. It seemed to take forever just to make it to the stand.

He looked out to the crowd in front of him. Some watched him expectantly; others hid their faces. He had no idea what to say to any of them. What could he even say? He hadn't prepared a speech at all.

There was nothing he could do except improvise. He took a deep breath, and began to speak.

"Hi there. Uh, I don't think most of you know me, so I'll take a moment to introduce myself. My name is John Egbert, and I am," he hesitated, and quickly corrected himself, "-I was, um. Karkat's boyfriend."

The crowd didn't bat an eyelash. He took it as a sign to continue talking, even if he had no clue where he was going with this. "I guess I should start off with a little more background. Well, I met him after he was admitted." He took a deep breath. "It...it was a dare, actually. He wasn't close to a lot of people, as I'm sure most of you know. Somebody had to bring a get better card to him, and I volunteered so I could get free pizza."

He laughed, a little awkward but glad for the resurfaced memory. "So I went to the hospital, and we soon became friends. I didn't expect it at first. We didn't like each other very much, and we ended up fighting over dumb crap a lot." He smiled fondly. "We became friends eventually. More than friends, even!"

It felt like he might have been sharing too much information with this crowd of strangers, but John continued regardless, too caught up in his memories to care. "I don't really know when I started liking him. It was like one day I woke up and realized that, oh, Karkat's just the person I've been looking for." He laughed, and it sounded bitter to his own ears. "Man, I was so stupid...I liked him a lot, but I never said anything because I was so worried about him having cancer. What kind of asshole does that?"

John sighed. "Me, apparently. But luckily, Karkat was less than a doofus than me, and so he confessed to me. I said yes, and deep down, I think the reason why I was so scared to like him was because I didn't want to get hurt. I didn't want to become a lifetime movie story. You know, that kind of crappy movie he liked."

The crowd looked a little confused, but John didn't care. He just let the words flow out of his mouth, and didn't bother to second guess himself. "Man, his movies sucked! They're so dumb and cliche. He had such terrible taste." The crowd gave no reaction, and he coughed, desperate to change the subject. "Um, anyway, he got worse over time. He needed a marrow donor, and so...I signed up. They set the surgery for a few days after my birthday, so as a special birthday-slash-pre-surgery present, my dad offered to take me and my friends to Disneyland for the weekend."

A dull ache started to throb in his chest, but he kept talking. "I accepted, and I guess I was so excited about it that I talked about it constantly. He wanted to go so badly, I could tell. Maybe if I talked less, he wouldn't have tagged along with us? Because he did, and there, he must have caught a cold from someone."

His voice grew somber. "It turned into pneumonia. And a few times, I've thought about those days. What if I hadn't told him about it? What if I forced him to go home? Would he still be here with us?"

John's face felt wet, but he couldn't move, couldn't bring himself to wipe away the tears forming at the corners of his eyes. "I promised him a lot. I promised him that I'd take him all sorts of places. That I'd let him sleep over whenever and that we'd wrap up in a million blankets together and watch movies until dawn."

He turned away from the microphone, and walked over to the casket. It was open, revealing Karkat's face. It looked like he was just taking a peaceful nap.

John knew he never slept that peacefully.

"I promised you that we'd get married," he said, looking down at the daffodil in his hands. He placed it inside of Karkat's hands, folded right over his chest.

"It's a daffodil," he explained, knowing fully well that the people behind him would never hear this. "It symbolizes a new beginning. I thought it was fitting."

He looked at the casket, and at Karkat's stiff hands holding the flower, and at his relaxed face. It was all wrong, all of it, and it struck John like a sword through the side.

He hiccupped, and cupped his face in his hands, so no one else would have to see him cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John's eulogy is the first thing I ever wrote for this AU. The one you see here is only slightly modified from the original. It's amazing how well it still fit, 11 fucking months after I wrote it.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final ~official~ chapter of this fic. Next is the epilogue, which will be uploaded ASAP. It'll take longer to write my final message to you guys then it will to actually upload the chapter itself. Be excited! Be extremely excited.

Days passed.

The tests that so many of John's friends worried about (but not him, because he honestly didn't see the point in worrying about these stupid state tests), came and went without much fanfare.

Time didn't stand still at all.

Every clock he saw continued to tick, just like they always did. The world around him was the same as it always had been.

He had no choice but to go with it.

There wasn't anything else he could do; rewinding the clock just wasn't an option.

Heh. Clocks. John craned his head to look at the clock on the nearest wall and sighed. He only had a few minutes of lunch left to enjoy before he had to go off to his last class of the day.

He heard his sigh echoed by Rose, who stared down at the book laying next to the (now empty) plastic bag she carried her lunch in. "What's the matter, Rose?"

He asked, ignoring the ticking in the background in lieu of following her gaze. He didn't recognize the title of the book. Must be new.

"I've waited a long time for this book to come out," Rose said. Out of the corner of his eye, John saw Jade lean over just enough to examine the book for herself. Rose continued without noticing. "I've loved this series since it came out. Imagine, if you will, myself at 14, excitedly blazing through two 500 page books over the course of three days and anxiously waiting for the final book to come out. It wasn't anything close to the genres I usually like to read, but it still managed to capture me."

"And it finally came out? Congrats," John said.

"Yes, but it's a little bittersweet now." Rose stopped there, a little too sudden to be natural.

Vriska groaned under her breath. "Ooooooooh my god. Not this."

"What? Huh?" John looked between them. "What's the matter?"

"Well...Karkat and I actually bonded over this series. As it turned out, he was a huge fan as well." She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, and smiled sadly. "To be honest, I haven't opened the thing yet. Whenever I try, I think of how he'll never be able to see how the plot resolves, and then I simply lose the desire to read it."

Oh. That.

"That sucks," John replied. There wasn't really anything else he could say.

"Is that all you can say, John?" Jade snapped. "Sit there with a blank face and say that sucks?"

"Well, what else am I supposed to do!?" John shot back. Jeez, what was her problem? He was the one acting normal here, while everyone else had gone on a downward spiral straight to the depths of Boringville. They acted like the only thing any of them were allowed to do now was mope around.

"I don't know, act like he fucking mattered to you too, you dummy!?" Jade shouted. They attracted several looks from the other kids in the classroom, but Jade simply flipped them off. "Stop pretending like this entire year never happened!"

"Jesus, Harley, step off already!" Vriska said, slamming her hands down on her desk and sending her milk toppling to the ground. A pool of white seeped into the carpet below her feet, but her only reaction was to scowl and tuck her feet underneath her legs. "Oh, boo hoo, that happened weeks ago! Don't you think it's time to move on!?" She whipped around to face Dave, nearly whacking him in the face with her mane of hair in the process. "You agree with me, right, Strider!?"

Dave raised his hands in surrender. "Staying outta this one. I can't fight every battle with you, Serket. You're just gonna have to go it alone."

She let out a frustrated groan, and turned back around. She and Jade glared at each other, each a hair away from erupting into a full blown argument.

John was at a loss of what to do. It wasn't that he didn't care - ok, he really didn't care about their argument, but he'd rather avoid any fights if he could. He just didn't have the motivation to diffuse the situation at the moment, and a quick glance around the group confirmed that neither did anyone else.

"Guys-" he began in a half-hearted attempt to mediate between them, but he was cut off by the loud, flat buzz of a bell. So much for lunch.

Jade huffed, grabbed her backpack, and slung it over one shoulder as she marched out of the room, not even bothering to look back at them. Vriska rolled her eyes and gathered her own things, smashing them into her own bag as she made a quick exit.

"Well," Dave said as he stood up, "that sucked."

"Agreed." Rose sighed. "I'm sorry for ruining everyone's semi-decent mood." She stole one last glance at her book as she set it gently in her bag, on top of her other things. It was obvious that she wanted to keep it safe.

John shrugged. "It happens."

"Way too fucking often, if you ask me," Dave grumbled. "It's like we can't go a single day without someone getting their panties in a twist over something nowadays."

"We all could lighten up, I suppose," Rose offered.

John stayed silent, and with a final wave, left the building.

\---

"John."

John groaned, and pushed himself into a sitting position. Jade stood in his doorway, her arms crossed over her chest and her foot tapping impatiently as she watched him. Something bright yellow peeked out of her hands, but he couldn't tell what it was.

She stuck her arms out, revealing a small bunch of yellow flowers. Her face contorted in rage for a few moments, but the anger dissipated, leaving behind a broken girl. "Why?" was all she said, her voice splintering into an array of pain on that single syllable.

John shrugged. "I don't need it anymore," he replied simply. "There's nothing I can really do with it."

That set her off. Jade stormed into his room, a whirlwind of fury. She gave him a rough shove, and when he bounced back on his bed, she took the chance to grab his arm and hold him in place. "That's bullshit!" She said. "I can't believe you would just throw this away so easily!"

"It's just a flower!" John retorted, feeling his own anger rise, thick like bile, in the back of his throat.

"It's more than a flower!" She said. "It's his memory! It's like --" she took a deep breath, "-- it's like you're throwing him away!"

John inhaled sharply. Her remark stung him to the bone, causing an ache to form deep in his chest. He couldn't think of any retorts; she continued on stubbornly.

"You've been acting like a giant jerk ever since the funeral! No, since before the funeral! Ever since Karkat died, you've completely shut yourself off from the rest of us!" She threw his arm back in one smooth motion, and stomped a few feet away, just far enough to gesture wildly without breaking anything in his room. "You act like you never even met him!"

She had gone too fucking far.

"What else am I supposed to do, huh!?" John shot back, finally too angry to keep his mouth shut. "Do you want me to mope around over him like you!? Because I don't fucking care what you say to me, I'm not gonna do it!" He was breathing heavily now, chest rising and falling in rapid breaths. He felt like he was in the middle of a long race, fueled by pure adrenaline.

"You said you weren't going to forget him, you asshole!" John froze, shocked; Jade backed away, hesitant to continue. "He...he told me. That you said that.

And it made him really happy!" She shut her eyes, and scrunched her face in earnest concentration. "He didn't want you to forget about him."

"Who says I've forgotten?" John muttered, looking away.

"Your actions," she replied darkly, unable to look at him either. Her words held a sort of finality that made John's heart drop.

"I..." he started. He scrambled for something, anything to say, but the words just wouldn't come. He shut his mouth, defeated.

"That's what I thought," Jade murmured. "Bye, John," she said, and left his room, closing his door gently behind her. Slamming it shut would have hurt him less. Her anger and her irritation were leagues easier to deal with than her disappointment.

John slumped onto his bed, curling within himself until he was on his side, knees tucked up against his chest. He ran their conversations over again in his mind, picturing what he just saw. Somehow, it stung more harshly than before.

He closed his eyes, and finally let himself think of Karkat. He didn't think of the last time he saw Karkat, when he was nothing more than a wheezing, weak skeleton wrapped in skin that cracked like old bandages, but of the Karkat he first met in the hospital so many months ago.

He thought of him, storming around his room and taking command of even the air around him, voice loud with irritated authority. John smiled at the picture, though a few tears squeezed their way out of the corners of his eyes. He thought of his own birthday; of Karkat's face when he was just waking up, squinting at the crisp morning light filtering in through the blinds of their hotel room.

He hadn't let himself think of those memories in such a long time. He had tried to let those memories die with Karkat, but even though they caused a deep ache to start in his chest and spread through his body, it was a welcome sensation to the numbness that had plagued him for so long.

John let out a bitter laugh. Jade was right; she had been right all along. He had been a major asshole lately. How...how could he have ever tried to forget Karkat?

A couple more tears rolled down his cheeks. He had promised to never forget him. Even if he wasn't with him in flesh anymore, there was always his memory. He had to keep going. He had to keep living, if only to let Karkat's memory live on.

Jade still had those daffodils. John slowly uncurled himself and got off of his bed, standing up straight and tall. He automatically headed for Jade's room, and sure enough, found her sprawled across her bed, a single flower still between her hands.

John snuck up behind her, and carefully sat down on the bed near her. She looked back in surprise, but something in her expression changed and softened when she saw him. It was like she could sense his change.

"Guess you were right yet again," John said, a small, sarcastic smile on his lips, "I've been a giant asshole lately."

Jade rolled her eyes, and gently nudged him with her foot. "You can say that again, dummy."

"Can I see that flower?" John asked, reaching out to her. She gave it over instantly, and he held it carefully, cradling the stem in his hands like a precious jewel. "I've felt numb for so long, Jade," he confessed. "Ever since Karkat died, I just haven't felt the same."

Jade rolled over onto her back, and sat up so she could scoot next to him. She bumped their shoulders together. "What do you mean?"

"I haven't felt much of anything, to be honest. It's like nothing had meaning to me, and I just kind of tuned out the rest of the world these past few weeks."

"Oh." Jade nodded slowly. "You should have told me, John," she chided, but he could hear the sympathy in her voice. "I would have helped you any way I could!"

"I know! It's just," he sighed, "I don't know."

"It's ok to not know. You'll heal eventually."

He closed his eyes, and held onto the daffodil tighter. "I can't believe I acted like I completely forgot about him. I can't help but be pissed off at myself for that. Way to break a promise, self."

"You're not going to act like that again, right?"

John looked at her incredulously. "What!? Of course not! I'm never going to forget him ever again."

Jade smiled, and drew him into a hug. John returned it in a heartbeat, and they sat there in silence, taking comfort from each other's presence.

The minutes seemed to fade away, but finally, John felt prompted to speak again. "Jade?" She hummed, and he took it as a sign to continue speaking. "I don't want anyone to ever have to go through this again. I don't want anyone to have to feel like Karkat did at the end, and I don't want to have anyone scrambling to pick up the pieces like us."

"Me neither," Jade replied quietly. "I wouldn't wish this on anyone."

John finally drew away from her, though he looked her right in the eyes as he spoke. "You know what? I'm gonna make that happen. I want to help the people who've gone through what we all went through. I don't know how I'll do it, or where I can even start, but just you wait! One day, it'll happen.”

Jade beamed, and clasped his hand in hers, a gesture of solidarity.

"And I'll be there to help you, John! Every single step of the way."


	28. Epilogue: Perseverance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We did it, kids! We climbed this whole fucking mountain. Nearly a year after it was started, this fic has finally finished. It's reached its end. Am I happy with it? Hell yes! I've had this ending in mind since the beginning, and I hope you like it as much as I do. I still fiercely believe that this isn't a sadstuck. It's a story, and it has its happy moments just like it has its sad moments. 
> 
> It's funny to think that this all started with a single post my friend Alex made, saying "an au where Karkat has lukemia." I jumped on that idea instantly, and look where it's taken us. Strange to think that was so long ago, and how much has changed since then. Really, this story has affected me as much as I've affected it. There are inside jokes that I've picked up from this fic that I ended up spreading to my school friends who have no idea what Homestuck even is, and there are motifs and scenes in here that have always meant a lot to me.
> 
> I've drawn a lot of inspiration from so many different things and so many different people. I wish I could list them all, but I'll probably forget several. So thank you, everyone! And I am so, so grateful for all of you! Every last reader. I'm grateful for every comment, every kudos, every bookmark, every post in the Karkata Inti tag on tumblr, every ask I've gotten, and hell, even every hit. I'm grateful for it all! I never expected this fic to get as popular as it has. 
> 
> It was a fun ride while it lasted.
> 
> 10/18/17 UPDATE WHOA:  
> Seems fitting that if I'm going to update the opening note, I should also update the ending note. I just want to make one note about John, and the way he processed Karkat's death. I still remember one comment I received that said how unrealistic John's processing was, and how it ruined the story for that person. I am here to tell you that everyone processes grief differently; there is no such thing as a right way to process something as incomprehensible as death. And as I was unfortunate enough to learn, I accidentally predicted my own strategy of coping with grief. This past year, I lost someone very dear to me, and I realized that I actually have processed that death the same way John did. There is no wrong way to grieve (though some methods are healthier than others), so just take the time you need and do what you need to do.
> 
> I love this story dearly, and I hope you liked it as well.

John's foot pressed the gas pedal down, urging his car to go faster. He had a lunch date to keep, and though Vriska kept him for an hour longer than he would have liked, he had to make up for lost time.

So far, he had been doing well. Traffic was light, and his little habit of speeding ten or twenty miles over the designated limit had only cut his travel time even further down. This was the last stretch before his exit, and with any luck, he'd be able to make it in time.

John reached over, and fiddled with the radio, flicking through crackling stations until he settled on a channel that served as decent background noise. It was better than silence, he figured.

His eyes drifted away from the empty road in front of him. The air around him was still misty; the sky grew grayer and grayer with each mile he traveled. He looked to the billboards standing as towers above the haze. They were mostly generic ads for things he had no desire for, but a bright red board covered in abstract graffiti caught his eye.

Through the artistic chaos, John spotted Dave's signature, looped around the tail around what might have been a cat, if it were drawn in another artist's style. Maybe John just wasn't that artistically minded, but he always thought that Dave's art looked weird. Hell, his weirdest stuff was what made him a household name.

(John had also considered more than once that part of the reason why Dave became so famous is that everyone used to think he was cute. Too bad he got old. His fame didn't fade, but the amount of fanmail he got from teenage girls asking him for his hand in marriage did.)

He finally reached his exit, and pulled off of the freeway. The road he exited onto was one of the biggest in town, and cars gathered in the lines around him as he waited at the stoplight. With any luck, he'd get to his destination just before the lunch hour rush started.

Thankfully, he managed to get through the most congested parts of town, and pull onto the backroads without any hassle. While it could get a little boring from time to time, living in the same town for his entire life did occasionally have its benefits. He had memorized all the little shortcuts he could use to forgo traffic jams years ago.

This also meant that he ended up driving right past Rose and Jade's house. It looked just as lovely as it ever had, with a cheerful white exterior and a colorful garden sprawled over the front lawn. He made a mental note to visit them soon. He hadn't seen Rose in weeks, and it had been long enough since he last visited their house that Jade had probably completely changed the furniture. She had a habit of completely changing how the interior looked every few months.

Though, seeing his sister-in-law would have to wait until after lunch, at the earliest. He glanced at the clock, glad to see that he was right on schedule. His destination was only a few minutes away, now.

He pulled into the parking lot just in time. He stepped out of his car, and looked up at the large building standing in front of him. It was a little secluded, placed away from buildings similar to it due to the fact that it hadn't even been around for a decade, but it was homey and welcoming to him. He walked past the clusters of daffodils crowded into the dirt by the sidewalk, trying his best to resist the urge to sneeze. The only downfall was the massive amount of pollen they let out this time of year, and even his snazzy mustache couldn't hide his nose from their onslaught.

The inside of the building was in pristine condition, just how he liked it. People, usually clad in lab coats that brushed against the ground with each step, scurried about the area. Many stopped to wave at him and greet him with a cheerful, "Hello, Mr. Egbert!" and though he didn't know most of their names, he made sure to wave back. It sure felt nice to be appreciated.

"Hey, excuse me," he said to one of the men walking by (one that, he noted with a frown, was actually younger than him. He wasn't that old yet, dammit), "do you know where Jade is?"

The man nearly jumped with shock. "O-oh! Mr. Egbert, sir, it's so nice to see you again."

John grinned. "Nice to see you too, uh..." he paused, scratching his chin as he thought of something to say that could accurately cover up the fact that he had no clue what this man's name was. "Keep up the good work!"

Perfect.

"Oh, I will, sir. Mrs. Harley should be in the eastern lab. I believe she's finishing up comparing a few blood samples from volunteers."

Always such a busybody! Taking a day off wouldn't hurt her -- it wasn't like this place wasn't full of amazing overachievers. Having one skip a day, regardless of whether or not she was the head scientist, wouldn't be a problem.

"Of course she would be, haha. Thanks!" With a curt wave, John turned and walked off. Sure, he didn't work here, but he knew the place as well as any one of his employees did. He founded (ok, co-founded, but he was the one who provided most of the money) the place, after all!

He heard Jade long before he ever saw her. High pitched swears sounded from behind a metal door, and as soon as John recognized the voice, he barged right in. There was no need to knock around his sister.

"Fucking hell! I can't believe I labeled the samples wrong! I mean, it's nothing I can't fix, but I don't want to fuck around with files on that stupid dinosaur computer any more than I absolutely have to!"

John was halfway inside when he heard another voice. The two people in the room apparently hadn't noticed him yet, and with a quiet chuckle, he took the opportunity to sneak up behind them as the other talked.

"Don't worry about it. Let this elite hacker take care of the issue for you. Even old dino comps like that don't stand a chance against me," they said, punctuating their words with a light giggle. They sat on the counter next to Jade, legs swinging back and forth in a steady rhythm as they watched her work. Their eyes lit up when they saw John, but he put a finger to his mouth, and they stayed silent.

"Oh," Jade sighed, "thank you! You've saved my patience."

Now that he was close enough to enact his plan, John reached out and grabbed Jade's side. She jumped and let out a large yelp, but it was barely heard over his laughter.

The other person in the room soon joined him in his amusement. John couldn't help but feel immensely proud of himself, and Jade's sharp glare did nothing to diminish his pride.

"John! How'd you manage to sneak up on me like that?" Jade asked, pushing him a few feet away so she wouldn't get attacked again.

John gave himself a few more minutes to continue laughing, but once he calmed down, he made sure to answer her. "I guess you were just too distracted to notice! And somebody was helpful enough to keep quiet, hehe. Thanks, by the way."

The person hopped off the counter. "Anytime! Now..." they took a few steps back, and the next thing John knew, his niece's arms were wrapped around his neck. With a laugh, he returned the hug, and swung her around a few times. She whooped and cheered as they spun, and when he set her down, she looked up to him with a large grin.

"Uncle John! You're here right on time!" She said, dropping into a fighting pose. She bounced back and forth on her feet, lightly punching his arms as she darted around him.

"I wouldn't be late to take my favorite niece out to lunch!"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm your only niece."

"Maybe that's why you're my favorite."

She puffed her cheeks out in annoyance, and John grinned, rubbing her hair and mussing it all out of place. She scowled, but patted her hair down flat again.

"Anyway, I'd love to stay and chat, but we better get going if we want to beat the crowds," he said. "Traffic's pretty bad out there!"

"Have fun, you two!" Jade said. She looked at the equipment besides her, and quickly added, "and John, you can keep Roxy for the rest of the day. I'm letting her off early."

Perfect. He may be an old coot, but this wouldn't stop him from challenging her to a game or two of paintball. "Alright. Bye, Jade!"

"Bye, Mom!" Roxy said, darting forward to give her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll put my awesome hacker skills to the test tomorrow."

They walked through the halls together, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Roxy stroll as if she was royalty.

Well, she kind of was, if he thought about it. She was a very special girl, after all. Niece of one founder and the daughter of the other founder-slash-head-researcher, Roxy Harley was this place's pride and joy. Despite being only 17 years old, she worked just as well as any adult here did. She was practically a prodigy, and the other employees were in complete and utter awe of her.

They reached his car, and as they buckled themselves in, John looked over to her. "So, any new developments happen while I was gone?" He asked.

Roxy practically jumped in her seat. "Ooooh my gosh, Uncle, we found out the best news!" She talked excitedly as he drove, using her hands to gesture to invisible equipment and illustrate different points. She took the time to break the news down into terms that he could understand, and though it was laced with a slight air of amused condescension, he didn't mind.

He originally planned to go to a nearby steakhouse with her, but halfway there, the bright weather caused him to change his mind. Instead, they headed to a small café not too far away, and took a seat in one of the outside booths. The waiter took their orders just as Roxy finished her report.

Once he left, Roxy crossed her legs, and rested her chin on her linked hands. "So, Uncle, I've been wondering for a while..." she began.

"Wondering what?"

"Well, I know you founded a cancer research facility to help out people 'cause of something that happened to you and Moms one and two when you were all around my age, but what's with the name?"

"What's so weird about the name?"

Roxy shrugged. "Nothing, I guess! It's just so specific. The Karkata Inti Research Facility? There's gotta be a story behind it, and I wanna know."

John smiled softly, and leaned back in his seat. This was going to be a long story.

"Well, it all started with a dare."


End file.
